My grandparents weren’t married or together in case people wonder. But my grandpa died three weeks ago. He and my dad weren’t close and I (18m) didn’t really know him that well. Dad said we all needed to go to the funeral anyway and grandma said she’d come too.
Dad and grandma got into a fight the day after grandpa die. Then the next day dad booked the flight for all of us. But there was an error or something and two of the seats were for an earlier flight. Grandma claimed one of the tickets for the earlier flight since she didn’t want to deal with the ongoing fight with dad. I decided to fly with her because my parents were already expecting me to play third parent for my younger siblings and I wasn’t here for that. I moved out five months ago and the freedom of not having a younger sibling to parent is nice.
My parents didn’t want me to fly with grandma instead of them and dad spent more money on seats for a different flight. Grandma and I both told him not to and we’d already agreed to go on the earlier flight. Grandma gave him back the money for the seats we’d be using and we flew out as planned. My parents decided to fly out in the original flight too (the one we were originally all meant to be on).
There was a lot of tension after the fact and my parents wanted me to fly back with them but I was going back early so I could get back to work. Grandma also wanted to be gone as soon as possible so we flew back home together.
Ever since my parents have let me know in very clear terms that they’re pissed. They feel like I should’ve flown with them and they even said I let them waste money rebooking one flight for us all even though grandma and I told him we’d take the one already booked.
AITA?
Comments
NTA they have some control stuff going on there, and I think they’re maybe confused about what they can expect from an adult son. I suspect there’s more going on here. You’re a bit vague, but I don’t think you’re hiding anything, just that your parents sound like people who are in the habit of seeing you as their assistant or an accessory and not a person in your own right. They think you’re insolent. Disobedient. If this is the case, they’re wrong, their perspective is really messed up, and it sounds like you got out of there at the first available opportunity. Like a champ.
NTA. Sorry their free childcare didn’t work out for them. Plus it was nice to keep your grandma company.
NTA Your parents are only mad you’re not going to be there to babysit your siblings. At the end of the day it doesn’t really matter that you’re on a different flight as you’re all flying to the same destination anyway.
>I decided to fly with her because my parents were already expecting me to play third parent for my younger siblings and I wasn’t here for that
>I moved out five months ago and the freedom of not having a younger sibling to parent is nice.
So the reason why your dad kept insisting you join them was to offload parenting responsibilities onto you. That’s nice.
>Grandma and I both told him not to and we’d already agreed to go on the earlier flight. Grandma gave him back the money for the seats we’d be using and we flew out as planned
You’re a good person to support your grandma. It’s unfortunate your dad is such a terrible son, and a father. But your grandma also had your back. I’m sure it was a much more pleasant trip sitting with her on a different flight than with your parents.
NTA
NTAH
They wanted you to be deputy parent like you have always been and are pissed that you are done playing those games.
It’s time for them to parent their own children.
Enjoy your freedom and stay in contact with grandma and visit her often.
Your father sounds like a tool.
NTA. slowly but surely your parents are going to understand that you’re not responsible for the decisions they make. I don’t know how much you interact with your grandma outside of family obligations, but considering you’re not going to get much adult/familial support from your parents, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to lean on her or for you to lean on each other. you seem to get along well, and with your grandpa’s passing, not a bad idea to bond as much as possible with her. most people with healthy relationships with their grandparents, always wish they had more time together.
NTA. Your parents just wanted to offload the responsibility for your younger siblings onto you.
NTA
Your parents tried to screw your grandmother over and thought they had control over everyone and they found out they were wrong.
You did the right thing, and you’re fine.
Yeah no they’re wrong. They’ll get over it.
Unless you’d literally promised to fly with them and help with your siblings, they had no right to assume you would.
There’s a corny old saying: when you ASSUME, you make an ASS out of U and ME.
NTA! You told them your plans. They chose to ignore you.
Who cares if they’re pissed. You moved out.
Humans are messy.
First, they chose to spend that money. And they chose to spend it, for the purpose of using this action as a tool to get you to do what they wanted. They gambled, and lost. Not your fault.
Second, I’m confused by this whole thing. What’s the big deal? This whole thing seems like a huge overreaction. You’re an adult, grandma wouldn’t be traveling alone, the mistake is basically fixed/ addressed … so what’s the big deal?
I get everyone’s probably on edge, due to the circumstances and I feel like I’m missing something. I can only assume there’re things we don’t know. I’ll give some grace to your dad. His father just died. It matters not their relationship, how close or distant they were. A parent dying is hard and complicated -even more so, if Stuff is unresolved.
Maybe they did want you to continue your parentified role. Maybe they don’t like control taken away, maybe they don’t like not having control over you. Maybe they’re super stressed, and feeling overwhelmed by all things the death of a family member can bring. And on the super dramatic side, maybe your dad was worried your grandma was going to tell you something he didn’t want you to know, maybe about their fight.
But as to your question, you’re NTA IMO, from this story. If otherwise your parents communicate somewhat okay, maybe you can give one of them a call -the one you have the best relationship with- and straight out ask them, what the what?
Your grandma has got to be dealing with a whole convoluted mess of emotions right now, too. Just wanted to acknowledge and call that out.
Hi, OP, I agree with everyone here: you did the right thing. I just want to reinforce what has been said before. Please keep your relationship with your grandmother tight. There is so much she can share, and she’ll love having a family member being close to her. Mine could do the sweetest littlest thing, and looking back on those memories means the world to me now. Yes, there were the family get-togethers and stuff like that, but my one on one time with her as an adult was special. Glad you are no longer the family babysitter!
NTA.
If they’d actually listened, instead of trying to control, they wouldn’t have been out of money.
I do whatever it takes to cause my family to get along. The rest is foolish shalom you’re loved 💔
Yeah, they’re pissed they had to actively parent your sibs instead of dumping them on you. Let them know you KNOW why they are so pissed and you don’t care. You’ve moved out and they can’t make you parent your sibs anymore. Either they realize they can’t force you and your relationship stabilizes or they blow the whole thing up because they can’t control you anymore. Either way, you get a clear idea of how they view you.
NTA – You don’t live with them, you are 18, you can do whatever you want.
Oh my god what’s their problem???
Why shouldn’t you go with grandma???
Who cares?