I don’t know if I’m overthinking this, but some things my parents have done make me really uncomfortable, and I need outside perspective to know if i’m just painting them as villians or this is an actual real problem that i did not just create in my head .
When I was 12, I was wearing leggings, and my dad looked at my butt and then slapped it. At the time, I didn’t know how to react, but looking back, it feels really gross and inappropriate.
Around the same age (12-13), my mom told me to change out of my pajama leggings because my uncle was staying at my house for a few weeks.
What’s even weirder is that when I told my aunt about it at the time and she confronted my mom, my mom denied ever saying that.
Here’s the confusing part: When I was 12-13, my mom was the one who told me I didn’t have to wear a bra around the house. She never had a problem with it until now when my dad suddenly decided it was an issue.
Here is where it gets weirder : I only wear only oversized t-shirts around the house , i would totally get it if i was wearing low cut tops , and i think its weird because i think you’d have to specifically look there to find an issue .
Recently, he told her to make me start wearing one, and when she got home, she yelled at me to go put one on immediately even though I was in the middle of making food , She was weirdly aggressive about it.
They’ve also always had a problem with me wearing shorts at home.
I’d get it if i was wearing booty shorts , that would be understandable but i’m wearing just knee length pajama shorts.
My dad gets angry when he sees me in them, and I don’t understand why.
I’ve never been allowed to question their rules, but now I’m wondering: Are they sexualizing me, or am I just overreacting?
Comments
There’s definitely enough there to think your family has some shit going on. I don’t know what but something.
Another weird fake story about a minor
NTA. You deserve to be comfortable. It IS gross how your father is acting. They are sexualizing you. They should be ashamed of themselves.
Um. Yes. Yes they are. Who in their right mind as a parent has an impulsive thought to slap their underage daughter’s butt regardless of what they are wearing?
Someone call CPS before something tragic happens to this poor girl.
Didn’t even need to read the story. The title says enough. If you as a child feel sexualized, you are 100000% NTA.
NTA Make a plan to get away from these perverts when you’re 18. Any woman should be able to not wear a bra at home if they’re not wearing a see through shirt.
NTA. Your discomfort is real, and honestly, a lot of this sounds weird af. How old are you? If you can, you should talk to your aunt about this. Having a sensible adult around you would probably help.
And keep a track of this, if it gets worse and more direct, you should do something about it. I am not sure what, maybe call them out in front of an adult you trust, or call CPS.
The spanking thing is super f*ked up. It is really really gross and inappropriate. You obviously want to trust your parents intentions, but that’s not okay. It would have been less wrong if it was a way of a punishment tbh, which is wrong in itself, but just doing it for no reason is really messed up.
ETA: I think your dad has said something to your mum and your mum can probably sense something is off with your dad, due to which your mum wants you to change how you appear in front of him. These kind of mums often end up looking the other way if something more happens.
NTA but it sounds like some of the men in your family have a history of inappropriate behaviors and your Mom knows.
She’s upset because she knows and doesn’t want them to be looking at you “that way”
I am sorry because you should be able to wear whatever makes you uncomfortable.
NTA this is creepy on so many levels. I have 4 grown children and never have I looked at one of them and thought anything sexual in any way. The idea that they see you as a sexual being is a clue that you need to live elsewhere, especially if your dad is seeing you in a sexual person and it’s an emotional problem for him. This whole situation is so disturbing. Do you have an aunt or grandparent you can live with?
Im so sorry this was your experience with your parents. It really sucks. I would not be alone with your father ever actually. And always be cognizant of what hes doing with his phone around you.. saying this as someone who had creep shots taken of them without their knowledge
Yeah, you’re definitely not the problem here. God forbid they ever go to a beach. People should be allowed to wear whatever they want and be comfortable in their own skin without other people being weird about it. Especially in their own home. Especially. If my spouse was like that to my child, they wouldn’t be my spouse. I’m not even joking. I don’t care if my child wants to walk around the house in a bathing suit. I really just don’t care. It’s their house. They live there. They should be comfortable there.
My mom was like yours. It was weirdly inappropriate. It was always, you know, cross your legs, sit up straight, pull your shirt down, don’t bend over. Couldn’t wear certain types of clothes. As a child, I didn’t really question it, I just did what I was told. When I got a little older, I was like, wait a minute, why should I have to not be comfortable and have to tiptoe around them? Why can’t they control themselves? When I got older, I realized that the accountability should have been theirs. Not mine.
The fact that he slapped you in your butt would have been a deal breaker. That is wildly inappropriate.
Nah this is straight up some weird shit from your parents, hope it changes!
NTA. If it made you uncomfortable, that’s valid, period. And yeah, this stuff sounds weird. It is NOT in your head. Hard to say what kind of weird, but it’s definitely something going on. If possible, try to get some distance and live elsewhere.
Definitely NTA
i used to go clubbing the summer I was 19 (thanks Canada) and I’d put my general look as power slüt. when I would leave my dad would tell me I looked nice or pretty. I also lived with them for a bit when I was laid off at 42 and I wear short gym shorts and a T-shirt to bed so would wear that while we all watched TV at night. he never said a word. your parents are messed up. nta
As someone who grew up in a sa home with a man who was protected by a narcissist wife who constantly commented on my body because she couldn’t handle “the competition”…
This is absolutely not ok
I also just recently had an indecent proposal by a man who was a father figure for 30 years… And he could be confusingly mediocre in his inappropriate touches, like your dad spanking your butt in leggings… Just stuff like that.
I don’t know how old you are now, but looking into moving out is a good idea 💯
I’m glad you see this behavior as not acceptable. That’s honestly really great for you ♥️ keep that truth with you
I have seen this exact post, almost word for word, maybe a year ago. Definitely fake.
