I’m 22 and I share with my toddler sister sometimes, but is it really reasonable to be expected to share with her every single time? She’s 2 years old, so I get that she doesn’t understand fairness yet. That’s why I usually give in more than she ever has to. And honestly, it’s not even about the food — I’m not dying to eat her mushy toddler snacks.
My family says things like “She’s a baby” or “You’re the adult,” and I understand the logic behind that. But there’s still something in me that just… doesn’t care. I guess my emotions don’t always grasp it? Is it normal to understand something intellectually but not feel connected to it emotionally? How do I bridge that gap?
I do share and try not to be selfish. If I’m wrong or missing something, please correct me. I’m open to learning and understanding better.
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I’m 22 and I share with my toddler sister sometimes, but is it really reasonable to be expected to share with her every single time? She’s 2 years old, so I get that she doesn’t understand fairness yet. That’s why I usually give in more than she ever has to. And honestly, it’s not even about the food — I’m not dying to eat her mushy toddler snacks.
My family says things like “She’s a baby” or “You’re the adult,” and I understand the logic behind that. But there’s still something in me that just… doesn’t care. I guess my emotions don’t always grasp it? Is it normal to understand something intellectually but not feel connected to it emotionally? How do I bridge that gap?
I do share and try not to be selfish. If I’m wrong or missing something, please correct me. I’m open to learning and understanding better.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I sometimes don’t want to share with my 2-year-old sister, even though I know she doesn’t understand fairness yet. My family thinks I’m wrong for not always giving in, and they’ve said I should just do it because I’m the adult. I wonder if I’m being selfish or immature for feeling this way, and that’s why I’m asking if I might be the asshole here.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
INFO what are you being asked to share that’s so challenging for you? Why do you “not care” about your sister?
What are you sharing?
Where are her parents? Are they providing for her?
Toddlers need to learn that they can’t have everything they want. It’s how you teach emotional learning. I’m a mom of three, 22, 21, 12. My older boys weren’t not forced to share anything they didn’t want to with my youngest when she was a baby or toddler.
It’s ridiculous to expect that. YNTA
After being asked to share with my niece at this age. It’s a firm no. They need to teach boundaries and that not everything is for her
Have you been evaluated for any form of neurodivergence at all? Sharing with a toddler is not generally something a person ’emotionally’ grasps and a lot of the language here is pinging for me.
INFO – when would you have to ‘share snacks’? Like a 22 year old and a 2 year old are not sitting down to a ‘snack time’ and have to share…? I’m not following.
So it is that you’re sitting in the living room eating chips and your sister comes and says ‘can I have some’? And you don’t want to share? Did you buy the snacks? I guess I don’t see a problem if you’re getting chips to give her one when you put some in a bowl, but not feeding her an equal amount of your snack…her mom should be feeding her snacks so the most you’d have to ‘share’ is one for just a taste of what you’re having?
Can we get more context or examples? If you aren’t talking about food, what are you talking about?
You say what you’re sharing. Maybe it’s time to move out on your own. Or do you looking for a diagnosis? If so, see a therapist.
Info what are you being asked to share? Are we talking about the TV. Are you being asked to let her use your tablet or phone? Are we talking about your childhood toys? Sharing is too generic
NTA.
My friend has a 2yo, and always teaches him he has to ask politely for anything he wants (please/thank you), but also that sometimes the answer is no.
Come on man SHARE YOUR CIGARETTES WITH YOU SISTER 😡
NTA it sounds like you grew up as an only child, and adjusting to a baby sibling is hard.
I am interested in the Venn diagram of what a 22 year old and 2 year old should share. Juice boxes? Are you running low on juice boxes? Can you earn money and get a mini fridge to keep your juice boxes in?
Warm blanket?
Puppy?
Goldfish snacks?
I’m a little confused, you are 22 years old- not 12. What on earth would you possibly HAVE to share with her besides food? What a weird fkng post
I think after some years it might come, or when you have your own children. NTA
Your not missing anything… toddlers and small children always want what you have.. If you have a snack, they want it, your lunch, your dinner. Their greedy. I don’t know if it’s because their really hungry, your food is more interesting or maybe they just feel left out. It is annoying.
Your parents need to teach her that she can’t have everything and not to beg for food
Just tell her it’s spicy if you don’t feel like sharing.
Given that the overlap of resources is unlikely. This seems to be more about a general sense of being bothered.
A few things:
TL;DR yeah, if a 2 year old wanting something bothers you. Maybe go somewhere else and “touch grass.”
NTA – it seems like you’re trying to share and like you do share. Even when close in age, sharing with your siblings is usually not the most positive experience unless you have a good relationship (not very possible with someone so young).
If you have a favourite snack, you can refuse to share or only share a small amount, explain that it’s your favourite and that she’ll have to ask for her own from your parents, this will teach her important skills.
