Posted on r/work as well but also want to know if im the asshole or my colleague is.
I will provide some context for this situation before asking for the thoughts.
So I have a colleague at work who I also share a sports team that we both play in.
At work we require someone to work this coming Saturday (My work days are Mon-Fri our office is closed on the weekends however we have trades people who will do weekend work if required and they are available by their choice) This colleague who we will call Dean for ease of the post asked me this morning if I would like to work Saturday to which I responded with ‘No I really don’t want to’. Nothing more was said after my answer at the time and we carried on with work. Later in the day Dean was on the phone to our boss talking about the work required to be done on Saturday. The conversation went like this ‘I will ask any of our boys can do it and if they can’t I will have to do it and miss some of my sons football game’.
As you can probably guess none of our colleagues can work Saturday whether its due to working nights on Friday or being away for the weekend. So I am thinking that Dean will be happy to do it.
Now here comes where the issue is.
Dean and I spent some time this evening at our sports club getting some things set up for a party we are having tomorrow night for which I am running the bar with someone else and Dean is presenting some awards.
I had made a half joke/half serious comment about buying some liquor for me and the person helping me behind the bar to drink during the night so we can enjoy it as well. Dean’s response to this comment was ‘Oh so you’re deciding not to do the work Saturday then?’ To which I responded with ‘I told you no this morning and you told our boss if nobody else could you would’ His tone became very frustrated as he responded with ‘Well we need someone to do it and I can’t! Think of the extra money you will make’ I told Dean I didnt care about the extra money I already had told him no.
Now here is where I need peoples thoughts.
Am I wrong to get very angry at Dean for a few reasons 1. Disrespecting me saying no and then assuming I would just do it anyway. 2. Hearing him mention his sons football game in front of me to, in my opinion try to guilt trip me into volunteering for the work after saying no. 3. Getting frustrated after I stood my ground after saying no this morning (which I often struggle to do due to huge people pleasing pressure in my own brain).
There are other reasons in my head but those 3 are the 3 that stuck out to me after sitting back and thinking about it for a bit.
I really would like some brutal honesty of peoples opinions on this.
Apologies for the wall of text and if you made it this far I appreciate you spending the time reading this.
Comments
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Posted on r/work as well but also want to know if im the asshole or my colleague is.
I will provide some context for this situation before asking for the thoughts.
So I have a colleague at work who I also share a sports team that we both play in.
At work we require someone to work this coming Saturday (My work days are Mon-Fri our office is closed on the weekends however we have trades people who will do weekend work if required and they are available by their choice) This colleague who we will call Dean for ease of the post asked me this morning if I would like to work Saturday to which I responded with ‘No I really don’t want to’. Nothing more was said after my answer at the time and we carried on with work. Later in the day Dean was on the phone to our boss talking about the work required to be done on Saturday. The conversation went like this ‘I will ask any of our boys can do it and if they can’t I will have to do it and miss some of my sons football game’.
As you can probably guess none of our colleagues can work Saturday whether its due to working nights on Friday or being away for the weekend. So I am thinking that Dean will be happy to do it.
Now here comes where the issue is.
Dean and I spent some time this evening at our sports club getting some things set up for a party we are having tomorrow night for which I am running the bar with someone else and Dean is presenting some awards.
I had made a half joke/half serious comment about buying some liquor for me and the person helping me behind the bar to drink during the night so we can enjoy it as well. Dean’s response to this comment was ‘Oh so you’re deciding not to do the work Saturday then?’ To which I responded with ‘I told you no this morning and you told our boss if nobody else could you would’ His tone became very frustrated as he responded with ‘Well we need someone to do it and I can’t! Think of the extra money you will make’ I told Dean I didnt care about the extra money I already had told him no.
Now here is where I need peoples thoughts.
Am I wrong to get very angry at Dean for a few reasons 1. Disrespecting me saying no and then assuming I would just do it anyway. 2. Hearing him mention his sons football game in front of me to, in my opinion try to guilt trip me into volunteering for the work after saying no. 3. Getting frustrated after I stood my ground after saying no this morning (which I often struggle to do due to huge people pleasing pressure in my own brain).
There are other reasons in my head but those 3 are the 3 that stuck out to me after sitting back and thinking about it for a bit.
I really would like some brutal honesty of peoples opinions on this.
Apologies for the wall of text and if you made it this far I appreciate you spending the time reading this.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel I am the asshole for getting angry at my colleague for assuming that I would take the work on Saturday because he will be missing his sons football game if i don’t.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. You said no.
You’re entitled to feel angry at Dean. You could even express your anger to Dean (but not by raising your voice or swearing), so he gets the idea that what he did wasn’t cool. NTA
NTA. It’s Dean’s Saturday and you said no. So he either works or finds someone else to do it.
NTA. Dean was clearly trying to manipulate you into working. You said no once, that should have been enough.
No is NO in my book. NTA.
NTA. He asked, you said no. Which is fine.
It does sound as though he was hoping to guilt you into changing your mind, by mentioning his kid’s football game.
NTA but do a CYA and tell your boss Dean has asked you MULTIPLE times and you keep saying no and he refuses to accept this. You can not an will not work on Saturday.
NTA but if your office regularly needs someone to be “on call” over the weekend they need to just setup a rotation schedule and pay overtime