I 38M went to the shop. Bought food. Bought ice creams and sweet for dessert for all 5 of our children. 2 are my partners, 3 are mine from a previous relationship. Me and my new partner have been together for around 10 months….
After coming home from work, school and the shop my partner was not home. I messaged her to ask “what are we doing for tea”? She called me and said she was at her dad’s. No ETA or anything. Just that she was waiting for laundry to dry…. I assumed this was going to be a while.
My 3 were hungry and complaining so…. I fed them. Whilst having tea my partner and her two walked through the door and asked if I had cooked anything for her 2. I said no but can easily make something, explaining she did not say how long she was going to be.
Me, being a typical man, didn’t see any problem with this. I can easily whip up something for her 2 to eat. She, on the other hand, got emotional and defensive saying that we could have waited.
Whilst looking in the freezer I suggested what I could make her 2…..since I had just been in the freezer and knew what food we had. She snapped and said she will sort it. My presence wasn’t wanted so I left the kitchen and snapped.
To me it wasn’t a big issue but to her, her emotions ran wild and started being confrontational about it.
I didn’t see why she was making a big deal over this. She said I wasn’t including them. Dispite having every intention to eat together buying enough ice cream and treats for everyone later.
She kept escalating things saying she doesn’t want to speak to me. She belives that our families aren’t blending or struggling adjusting to our new family dynamic, which I dont agree.
So, AITA for feeding hungry kids?
Comments
I mean what did you feed yours and what were you going to feed hers
NTA. Why are are living together less than a year into dating?
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LOL in what way did she think that making your children sit HUNGRY waiting would enhance the “blending” of the families? I would think that your kids would start resenting her and her kids if they are being forced to suffer needlessly. Her reaction is concerning. Honestly, 10 months is WAY too soon to be “blending families”.
INFO how long have you two been living together?
edit- i mean 7- how long have you seven been living together
NTA
Your kids were hungry and shouldn’t have to wait, especially since you had no idea when they’d be home.
nta.
You fed the children that were home if they’re not home that’s not your fault especially since you did offer to make food for the other two children I think what you did was acceptable and you’re a good guy
NTA… I’d’ve done the same, fed those hangry kids and spared no thought for their stepmum’s potential tantrums later. It’s not about disregarding her, it’s just putting basic human needs first!
NTA
She went, just her and her two kids, to her father’s without inviting you and your kids – and she has the gall to say your family’s aren’t blending? Wtf.
Nta guess she didn’t care about her kids if she didn’t get them food while out. A simple text by her during her time out would’ve solved the problem, but her time is more important.
NTA, it almost sounds like she was waiting for something to pick a fight with you about.
You’ve only been together 10 months but you’ve already moved in together and attempted to blend your two families?
Nta red flag, this shouldn’t have gotten to such a big problem. This was a miscommunication if anything
NTA. You fed hungry kids. You didn’t know when the others would be home and your partner didn’t give an ETA. That’s on THEM.
She didn’t answer the question when you asked her what you guys would be doing for dinner, only mentioned she was doing laundry without saying when she would be back. Unless you have some sort of awesome mind reading powers your definately NTA. Your kids were hungry then, you made them food. You even ended up making her kids food when she stormed out of the kitchen without following through with that.
With this situation sounds like you’ve done nothing wrong but there must be some sort of underlying issue she is stewing about, you might need to have a long conversation with her to find out what has been bothering her so much, because this can’t really be it..
RUN
I genuinely hope that she has something else that she is upset about, because she is absolutely overreacting, and honestly, is being borderline cruel by telling you stand to let your children go hungry for an indeterminate amount of time, just because she and her kids are not home to eat.
The only thing I will say is that you could have asked her when she and her kids were gonna be home so that you could determine whether or not to make a meal only for you and your kids, or to make enough for her and her kids to have some when they got home. i would understand her being upset about that lack of consideration, but not to the extent that she is
NTA some people don’t like reheated food and you were feeding the ones in front of you. You brought treats for everyone and she didn’t communicate clearly
I just don’t see how this is going to end well. She has awfully demanding expectations at such an early stage. I see a lot of resentment being built up among the kids if she keeps insisting on stuff like this. I mean, she really expected your kids to sit there, hungry, and wait for some unknown period of time for her to decide it was time to show up? Hell no. She could have communicated her time frame of returning, she could have stopped and picked something up on her way home, she could have called ahead and said ‘ what’s the plan for dinner’? She didn’t do any of those things. That’s on her. Period.