Otherwise it’s fine to share purely out of obligation, just make sure that it isn’t building resentment. If it is, it’s understandable – I would reach out about that issue specifically to your friends or parents and if possible talk to a professional (totally normal issue, but internet strangers might make it worse since they don’t know you personally)
The age gap alone is enough to make you feel detached from her. I don’t think that is odd at all. Why are you having to share food with a toddler? Why isn’t she just given her own food? I’m a bit confused. Or is it she sees your food & wants it?
Is she your full sister as in the same parents, or is she a step sibling? I only ask depending upon the relationships that may also have an impact on your feelings
Welcome to the art of being an adult.
At 2 she can learn no it’s mine right now I can get you some of your own though. Nope you have to wait.
NTA, I don’t think it means anything is wrong with you for not wanting to continually share your food with your little sister. I could get wanting some things for yourself, and the drain of feeling you “have to” do something even if it is as small as a snack and the parents aren’t teaching the toddler they can be told no.
ESH The parents shouldn’t use the ‘she’s just a baby and you’re an adult’ thing on you. They should PARENT their child by teaching her that she isn’t entitled to what someone else has unless it’s OFFERED. On the other hand, children are natural little explorers and want to feel included. Your sister loves you and wants to be like you. She sees you eating and wants to try it, and that’s completely normal and natural. This is a way that children bond. For you, she’s taking your food and time. For her, her wonderful big sis/bro is giving her attention, and it’s the best feeling in the entire world. If it truly bothers you, get your snack and take it outside, into your room, into your car, or go on a walk to enjoy it. Or learn to politely say, “This is my snack, but you can ask Mom and Dad for a snack of your own, okay? I’m super hungry, so I want all of it today.” Or get two snacks so you can share with her and have a whole snack. It’s not the end of the world that a child adores you and wants to be like you.
INFO: What are you being asked to share?
NTA. I think it’s hard to navigate a nuanced issue in a black and white way. We know sharing is nice, and it feels good to share- most of the time. As a parent, I share everything with my child that she wants, most of the time. Not all the time. Sometimes I want my treat or my pillow or the bathroom to myself, and that’s ok. Just because I made her doesn’t mean I can never have anything for myself again. It’s ok to sometimes say “no, I don’t want to share this time. I know you’re feeling disappointed about that. We can find you your own snack/treat/game/blanket. This one is mine/I’m using this right now.” Just as important as modeling kindness and sharing is modeling kindly and firmly saying no, and teaching them how to regulate through disappointment and non-preferred experiences.
NTA. And wtf? Of course you don’t have that instinct cause it’s not your kid! Hell I don’t share everything with my own kid! Some stuff is just for me and kids need to learn they can’t have everything, even as a toddler. Hell, especially as a toddler
Yeah fuck that not the asshole. Hide your shit. You don’t have to share everything with a two year old. You’re fucking 22 years old. Your parents chose to procreate again, not you. Sharing is not your responsibility.
this is so funny 😂😂😂 NTA
NAH.
You have a different relationship to the toddler than your parents do. It is primarily their job, and not yours, to care for, feed and protect that child. It is biologically built in that they care.
Yes, children need to learn fairness, and that comes over time, more around age 4-5. Definitely prioritized in kindergarten if not before.
Meanwhile as a young adult, you are meant to be focused on being self-sufficient. Of course if you had a baby of your own at 22, you would be bonded to it and care for it as a parent. But you’re not, and that’s OK.
Meanwhile, when you’re around your family, just get used to the idea that you may have to share with the toddler, to appease everyone.
I think you may be a lot like one of the young people I care for, and I will tell you what I tell him when discussing the grabby little ones, “just stand up, bud.” They can’t get to what you’re holding if you stand out of reach. No, you don’t have to share anything, and you never have to let them just grab things from you. The “you’re the adult” is probably more related to reaction. Don’t yell or get upset. Just stand up, bud.
I tell my toddler that it’s for adults. The chocolate at kid-eye-level in the shop? Oh sorry, that’s just for adults. The softdrink that’s also kid-eye-level? I dont think you’d like that – it’s for adults. The same type of biscuits that Daddy gave you yesterday? This is Mummy’s special treat today – sorry.
Of course, most things get shared. But sometimes, I just want to eat all of my teeny, tiny treat! Haha
NTA It’s perfectly fine to establish boundaries even with a kid that small, you just have to do it gently. We made the distinction with my son VERY early on that some things are “grown up” juices (lol) and foods that he can’t have, and then redirect to something he liked. “That’s grown up juice buddy, it’s yucky. Want some apple juice?” and then go get the apple juice. Kids that little generally have a very limited attention span so you can usually redirect them on to something they like. Even better, give them a choice between apple juice and milk so they feel like they have a say in it and got what they wanted even when they actually didn’t get YOUR drink.
Maybe you’re having a hard time adjusting to having a sibling – “sharing” your parents’ attention? Not necessarily sharing tangible items