I (28F) work from home full-time and use one of our two bedrooms as my office. My husband (30M) and I are currently letting his younger brother stay with us while he looks for a job and housing.
Earlier this week, I was in a meeting (camera off, thankfully) when BIL walked into my office without knocking. He said he had a virtual interview in 10 minutes and needed the desk. I told him I was in the middle of work, but he just started setting up anyway. I had to move to the bedroom mid-call.
Later, I told my husband I wasn’t okay with being pushed out of my workspace like that, and he told me I should be more understanding since BIL is under a lot of stress. I get that, but I still feel like he could’ve asked or planned ahead.
I don’t want to be unsupportive, but I also need to do my job. AITA for being annoyed?
TL;DR: BIL barged into my home office mid-work meeting to use the space for a job interview. I had to move. Husband says I should be more flexible. AITA?
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I (28F) work from home full-time and use one of our two bedrooms as my office. My husband (30M) and I are currently letting his younger brother stay with us while he looks for a job and housing.
Earlier this week, I was in a meeting (camera off, thankfully) when BIL walked into my office without knocking. He said he had a virtual interview in 10 minutes and needed the desk. I told him I was in the middle of work, but he just started setting up anyway. I had to move to the bedroom mid-call.
Later, I told my husband I wasn’t okay with being pushed out of my workspace like that, and he told me I should be more understanding since BIL is under a lot of stress. I get that, but I still feel like he could’ve asked or planned ahead.
I don’t want to be unsupportive, but I also need to do my job. AITA for being annoyed?
TL;DR: BIL barged into my home office mid-work meeting to use the space for a job interview. I had to move. Husband says I should be more flexible. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked my brother-in-law to leave my home office while I was working because I was in a meeting, and I was frustrated that he didn’t ask before setting up for his interview. I might be the asshole because he’s currently going through a tough time and looking for a job, and I could have been more flexible or understanding in the moment instead of getting annoyed. My husband thinks I should cut him some slack, so I’m wondering if I overreacted or handled it poorly.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA – next time tell him to kick your husband out of his space.
NTA. Walking in without knocking is a dealbreaker. Whatever happens after that is not a conversation.
If you really want to be military about it, when you notice him, you say “Ho sorry, I didn’t hear you knock”.
And then whatever he says you always reply “Ho sorry, I didn’t hear you knock”.
If he’s ever going to understand, it’ll only take a couple of goes. If he doesn’t, let him complain to other people, they’ll explain.
NTA.
You don’t interrupt a meeting in progress if you can help it.
If you’re staying with someone, you don’t kick them out of ANY space.
Don’t even get me started on no knock entering the room.
Both Husband and BIL need a lesson in manners.
It honestly sounds like neither of them respect your job.
no
Nta I wouldn’t have moved lol
NTA. If you weren’t literally using it at the time I’d say sure let him. But no, barging in in the middle of a meeting is ridiculous and unacceptable.
NTA. Lock the door.
I’m sorry, no one is kicking me out of my own, much needed space. He’d be packing his bags.
NTA but- am I missing something? Why did YOU have to leave?!
NTA
But both your husband and BIL are. I’d have had a very colourful conversation with BIL. If he did it again the next word would scar him for life.
NTA. Your husband has picked a side.
ESH. Your BIL for taking over your space, you for permitting it — why did you do that??? — and your husband for saying you should. Get a lock on your office door if that’s what it takes. Nobody else has a right to your space.
NTA for gwtting annoyed, but wrong to keave.
Lock the door next time. Put up a laminated sign, meeting in progress, tell BIL to f.off, tell him to move out
NTA- you were at work – work that helps pay the bills at your home. BIL could have set up in the living room w/ a zoom background, I would not have moved that is your house, your husband and his brother are assholes.
NTA. It’s YOUR HOUSE. You’re doing BIL a favor, let him take his work calls somewhere else.
INFO: Where is the brother sleeping? It sounds like you only have 2 bedrooms and you are using one for your office and one for your bedroom with your husband.
NTA!!
