I’m really torn right now and I’m not sure if I’m in the wrong here. I need an outside perspective on this complicated and emotionally charged situation with my ex-husband, so here goes.
A little backstory: I got married quite young to a man I thought truly loved me. In hindsight, it’s clear he was more interested in my financial stability and the “benefits” of being married than in any kind of genuine emotional connection. Things went downhill quickly, and despite having a daughter together shortly after we tied the knot, we ended up getting divorced. I thought our daughter would help mend our broken relationship. We were both young and naive, thinking the circumstances would change once our daughter arrived. Spoiler alert: it did not.
After our divorce, I took on the majority of parenting responsibilities. He had no custody rights but was supposed to pay child support and could have supervised visits occasionally. For the first few years post-divorce, we somewhat co-parented, but around the time our daughter was 9, we went completely no contact. He stopped making child support payments and chose to disengage from our daughter’s life entirely. It was painful for both me and her.
Then a couple of years later, something happened that changed everything. When our daughter was 11, he posted an ultrasound photo on social media, announcing that he and a new partner were expecting a child. It was shocking to see. What hit harder, though, were the comments from people who knew him, asking about our daughter. It was a terrible reminder of how he had completely abandoned her. In a public YouTube video, he even stated that his oldest child (our daughter) meant nothing to him anymore and declared he was in a new “Father Era.” To make matters worse, he leaked my home address, Instagram, and business email in that same context, which put my family’s safety at risk.
After this incident, things escalated. My daughter found out about the video from her ex-best friend, and then people started reaching out to me, accusing me of keeping her away from her father. They didn’t know the full story, and it hurt to see how quickly misinformation spread. Eventually, someone leaked my daughter’s social media accounts, and she started receiving awful messages, even death threats. That was the last straw for me; I had her delete her accounts for her safety.
As if that wasn’t enough, he reached out to my mother after that, claiming he needed to talk to me. At this point, I was done. I finally gave in and took the call, hoping to get some closure or at least hear him out. But instead of talking about our daughter, he said he’d like to have me back in his life as a “second wife.” He claimed that his current wife wouldn’t mind this arrangement and that he envisioned us all living together, with him essentially wanting to create a polygamous-type family. He insisted that he had a room ready for our daughter and that he wanted to bring our families together. My reaction was nothing short of horrified. I shut that down immediately, made it clear that was not happening, and blocked him from all my social media accounts and my mother’s phone.
Despite all the boundaries I tried to set, he still persisted, reaching out via email to my business account. At that point, I felt like I had no choice but to push back legally. Filing for harassment and a restraining order was my next step. However, my siblings think I’m overreacting and tell me he might just miss me as a wife, which I flat-out disagree with. To me, it feels like emotional manipulation and an absolute invasion of my privacy and safety.
So here I am, stuck in this moral dilemma. I really believe I’m doing what’s right for my daughter and myself, but there’s a nagging feeling of guilt whenever I think about how my actions might affect him even though he hasn’t shown any regard for our daughter or me so far.
AITA for taking this route with my ex-husband?
Comments
This story sounds so outrageous, it’s hard to believe this is even true.
If this is real, then do whatever it takes to get that psychotic man away from you and your daughter. File charges against him, absolutely.
You and your daughters safety comes first and he obviously doesn’t care about that after leaking private info. Stay away and move if you can.
Not at all I think don’t wanna be rude but he and his new partner might be broke as fuk and want to live with them to pay their bills as for restraining order well with in your right like you said he put you and your daughter at risk good on you he cut you out of his life yrs ago now it’s your turn stay safe
Ha, soon as you file for back child support and he sees what he owes, he’ll pop smoke and vanish. I’d put money on it.
Just tell him you’re filing for child support and he’ll run like the little bitch he is.
Absolutely NTA. Your ex sounds absolutely unhinged. You do whatever you can to keep both you and your daughter safe from whatever scheme this nutjob dreams up next.
NTA in any way shape or form… your family seem a bit to lax about him putting you and your daughter at risk… there’s no way he should be near either of you or be able to get in contact via your family so easily after all he’s done. You’re being a great mum and should be proud of everything you’ve done and are doing for you and your daughter
Updateme!
Step 1: Call your lawyer
Step 2: Call the police
Step 3: Block your nutty family
Step 4: begin writing the screen play
I hope you get a thousand more comments telling you this same thing: you absolutely did the right thing and you should use every legal means necessary to lock him out of your family’s life forever. I understand it can be really difficult to trust your own judgment when you’re so close to the situation, but your judgment was rock solid. I hope everyone else tells you the same so that there’s never any further doubt in your mind. He doesn’t deserve to have one family, let alone two.
