Me and my boyfriend (42f) (46m) have been together for about a year and a half. I’ve never had trust issues before, but I do with him.
These are the reason reasons that I’ve had trust issues :
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When he’s traveling, he talks to me outside of his room, never in his room.
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Last year I had checked his location ( we share our locations ) and saw that he was at a strip club early in the day around 1 o’clock. I texted him and asked him how he was doing and he said I’m probably not gonna like this, but he went to the strip club with some friends of his that were in town. I didn’t like it at all. He didn’t tell me he was going or asked me how I felt about it. He stopped answering his phone wouldn’t respond to my texts. His location showed him there pretty late in the evening and then the next location it showed him was a hotel. I was so upset that the next morning I told him that I kind of believe what he had done and that we were done and he flipped out on me flip the script And was upset with me for ending things. A couple days later he explained what had happened. this is his version of events;
His phone had died while at the strip club, his friends that he was with got really drunk and he had to babysit them and take them back to their hotel and get on their phones and change their flights cause they weren’t gonna make their flights back. He said he didn’t stay the night at the hotel rather he had plugged his phone into the charger Requested an Uber went downstairs to smoke a cigarette got an Uber and left his cell phone there all night. He said the next day his mom ordered the Uber for him to go back to the hotel to get his phone.
About a month after this incident, I went through his phone and saw that day He had four Apple Pay to a girl named Ashley the first two were for $50 and the second two were in increments of $100. Around 9 o’clock that night of the strip club there was several calls. Outgoing calls made to her. The call didn’t last long, but there was several calls to her from his phone. He said what had happened as he gave his cell phone to the bartender to plug into the charger, cause it was dying and that’s why he couldn’t text or call me and she must have figured out his passcode somehow added herself as a contact and Apple Pay herself. He said he got scammed.
The final straw was last night when he got back from his work trip. I looked in his bag and there was a bottle of Viagra. He was given 15 pills and there was only 6 left and since the date of the prescription we had only had sex twice.
This wasn’t the first time that he took ED meds on a work trip he did this last year as well. Never said anything and thought maybe he forgot to take him out, but I never knew he was taking him and he never told me.
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Me and my boyfriend (42f) (46m) have been together for about a year and a half. I’ve never had trust issues before, but I do with him.
These are the reason reasons that I’ve had trust issues :
When he’s traveling, he talks to me outside of his room, never in his room.
Last year I had checked his location ( we share our locations ) and saw that he was at a strip club early in the day around 1 o’clock. I texted him and asked him how he was doing and he said I’m probably not gonna like this, but he went to the strip club with some friends of his that were in town. I didn’t like it at all. He didn’t tell me he was going or asked me how I felt about it. He stopped answering his phone wouldn’t respond to my texts. His location showed him there pretty late in the evening and then the next location it showed him was a hotel. I was so upset that the next morning I told him that I kind of believe what he had done and that we were done and he flipped out on me flip the script And was upset with me for ending things. A couple days later he explained what had happened. this is his version of events;
About a month after this incident, I went through his phone and saw that day He had four Apple Pay to a girl named Ashley the first two were for $50 and the second two were in increments of $100. Around 9 o’clock that night of the strip club there was several calls. Outgoing calls made to her. The call didn’t last long, but there was several calls to her from his phone. He said what had happened as he gave his cell phone to the bartender to plug into the charger, cause it was dying and that’s why he couldn’t text or call me and she must have figured out his passcode somehow added herself as a contact and Apple Pay herself. He said he got scammed.
The final straw was last night when he got back from his work trip. I looked in his bag and there was a bottle of Viagra. He was given 15 pills and there was only 6 left and since the date of the prescription we had only had sex twice.
This wasn’t the first time that he took ED meds on a work trip he did this last year as well. Never said anything and thought maybe he forgot to take him out, but I never knew he was taking him and he never told me.
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> My action was snooping in his luggage and flipping out at him.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA for being upset.
YTA for expecting you “flipping out” to have any impact on a grown-ass man who is basically your adult hook-up.
You should have trusted your instincts the first time. Nothing about the strip club to hotel story makes any sense.
Also there is only one reason for obtaining viagra and it’s not masturbation.
NTA…Just run.
NTA
He’s cheating.
