I’m honestly at my breaking point and starting to question whether I’m completely in the wrong here. For years, I’ve been the person in my family who keeps the peace. I stay quiet, smooth things over, let things go, and keep the energy calm whenever people start getting difficult or loud. People have even thanked me for being “so level-headed” or “mature.” But lately, it feels like all that has gotten me is being taken for granted and walked all over.
The person at the center of this is my younger sister, Emma. She has always been very intense in conversations. She talks over people, interrupts, and somehow always finds a way to make everything about herself. It doesn’t matter what the topic is. You could be talking about your job or your vacation or something serious, and somehow it always circles back to her life, her problems, or her opinions. My parents never call her out on it. They say she’s just “passionate” or “not trying to be rude.”
This past weekend we had a small family dinner. It was just me, Emma, our parents, and our cousin Sarah, who was visiting from out of town. Sarah recently got engaged, and this was the first time we were hearing about her wedding plans in person. She was talking about her fiancé and some of the venues they were looking at, clearly excited. Then, out of nowhere, Emma cuts in and says that weddings are a waste of money, and that she would never spend thousands of dollars just to “perform happiness” for other people.
She went on a full rant about how marriage is outdated and people who get excited about rings are shallow. Everyone went quiet. Sarah looked visibly uncomfortable and tried to steer the conversation back, but Emma just kept going. I could see Sarah shutting down more with every minute that passed.
That’s when I finally said something. I told Emma, calmly but firmly, “Can you not do this right now? Sarah is sharing something important to her, and you’re making it about your opinions again.” Everything froze. Emma stared at me, got up, and left the room. My mom said I embarrassed her. My dad told me I should have waited and talked to her privately. Now they’re both treating me like I ruined dinner and attacked Emma.
Sarah texted me later and thanked me for standing up for her. She said no one ever does. But now I feel like I’m being punished for finally reaching my limit. I’ve spent years absorbing everyone’s nonsense just to keep things peaceful, and the one time I speak up, I’m the bad guy.
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I’m honestly at my breaking point and starting to question whether I’m completely in the wrong here. For years, I’ve been the person in my family who keeps the peace. I stay quiet, smooth things over, let things go, and keep the energy calm whenever people start getting difficult or loud. People have even thanked me for being “so level-headed” or “mature.” But lately, it feels like all that has gotten me is being taken for granted and walked all over.
The person at the center of this is my younger sister, Emma. She has always been very intense in conversations. She talks over people, interrupts, and somehow always finds a way to make everything about herself. It doesn’t matter what the topic is. You could be talking about your job or your vacation or something serious, and somehow it always circles back to her life, her problems, or her opinions. My parents never call her out on it. They say she’s just “passionate” or “not trying to be rude.”
This past weekend we had a small family dinner. It was just me, Emma, our parents, and our cousin Sarah, who was visiting from out of town. Sarah recently got engaged, and this was the first time we were hearing about her wedding plans in person. She was talking about her fiancé and some of the venues they were looking at, clearly excited. Then, out of nowhere, Emma cuts in and says that weddings are a waste of money, and that she would never spend thousands of dollars just to “perform happiness” for other people.
She went on a full rant about how marriage is outdated and people who get excited about rings are shallow. Everyone went quiet. Sarah looked visibly uncomfortable and tried to steer the conversation back, but Emma just kept going. I could see Sarah shutting down more with every minute that passed.
That’s when I finally said something. I told Emma, calmly but firmly, “Can you not do this right now? Sarah is sharing something important to her, and you’re making it about your opinions again.” Everything froze. Emma stared at me, got up, and left the room. My mom said I embarrassed her. My dad told me I should have waited and talked to her privately. Now they’re both treating me like I ruined dinner and attacked Emma.
Sarah texted me later and thanked me for standing up for her. She said no one ever does. But now I feel like I’m being punished for finally reaching my limit. I’ve spent years absorbing everyone’s nonsense just to keep things peaceful, and the one time I speak up, I’m the bad guy.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I called Emma out in front of everyone during a family dinner, which may have embarrassed her. Even though she was being rude and dominating the conversation, I didn’t try to redirect things gently or speak to her privately, which is what I usually do. I reacted out of frustration after years of holding things in, and while I was calm, I was also blunt and direct in a moment that might have felt very public and personal for her. I’m worried that instead of handling it maturely, I let my own resentment drive how I spoke up, and that maybe I made the situation more about finally expressing my own frustration than just defending Sarah.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Your “snap” was even calm. I admire your restraint dealing with Emma’s nonsense like that all the time. Your parents should have shit that down king before you did and it sounds like Emma needs to hear that not everyone needs to hear her.
NTA. Your sister’s rude behaviour has been enabled by your parents. I’d be curious to know your ages because if you or her are teenagers, I might give some more leeway. But if you’re all adults, then you need to have a frank conversation with your parents about the impact of her behaviour on others and their continual excusing of it is doing no favours to her in the real world.
NTA. Explain to your parents that you are tired of allowing her behavior and it is over. They get to decide whether they do the same or continue to allow it. Your sister needed the wake up call. Could you have spoken to her 1:1, sure, but I still vote, NTA.
NTA
You didn’t snap, you finally set a boundary that was long overdue. What you said was calm, reasonable, and necessary. Emma has gotten used to controlling conversations and making everything revolve around her because no one calls her out. The one time someone does, suddenly you’re the problem? That’s not fair.
Your parents are prioritizing Emma’s comfort over everyone else’s. That’s not keeping the peace, that’s avoiding conflict by letting her bulldoze people. They’re upset because you disrupted the dynamic where Emma does whatever she wants and no one says a word. That dynamic needed to be disrupted.
Sarah thanking you says it all. You stood up for someone who was being shut down and no one else had the courage to do it. You’re not the bad guy for drawing the line after years of being the peacekeeper. You’re just the first one to finally say what everyone else was thinking.