NTA most doors have a standard size cutout in them. Buy a cheap lock for the door and use it to put your foot down. This crap especially while you’re working is unacceptable
Oh yea, no fu#^*ng way was that okay. Would he have treated your husband that way? I don’t think so. Your husband should straighten that situation out yesterday!
He can do his interviews from anywhere. I’ve done meetings/interviews from my back patio, the public library, our local McDonalds…if you use a background image for your meeting, no one knows and no one cares. Here, give him this caffeinated image from my collection of background images.
NTA – and your husband needs to prioritize you over his brother.
I would tell bl if he pulls that again he will be homeless and if hubby thinks your harsh he can sleep on couch. Nta you need to work.
NTA. You should’ve refused to move because it’s your office space. You need to have a serious talk to your husband because he should be on your side.
You need to be firm.
NTA fuck your BIL he was rude and your husband is inconsiderate. Both of them need to apologize to you. BIL didn’t NEED your office and seriously fuck your husband.
Ask your husband how he will support his brother without your income? I think I’d open a separate checking account for a while and see how he likes it. If you are contributing to the household and the brother is not, then YOU are also supporting him and he can live on the street if can’t accommodate your job, which he is living off of.
There is no way I would have moved in MY OWN HOUSE!!!! What the actual hell?!?!?
He would have had to physically move me out of the office and at that point I would have called rhe cops and had his ass thrown out. People get away with being assholes because we let them.
Does your husband want you to become jobless because your BIL keeps taking over your office?
INFO: Where does he sleep? Because if you have a two bedroom home and one room is your office then technically he should retreat to his bedroom. He could have used the lounge or dining area.
If your office doubles as his bedroom then you should have left.
You should have stayed right there and doubled down. You guys are doing him a huge favor already. He sounds very entitled and needs to be knocked down a bit.
Nope I’d be telling him if he does anything like this again he will be leaving and if your husband doesn’t agree he can go as well.
You don’t barge into someone’s work space and take over, especially in their own home that they are letting you live in. How bloody rude and entitled is he?
Also your husband making excuses for him is just as bad
He can have his call from his own room. Oh wait…
You have a husband problem, not a BIL problem. You should be your husbands first priority and he 100% should have told your BIL that behaviour is unacceptable. Let him know the next time you’re treated that way in your own home your BIL can find somewhere else to live…along with your husband. NTA.
I don’t understand why you caved and allowed him to push you out in the first place. It’s your office in your house. He could have done his interview in the kitchen or living room. He has no right to use your office for any reason.
Your husband is an AH for not respecting your opinion about his brother rudely interrupting your work and insisting (bullying you) on using your office.
NTA but you need to work on being assertive and not backing down.
Grow a spine. Tell both your bil and husband to f*** off.
NTA and the only reason your BIL is able to get away with this blatant disrespect is because your husband doesn’t have your back, and that is equally disrespectful.
Your apartment has the two rooms, your bed room and your office, which I’m assuming your BIL is feeling entitled to because he sleeps there at night. But it’s an office first and his bedroom second, and even that is only due to the charity that you are giving him out of the goodness of your heart.
The worst part of this is that your husband doesn’t understand this, either, and you need to impress upon him that this is a non-negotiable standard for the home.
I work from home and IMO NTA. I dont have the luxury of moving anywhere with my 3-screen workstation but you were actively working AT YOUR JOB. I can’t imagine any other job where this would be ok
It’s a shame your husband couldn’t tell his brother to show you respect and that he needs to ask and coordinate any future office needs. Does your husband respect your work and income?
NTA OP.
That’s your home office, its not a shared space. What your BIL did was rude and exposed you to being reprimanded by your work for exposing company confidential data to a non-employee or potentially a competitor.
You also have a husband problem if he’s trying to cover for his brother when it was something so obvious. Your BIL’s lack of planning and inability to arrange a private or quiet room for his interviews does not necessitate an emergency on your part.
Also in all of this, why is it that YOU could move to the bedroom but your BIL could not?
NTA, lock the door from now on while he’s there
You work from home and that is your livelihood.m. Your brother-in-law can always go to one of those co-op workspaces and rent a space for an interview.