Ywbta if he’s still your boyfriend after all that. Do you need to catch him physically inside another woman before you figure out he’s fucking anything that moves?
NTA
He’s cheating. I’d bet good money on it. His explanations reek of it.
You already know the answer. I would go get some STD testing done if I were you. NTA.
You’re NTA but you are wasting your time here. You know what he is doing. If you don’t want to be with a cheater and a liar, you need to stop wasting time and move on. Good luck.
NTA – this is way past the point of what should be considered the “final straw”
He’s cheating. Multiple times. Most likely with a stripper. Leave him before he brings home an STI. You deserve better.
He is clearly cheating on you, I don’t know why you’re fighting this truth will all your might, and didn’t admit to it a long time ago.
Get yourself out, the only thing he will bring to you is STD.
NTA
This is exactly what you think it is.
Leave
The last straw? Really? Not the taking Viagra in the first place, but that he took on a work trip? And not first time neither…. Time for a change.
It’s all bs. He had sex with someone while travelling. You are within your rights to end this.
NTA
NTA, and that better now be your ex-boyfriend….
You’re not the asshole. Your reaction makes sense given the history the strip club visit, shady Apple Pay transactions, and now the Viagra pills with missing doses. These aren’t isolated incidents; they form a pattern that undermines trust. His explanations feel evasive, and it’s fair that you’re questioning things. You didn’t flip out over nothing you’re responding to repeated red flags. If anything, you’ve been patient. You’re allowed to expect honesty and transparency in a relationship.
NTA. Get an STD test asap!
Wow that story sounds like some super made up bullshit. NTA, ditch this loser
NTA Trust your instincts. Carefully plan what to do next. Confrontation can lead to more lies and him getting better at covering up. Gather more evidence if you need. The decision to leave or stay is yours. If you plan to leave get your ducks in a row.
NTA but you don’t need the internet to tell you that he’s a habitual cheater. That whole “flipping the script” is classic deflection.
Yeah, he’s cheating, and his stories are barely enough to say he made an excuse. Go get an STI workup and get out of this relationship.
NTA
Stop trying to get him to admit he’s cheating on you. Stop looking for validation from him. You know what he’s doing. You don’t like his behavior. You can just walk away. Stop giving him the chance to try and explain his sins away.
nta, no way. man’s movin shady af, strip club lies, “apple pay scam” lol ok, and now poppin viagra like it’s candy on trips? nah, you ain’t wrong for losin it. he’s the one actin sus, not you.
Wait a minute, he’s a cheater .. and a liar? /s
nta for real. dude’s story don’t add up at all, random apple pay charges, strip club excuses, and viagra disappearing while y’all barely even doin it? sounds like he’s playin games. you had every reason to snap.
NTA. Sorry to tell you this, but you should get tested for STIs.
He’s blatantly cheating on you and you already broke up with him over it once. Find your brain and dump him for good, don’t let him waste your time with lies.
Didn’t have to read past headline. NTA. I travel for work and that is a massive red flag if I ever saw one
NTA but how many more clues do you need? He’s messing around. If you don’t want a bf that cheats, you need a new one.
NTA
Not only is he cheating, he’s gaslighting the hell out of you. Run and don’t look back
NTA
You were at final straw a while back…
When there are too many ‘see baby, what had happened was….’ stories, you know you’re in liar territory. I mean either he’s a liar or a bumbling fool who runs out of batteries, gets scammed, has dumb-ass friends…I mean, pick your pleasure.
If you don’t listen to these signs, I don’t know what else you could possibly be waiting for.
Girl run
NTA but you should have dumped this guy yesterday.
When in doubt, throw it out.
I feel like this applies to everything in life, except marriage and children. But, if he’s not your husband, throw him out. You deserve better.
YTA for still referring to him as your boyfriend. Regardless of whether or not he is guilty of wrongdoing, which I am sure he is, or not, you do not trust him and it sounds like he is t earning.your trust. He should be your boyfriend7 but at this point.
Respectfully, you already know what’s going on. Stop lying to yourself and making excuses, ditch his sorry ass and get yourself tested.
You are being cheated on. get tested, get a new boyfriend
NTA I’m not sure how much more proof you need. Get rid of this guy.
