I (27F) have this friend, let’s call her Sarah, who’s been pulling the same move for like a year now. Every time we go out—food, coffee, whatever—she somehow forgets her wallet or says her card isn’t working. And guess who ends up paying? Yup, me.
At first, I let it slide. Tried to be chill about it. Even offered to spot her ahead of time or check in before we went out. But it just kept happening. It’s not like it’s cheap stuff either… it adds up.
Last week, after another pricey dinner where her card “got declined,” I’d had enough. On the way home, I told her I can’t keep paying for her and that she needs to figure her stuff out before we hang again. I said I still care about our friendship, but this whole thing makes me feel used.
She got mad. Said I was being cheap, unsupportive, and ruining our friendship over “a few dollars.” Claimed she always pays me back (which isn’t true, or it’s like months later for $10 or something). Now she’s not talking to me.
So… AITA for finally putting my foot down?
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NTA. being broke and honest is much better than pretending and leaving u in the dark until the last moment. she is being disingenuous and she knows it.
absolutely not the asshole you’re not her atm and “forgetting” your wallet every single time isn’t an accident it’s a pattern you called out the behavior after giving her chance after chance if she really valued the friendship she’d be embarrassed not offended
YTA if you were letting her play this game.
So no, you’re NTA. Let her sulk while you go out with more responsible friends. Have fun!
NTA. I think you had the perfect response to figure her stuff out before you hang again. Since it has been going on a year, it is more than just forgetfulness, it is deliberate at this point.
There can be other things you can do to hang out together that are free, like take a thermos of coffee, or a bag lunch to the park, or sit by the pond and feed the ducks, that kind of thing. You don’t have to spend money to hang out. But she thinks you should bankroll your outings. I think that is a good boundary to have.
If its just a few dollars why ain’t she got it
OP is solidly NTA. Calling out Sarah’s dishonest wallet “forgetting” after years of being taken for granted demonstrates admirable boundaries and self-respect.
NTA. Honestly, it sounds like she’s been using you as her personal ATM for a year, and now that you finally called her out, she’s flipping the script and calling YOU cheap? The projection going on here is WILD lmao.
If someone can’t even be bothered to pay their fair share, let alone pay you back in a timely manner, then yeah, they’re not really a friend. They’re a LEECH.
You gave her plenty of chances to fix it, and now she’s mad because she can’t manipulate you anymore. Good for you for standing up for yourself, she’s clearly been taking advantage of your kindness, and now she’s mad the free ride is over.
Nta You need to only do free activities with her. Don’t give her the opportunity anymore, if you want to keep the friendship. No one would fault you for ending the friendship at this point though
Add up all the money you’ve spent on her for say the last 6 months. Show her just how much her “few dollars” are, then move on from the relationship. She’s a user, not a friend.
NTA, but you should’ve called her out a helluva lot sooner.
YTA for the AI slop. “So… AITA for putting my foot down” LOL get a life
So not the AO in this. Your friend gas lit you, and you clearly have been supportive by paying everytime…for a year! You don’t need that in your life.
Send her a Venmo request for all the unpaid money you spend on her.
YTA for making it happen over and over. Beat her at her own game by only walking with enough to cover your bill
NTA, and Sarah’s not your friend, you’re her wallet.
If she is not talking to you – that is a reward in itself. You save your money and get rid of a mooch. WIN-WIN
NTA.
My niece, then 15, forgot her purse when I picked her up to go get her hair done. She actually remembered before we got to the salon but we were way too far away from home to go back. $220 later, we arrive back to my sister’s house and she says “hold on! I’ll be right back with my wallet!” – hands over $220 cash. If a 15 year old space cadet can do it, so can a 27 year old “friend”.
People will treat you the way you allow. I’m glad you’re not doing that any more.
NTA! She’s the one who is cheap and unsupportive
NTA – your friend is a user and a deadbeat. her reaction to your valid concerns shows that she got busted and is trying to manipulate her way out of it.
Has she payed you back after? Otherwise YTA for being a doormat, this no friend but a leech.
NTA Moochers hate it when you call them out on their BS. But I think she will be back to try it again, since it worked so well the first few times.
Be prepared to keep putting your foot down with this one, and never feel bad for keeping someone from taking advantage of your kind and generous nature.
Nope. She’s the a hole and she knows it. Get a new friend.
If there’s a next time: Before you meet up let her know you are only taking x amount of money, so she best have her share because you won’t be able to pay for her meal.
