I (28) live with my fiancée, let’s call her Mia (25) and her younger sister (22) let’s call her Sarah.
Yesterday I found out that Sarah is organizing an after party for my engagement party. How did I find out? Yesterday the three of us were in the kitchen, and Sarah asked Mia if she could send her the contacts of the people that was missing from the guest list (which involves a bunch of people from the engagement party), Mia took the opportunity to let me in on the fact that Sarah had been thinking about throwing an after party in our house, after our engagement party. At the moment I didn’t really thought it through but today I woke up and realized nobody asked me about it. I told Mia that I was angry for the reasons mentioned here, and she said that it wasn’t personal, that there wasn’t an ill intention she “forgot to tell me because she had nothing to do with organizing it and didn’t want nothing to do with it”.
Maybe I’m overreacting but I’m more of an introvert, and though this is a special occasion, it’s infuriating to not be asked about these things. The party per se doesn’t bother me, but what if I wanted to spend time with my partner alone?
Please give me honest answers and don’t delete this post. I don’t have friends to ask for an opinion, lol.
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
I (28) live with my fiancée, let’s call her Mia (25) and her younger sister (22) let’s call her Sarah.
Yesterday I found out that Sarah is organizing an after party for my engagement party. How did I find out? Yesterday the three of us were in the kitchen, and Sarah asked Mia if she could send her the contacts of the people that was missing from the guest list (which involves a bunch of people from the engagement party), Mia took the opportunity to let me in on the fact that Sarah had been thinking about throwing an after party in our house, after our engagement party. At the moment I didn’t really thought it through but today I woke up and realized nobody asked me about it. I told Mia that I was angry for the reasons mentioned here, and she said that it wasn’t personal, that there wasn’t an ill intention she “forgot to tell me because she had nothing to do with organizing it and didn’t want nothing to do with it”.
Maybe I’m overreacting but I’m more of an introvert, and though this is a special occasion, it’s infuriating to not be asked about these things. The party per se doesn’t bother me, but what if I wanted to spend time with my partner alone?
Please give me honest answers and don’t delete this post. I don’t have friends to ask for an opinion, lol.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
[deleted]
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took that should be judged is that maybe I overreacted to a silly party. Overreaction is not a feeling, it’s an action. Said action would make me the asswhole because maybe they’re throwing a party to celebrate and I’m being the douche about it? I might’ve overreacted and shouldn’t have taken this seriously, but since there are three people living under the same roof there and two of them are sisters, there is a need for an external opinion to see if my reaction was bad
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA this is weird. Why would she not ask you if you would want that? Why didn’t she ask for permission as a roommate? Why is she leaving you out of it, is she competing with you over your wedding?
Info, where there be people in town that Sarah doesn’t normally get to see? Like family/friends that are coming from out of town?
NTA – it’s always the right thing to ensure all people living together are ok with a party being held at your mutual home. Especially since it sounds like from other replies that the initial engagement party isn’t being held at your house.
NTA – I wouldn’t like it either as an introvert- Id want to escape the party to my home, not have it follow me. Its not really about your engagement its just an excuse for a 22 y.o to throw a party lol
NTA. It’s your engagement party and your house. Nobody should be planning an afterparty there without asking you first. Even if it’s a good idea, the respect part matters
Given you’re an introvert and they planned a big hoopla at a place that it is supposed to be YOUR safe and quiet place to retreat to, NTA
Especially since they didn’t even ask you about it, didn’t let you in on the planning, didn’t give you a heads up.
My dude, after an engagement party of any size I would need the next three days to recover, quietly, hopefully with my partner. I am not leaving one big exhausting party to go back to my nice quiet cosy atmosphere to be subjected to MORE people and noise.
Geeze. I hope you survive this ’cause I would be nope-ing out of this whole thing. That sister better make sure the entire place is cleaned up and set back into its normal routine by the morning, too.
I don’t get the problem. She’s organizing a meet up event for people that want to continue to socialize after your event, is that correct? Or is it a competing event. If it’s not competing, enjoy your engagement party, take your introvert butt home, and be stoked you’ll be saved from “oh really you’re leaving????”. Everyone is entertained and u get to go home, this feels like a win.
I mean.. NTA for being upset that a party was planned in a shared house without communication.
But if you removed all aspects of how the party was planned, are you interested in having an after party? Does it sound fun? If so, just roll with it and address the communication fumble afterwards.
“What if I wanted to spend time with my partner alone?” Dog what do you mean what if? Do you? Is that what you want? Figure out what you and your partner want before letting it be an issue. IMO you should talk to your SIL and figure out the after party details, especially who is going to be responsible for hosting and cleaning, then decide with your partner what you both want. NTA though
NTA, why would you need an after party!? I’d tell her no, and ask next time.
YTA, it’s her house as well she doesn’t need your permission to host a party she just needs to let you know in advance so that you are aware. She can host a party. It just happens to be the same day with a bunch of the same people. If you don’t want to be there, book a hotel room and make a night of it with your fiance after your engagement party.