I have been dating my boyfriend for over 5 years now. We’ve been super close practically our whole lives as we live in the same neighbourhood and grew up together. He looks weirdly like a young Jake Gyllenhaal, keep this in mind. I’m not overly popular and kinda just have a good friend group I stick to, my best friend (F) is in that group. For a long while now, she’s been really getting on my nerves about my bf. I did an Ironic Donnie Darko matching Halloween costume last year with my bf because we thought it was funny as he looks like Jake, and my best friend responded to my instagram story saying “pov you only date him because he looks like a celebrity😭” which really bugged me but I tried to shrug it off because when I mentioned it to her she said she was only joking. Ever since she seems to love bringing up that I’m only with him because of his looks and “jokingly” telling him to find another girl dispite me politely asking her if she can stop saying stuff like that because I don’t think it’s funny. This year we’re gonna do The Good Girl costumes and we brought it up to my friends, to which my best friend straight up said I was using him. I got super annoyed because she didn’t even seem like she was joking. I’d had a bit too much to drink and I know I probably shouldn’t have but I said to her something along the lines of “if you keep being a toxic bitch im cutting ties with you.” She got super pressed and is now refusing to speak to me. I don’t want to loose her and I really regret what I said but she was really getting under my skin. My boyfriend told me what I said was reasonable but one of my other friends is telling me I took it too far and “you know how she is, it was a funny joke”. AITA for what I said?
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I have been dating my boyfriend for over 5 years now. We’ve been super close practically our whole lives as we live in the same neighbourhood and grew up together. He looks weirdly like a young Jake Gyllenhaal, keep this in mind. I’m not overly popular and kinda just have a good friend group I stick to, my best friend (F) is in that group. For a long while now, she’s been really getting on my nerves about my bf. I did an Ironic Donnie Darko matching Halloween costume last year with my bf because we thought it was funny as he looks like Jake, and my best friend responded to my instagram story saying “pov you only date him because he looks like a celebrity😭” which really bugged me but I tried to shrug it off because when I mentioned it to her she said she was only joking. Ever since she seems to love bringing up that I’m only with him because of his looks and “jokingly” telling him to find another girl dispite me politely asking her if she can stop saying stuff like that because I don’t think it’s funny. This year we’re gonna do The Good Girl costumes and we brought it up to my friends, to which my best friend straight up said I was using him. I got super annoyed because she didn’t even seem like she was joking. I’d had a bit too much to drink and I know I probably shouldn’t have but I said to her something along the lines of “if you keep being a toxic bitch im cutting ties with you.” She got super pressed and is now refusing to speak to me. I don’t want to loose her and I really regret what I said but she was really getting under my skin. My boyfriend told me what I said was reasonable but one of my other friends is telling me I took it too far and “you know how she is, it was a funny joke”. AITA for what I said?
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> I think I might be the asshole because I snapped at her but maybe I’ve just been taking this all too seriously and the joke is funny.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Your so-called friend’s comments are not funny; they are annoying – and you’ve told her that repeatedly. Your BF agrees with you. So why are you second-guessing yourself? …because you don’t want to lose such a “friend?” That’s on her; she needs to knock it off.
NTA. I could be wrong, but I didn’t hear a joke anywhere. Just a jealous bitter “friend” trying to bring you down.
NTA. You reacted because your “friend” was continually disrespecting you. She isn’t as good a friend as you think. Maybe calling her a b**** was too far but she was not stopping after you set limits.
NTA, she’s not joking. Maybe she’s jealous, I’m not sure, but a real friend would want you to be happy.
She’s not your best friend. She’s not even your friend. No big loss.
NTA your friend had it coming and she said it more than once, I don’t think you overreacted. A true friend wouldn’t even joke about them leaving you. She’s just jealous and honestly you should cut them out of your life. She hasn’t been a true friend for a long time. Sorry OP
You should definitely want to lose her as a friend. I’m assuming you guys are in high school and I promise you when you look back you’ll realize she’s not a friend worth having. Cut ties now even if it costs you other friends
If anyone is an AH here, it’s her. It sounds like you have addressed this with her before in a restrained and non-AH manner and not only did she not stop it, she increased it because she knew it spins you up. That is not a good friend. That is an AH (who quite frankly sounds jealous) I am also a little miffed at your BF, too…he should have your back.
NTA
How old is she/you? Because she’s acting like a child.
Is your “friend” single? Or has a history of short relationships? Or do you have a habit of ditching plans with her to spend time with him?
If yes, she’s jealous. Pure and simple.
NTA – it’s not funny when you’ve had to tell someone multiple times to stop making that type of joke. It’s not a joke if you’re saying something to get on someone’s nerves, it’s just mean. A good friend wouldn’t do try to cross your boundaries like that.