Break up before he gives you an STD
Clearly cheating on you. So much evidence he can’t deny it. He seems to go to sleazy strip clubs for sex so best to get tested. Get an exit plan sorted asap.
NTA, but dump him and go get tested!
I feel like the strip club thing isn’t really a big deal, but come on. He’s taking Viagra on a work trip. You know what he’s doing.
Girl what do you want us to tell you?
YTA to yourself for collecting red flags and acting as if there’s a conflict here when it’s honestly cut and dry isn’t it?
NTA he clearly can’t be trusted, it’s not worth it! Dump him get an std screening and move on to better!
How did he contact his mom to get him an Uber if he left his phone at the other hotel?
How did his phone run out of battery if he handed it to the barmaid to charge it?
This man has lied and lied.
Might be time to make him an ex.
NTA
Oh, honey.
YTA to yourself.
Flipping out? I’d be tossing out. Him.
NTA
Girl what the hell leave his limp dick ass
NTA. That story about some bartender getting into his phone and sending herself some money is one of the most ridiculous stories ever! You have all of the very obvious signs right in front of you. He’s cheating. Are you going to keep letting him get away with it, or are you gonna stand up for yourself? Not trying to be harsh, but come on, you know what he’s doing.
Girl he paid Ashley for their bedroom time together ans you’re with a cheater.
Stop “exposing” and “confronting” and just leave. Also go test for STIs and dont sleep with hin ever again.
Red flags have been waving but you ignore all of them. You just can’t break up with him. Please get tested.
What is it you’re looking for here? You know the answer.
girl, what do you want to hear? Truly. He’s clearly been cheating on you with sex workers and probably civs too, and creating wacky ass mental gymnastics explanations that you are somehow choosing to believe? Do you want us to tell you his bullshit is true and he’s a loyal, lovely man? You want to be lied to again?
YTA to yourself. Please gain some self respect and leave. Or if you want to stay, at least admit he’s cheating and you’re fine with being cheated on. Because believing this bullshit just makes you look dumb, im NOT trying to be mean but pls come on
He is cheating on you, if you have a gut feeling you follow your gut. NTAH
NTA. You still don’t have trust issues. What you have is a boyfriend who is having sex with Ashely. I’m so sorry.
NTA. Didn’t even read post. I don’t take dick pills on a trip where I’m not going to use my dick, much like I don’t pack ammo on a camping trip where I’m not hunting.
Totally NTA. Unless he’s using it off-label for another condition (and he certainly should have told you that), why else would he have Viagra on a business trip? It’s sounding like HTA.
Honey, trust your gut. Get out and get tested.
Info: Does OH have a heart condition.
Only asking as Viagra is primarily a treatment for heart conditions.
But I don’t think YTA in any case.
Nta. Please run. And get a physical.
this man came into your life and gave you insecurities you have never dealt with before. what are you getting out of this relationship that’s good? get away from this asshole
been with a guy who hired escorts before, it was the absolute worst. You absolutely have a right to be pissed. I hope he is your ex.
This guy is gaslighting you and you’re smart enough to truly know what’s going on. Go get tested and dump his ass. If he had 15 pills and used 2 for you that leaves 13 left. 13 minus 6 is 7 which is what he used since the 2 weeks. Him and Ashley used a few of them thats why she was paid $300. He was piping her down while you’re at home and he is on this “work” trip.
NTA, He definitely cheated on you and with a stripper. That man doesn’t respect you the bare minimum. Stay away from him.
Red flag
NTA, but you can’t believe a word he says. He’s cheated multiple times. It’s time to leave
NTA – get tested ASAP
Stop being his fool. Dump him and make it epic!
NTA girl you’re dumb as hell if you stay and believe him. He will give you a gift that keeps on giving and ruin you. His lie was so convoluted, you should block him immediately and mourn in peace.
sounds like she finally hit her breaking point tho
Hahahah the Ashley scam is hilariously bad lie. I mean all of these lies are pathetic. He is definitely cheating on you in a serial fashion. Leave this asshole – you deserve so much better queen
NTA. He is banging hookers.
God damn if half the people in this world listened to the intuition prior to all this said drama unfolding, we would save ourselves a lot of trouble.
He’s a dog, get rid of him. You should have already came to that realization.