NTA. Dump your so called “friend”. If you decide to go out with her again, insist on separate checks and let her deal with the server herself.
YTA for letting it go on for a year. Once? Understandable and if they pay you back or pay for you the next time then it’s all good. Twice? Suspicious. A year? Every time?
She’s a mooch and not your friend. She’s been called out and is now trying to pull the “bad friend” card to gaslight you into thinking you are making a big fuss over nothing. She’s got away with it for months. She’s trying to salvage her free food and drinks. Time to cut her off and find an actual friend.
This is just like dating as the average male except you never get paid back
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” Maya Angelou.
Your “friend” has amply demonstrated exactly what kind of “friend” she really is.
NTA. Next time (if there is a next time) tell her you’re not able to cover her. Let her figure out how to pay.
NTA and I’d give her specific examples. People have very convenient memories.
Nope…been there. After being stuck with an almost $400 bar tab I went nuclear. Friendship over, the worst part is I was dating her brother, and cutting her out of my life effectively ended that relationship. In total that whole friggin family owes me like 10k, no lie..most of it her debt!
She’s using you and mad now because she can’t live high on your dime anymore.
She is trying to gaslight you by calling YOU cheap when she is the one unwilling to pay for herself. Make no mistake, she does have the money and her card is working and she never forgot her wallet. She has just been seeing how far she can go on a free ride with you. I’m glad you finally said something—never pay again. She is using you!
Thanks for the AI post
Fool you once, shame on them, fool you twice, shame on you
I would have stopped it after the first time; asked for separate checks from then on. YNTA for calling her on it. Too bad you didn’t keep track of the amounts so you could have contradicted her when she said it was just a few bucks.
NTA, and somewhere along the line, when she told you that she forgot her wallet, you should have gone, “Oops, I forgot mine too!” Dumb and petty, but worth it just for the look on her face.
YTA (not really but still lol) for not asking for a separate check the last time. Ditch her & tell her to find a new ATM.
I had a “friend” like that once. Every night, he’d bum soda money from me at lunch. After a couple of weeks, I just said “nope”. He was stunned. Tried to make a stink in front of our coworkers. But I turned it around on him.
“It’s just $0.50, bro!” he said. I replied “Wrong, it was $0.50 three weeks ago. Now it’s over $10 and I didn’t take you to raise!” He scoffed and guffawed and acted all indignant about it. But guess what? The next time we got paid he handed me a $10 bill. And this was the 90’s, when that was still a decent amount of money. Of course once he gave me the tenner he asked for $0.50 again for a Coke at lunch, but we got into this cycle where I’d loan him a Coke until he hit the $10 mark, he’d pay me off like a Starbucks card years before Starbucks even came to Texas, and we went through this cycle for months. It kinda became a running joke among our crew.
NTA Bring receipts: make an overview of all the costs and her contributions and venmo her the difference with subject ‘a few dollars’
Sounds like the trash took itself out. NTA
NTA. You should have called her out much earlier. Is this the kind of friend you want? Someone you are wary of and try avoiding splitting bills with when you go out?
Next time have her venmo you right then and there. Only way to deal with people like this outside of cutting them off all together
She’s using you NTA
True colors shown
NTA. Venmo request her the full amount she owes you and let her know that you won’t go out her again until she pays you back in full and apologizes for taking advantage of you.
She probably won’t pay you back and your friendship will not recover but she should see in full just how much “a few dollars” really is.
NTA but I don’t understand why you didn’t ask her for her half after each event. Sure her card was declined, but there are lots of ways to transfer money after the fact.
Yea I’m sure she has Zelle or a cash app so make her transfer the money right then
I would also go through and add up all the money you have spent on her and send that to her and say I’m not your parent nor partner so pay me back if it’s not that much money
A year?. I’m sorry I had to pause my reading because what?. How you let her get away with this for a year. Anyways… her response should be enough to let you know she is not your friend. You should’ve been cut her off. I go out with my home girl and we will take turns paying for each other. Not bc one of us doesn’t have the funds but bc we just care about each other. She hangs around you because of what she can get from you. Find you some real friends. Mourn the loss, because I know you cared about them, and move on. If she’s a real friend she’ll respect your boundaries.