Nta. And file for unpaid child support. Make clear on social he abandoned his first child and is a deadbeat. Silence protects him.
What dilemma? Please file the restraining order
NTA
Your siblings are stupid! They’re welcome to be a second partner to your ex. Be with him because he wants a second wife. How dare they tell you that you’re overreacting.
No one owns you!!! Your body = your choice!
Good on you for involving the police as your ex doesn’t take no for an answer.
You’re absolutely doing the right thing. I’m not sure what’s going on with your siblings, but their behavior is completely out of line. It might be time to consider getting a restraining order and a cease-and-desist order to protect yourself and your daughter.
First of all, even though he didn’t see his daughter and he chose not to see her that doesn’t exempt him from child support so I hope you were smart enough to go to court and make him still pay his child support. Secondly, I’m not sure why women always feel guilty over everything .you did what you had to do to protect yourself and your daughter you know that he’s a loser and you know he’s gonna be the same exact way with his second wife and the second baby when he gets tired, he’ll just walk off and leave them! so buck up you did the right thing you don’t need to have any kind of person to validate that you did what was right I think you know that don’t let family make you feel guilty.I’ve noticed a lot of families are always on the opposite side of what they should be. Don’t let them do that to you.
Are you or this dude well known or something? He makes youtube videos that alot of people see apparently and he posts your info which apparently threatens your safety? Is this just mutual friends or acquaintances? Youre not the asshole in your version here, theres 3 sides to everything so you still could be…but not as of now in my opinion. The worst thing he did in this story is leave his fucking poor little girl behind….the second wife thing is annoying but im more focused on him leaving his daughter…any time a father claims the mother keeps the child from him I feel some sympathy because i DO see that happening ALL THE TIME and the system fosters it unfortunately, men do it too I know but mostly women. So if it happened your way then no youre not, he can fuck off, but if theres truth to that then I cant blame him for trying to bring awareness to it Sounds fucked up altogether you should keep your daughter out of it and utilize the legal avenues you can to keep him away.
NTA that entitled a$$ is a jerk!!! Get the restraining order against him, tell your siblings to stfu or they can get blocked too! You are their family but they are
d!cks for taking his disgusting side! Tell them the pan you feel at their betrayal and if they call you dramatic, go NC immediately!
NTA go for back child support!
‘X thinks I’m overreacting after my daughter received death threats’
Who would believe such a story.
NTA – this man is unhinged and you should protect yourself and your daughter from him by getting the harassment and restraining order and/or pursue criminal charges if available in respect of him and/or any one who harassed or sent death threats. Make sure you save copies of, or screen-shot or record, anything he put(s) online about you or your daughter (and reactions to it if people respond saying e.g. bad things should happen to you, or call you terrible things), and you keep a log of contact by him or any of these other people (date, time, method, and content/what happened). If you can access the deleted accounts data (recover the account or personal information request to the company), save copies of all unwanted messages.
To your siblings or anyone else remind them that your daughter has received death treats as a result of your ex’s behaviour, he shared your home address publically, he hasn’t paid child support in years, he hasn’t visited nor asked to spend time with his daughter between whatever dates, and he declared publically that your daughter meant nothing to him anymore. This isn’t a man who cares about you and your daughter; he had neglected your daughter, and he has put you both in danger.
Also, file for unpaid child support as your child deserves the money.
NTA.
You would be if you entertained this circus.
NTAH. There’s no moral dilemma here. This ass is trying to get his back pay child support nullified and maybe get laid along the way. Your daughter only has one parent to support her, protect her, and show her how to stand up for herself. Don’t waiver on this please.
NTA
Of course NTA. Only your asshole siblings would say that.
File for child support is the only reasonable response.
” I don’t care if he truly does miss me or not.. I’m nowhere near desperate enough to be with that thing. “
NTAH
Spoiler: daughter will be the third wife. 🤮
He doxxed you. Which is illegal. Said he doesn’t give a crap about your daughter. And apparently he wants to be the next Kody Brown.
NTA. Throw the book at him and file for back child support!
tell your siblings to stop being so fucking stupid
How the holy balls are your siblings saying this shit? Seriously? Put out your own YouTube video and put out his bullshit. Your ex is gross.
NTA you did exactly the right thing. If you hadn’t gone to the police, it would have escalated. Your ex is a little bit crazy.
Your siblings are absolutely fucking crazy for saying that you’re overreacting to a man who clearly presents a danger to you and your daughter. Fuck them and fuck him.
Seems like you need to drop any fake friends and dumb family that are giving you bad advice. Get full custody and move away.
You are not over reacting. This is a very manipulative, nasty person. Use the law as assertively as you can.