for context i am 20 and my GF is 21. she moved to my city for school and we have been in a relationship for 6 months. i am a full time firefighter/emt for my city and she is full time in school. typically the GFs parents are really strict and the BF parents don’t really care, well my situation is the opposite.
my GF just moved into her new house on campus this week and i still live at home. recently me and my gf have been wanting to be able to sleep in the same bed together and my parents do not let me have my door closed in my room let alone let us sleep in the same bed together. i completely respect that this is my parents home and if they say no they say no. but i feel that i am a adult, if i want to sleep with my girlfriend i will just not at mine and my family’s home. we rented a hotel for the night before my 24 hour shift and i told my mom and since then she has barley spoken to me. (for further background i just got out of my cities fire academy and just started working full time so i went down to see my GFs parents as well so i have not been home much at all this week either).
i told them tonight that my plan was to help my GF move into her new house then spend the night and they said “we need to talk about how disrespectful and inappropriate you’ve been”. i feel like i am in high school. i completely understand that they do not want us sleeping together at their house and i completely respect that. i feel like they do not want me to fully become an adult.
i love my parents very much but i feel like either im the asshole or they are being very immature about me becoming an adult and being in a adult relationship. i also told my parents my plan was to move out in january of 2026 but if tensions keep rising that may have to be earlier. AITA?
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for context i am 20 and my GF is 21. she moved to my city for school and we have been in a relationship for 6 months. i am a full time firefighter/emt for my city and she is full time in school. typically the GFs parents are really strict and the BF parents don’t really care, well my situation is the opposite.
my GF just moved into her new house on campus this week and i still live at home. recently me and my gf have been wanting to be able to sleep in the same bed together and my parents do not let me have my door closed in my room let alone let us sleep in the same bed together. i completely respect that this is my parents home and if they say no they say no. but i feel that i am a adult, if i want to sleep with my girlfriend i will just not at mine and my family’s home. we rented a hotel for the night before my 24 hour shift and i told my mom and since then she has barley spoken to me. (for further background i just got out of my cities fire academy and just started working full time so i went down to see my GFs parents as well so i have not been home much at all this week either).
i told them tonight that my plan was to help my GF move into her new house then spend the night and they said “we need to talk about how disrespectful and inappropriate you’ve been”. i feel like i am in high school. i completely understand that they do not want us sleeping together at their house and i completely respect that. i feel like they do not want me to fully become an adult.
i love my parents very much but i feel like either im the asshole or they are being very immature about me becoming an adult and being in a adult relationship. i also told my parents my plan was to move out in january of 2026 but if tensions keep rising that may have to be earlier. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> i do not know if i am being inappropriate or not towards my parents or if they are wanting to prevent me from becoming a full adult. i want to know if me sleeping over at my GFs is stepping out of line or if my parents are stepping out of line for letting that get in the way of mine and my parents relationship.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
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NTA. You’re respecting their rules. If they can’t handle the idea that their young adult child wants to do adult things, then that’s their problem.
def not!! you are an adult you should be allowed to be in a room alone w your gf. Sounds like helicopter parents just try to ignore it and live your life!
NTA. It sounds like it’s time to move out of your parents’ home. You’re right that they’re treating you like a 16 year old.
NTA
Your parents are super weird. You’re respecting their rules and it’s still not enough, time to get your own place and stop worring about what your parents think.
NTA 👏🏽 parents are just trippn
NTA, at your age, I valued my freedom to make choices and mistakes. I made plenty of mistakes along the way but it made me into the person I am today. Your parents need to allow you to make your own choices or you’ll never learn. I would move out for more independence.
NTA but your parents are behaving like it.
They are possessive and controlling
You need space between you and them and at some point break the parents-child relationship to
Adults relationship ( still family and parents just not you being treated like a child)
They need to understand your choices and desires and your freedom and they need to respect THAT.
NTA. my parents let me sleep in the same bed as my boyfriend when I was 17, as long as I was up front about bc and protection. I understand the respect thing, but if you’re not in their house anymore and you’re a full blown adult, who are they to decide what you can and can’t do in your own space?
NTA but for the love of god move out of your parents house man
NTA in this situation at all but…
I’m a bit curious about the dynamic between you and your parents. I understand respecting their boundaries as far as their home, but why would you openly disclose your plans to your mother? If you already felt that their issue was with you having adult experiences, why would you let your mother know about your plans to do the very thing she didn’t want you doing but in a different location? Even this post comes across as being written by someone far younger than 20. I’m wondering now more about why your parents are questioning your ability to make mature decisions and if theres more to their concerns than a control issue. Your parents aren’t treating you like an adult but you also don’t really seem like you’re behaving like one either.
Is this just the dynamic between your mom n you or is your dad also saying these things? Or is he just going along w/your mom? Cuz the dynamics between mothers and sons is very complicated. There’s something about girlfriends and the son you love with your whole heart going off to be in a physical relationship and the seriousness of said relationship. I mean it may be about control but it may be about her inability to let go of her child. My son is 33, over 6 foot and I will always introduce him as my little boy, that’s who he is to me. That heifer who broke his heart by being a tramp and sleeping w/his best friend should be glad I was able to control my impulses but I digress. Yes you should get your own place expediently and no you’re definitely not TAH. But I do agree this seems weird for the parent of a 20 year old man.
No you’re not. Just try to understand that they want what’s best for you and think you’re ignoring their wisdom which is why they feel disrespected. Sometimes the ones we live have to make their own choices and it’s hard to let them do that. Shalom you’re loved 💔
20 years old and you still let mommy and daddy tell you what to do. Pathetic lmao
NTA, move out earlier for your mental health.
NTA
You are 20, your parents should not be treating you like a kid and should not attempt to gaslight you into not seeing her. What your mom is doing is basically what an abusive man does to a woman to force her to stay, make her feel pity and shame for leaving.
You did nothing wrong, your parents should be honest with you when it comes to their hate for your GF but they are not and they never will be. You should move in with your girlfriend and cut your parents out if they are willing to treat you and your GF with such abhorrent disrespect.
You need to talk about how disrepectful and inappropriate your parents are being to an adult.
NTA. This is how you know the rule was never about respect. They are upset they no longer have control over you. Simple as that.
Nta man .I get it that you respect their house , but at the end of the day you need your private space as well . Wtf is this with no closed doors?? You would be better to find somewhere else to live . I get it that it can be expensive, but as a man , you just need a place to put your head down and somewhere to take a dump . Food wise , camping stove solves the issue. And be very careful with sharing the lease and stuff like that . Reddit is full of stories about breakups and the chaos after .
Adults can be very weird about their daughter’s sexual activity.
My friend 40f has a fiance 45.
She worked and lived in DC. Fiance lived and worked in Omaha. Her hometown and parents are in Tulsa, OK.
If they wanted to visit her parent in tulsa, they could not sleep in the same room at mommas house.
This was a stable, long-term thing. Not married because she wanted to wait until his kids were out of the house. No stepmother thing for her.
So, being good earners, they bought a small house in parents’ neighborhood where they could stay. The mother was not a religious fundamentalist. Just stuck in the past.
NTA. What you do outside of the house really isn’t their business.