Hello, I’m 17m and currently I am using the family car full time for school and work.
Tldr: my stepdad says that I don’t deserve to have the ability to use a car and should find a different way to get to school and work.
Some backstory: I have been working since I was 14 years old. i have only ever had summer jobs until this school year so I haven’t made a lot of money. I’ve attempted to get a job during the school year for a few years now and have finally got one. I also recently got my license and I am paying for my own driver’s insurance from my birth dad. ~$800/6mo
My stepdad and I don’t get along and have very different world views. He grew up VERY poor and is a blue collar worker. I grew up and am still growing up in a nice house going to a nice school and always had my needs met. As you would guess these differences are stark.
My mom got a new car recently, her old car is now the family car/backup car. 2 of my siblings have used this car before me and have since got their own car. I am the only one using it at this time.
While getting a license is an important part of growing up, I also needed to get to school this year. the people I carpooled with can no longer carpool me.(My bus stop is 2.5 miles from my house so walking to make my bus at 6:08 am is not feasible and living in Vegas the heat is 100+° for 4 months of the school year and a biting cold wind the other months.
The situation:
Currently, I am using this car to get to and from both school and work. I pay for gas and will pay for any repairs that it needs while I use this car. I do not ask for money or anything unless it is a necessity. I just pay for it myself.
My stepdad told me that I do not deserve to use this car since I did not pay for it or work to get it. He’s thinks I should get an e-bike or an e-scooter for ~$600 instead of using a car. My trip from home to bus stop is 2.5 miles, bus stop to work is 5 miles, and home to work is 3.5 miles, home to school 14 miles on freeway ~30 min drive during. Traffic. A scooter or bike would theoretically cover that(unless I needed a ride to school directly)
My opinion:
I believe that I should be allowed to use this car until I can buy my own. I have no plans on keeping it and I plan on paying for the upkeep of it while I use it. If I do not use this car it would sit in the garage and not be touched. I work and go to school, keep good grades and do my chores around the house.
The real question:
Do you think that I should be allowed to use this car to get around? Or am I being entitled to something that is not mine?
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Hello, I’m 17m and currently I am using the family car full time for school and work.
Tldr: my stepdad says that I don’t deserve to have the ability to use a car and should find a different way to get to school and work.
Some backstory: I have been working since I was 14 years old. i have only ever had summer jobs until this school year so I haven’t made a lot of money. I’ve attempted to get a job during the school year for a few years now and have finally got one. I also recently got my license and I am paying for my own driver’s insurance from my birth dad. ~$800/6mo
My stepdad and I don’t get along and have very different world views. He grew up VERY poor and is a blue collar worker. I grew up and am still growing up in a nice house going to a nice school and always had my needs met. As you would guess these differences are stark.
My mom got a new car recently, her old car is now the family car/backup car. 2 of my siblings have used this car before me and have since got their own car. I am the only one using it at this time.
While getting a license is an important part of growing up, I also needed to get to school this year. the people I carpooled with can no longer carpool me.(My bus stop is 2.5 miles from my house so walking to make my bus at 6:08 am is not feasible and living in Vegas the heat is 100+° for 4 months of the school year and a biting cold wind the other months.
The situation:
Currently, I am using this car to get to and from both school and work. I pay for gas and will pay for any repairs that it needs while I use this car. I do not ask for money or anything unless it is a necessity. I just pay for it myself.
My stepdad told me that I do not deserve to use this car since I did not pay for it or work to get it. He’s thinks I should get an e-bike or an e-scooter for ~$600 instead of using a car. My trip from home to bus stop is 2.5 miles, bus stop to work is 5 miles, and home to work is 3.5 miles, home to school 14 miles on freeway ~30 min drive during. Traffic. A scooter or bike would theoretically cover that(unless I needed a ride to school directly)
My opinion:
I believe that I should be allowed to use this car until I can buy my own. I have no plans on keeping it and I plan on paying for the upkeep of it while I use it. If I do not use this car it would sit in the garage and not be touched. I work and go to school, keep good grades and do my chores around the house.
The real question:
Do you think that I should be allowed to use this car to get around? Or am I being entitled to something that is not mine?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> This came from a fight between me and my stepdad. I was called entitled and told that me driving the car was inexusable. So what I should say is am I the asshole for actually using the car even though my stepdad says I shouldn’t and my mother says I can?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
So your stepdad is a bully who wants to dictate who can use a car that was never his to begin with? And you’re asking us if you’re the ah? NTA. Work hard, do well in school, then gtfo of there.
It’s your Mom’s car, and she is letting you use it. It’s not like you are a bum on the couch. You have a job and are going to school. Your siblings before you have used the car. A scooter or e-bike is a lot more dangerous than just using the car that no one else is using. Your step dad has control issues. NTA
I know this is a very American thing and non-Americans like me might not be qualified to answer, but I would say YTA – stop feeling entitled and get your own way rather than expecting a car…
No one owes a 17 year old a car in any way – in fact over here most 25 year olds don’t own one either
NTA
NTA.
You’re paying the gas and other costs yourself, you’re insured, you’re not depriving anyone else of its use, your mom (whose car it is) has given you permission, and I presume you’re a careful and competent driver. I don’t see why you shouldn’t drive it.
