Throwaway because I’m honestly still shaken up and need some perspective.
My son Alex is 3 years old and can’t swim yet. He was sick this morning and had been hesitant about getting in the water while camping with my partner Logan and his whole family. After some coaxing, Alex finally got the courage to get into the water on his own terms.
Out of nowhere, Logan threw Alex into the deep end of the lake, way over his head. Alex was flailing, coughing, and inhaling water. I had to jump in to grab him. Meanwhile, Logan refused to get wet past his knees, saying it was too cold — yet he still threw our son in.
I was absolutely furious and upset — Alex was scared and vulnerable, and Logan acted reckless and dismissive. When I confronted him, he doubled down, claiming Alex “knows how to swim,” which is impossible cause we have never taught him!!
To make things worse, Logan brought his entire family camping but didn’t bring any groceries or supplies. I ended up bringing chicken breasts for the shared family dinner, and we’ve had to rely on his parents to feed everyone because he didn’t plan or contribute.
I calmly told Logan off and have been avoiding eye contact with him ever since. I feel like I’m the only adult here caring for Alex’s safety and well-being.
So, Reddit, AITA for getting this upset and setting boundaries with Logan over this?
P.s I used chatgpt to help me write this coherently cause I’m so upset I’m literally shaking.
Edit because my wifi is really bad at this camp site.
Update We are unfortunately a few hours from home, I have called my parents to come get us as I do not drive, he actually gaslight me enough to doubt myself and my initial reaction. Thanks guys, Alex is doing great and grandma made sure he had a nice big meal after that scary incident! Also grandma is PISSED. Aka his mom. But are they still just playing cards around the fire like nothing happened? Yes.
Comments
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Throwaway because I’m honestly still shaken up and need some perspective.
My son Alex is 3 years old and can’t swim yet. He was sick this morning and had been hesitant about getting in the water while camping with my partner Logan and his whole family. After some coaxing, Alex finally got the courage to get into the water on his own terms.
Out of nowhere, Logan threw Alex into the deep end of the lake, way over his head. Alex was flailing, coughing, and inhaling water. I had to jump in to grab him. Meanwhile, Logan refused to get wet past his knees, saying it was too cold — yet he still threw our son in.
I was absolutely furious and upset — Alex was scared and vulnerable, and Logan acted reckless and dismissive. When I confronted him, he doubled down, claiming Alex “knows how to swim,” which is impossible cause we have never taught him!!
To make things worse, Logan brought his entire family camping but didn’t bring any groceries or supplies. I ended up bringing chicken breasts for the shared family dinner, and we’ve had to rely on his parents to feed everyone because he didn’t plan or contribute.
I calmly told Logan off and have been avoiding eye contact with him ever since. I feel like I’m the only adult here caring for Alex’s safety and well-being.
So, Reddit, AITA for getting this upset and setting boundaries with Logan over this?
P.s I used chatgpt to help me write this coherently cause I’m so upset I’m literally shaking.
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So let me get this straight: your partner tried to kill your child and you don’t know what to do? Grab your child grab your shit and go someplace safe stay away from said partner.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I felt like I was an asshole because my reaction was huge and dramatic, idk if I overreacted by freaking out like that infront of the entire lake
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, but that might be how your partner was taught to swim. At least just getting hucked into a lake is how I was taught to swim, it is something a lot of people can do instinctually. Still it doesn’t sound like that’s what he was going for
You cannot safely care for any child if you do not know what to do in this circumstance.
NTA…for getting upset but YTA if you do not leave this “not a decent human being” yesterday.
Throws a child who cannot swim into water, will not go in with said child, takes everyone camping but provides no food?
Run.
This isn’t a boundary issue this is a your baby could have died issue.
This is abuse and should be treated as attempted murder. He chucked your toddler into water where he can’t swim and then didn’t immediately go in to pull him out.
If you don’t immediately get your son out of the danger that his father is all too willing to casually put him in….you would be a massive asshole. Get him away.
Some of these answers are crazy – they range from “that’s how some parents teach their kids to swim” to ‘he tried to kill your son and you aren’t protecting him.”. wow. Well, my take is that some parents DO think that is a way to teach a child to swim. It’s not. It’s an excellent way to make them terrified of water. But the super weird thing about your partner is that he wasn’t in there WITH him, and wasn’t willing to get himself wet to help the kid? That is next level bizarre. Was he drinking or otherwise judgement impaired at the time? You are NTA but I’m lost at what to tell you to do next. I wouldn’t want the child ALONE with a father with such terrible judgement, that’s for sure. The people saying “leave him” aren’t considering that even if you do that, he will then have some form of joint custody (because, no, no court in the land would terminate the father’s rights based on this one incident).
NTA. Honestly, I hope this is a deal breaker for you. He could have killed your son, and he doesn’t seem to care.
Take your son and get out.
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Not the AH but leave the one you are currently with before he hurts your child again
NTA.
This is how kids drown. If youre gonna do this method maybe not in the wild? Maybe ask a life guard how to approach teaching your kid? YouTube? Controlled environment at the VERY least?
NTA
Do Logan tired to kill your son? Get out !!!
Also who goes camping and not bring supplies ? Not smart, not great planning..
NTA – Trust your gut. He tossed you SICK CHILD in the lake when he couldn’t swim nor bothered to pack food. Was he just hoping his mummy would do it for him?
What will learning to ride a bike look like?