ESH I think. Her for her comments and you for wanting to cut her off without first having a non confrontational conversation with her first. You mentioned Halloween costumes specifically and that she has made other comments but have you talked with her in person when you aren’t heated? I know others will say cut her off but I think there’s something missing from this picture that needs clarified first. Talk to your friend and if she doesn’t back down from the “jokes” then minimize or eliminate contact when possible.
You are NTA but this girl isn’t your friend and it’s pretty clear she is jealous of your relationship.
NTA. She’s either into your bf or jealous of you in general. Honestly not sure how she’s considered your best friend when this is what she does.
I say just be glad for the break since she’s not speaking to you for now lol.
INFO why does she say you’re only with him for his looks? Does she not rate his personality? Has he done something to offend her?
NTA. Sounds like she’s jealous. Her telling him to find another, sounds like she’s hoping it would be her. This isn’t a real friend. Even your boyfriend is saying you’re right, he’s probably bothered by her remarks as well.
NTA
If the subject of your joke doesn’t think it’s funny and asks you repeatedly to stop, you’re no longer joking. You’re bullying. You’re under no obligation to stay friends with a bully.
Go ahead and cut ties
NTA, sounds like she isn’t a good friend anyway. She is putting you down calling you shallow in front of your bf and yourself, and probably anyone else she can say it to behind your back. She is probably projecting because she likes him, or some such psycho shit that jealous women do.
NTA. She was the one who took things too far when she refused to drop the “jokes” after being told they upset you. She’s either got a thing for your BF, or she’s just jealous and petty. In either case, this one is on her.
Enforcing a reasonable boundary is not overreacting. On the other hand refusing to speak to a friend because you were called out for crossing a boundary is.
NTA – It sounds like she has a crush on your bf! It is clear that she has some kind of obsession with your bf and his looks, leading to the most likely conclusion that she is attracted to him more than she should be. You tried to politely tell her to knock it off, and when that didn’t work you had to be curt and rebuke her as clearly as possible. Some people do not know when enough is enough and need an unambiguous admonishment to make them realize they have or continue to have crossed a line.
Why is this person your “best friend”?
Stop with the “if,” if she has been making constant comments about your relationship, just stop being friends with her. It doesn’t need to be some epic thing with ultimatums.
Nta
Your friend is attracted to your bf and massively jealous
You didn’t post your age anywhere, so I desperately hope you are 16 or so (which means so is your friend) because she is acting like a friggin toddler and you’re definitely NTA
No seriously F her. She isn’t your friend anymore. She keeps disrespecting you and your relationship. You could have stated your position better, sure, but really it comes down to her disrespect regardless of that fact you’ve brought it up basically asking her to stop.
I would simply say you know I’ve thought about it, I’ve requested you stop – yet you insist it’s a joke but it’s one he and I don’t find funny and don’t want to be around anymore.
NTA
She wants him girl
It was not a funny joke, none of it is.
She IS toxic and about your boyfriend too, why are you trying to cling to her so bad. let her go for a while and see if she comes back in a few months, she should not be the one who was mad at you! Quit being a doormat.
NTA, but why are you trying so hard to hold on to a “friend” that has clearly shown you she isn’t one? She’s jealous of you AND wants your boyfriend. Let the trash stay in the can this time.
NTA – To me, it sounds like she wants him, and she is trying to make you doubt why you’re with him, so you break up so she can swoop on in
I’d cut her off tbh
Ur friend isn’t a friend she’s a jealous c*** ur better off without her
NTA. Don’t waste your time on a jealous shrew! She’s not your bestie, at best a frenemie. She wants what you have but her terrible personality keeps her from it. Btw, that wasn’t a joke and it certainly wasn’t funny. Get better friends.
She’s just jealous and has a crush on your boyfriend because of his looks. Thinks he, because of how he looks, should be with her and not you. It’s HER that primaries his looks over his personality.
You threaten to cut ties with her. As a result, she’s ghosted you.
It sounds like your problem took care of itself.
NTA – “i’m joking” is the most bullshit cop-out ever. Cut ties. She’s a shitty “friend” and probably jealous.
NTA, and lose not loose.
Lose her
NTA you have told her to stop and that you don’t like it and she continues. I think she is trying to undermine your relationship with your boyfriend or your self confidence. This is not a good friend. Give her the cold shoulder barely know you in groups.
NTA. Tell her you’re taking a break from speaking to her. Let her wallow and think about what she’s done. Maybe that will help her realize she’s being a bad person.
Classic passive aggressive bull shit. Don’t ever feel bad about shutting that crap down
NTA
I get the feeling she is jealous and wishes she had your man. Or she’s jealous of the relationship you have. Why else would she keep telling him to find another woman? She is trying to plant seeds of doubt in his mind.
Personally, I love when my trash takes itself out. Don’t go bring it back in. 😊