Surprise that your husband does not realize that your brother-in-law walking into your office while you are on a work call could put your job at risk.
You may want to put a lock on the door if your husband doesn’t man up and tell his brother-in-law that your workspace is off-limits.
NTA. Clearly your husband has told his brother that he’s free and has first use of everything in your home. Brother or you needs to go. It doesn’t sound like you have kids yet. So you should be able to get away easier. Talk with him. It’s you or his bro. And he needs to realize he has told have your back in your home.
NTA – Tell your husband the next time it happens BIL will no longer be welcome to stay.
Your husband needs to talk to his brother now about respect. You were working, not playing games. Even if he had only 10 minutes notice for a virtual interview why couldn’t he set up in his bedroom or even the lounge room. The fact that he invaded your space shows a huge lack of respect.
Your husband should have been more supportive of you. Your husband has to appreciate that this is your house too and you deserve to be treated, at all times, with respect. No matter, how you look at it, your brother in law belittled you and forced you out of your office and I find this despicable.
Your husband has really dropped the ball on this one. Maybe you should show him these posts so he can realise how much of an ass he is being.
Good luck. I really hope your husband steps up to being your husband.
Is the bedroom that you use as an office also the bedroom the BIL is staying? I’m kinda assuming so when you said 2 bedrooms. I feel like this should have been clarified when you let them stay. While it’s definitely an AH move to barge in on someone’s meeting, I also feel like the default assumption would be I’m staying in the room so I can use it unless other terms were set.
NTA time to put a lock on your door that only you have a key too and tell both of them if he ever does or attempts to push me out of my office he’ll be told to look elsewhere to live and if my hubby came back me up they can find an apartment together
NTA. BIL should have gone to the kitchen or a library. They have private rooms there.
INFO – why did you move? You were in a meeting, and using the desk.
NTA for being mad that he barged in on you and telling him to leave. As others have said, it sounds like you may need to add a bolt to the door to keep him out when you are working, if he can’t respect your work space.
Absolutely the fuck not. NTA and a hearty what the fuck??
Your actual job, that you already have, that financially contributes to keeping a roof over everyone’s head, 1000% takes precedence over his “interview.” He could have that interview anywhere in the house or out of the house. Anywhere on the planet except an office that someone else is already using.
Kicking you out of your own office in the middle of a fucking meeting is truly mind-boggling levels of entitled. I also work from home and that would be an immediate deal breaker for me. BIL would have to find somewhere new to sleep that night.
NTA. Your BIL has put himself in a position where he is relying on your kindness. He has no right to violate the sanctity of your office space – especially mid-meeting. Anything like that would need to be pre-arranged and agreed to with 24-48 hours notice (if you are even open to the possibility of allowing him to use your space). It’s like when we were kids: your house, your rules.
Oh hell no! BIL can find someplace else to do his interview!
NTA! let the BIL use the bedroom he is sleeping in as HIS office and to stay out of yours when you are working
Tell your husband that your office is closed during work hours, and if he doesn’t like it, he can get the hell out along with his brother.
NTA. Tell your husband that your work in your home takes precedent over his brother. You shouldn’t have left the room, that makes you an AH to yourself.
Damn that supportive crap. You are supporting by allowing him to eat, sleep, and shit in your home. Tell him to take his ass to the kitchen like normal people. NTA
NTA. You can get one of those “portable deadbolt” locks that people use for air b&bs off of Amazon for about $10. Just slip it on anytime you’re working so he can’t just barge in anymore.
NTA. I would have barged in on his interview. Serve him right.
He got away with it because you let him. It’s your home. Your husband making excuses for him is not OK.
NTA
I would’ve told him to get the f out
NTA, You are already being supportive by letting him live there. This is your work place and he has no right to it. Never let him use it again. Your husband needs to support you, or you need a new husband.
Why did you move to the bedroom?? Hubby should be more supportive of your job, period. NTA and hubs is the problem here. All he has to do is tell his brother to leave you alone when you’re working, because people who are employed are just as important.
He’s supposed to be “Team You” first.