I won’t make a judgment because I personally could never put up with this BS excuse EVERY time. I would stop going out to eat at expensive or costly places. Stick to McDonalds or one of those places where you can get plenty of food for cheap and see how she reacts to it. I don’t even like my own relatives paying for me but I don’t want to seem like I’m freeloading like your friend. If she can’t stand going to cheaper places then maybe you should consider ending the friendship.
How are you falling for one of the oldest tricks in the book? 😂This isn’t a friendship, you’re just her wallet. She’s lashing out at you because she views you like a doormat and you let her treat you like one.
NTA.
She’s been using you for free meals. She’s mad that her meal ticket has dried up.
Who needs a wallet these days? Remind her she can Apple Pay
She’s not a friend. Lose her.
My cousin used to pull that stunt with my dad. My cousin had plenty of money but he was cheap as hell and knew my dad would pick up the bill. The last time it happened, my cousin said “oh, I left my wallet in the car” to which my dad replied “that’s OK, I’ll wait while you go get it”. That was the last time my cousin pulled that stunt.
Why can’t she use Apple Pay?
NTA but haven‘t either of you ever heard of Venmo?
Sometimes losing ‘friends’ over money is worth the price.
The only reason she keeps doing it is because she keeps getting away with it. Stop going out with her! How have you let this go on for so long?
If it’s just “a few dollars” then why isn’t she handling it?
“I will be happy to pay and hold your phone until you pay me back.”
YTA to yourself for keeping this trend going long enough that it’s become an expectation of hers.
She’s not a friend, she’s a user. She doesn’t always pay you back. If she actually had the money and she truly forgot her card or wallet, she would venmo you on the spot.
Easiest thing? If she can’t afford to go out? Don’t invite her.
Congrats on shutting down the free ATM.
NTA. She was using you, you called her out and she’s mad that you peeped game. She’ll be ok. Stand on what you said and don’t pay for her anymore.
NTA, i got a buddy who is like that sometimes and the worst part of people like that is that if they manage to pay you back small amount or everything it takes months and everytime you ask to pay even a fracture of the debt they always have some excuse to not pay even a dime
NTA but next time, do it the 2nd time, if you feel me. Waiting a year to speak up for yourself is wild.
NTA its so annoying always having to pay. I have friends that always just wait until i pay…. i stopped paying and only cover my own shit
I would be rejoicing that she is not talking to you; you can’t afford her “friendship” OP.
NTA, problem with letting it slide a few times, that gets taken for granted way to often, good on you for speaking up
Why don’t you still hang out, but somewhere that’s free. Should’ve done that ages ago. If friend never has interest in going anywhere or doing anything that’s not coffee, meals, movies, whatever…tells you everything you need to know.
NTA She’s using you. Is your friend the female version of Alan Harper?!!
I had a friend who used to play that trick. But in his defense, it was always when we called him in the middle of the night and TOLD him we were going to do something at would be at his house to pick him up soon.
The only time it was an actual problem was when he legitimately did forget his wallet and we couldn’t get into the 18+ show we had just spent 2 hours driving to.
Nta
You are her friend, she is not yours. Good for you to call her out & putting your foot down.
NTA. Bold of her to claim you’re cheap when you’ve paid for her for about a year. Next time look up prices ahead of time and bring enough cash for your food and tip. She can figure herself out from there
She’s gas lighting you! Why do you want a mooch and manipulator as a friend? The fact that she’s not talking to you right now look it as a gift, let her go. She belongs to the store, and you will have many other friends that will treat you the way you need to be treated.
YTA to yourself. You’re a push over why do you need us to tell you what you already know?
NTA.
You were never her friend, you were her tool.
You have outlived your usefulness.
Sucks, but better now than several hundred dollars down the line.
She’s an ungrateful gold digger, so good riddance to her.
Nta but now you know she wasn’t your real friend but a leach using you until you said no.
>Now she’s not talking to me.
So what’s the problem?
Why broke people always call the others “cheap”?
NTA
NTA, she is using you. It’s very likely the “friendship” is over, and so you will know what she thought your friendship is worth.
Next time, if there is one, insist on separate checks, or she doesn’t eat/get coffee/whatever. Or if you want to escalate, you can “forget” YOUR wallet or have your card “declined” and see how she likes it.
Let her know if you were cheap she would be washing dishes and bussing tables to pay for her food bill, and when or IF you ever go out again, you want cash proof she can pay for her share. No cards because they can be declined. She doesn’t see you as a friend, you are literally her meal ticket, especially after she tried to turn it on you after you confronted her.