I’ve been with my girlfriend for just over 5 years now. With my job I have professional exams to complete. In 4 weeks I have the final exam which is a lot harder than the previous exams. My girlfriend mentioned a week ago that she wants to talk about the relationship because some things aren’t working.
She said this need to change and we need to work on them. She mentioned wanting more dates and wanting to go on more days out and trips away etc.
I agreed with what she said but asked if we could pause talking about it and working on it until after my exam as my weekends are going to be taken up with revision until after my exam as I need to make sure I pass.
She said I should be focusing on us but I just pointed out how important the exam the fact it’s time sensitive means I can’t just put off the work for it.
I suggested we book a weekend away after my exam where we can talk about the relationship without distractions or interruptions.
She just said I should be talking about it now and spending weekends/after work working on the relationship. I just said again that she knew how important the upcoming exam is.
She accused me of not caring about the relationship and not prioritising us and said I should be fine revising less and working on the relationship now.
AITA for focusing on my exam?
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I’ve been with my girlfriend for just over 5 years now. With my job I have professional exams to complete. In 4 weeks I have the final exam which is a lot harder than the previous exams. My girlfriend mentioned a week ago that she wants to talk about the relationship because some things aren’t working.
She said this need to change and we need to work on them. She mentioned wanting more dates and wanting to go on more days out and trips away etc.
I agreed with what she said but asked if we could pause talking about it and working on it until after my exam as my weekends are going to be taken up with revision until after my exam as I need to make sure I pass.
She said I should be focusing on us but I just pointed out how important the exam the fact it’s time sensitive means I can’t just put off the work for it.
I suggested we book a weekend away after my exam where we can talk about the relationship without distractions or interruptions.
She just said I should be talking about it now and spending weekends/after work working on the relationship. I just said again that she knew how important the upcoming exam is.
She accused me of not caring about the relationship and not prioritising us and said I should be fine revising less and working on the relationship now.
AITA for focusing on my exam?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Planned to focus on my exam for the next month and wait until afterwards to work through issues
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. But you guys are probably not suited for each other. You should find someone who understands your life better.
NTA, relationships are all about compromise. You already agreed to everything she wanted, just after the final exam. If she cares about you she’d understand this final test is important to your future and by connection, hers if you stay together.
NTA But i think there is more to it , How Long have you been studying for the exam and when was the last time you did something for her ?
exams are extremely important so you can keep your job. your girlfriend is too impatient. NTA.
NTA.
Your professional exams are really important to you and your future. Any reasonable GF should understand that.
NTA – Is there any way she can help you study? If she wants to work on the relationship, she needs to stop prioritizing her own needs.
You can offer an alternative: “Help me study, and if I pass the chapter test (or whatever), then we can go see a movie afterwards.”
If she’s a keeper, then she will want you to be successful.
NTA. “Let’s take a weekend away after my exam” is absolutely the perfect compromise and shows that you value your relationship.
I’m not sure what you’re studying but if it’s got serious exams then it’s potentially something that would benefit you both in the long term if you’re able to complete it. Building a life together is long game.
Good luck with your exams!
NTA. Exams are already hard and stressful as they are. I couldn’t imagine having someone nagging me and asking me to do different things at the same time. Friends, partners, and even parents should be understanding in such situations. Especially since it’s your last and most important one. You agreed to everything she asked, even went out of your way to suggest a weekend getaway, yet it still wasn’t enough. Why is she in such a hurry? If no one has died, it can certainly wait until you’re done. I don’t know what she’s usually like, but in this case, she sounds impatient and really self-centered…
NTA at all it depends how faithful and loyal ur gf really is. If she knows that you are having extremely important exams and need prep time stutudying for it imo if shes really wants your relationship to work she should be supporting you instead of nagging you to spend more time with her and it suprises me that someone who was been in a relationship for 5 years doesn’t even know to do that. Imo just focus on ur studies
She is being very shortsighted. If you have a future together, your job success and advancement will benefit her, too—and it’s not as though you’re in some years-long program. Even a good friend would understand the importance of studying now. You know what you need to do—but the signals you’re getting make me think she’s ready to call it quits. Don’t let this ruin your future.
NTA. Your girlfriend is self centred & insecure
NTA.
Who in their right mind would ask their SO to prioritising dates over studying for a very important exam that will determine their future? Is she aware this could compromise your future life if you fail? If she actually sees a future with you in the long run this could also potentially affect her, especially if you have kids one day etc. Not very smart of her. Maybe she doesn’t like seeing you successful? I’d be questioning her motivation behind it tbh if 4 tiny weeks are such a big issue.
Concentrate on your exam. You were very good at communicating & trying to find a compromise etc.
Does she not want you moving forward with your job? That’s what it sounds like, she already feels like she doesn’t get your whole attention so she doesn’t want you to continue working up the ladder. I hope you know how selfish that is. I used to think that way, too. When I was 15 and my boyfriend got his first job. Did an adult, this behavior is pretty damaging to a relationship, so I hope this isn’t the case.
But if it is, you really don’t have many choices because this is a respect and consideration thing, meaning if she does feel this way, she doesn’t have much for you.
your gf doesnt seem to understand the concept of working and studying in order to further yourself so u can take her on dates and trips. it also sounds likes she doesnt work herself. you need to find a more intelligent gf after your studies, one that understands what a career / work means
She’s shortsighted
She is too needy and narcissistic. Try to get her to hang in until after your exam as not cause more of a distraction for you but end it and move on. This one is too high maintenance.
She’s spending too much time in her own head and can’t see that what he’s doing is important to his job security. She seems like a person that’s “all about me and how I feel” people. You really may what to give thought to, is she really a partner and team player.
At this moment she should be supporting you to study. Give you the space and time for an important work exam. Best to you on the exam.
NTA. She doesn’t want a compromise. Has this been a common occurrence in your relationship? Are your compromises always “you give and she takes”.
NTA It is sad that education and work has to be such a huge factor in our lives. Been confronted with similar choices a few times. Can’t abandon something you put so much work into and could be so important in our future in the modern world and really don’t want to risk your relationship either. Don’t know if there is a right answer, I tended to value security and things worked out very well for me in work and relationships but I still wonder, with a tinge of regret, what would have happened if I’d gone with the emotional decision. Later in life when the decision involved my children, I had built up the professional credentials to be able to reduce work responsibilities without significant harm and help my kids.