On the off chance it’s real, obviously NTA and possibly something concerning going on.
But it’s not real, and it’s a gross fetishization, or karma farming using gross fetishization.
NTA I am a father of four including two daughters age 17 and 25. This strikes me as very odd and concerning behavior.
Ask your aunt if you can move in with her and get the hell outta there if they make you dress like that and freak out that way it means a predator is in the home and in their own sick way they r trying to protect you but they r going about it 100% the wrong way
OP, if you have younger siblings, PLEASE watch out for how your dad interacts with them, this is creepy AF, NTA
Sounds a bit like your dad and uncle are disgusting with children and your mum enables them.
My dad was pedophile — growing up I was told not to sit a certain way around him while wearing shorts. Etc. You’re not the problem, but it sounds there might be something going on and your mom knows about it. NTA
This is probably hard to hear, especially given they are your parents, but you need to get out IMMEDIATELY, that is EXTREMELY concerning. No father in the world will ever playfully smack their daughter’s ass, no matter what, especially at an age where they are actively developing. In general, the best advice here is run the second you turn 18
Your “father” is a … uhm not good man. Get help.
Updateme
Definitely NTA. In my opinion the situation is only going to worsen, if you are old enough to have a job right now. Do nothing but save and continue to save until you can move out without question. Your father’s behavior is disgusting and your mother ENCOURAGING it or flat out ignoring it is also distasteful. That’s a situation worth moving out of as soon as you can. If your aunt you first talked too is still around and is still on your side about these. Maybe try to move in with her. By law if you move in with an immediate family member your parents can’t have you removed to come back home. Or at least I still hope it’s that way. I wish you luck!
I went through the same thing, I spend my entire teens – adulthood hiding and feeling disgusting because my father kept “looking” at me, I can see 100% the same behavior
This is weird alright, just out of curiosity, how does your mom dress? Leggings? Shorts? I’m curious if there is some sort of modesty values thing going on.
If not, then.. yeah, your parents are kind of icky.
You are a minor and i assume your relatives have ok cognition?
Their issue and yup this is not ok at all.
I mention cognition bc my father started – im 50 yo- asking ppl to make sure i wear a bra when hes over.
He has alzheimers and inappropriate comments are part of the disease as well as not recognizing his children.
He was not this way when i lived at home.
Sorry op
NTA, in my house we all wear whatever we want. Family should be able to wear whatever they want in front of each other. As a parent, it doesn’t matter if your child is butt booty naked in front of you, you should not be attracted to that. If you are, you’ve got some serious issues. Ask questions, why can’t you wear a bra? Why is it an issue for your dad? Why is he looking there?
I think this might have more to do with old fashioned standards and your father especially not wanting his daughter to be “improper ” in his eyes . Wich is bad in itself , you shouldn’t make your kids feel wrong for being comfortable .
Idk if yall are religious or perhaps come from a more conservative culture but this could play part in it , imo if any male family members presence warrants for you to be uncomfortable then the problem lies with them .
If you really do feel uncomfortable around your dad it might be helpfull look into therapy to help deal with it , though that’s not available for everyone ! So in that case your aunt seems like a safe person to share this with .
Since your aunt didn’t seem to think you having to cover up infront of your uncle was normal I do really think it might be more about learned behavior that your parents have about modesty and the female body and how much it should be covered regardless of the relation the men in the room have to you ( horrible take btw , you should feel comfortable in your own skin in whatever you wear )
My parents would not have a problem with me roaming the house naked. Everyone has a body and they way they are reacting to their own child’s is weird and creepy…
Think your dad might be a nonce bud
Yea, seems weird. I have two daughters and I never even notice what they wear around the house, much less care
NTA. A potential middle ground besides the worst case scenario could be POCD. It is a rare subtype of OCD where people’s intrusive thoughts are primarily based around the fear of being a pdophile. That obsession is with NOT wanting to be one, and compulsions being centered around avoiding any thoughts that make you doubt that you could* be one. Maybe something about the clothing you frequently wear is some sort of trigger, especially considering how your mum used to be fine with you not wearing a bra, then out of the blue got obsessed with it and aggressive about you HAVING to wear one.
That is not your responsibility to manage, and you deserve to feel comfortable in your own house and wear what you want. But it is a possible lesser evil, which you might or might not welcome when the alternative would be your parents deliberately sexualising you! You are not over-reacting, or imagining things. Their behaviour is indicitive of something. It could be something mental, or it could be that they really are sexualising you. But I can’t emphasise enough NTA! You shouldn’t have to wear a bra at home, just for your parents.
Do you look a lot like your mom?
>When I was 12, I was wearing leggings, and my dad looked at my butt and then slapped it. At the time, I didn’t know how to react, but looking back, it feels really gross and inappropriate.
I agree with you, this is *at best* borderline behaviour. Perhaps may be normal in some *extremely* open families but I would personally say this is over the line.
>Around the same age (12-13), my mom told me to change out of my pajama leggings because my uncle was staying at my house for a few weeks. What’s even weirder is that when I told my aunt about it at the time and she confronted my mom, my mom denied ever saying that.
This *screams* of your uncle having a history of sex offending, that your mum was aware of and tried to subtly stop in advance.
As for the rest of your post, it’s confusing. It’s like they’re extremely conservative and yet that doesn’t add up with your dad’s previous behaviour. I’d say there’s enough here to say there’s something weird going on.
Yea. Definitely NTA. Thats gross that they are acting like that to their own child. I hope they get rid of their disgusting behavior soon.
Yeah…that’s just weird. Sounds like your parents and uncle are either predators themselves, or victims of it.
call them out on it
Weird, extremely weird