NTA
She didn’t give you a timeframe. Your kids were hungry now. You fed who was home. If you had cooked for me everyone and they showed up 4 hours later we’re they going to eat cold leftovers?
What does it mean that you “snapped”?
Run u/Ravin_Mad11, run…..
NTA. Your gf is being so dramatic and ridiculous
NTA. You did all you could. She’s the issue in this scenario.
NTA – she sounds awful.
Wait please tell me y’all aren’t living together after only 10 months …?
You didn’t make enough for your entire family? If you made enough for all, I see nothing wrong with feeding yours not knowing the time, but why wasn’t theirs waiting to be warmed up? At least planned. Sorry you are a little bit of an AO. Inconsiderate at least.
NTA and this has nothing to do with you. The “being a typical man” bit is entirely off base. Your partner is unreasonable and annoying. Out of touch with reality, making unfair criticism and punishing you for her poor communication. Tbh I doubt it would matter what you actually did! She started a fight because she wanted the fight. She wanted something to berate you about. Good thing you’re not married to this harpy. Don’t marry the harpy.
NTA. This isn’t about the children. Partner was at her dad’s house so if they weren’t home in time for tea it’s logical to assume that they must be having the meal with her dad. That’s probably what she thought, and then her dad didn’t invite them, so she brings her children home and OP’s already fed his kids. She’s having a bad day. Her father probably made a comment about her still doing her laundry at his house while living with OP.
As the kid who was not allowed to eat unless everyone ate, I have two separate eating disorders and do not speak to my insane mother
I’m not leaving my kids hungry for anyone. Ever.
Nta for feeding the kids who asked to be fed. The kids coming in were capable of waiting on a pizza to be warmed up or whatever was left. More clarification needed to had in the texts about tea times. Hey, my kids are hungry, im going heat up some leftovers, should I heat up some for you or wait? If they don’t respond to that then feed your kids
NTA ,so you should have read her mind and kept your kids hungry so SHE can feel you’re treating her kids fair? That’s not fair to YOUR kids,dude imo it was way to early to have her meet and have your kids there.
She wants you to put her children’s (more her own) feelings above your kids hunger??? Please reconsider this relationship, because she’s not even communicating properly and making ridiculous demands .
No. NTAH. She’s being ridiculous.
Why are you cooking ice cream?
ESH. Neither of you are communicating well. She should have given an indication of how long she expected to be. You should have let her know that you were going to start to cook and ask if she’d be back in time.
10 months in and you’re living together WITH KIDS?
Just want to point out that she did tell you when she was leaving.
> she was waiting for laundry to dry…
That means one hour or less. Regardless, NTA for feeding your kids.
Geez, I’m sorry. NTA. Has she apologized for what she said when she was hangry? I surely hope so!! And you even offered to make food upon their arrival, kudos!
NTA. WTF with all this? You got major problems barreling down the road at you.
I would have cooked for everyone, personally. It doesn’t make sense to cook twice, but that’s just me. NTA, tho
NTA This is why you don’t live together after dating for 10 months. I don’t think children should be introduced to partners for at least a year especially when the kid is under 18.
You haven’t been together that long. You are still learning about each other, and once you are living together, a lot of issues can pop up. To her, you should have waited for her and her kids. To you, you asked for an ETA and didn’t get one. Your kids were hungry, so you went ahead. I don’t think you were selfish or thoughtless, I would try to find out where the anger comes from. Would she feed her kids if the situation were reversed? Is it just a matter of clearer communication? ( ” Kids are hungry, I’m starting some food. Will you be home soon?) Seems like this could be talked through. But if she gets this upset, and is treating you poorly, that is really something to pay attention to.
It’s been 10 months. She needs to cool off
Snorting over her attitude at 10 months.
