This has been bothering me for years, and I don’t know how to handle the jealousy. My cousin’s father passed away when she was 16. He and my mom were siblings, very close growing up. Her dad actually taught my parents how to run their business — the same business that’s allowed us to live a really comfortable life. Her mom never worked a day in her life. When my uncle died, she just… checked out. She favored her son and pretty much ignored my cousin. When she was 16, she told my cousin to move out and cut off all support. My cousin went from having everything to nothing overnight. That’s when my mom stepped in — financially and emotionally. She started paying for my cousin’s school, clothes, food, vacations, everything. And not just in a “helping family” way — she really became her mom.
At first, I understood. My cousin had been through hell. But over time, it started to feel like I’d been… replaced. When we go out as a family, my mom introduces her as “my other daughter.” She’s in all our family portraits. My mom buys her birthday gifts that are twice as expensive as mine. I overheard my mom telling a friend that my cousin “appreciates her more” because she’s been through more.
Last year, I found out my mom made my cousin the primary heir to part of our family business — the same business my uncle taught her to run. My cousin didn’t even tell me. I found out by accident when I saw some legal documents on the kitchen counter.I’ve tried to talk to my mom about how this makes me feel, but she gets defensive and says I’m “selfish” for begrudging someone who lost both parents. I don’t want to take away from what my cousin’s been through… but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m slowly being pushed out of my own family by my own mom.
AITA for feeling this way?
Comments
NTA
It’s not wrong to empathize with what your cousin went through and still feel hurt by how your mom’s actions have affected you. People can experience two truths at once: your cousin needed support, and you still need to feel like your mom’s daughter.
The problem is your mom seems to frame your feelings as selfish instead of recognizing that you’re grieving a shift in your relationship with her. From what you’ve described – bigger gifts, “my other daughter” comments, giving her part of the business – it’s understandable you’d feel displaced.
AI
You are definitely NTAH!! It sounds like your mom feels indebted to your uncle in the fact that he taught her about the business but she needs to also recognize your feelings in the way she has kinda pushed this on you and pushed you out. Have you tried chatting with her or even your cousin about how you’ve been feeling about the whole thing outside of the legal aspect of it more like emotionally?
You reply to her needs to be that you’re not begrudging your cousin, how could you when you lost your mother the day they lost their father?
Nta
NTA.
Your feelings are valid. Your mom is neglecting your emotional needs. I fear this may eventually lead to a strong resentment towards your mom if things don’t get fixed soon.
How is your dad behaving in all this?
NTA for feeling this way… but you need to sit your mother down and help her understand. If it’s about the financial aspect of things, then you are an AH. If it is about the emotional aspect, you are entitled to feel the way you feel. However your mother decides to split her assets is up to her, and that’s not something you are entitled to.