Out of curiosity, what does your mother say about your stepfather saying you don’t deserve it? Especially given that it’s her car, not his.
NTAH Your stepdad definitely is. That’s the whole purpose of “the family car”. It was never his car, it was your mother’s car. As long as you are working & going to school, & are responsible, there should be no problem with you driving it. He being a control freak, & needs a reality check.
So…he doesn’t have a different purpose for it, no one else would use it, and he just doesn’t want you to have it? And he would rather you pay for an e-bike instead?
Make it make sense. NTA
Only person whos opinion matters is your mum. Talk to her, find out what she wants.
So…
Just to be sure I get the situation:
this is your mom’s old car. One that has gone through 2 siblings and now ended up with you. You use it, pay for gas, maintenance etc.
Stepdad randomly just says “you can’t use the car”.
Assuming thats the case
a) Is this just out of the air? Is this truly just a person arbitrarily, stating this, or have circumstances all of a sudden changed?
b) what is your mom saying?
I have some other thoughts, but I’m wanting to understand the full scope. Because, obviously a parent, step-parent, whoever just changing the whole dynamic of the use of this particular car seems very strange without some underlying reason.
INFO – what does your mum think? It’s her car, yes? It shouldn’t be up to your or your stepdad to decide what it’s used for
It’s your mother’s, isn’t it? It should be her call.
Reading a follow-up comment from you, this sounds like an ‘academic’ discussion between you and your step-dad. Maybe what he is going for is for you to realize that you do not ‘deserve’ to use the car just for existing or even for being a son, that your mom is being gracious to you by allowing it, and you should be thankful. If he wasn’t given a car, and you were, this point might be especially salient to him. If you could express gratefulness over the use of the car, that may be his point.
Your need to have a car isn’t the same thing as your deserving it. It sounds like life would be difficult for you (or someone) if you did not have access to the car.
Many parents are good to their children. They should be. But children should be grateful, and seek to repay them in the future.
So if you agree with this, you could tell your step-father, “I think I understand the lesson you were trying to teach me. You, or mom, letting me use the car is her being kind and gracious. It’s her goodness, not something I deserve, and I should be grateful.” And even if that isn’t what he meant, he might not argue with you about it, because it sounds like a deep enough lesson for that interchange, and if he was just giving you a hard time, that would be a superior observation than his just giving you a hard time.
NTA. Your stepdad is the asshole.
NTA – Your stepfather has the same plague that’s been damaging this country for more than a few generations now, and that infects a good deal of the populace, which is the “Fuck you, I got mine” mentality. So instead of making your children’s life easier, they want you to suffer like they did… like it’s some rite of passage. Not to mention that he probably could’ve picked up a used shitbox for like $500 all day when he was your age.
INFO: you say it was your mother’s car, whose name is on the title? And you are paying car insurance money to your bio father for what, it is attached to a car, not a person in the US. So if you are paying him for the insurance what car is it for? Who pays for insurance on the car you were driving? You definitely need to talk to your mother and the person who actually owns the car, if it is not you. Perhaps you can arrange to buy it by paying $100/mo. Also, it would be illegal to put your school bus stop that far away (2 miles is the limit for HS), and to not offer you bus service for a school that distant, are you going to some kind of special school? Why aren’t they giving you plausible transportation, they are legally obligated?
NTA. From what you have said, it doesn’t sound like you are using the car out of a sense of “entitlement” but because you have a real need for it. You are a minor who is responsible enough to get yourself to school and work. Your siblings have also had the opportunity to use it as their first car. The car belongs to your mother, and it would sit unused in the garage if you weren’t using it. You pay for gas and would pay for repairs if need be. Honestly, everything you have said sounds miles above the responsibilities of a typical 17 year old. Maybe some of the other commenters were right and he just wants you to “express gratitude” or whatever, but it also sounds like a weird power move. You are not “undeserving” of the use of this car. If your stepdad isn’t satisfied with an expression of gratitude, then I agree with other commentors that say to just finish school, keep your record clean, and get out when you can.
NTA your stepdad sounds like he has generational trauma at best or is an asshole at worst.
You sound like a good kid so you absolutely deserve to be rewarded for that. Especially seen as it doesn’t affect him at all other than him being jealous.
He is a great example of what can be wrong in older generations. They miss the point. You’re supposed to make things better for the next generation. That’s how humanity survived but in recent years especially with boomers bleeding over to gen x they seem to have forgotten that and just want to punish young people for the crime of being young.
Did your stepfather object to your siblings using it? If not you should point this out to your mother. That is a big problem
What does your mom think? Your stepdad is a jerk. I mean, parents have the right to not buy cars for their kids. But since this is your mom’s car, your older siblings drove it, you’re not causing a problem….. Your mom is the person you need to be talking to. I wouldn’t stay with a man that treated my children poorly.
My friend died driving her bicycle back home from work one night. She did this many nights and was safe, but one night she was hit by a car and killed dead. She was 22. She had a strict dad who wouldn’t let her use a family car or drive her and she never earned enough money to get one. She just died first. Every year I think about how im older and she never got to be, how she never got to grow up and Do Anything all because her dad never supported her.