I’d take a step back. She’s way overreacting and it’s concerning.
NTA
You see the big red flags now, right?
NTA, I don’t see an issue with what you did neither. If she wanted you to make dinner for her children she should have been an adult and communicated this
She’s the a-hole not you. Kids get fed when they’re hungry, not when it’s convenient for someone who didn’t give a timeline
What parent is going to let their kids starve. You did the right thing this is not a big issue. Blending the family this soon is. This will not get better it will get worse.
RUN! You don’t need this kind of emotional abuse.
NTA
I don’t see anything wrong with what you did. She was off with her kids. You were home with your kids. Your kids were hungry. Was everyone just supposed to sit there and get hungrier and hungrier staring at each other while waiting for her and her kids to decide to come home? You asked what you were doing for dinner and she didn’t give you a clear answer. Not “we will be home in 20 minutes, start cooking.” So I think you were fine to feed yours.
What is more concerning is that her reaction to getting home is not “oh hey, no big deal, we’ll just make something now,” but to get angry, and worse, to expect that your kids should have literally sat there getting hungry waiting on her kids in the name of “family bonding.” Families with five kids in them that are all bio siblings with the same parents do not always sit down together for every single meal and eat at the exact same moment because schedules don’t allow for that. Heck, my husband and I do not always eat at the exact same moment and no way would I tell him to sit there getting hungrier when there is perfectly good food in the kitchen. If he’s hungry, he should eat. If I am hungry, I should eat. When we are hungry at the same time, we will eat together. It doesn’t have to be a WW3 thing…
YTA for trying to push your girlfriend and her kids on yours after only 10 months. That is incredibly unfair to Al those kids.
I gotta agree that 10 months of dating is far too early to be having the kids all living together.
NTA. She didn’t let you know what the word was. You acted accordingly. Said you would whip something up and she still chose to make it into something it wasn’t. Sounds like she is having hesitations about y’all integratin.
I suggest slowing it down. 10 months and you all live together? I don’t think she is ready for the fact that not everything is always going to go how she wants it to
NTA. Of course you fed the kids! I wonder if she would have delayed a meal if it had been her kids who were hungry.
Women bad, am I right? /s
Hungry kids get fed, especially with no timeline for her and her kids coming home. She’s completely overreacting here. NTA.
Time for you to pause going forward on this relationship.
FIRST…
STOP HAVING SEX WITH HER unless you have had a vasectomy – pregnancy will make EVERYTHING WORSE.
And you both need some space.
She’s not doing very well for “reasons” and you don’t know what they are,
but she seems to have expectations that are unrealistic, or even irrational maybe.
She’s not communicating the expectations, the feelings or even the information she expects you to have.
“I’m waiting for the clothes to dry. Take another 10 minutes. And will be home in 30.”
You aren’t psychic but could have asked – “How long before you get home? Kids are hungry.”
Maybe she always expect you to “know” and maybe you should ask more questions, but what’s going on isn’t working.
You need to have a few conversations – maybe couples therapy.
NTA
Yta for staying with this women. And I use that term loosely.
Why have you moved 5 kids from different families in together after 10 months??? Are you trying to make yourselves miserable? Are you trying to mess up your kids?
Whoa, living together in less than 10 months is super fast
typical case of a “lions mother” defending her own cubs but throwing the shared cubs under the bus
Dude, run for the hills and take your children with you. Evil step mother is pushing it so her kids are the priority not yours. This isn’t a blended family. Heck, you haven’t been together a year. You shouldn’t even be thinking of living together and joining families.
Your kids don’t need a mom they have you. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking a single mom with kids will be good for your children. Better a single dad who loves them and is there for them than a blended family where the other parent always insists on prioritising her own kids over the steps.
Stupid question, but are you living together? And if so Why???? It’s a massive mistake to blend families without several years of getting to know each other. You might be cool with it but are you sure your kids are? It’s a massive upheaval in their lives to suddenly have extra people living with them and probably losing their bedroom privacy to accommodate more kids.
ETA. Y’all need to communicate.
Why didn’t you ask how long they would be? A quick little message saying something like “do you know how long you’ll be? The kids are getting hungry”. Also, why didn’t you make enough for everyone?