If this is true then you need to call the police. Preferably as you leave and find somewhere safe to live.
Why didn’t my you immediately take the car and leave? Logan can ride home with someone else. That will give you time to pack up your stuff or his and end this.
NTA. That was absolutely not an appropriate setting to teach a 3 year old how to swim. If he started to sink, most lake water is murky enough that he would’ve been incredibly hard to see. If he’s that concerned that your son can’t swim he should be looking to sign him up for some lessons or at least take him to a pool and let him practice in the shallow end.
NTA – but why are you still with this guy? If you hadn’t been there to get your son out, you’d be mourning him now. That’s a one and done deal. I’d never be able to trust my child with this person again.
Leave him. Immediately. He tried to drown your sick son. Your son could have inhaled water – doctor Immediately and then pack your bags.
Also who the hell goes camping half cocked? The man is a giant child. Leave him.
Ok… this is concerning. Of course you are shaking.
NTA
No matter what you decide to do to deal with your partner not actually being a safe caregiver… you should go a step further. I am not suggesting divorce… that is for you to decide, but I am suggesting creating a paper trail.
Set up a meeting with a good family / divorce lawyer. Ask them how to document this and what your options are going forward. Then you need to document it all and save it where he won’t see it/ destroy it. If this behavior continues or he doesn’t see how irresponsible he was (or you are already walking out the door)… you need to be ready and that means documenting this treatment so his visits are monitored and your son stays safe.
What the actual fuck?! Um… your partner basically tried to kill your son. Ma’am, are you unwell? Your son is 3 years old- take him and GTFO!
There’s no rationale to throwing a 3 year old in deep end of the lake. Especially when the child is also sick. That is such a traumatic thing to happen to a child.
Setting boundaries? What were the boundaries? Because frankly, boundaries didn’t need to be set, you need to take your child and leave. Anything short of removing your child from his contact is irresponsible of you. So I’m going to say YTA for thinking this can be fixed by setting boundaries.
INFO: I’m a little confused. The toddler agreed to go swimming, got in the water, and then your boyfriend picked him up and threw him further into the lake from his spot in the shallow part? And why does you cooking food relate to this?
NTA. Hope you are setting some very big boundaries. Lack of eye contact is not a sufficient response.
It’s hard to understand why you would keep this person as a “partner.”
So your partner nearly killed your child and you are not immediately looking for a way out? I think you need to seriously consider where your line is.
NTA but your partner is an abusive asshole. Do not leave your son alone with him. And talk to a lawyer because this should be a dealbreaker.
Umm – he threw a toddler, and you haven’t left yet? WTF! He is abusive as hell. Run as fast as you can. Anyone who thinks that behavior is OK, is wrong. Don’t keep your child around this. If you can’t or won’t protect him, who will?
Nta. That’s child endangerment and the way he treated you by gaslighting is abusive. You two deserve better, stay with your parents as long as you need but I recommend getting all your things from your house and filing for custody and divorce.
I hope this is fake, I really do. The child could have died or stayed traumatized for life. What sane adult does that to a sick 3-year-old ? sadism or total lack of judgment ? Any parent would have reacted as you did. SMH. That guy should never be trusted again. Sorry OP, you’ll have decisions to make soon, for both of you.
NTA and that is divorcible behavior. he put your sons life in danger. and then wouldnt even go out there with him? NOPE. Dump the Chump!!
YTA for being dumb enough to ask AITA. Why the fuck would you let your child be around a sociopath like Logan? You need to run from this idiot before your child ends up injured or dead.
Please please please if he got any water in his mouth, be on the look out for secondary drowning! https://www.webmd.com/children/features/secondary-drowning-dry-drowning
If you hadn’t been there with them, your 3 year old would likely be dead.
Let that sink in.
He’s like given your child a fear of the water. He could’ve taken his life as well.
Take Alex to a doctor ASAP to get the incident documented.
Pack your things, and run.
NTA, What the hell. Is that his actual Dad? He acts like a 12 year old. This can be tried as attempted murder. That child should not be left in the care of that “partner”.
NTA. I think Logan needs to be removed from both of your lives. There’s really nothing he could offer in explanation that makes what he did acceptable in any way. What if you hadn’t been there to rescue? Would he just have stood by watching? In my opinion, Logan is either stupid, has stupendously bad judgment, or is just cruel (or all 3). Regardless, he is a danger.
NTA. I teach swim to little kids. This is NOT the way to do it and quite trauma-inducing and um yeah Alex could have drowned.
Dump his a$$! Your son will never forget this.
NTA. Is it his child? You’re a mom now. You have to protect your child. This dude sounds dangerous. Do better.
YTA for being in this relationship.
Get to the ER because dry drowning is a thing. Can be hours after the child was in water.
NTA, but if you want to go for full custody when you leave him, message him and ask him about why he did what he did, and get him to explain in detail what happened. I don’t think he is a safe parent to be around. A lawyer will be able to help with this.
NTA. Your son could’ve literally drowned and died. I honestly would leave him for that alone.
Update us
YTA as well for not leaving immediately after it happened.
My dad did this to me, and swears it’s how I learned to swim. I tell him no, it’s when I learned not to trust my dad!
Divorce, and make a police report. That dude does not care about his child and doesn’t even care his child is drowning. Why are you with him wtf. NTA
Edit: I can’t spell
I would be angry, but this is AI.
YTA if you don’t leave him and go for full custody.