Jealousy is an ugly colour on your sister.
I don’t believe she wasn’t intentionally rude but even if it wasn’t intended…it’s still rude and it still needed pointed out.
And the reason your family are all reacting this way is because you never speak up. Snap more often and they’ll adapt.
NTA. I also have a sibling who constantly interrupts and makes everything about herself. It’s annoying af.
NTA Being gentle hasn’t worked, and if that tame of a comment is enough to make Emma and your parents start pouting, then they all need to take a long, hard look at themselves in the mirror.
NTA. You didn’t even snap. You intervened. Your sister is an asshole and your parents are also for defending her running roughshod over all the conversations.
NTA
You stood up for your cousin when Emma hijacked her big moment. Someone had to.
Good on you for calling it out.
NTA. Emma needed to be called out in public. She thrives on attention, so a private word was never going to cut it. She’d have ignored that like a stop sign. This way, you cut off her supply.
But it sounds like there is a lot more going on here. Your post has a ton of deeper frustration that speaks to your relationship with your parents. It sounds like they habitually enable Emma and expect miracles from you. That needs to change.
NTA
I’m sick of people excusing shitty behaviour with “they didn’t mean it like that” or “they are not trying to be rude”. Shitty behaviour is still shitty behaviour even if they aren’t trying for it to be. It’s actually more important in my opinion that they are called out on it so they learn their behaviour is shitty.
NTA Better late than never.
nta your parents are enablers. Time to read up on how to handle narcissists and their enablers.
The emperor had no clothes! I don’t think you snapped, you just pointed out the simple truth. They could all see it just nobody wanted to say it.
I’m proud of you for calling Emma out on this. She was completely out of bounds and totally disrespectful to your cousin, a guest in your company.
NTA
NTA. My sister is an Emma, and I admire your restraint. Congratulate Sarah on her engagement <3
Makes sense. Doing the right thing sometimes sucks. NTA.
NTA.
“That’s just what they’re like” is code for “We’re too lazy to correct shitty behaviour”.
It takes a village to raise a child, and your sister is a part of your village. She should be embarrassed, she was being embarrassing. And cruel.
You corrected her behaviour calmly and firmly. That’s exactly how it should be. You didn’t scream or shout. You didn’t lose it. You just pointed out that her behaviour was unfair and unreasonable. Good job, big bro.
You did the right thing. Continue to stand up for yourself, too, when she does it to you. Your thoughts and opinions are also deserving of respect.
You’re old enough to choose your family, and block the assholes
NTA. I expected a way bigger blowup from the subject line. You were completely reasonable and helped out poor Sarah.
“My mom said I embarrassed her. My dad told me I should have waited and talked to her privately. Now they’re both treating me like I ruined dinner and attacked Emma.”
What about embarrassing poor Sarah?! Emma shit all over Sarah’s happiness and everyone was just gonna let that go?!
NUH-UH! OP you were awesome standing up for Sarah. Your parents suck for enabling Emma, and the hypocrisy of saying it was a conversation that should have been private when Emma had made it public is infuriating.
You are most certainly NTA.
I have slowly been realizing that overtalking and interrupting was common place in my family. I had to realize I did it way too often. I have come to realize my parents didn’t teach us good manners because they didn’t have them
Who has the boat rocker Reddit post?
NTA
NTA – Your sister embarrassed herself. Your parents deserve to be embarrassed for constantly allowing her boorish behavior & not nipping it in the bud when she was a child. Good on you & I hope your cousin has a beautiful wedding!
NTA and please continue to let yourself express your feelings and thoughts. It’s great to be conciliatory but there’s times when confrontation is needed. I would recommend you exercise this new found skill/talent by asking your parents to sit down and discuss this situation.
You were not rude and aside from the “again” at the end, it was perfectly reasonable as far as requests go (when addressing current grievances don’t drag out past issues that weren’t addressed). Ask your parents if they think what your sister was doing was fair to your cousin. Then ask them if they don’t think it was rude of them to allow their guest to be made uncomfortable. Ask your dad if someone were to do something like that to your mom or Sarah how it would make him feel. If he’s honest with you and admits it was poor behavior then go in “for the kill”; let them both know they are enabling rudeness and poor behavior in your sister. She is free to have these opinions but she cannot be free to impose them on anyone and at any time. She is an adult and in life we sometimes have to bite our tongue and allow space for others. Let them know you feel like they have never done for you what you had to do for your cousin and that it hurts that they consider your sisters feelings more important or valid than those of anyone else.
Let them know you love your sister and understand that they do not want to stir anything up but they are doing her and your whole family a disservice allowing that behavior to go unchecked. Let them know if they had addressed it sooner and not fed into it, what you had to do may not have been necessary.
If they cannot acknowledge how rude and unfair it is to have guests in their home only to be treated like that by a member of the household then you cannot and will not participate in family gatherings.
Your parents reaction explains why Emma has gotten so entitled.
Bro fr, you’ve been holding it down for way too long. Like, ppl act like just bc you’re calm and quiet you don’t got limits?? That’s wild. Emma sounds exhausting to be around tbh, and your parents just enabling her is not it. You didn’t even yell or anything. You stood up respectfully. That’s not “snapping”, that’s setting a boundary. NTA at all
From the title I expected a screaming match, and even then I was on your side. This makes me think of boat-rocking — https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/77pxpo/dont_rock_the_boat/. Your sister has been coddled all of her life, and is not used to get any pushback. That’s why she freaked out and left when you gave the gentlest possible pushback. Firm NTA.
NTA. Emma was spoiling the whole night for your cousin by saying something negative about everything. You didn’t shout or tell her to STFU for once. No. You were calm. Emma is a killjoy.