She should have told you how long they would be.
Judging by her reaction and just the kinda condescending way you write about her, I’m guessing this isn’t the first time you didn’t think about them. I’m also guessing, that you blow off her feelings a lot
You either need to find a way to communicate better with each other or break up
NTA – She didn’t say how long she would be or if they planned on having dinner elsewhere, did she expect your kids to starve?
As you can see she has some serious communication issues. 10 months is way to early to be blending families. To be honest waiting at least a year to even introduce a new partner to the kids should be a minimum. This way you get to learn who your partner is, if they’re a good fit. After that just have the kids hang out. Reconsider the living arrangements at minimum
NTA.
But her response is telling.
I’d say she’s been looking for an out and this is the start of her excuse.
I’m a woman. I would have done the same as you. I don’t understand her reaction.
NTA but she is for you expecting to make hungry kids wait when she didn’t give a time for being home.
Her terrible communication is the problem here. And you shouldn’t be expected to wait on her to feed hungry children. Regardless of whose they are.
NTA
NTA
You asked, she implied she and her two were at her dad’s for tea and gave no ETA
Of course you didn’t make anything for them
I literally hate when people half communicate. Like “I’m having tea” is like half of a complete thought when you were messaging her about logistics. You could have also told her ” hey kids are hungry are you coming home soon? If not I’ll make them something, but we can wait x amount of time”
It sounds like you both half communicated and not trying to call you out but it’s like one of my ultimate pet peeves.
ETA: Maybe you did communicate, I just dont know wtf what are we doing for tea even means lmao
Sounds like someone was habgry
A women might wait but I feel like if you wanted a man and kids to wait for food you would have to specifically say I’ll be home in about an hour, so wait for us so we can eat together. Just because it doesn’t occur to you to self sacrifice and starve for some indeterminate amount of time to enforce some family bonding over dinner doesn’t mean you’re a bad person that deserves to be told off and emotionally abused.
NTA. She needs to learn to communicate clearly. You’re not a mind-reader.
NTA- sorry but your kids come first in the sense that they were home, you feed them. Had the other two been there I’m sure you would have fed all of them. She’s making something out of nothing and making you look like the bad guy. Why didn’t she leave them with you? In any case 10 months is long enough to know her moods and if after a blow up like this will she treat your kids any different?
Edit: word
You didn’t do it maliciously but, her thinking is, you should have cooked for the family, her and the kids could have heated it up on their return, she more than likely is thinking if the shoe was on other foot she would have.
10 months and blending families in a home with communication issues already? ya i look forward to reading the next aitah about the break up.
This is a communication issue, if you feeding her kids and waiting for her were so important to her, she should have told you. She should have explained what she expected. How are you supposed to know if she doesn’t tell you?
NTA. It’s never a good idea to keep hungry children waiting as they get grumpy. Your partner seems to have behaved like a hungry child herself.
nta she didn’t tell you when she’s be home, why should your hungry kids wait indefinitely?
Info:
What did you feed your kids?
What were you suggesting her kids eat?
Why not make enough for everyone and have the leftovers there when they arrived?
NTA. As a wife and mom of 2.5 kids, if I’m out with one kid and my husband is home with the other, I’d expect him to feed the hungry kid. If I know I’m going to be home soon I’d tell him “I’ll be home in x amount of time and kid is hungry so could you make us something, too, please?” This is a case of her not communicating with you then picking a fight instead of owning her mistake.
NTA
What were you supposed to do, make the kids wait until they returned at an unknown time?
Sorry I’m going for YTA – if there was enough food for everyone and the intent was for everyone to eat it, why didn’t you cook all the food so they could just heat it up when they got home rather than her now having to cook?
NTA just tell her to take her kids and go. Sounds like a horror show for your kids to be living in.
ESH. How would you have felt if she hadn’t bothered to fix your children anything when she fixed hers something? She also needs to take into consideration that she didn’t respond to you. You should have made enough for everyone and they could have reheated it, but she also needs to communicate better.
NTA you didn’t know when they would be home so you fed your hungry kids. Not making my kids wait for anyone.