I know it’s hard to accept but this asshole is cheating on you. You literally have the evidence in front of you. Believe his actions not his words. NTA
You’re never going to get the real story. Don’t put yourself through this, it’s hard and life sucking. Just move on.
NTA but trust your gut. You have a daughter? Do you want her to grow up and be with a cheater too? Time to set an example for her.
You know all of his “explanations” are utter bs right? You keep staying with a known cheater so idk what you expect. This man got you tracking his locations, looking at banking payments, counting pills. I’m confused are you a banker, pharmacist, law enforcement or tech? I mean you’re putting on a lot of hats to track a man who will continue to cheat. He’s a serial cheater.
But if you don’t believe you deserve any better and have no self respect, self worth, self esteem or self love; then you will continue to stay with him and keep posting on Reddit.
He’s almost 50…..
He has erectile dysfunction…..
He’s secretive….
A woman “stole” his money…..
He tells you things after the fact and the story is still subject to change…..
The relationship isn’t even 2 years old yet…..
You’re venting on a platform for advice from users who are mostly younger than you…..
Please. Stop. Ignoring. Red. Flags. To. Avoid. Being. Single. 😵💫
NTA
Your boyfriend is seeing other women and lying to you. His lies come very easily. He’s probably done this type of thing before. He could be doing it with another woman right now. You are wise to leave him. Do not go back. Find a boyfriend who respects you.
Grandmamma here.
“What had happened was…”
This guy is a cad and a scoundrel.
If this was a trial, he would get life.
What does he do that enriches your life so much that you’d even lower yourself to discuss it further?
He’s cheating on you so go cheat on him. Give him a taste of his own medicine. Get yourself a side piece for when he’s out of town.
I’m sorry to say it but the writing is on the wall. You should go get yourself tested.
Nope, this dudes scummy af. NTA
Uh girl get out and get a test, you owe it to yourself not to have this be what your life looks like and put up with his cheating bs. You don’t have trust issues you have an awful cheating bf issue.
To him you aren’t his gf, just a secure go to when he needs something. There’s better out there… toss his childish ass and find a man
NTA but YWBTA if you stay with him that man is going to give you two things:
Get out now before your lives become too intertwined and before it gets any harder than it needs to be.
Girl leave this man, what are ya doing?
Ties That Bind
Rev yourself up and kick his cheating ass to the curb.
He’s lying. Dont be gullible.
“I’ve never had trust issues but I do with him”
Girl… you know what you’d tell your friends if they said that. C’mon now.
Move on and find a guy that doesn’t ring your “he’s being shady” bell.
NTA
If you stay, it will ALWAYS be like this. He will keep cheating. You will keep being miserable. You’re better off single and alone than suffering at the hands of this guy. Just break up and move on. You’re too old for this shit.
NTA. He thinks you’re gullible enough to continue believing his lies. Don’t. He’s a manipulator and probably also cheating on you. Get out now.
ESH
Honey – you are too old to put up with bad sex and a man you can’t trust.
You’re a snoop and he’s a very bad liar.
Edit to add the word “very.”
NTA. Cheaters will come up with very believable stories. Cheaters are liars and the more they lie the better they get at it. Since there is no trust left here, you know what to do.
Dump him. Move on.
NTA Any one of those issues is evidence enough. Get rid of this guy and get tested for STIs immediately, even if you don’t have any symptoms.
I literally only read through the first few sentences. He’s cheating. You know it and it seems like he’s not even doing a good job at trying to hide it. It’s your move: put up or shut up. Obviously I vote for leaving him.
It can be pretty tough when a guy has been gaslighting and lying to you for a long time: you’re sure he was cheating, but unless there’s solid proof, you doubt your judgment, hence your appealing to reddit. Here’s the thing: he’ll try explaining away any evidence you get. If you were to walk in while he was in the act with another woman, he’d probably say he’ was learning naked yoga, and she was helping him with his homework.
NTA. Dump him. And when he tries to turn it on you, as he will, ignore him. The opinions of someone so underhanded and immoral mean nothing.
This is how you get a lifetime of STDs.
Girl.. you are too old to be believing the nonsense and missing the red flag. Dumppppp himmm. I say this with love from another 40 something woman.
Why are you still with him?
This is Olympic level mental gymnastics to fit him to fabricate these stories and for you to actually believe them.