I f22 , and been dating my boyfriend m22 for about three years. From the beginning, his sister in law Rose (f28), who’s been married to his older brother Gabe (m30) for over a decade, has treated me poorly. She was the only woman in the family before I came along, and I always felt like she saw me as a threat. She would say rude things, often when no one else was around, once even telling me I’d never be part of the family. I tried to brush it off, thinking she was just insecure or jealous. I never disrespected her back because I wanted to keep the peace for my boyfriend’s sake.
Over time, I told my boyfriend about her behavior, but he always brushed it off, saying I was misinterpreting her actions. Things escalated when I became pregnant. I told my boyfriend that from then on, I wouldn’t stay silent if Rose disrespected me again. The rude behavior didn’t completely stop, but it became more subtle. Toward the end of my pregnancy, Gabe started being rude to me too. Again, my boyfriend didn’t really take it seriously. After I gave birth, I told him I didn’t want Rose holding our baby. I felt that if she couldn’t respect me, she didn’t deserve a relationship with my child.
When our son was two months old, Gabe was finally openly rude to me in front of my boyfriend. My boyfriend asked him to apologize, but instead Gabe ignored me and started defending Rose while she yelled in my face. I stayed calm and tried to ignore her while putting my baby in his car seat. That was the last straw. I told my boyfriend I was done tolerating the bullying.
For months afterward, I avoided both Rose and Gabe. I’ve been struggling with postpartum depression and anxiety, and their presence made everything worse. I’d cry after seeing them, feeling unsupported and disrespected. Then, about three weeks ago, we all went to the beach together as a family. After drinking a bit, I finally had the courage to confront Rose. I asked her, “Why are you such a bitch?” and she told me “well talk about this when your sober” and walked away, I followed her and said, “No, I’m sober why are you so mean to me?” I broke down, yelling that no one ever stands up for me and that I’m always the one expected to stay quiet.
My boyfriend held me back, and things got emotional, but I finally let out everything I’d been holding in for years. The following week, I apologized to his parents. I explained I was having a really hard time emotionally and couldn’t take the bullying anymore. They weren’t mad, just upset at how it happened. Since then, I’ve honestly felt so much better, like a huge weight has been lifted.
Some people have said I was TA others said I wasn’t. I don’t regret speaking up, just that it had to reach that point. I’m not the same person I was before having a baby and I no longer have the energy to tolerate people who treat me badly. So AITA ?
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I f22 , and been dating my boyfriend m22 for about three years. From the beginning, his sister in law Rose (f28), who’s been married to his older brother Gabe (m30) for over a decade, has treated me poorly. She was the only woman in the family before I came along, and I always felt like she saw me as a threat. She would say rude things, often when no one else was around, once even telling me I’d never be part of the family. I tried to brush it off, thinking she was just insecure or jealous. I never disrespected her back because I wanted to keep the peace for my boyfriend’s sake.
Over time, I told my boyfriend about her behavior, but he always brushed it off, saying I was misinterpreting her actions. Things escalated when I became pregnant. I told my boyfriend that from then on, I wouldn’t stay silent if Rose disrespected me again. The rude behavior didn’t completely stop, but it became more subtle. Toward the end of my pregnancy, Gabe started being rude to me too. Again, my boyfriend didn’t really take it seriously. After I gave birth, I told him I didn’t want Rose holding our baby. I felt that if she couldn’t respect me, she didn’t deserve a relationship with my child.
When our son was two months old, Gabe was finally openly rude to me in front of my boyfriend. My boyfriend asked him to apologize, but instead Gabe ignored me and started defending Rose while she yelled in my face. I stayed calm and tried to ignore her while putting my baby in his car seat. That was the last straw. I told my boyfriend I was done tolerating the bullying.
For months afterward, I avoided both Rose and Gabe. I’ve been struggling with postpartum depression and anxiety, and their presence made everything worse. I’d cry after seeing them, feeling unsupported and disrespected. Then, about three weeks ago, we all went to the beach together as a family. After drinking a bit, I finally had the courage to confront Rose. I asked her, “Why are you such a bitch?” and she told me “well talk about this when your sober” and walked away, I followed her and said, “No, I’m sober why are you so mean to me?” I broke down, yelling that no one ever stands up for me and that I’m always the one expected to stay quiet.
My boyfriend held me back, and things got emotional, but I finally let out everything I’d been holding in for years. The following week, I apologized to his parents. I explained I was having a really hard time emotionally and couldn’t take the bullying anymore. They weren’t mad, just upset at how it happened. Since then, I’ve honestly felt so much better, like a huge weight has been lifted.
Some people have said I was TA others said I wasn’t. I don’t regret speaking up, just that it had to reach that point. I’m not the same person I was before having a baby and I no longer have the energy to tolerate people who treat me badly. So AITA ?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) Asking my sister in law why she’s a bitch. 2) asking my sister in law why she’s a bitch in front of my mother and father in law
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA and you do seem to have a boyfriend problem here.
Not only did he not take you seriously, he also ignored the whole situation and your feelings which are valid.
Then, When his own brother is openly rude to you and does not apologise, his sil is even yelling in your face, he does nothing else?
Now, after some time and you having set some boundaries, you are finally confronting sil and it comes to a moment of you finally venting. You took the time to apologise to your mil and fil and it has made you feel better, but where was your bf in all of this? Why did he not defend you and have your back in all of this?
I am sorry for everything you went through, but you really need to sit your bf down and let him know he better be having your back and of your son, and that there will be some very clear boundaries. He will have to grow a backbone from now on so he can actually stand up against his brother and sil.
NTA, she had it coming. Don’t apologize or she’ll keep doing it. From now on tell her in the moment firmly without hesitation for your peace.
NTA Though maybe the explosive way you did it was over the top. Understandable given how long it went on and your mental health at the time. From now on just don’t take the bullying at all and stand up for yourself.
A year ago you were 23 and SIL was 29.
Four months ago you were 23.
In multiple posts a year ago you were both 22 and 23.
Seems as though you should focus on your time-space continuum difficulties before tackling this one.
NTA. While I agree with other commenters that the way you went about confronting her was probably not the best, that’s kind of how shit goes when you’ve been holding these feelings back. I don’t blame you. Your boyfriend really should be sticking up for you and it’s shitty that he’s letting his brother and sil walk all over you and bully you.
NTA, but if EVERYONE allows this behavior, you should make everyone visit YOU so you can control the atmosphere. No one deserves to be bullied. Good for you for standing up for yourself! KEEP IT UP! Bullies only settle down when you stand up for yourself.
I think the biggest problem here is that your SIL was a child bride.
Just remember that “No” is a complete sentence; full stop, period… Don’t be hateful; stay calm; take a deep breath & defend yourself…
NTA She had it comin’
NTA. You have an SO problem. He should’ve been the one handling them long before it got to this point. That’s why you had a meltdown. You need to really think through if you want the rest of your life to be like that. If he doesn’t have the spine to stand up to you against family and whatever else he doesn’t deserve you.
NTA. I’m glad you spoke up. Maybe it could have been better timing but you apologized to you MIL and FIL so I think your good.
Your BF needs to have your back. I think if he would have addressed it in the beginning it wouldn’t have built to this
Your boyfriend needs to stand up for you
But she’s not your sister IN LAW if you’re not married, right? I mean – i guess she can be but i mean you dont need to tolerate her or his rubbish.
You have a boyfriend problem here tho.
If he can’t be supportive or end this issue with HIS brother n family, maybe consider walking.
Your mental health would be fine if it werent for these ppl n u arent glued or tied to them. Even if u were, you dont deserve this.
So why are u putting up with it?
His parents suck for staying quiet, he sucks for never standing up for you, his brother sucks as hes a bully now too and she sucks for being her. You’re exposing your kid to a lifetime of seeing you as a doormat.
You need an out of this situation n this toxic family. its not even your family. Why are u putting up with this?
NTA but the rest of them are. Take your kid n leave.
NTA. You stood up after years of being pushed around and dealing with real emotional pain. It’s okay to protect yourself and your family, especially when no one else steps in. Sometimes breaking point is the only way to be heard.
First of all, your boyfriend sounds shitty. Second of all, good job for sticking up for yourself. Stay away from your brother and sil. They have serious issue they need to work out. And who is saying you’re the AH? If it’s family members, stay away from them too.
I would say, also seek couples counseling because your boyfriend doesn’t sound like he’s emotionally available for you, and I fear it’s going to get worse.