For some Context: I’m a 20 year old guy , and I recently started a new job that I really enjoy. It pays well, and my girlfriend (20F) and I had been talking about some personal issues in our intimate life. After doing some research, we decided I should try a natural enhancement supplement, so I subscribed to one.
I was honestly a little excited about it and kept track of when it would arrive. It was scheduled to be delivered on a Thursday. That same week, a good friend of mine surprised me with a visit and I ended up spending the night at his place where he was staying with his family whom I’m close with. I wasn’t worried about the package since it was supposed to come in discrete packaging, and I figured someone at home would just bring it inside without a second thought.
Well apparently my oldest Brother and his friend who’ll call Joe (both in their early 30s) told my mom that she should open the package, and without telling me or asking me, she did… in front of everyone in the house.
For context something like this has happened before but I was 16, and back then I understood that as a minor with access to the internet my mom had more authority over my things. But now I’m 20, and this felt like a complete invasion of my privacy. When I called her later the next day to ask if she had seen if my package came in, she casually told me she had opened it, again, without my consent and based on what other people told her to do.
I completely lost my temper. I was embarrassed and frustrated. I told her that I understand that she’s my mom, but that doesn’t give her the right to open my mail, especially when it’s something super personal like this. Honestly, even if it had been something less sensitive, I still would’ve been upset. On top of that instead of anything remotely apologetic was said I was told I was acting immature for getting upset about something like this but I feel I got rightfully mad about the situation.
But now I’m wondering if maybe I was an asshole for getting mad about this, or are my feelings and actions justified
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
For some Context: I’m a 20 year old guy , and I recently started a new job that I really enjoy. It pays well, and my girlfriend (20F) and I had been talking about some personal issues in our intimate life. After doing some research, we decided I should try a natural enhancement supplement, so I subscribed to one.
I was honestly a little excited about it and kept track of when it would arrive. It was scheduled to be delivered on a Thursday. That same week, a good friend of mine surprised me with a visit and I ended up spending the night at his place where he was staying with his family whom I’m close with. I wasn’t worried about the package since it was supposed to come in discrete packaging, and I figured someone at home would just bring it inside without a second thought.
Well apparently my oldest Brother and his friend who’ll call Joe (both in their early 30s) told my mom that she should open the package, and without telling me or asking me, she did… in front of everyone in the house.
For context something like this has happened before but I was 16, and back then I understood that as a minor with access to the internet my mom had more authority over my things. But now I’m 20, and this felt like a complete invasion of my privacy. When I called her later the next day to ask if she had seen if my package came in, she casually told me she had opened it, again, without my consent and based on what other people told her to do.
I completely lost my temper. I was embarrassed and frustrated. I told her that I understand that she’s my mom, but that doesn’t give her the right to open my mail, especially when it’s something super personal like this. Honestly, even if it had been something less sensitive, I still would’ve been upset. On top of that instead of anything remotely apologetic was said I was told I was acting immature for getting upset about something like this but I feel I got rightfully mad about the situation.
But now I’m wondering if maybe I was an asshole for getting mad about this, or are my feelings and actions justified
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like I might be the asahole for getting mad about my mom opening a going through my mail based on my brother’s influence and her own curiosity that might’ve not required me to lose my tempered
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
You have every right to be upset. It’s your mail. And, at least in the US, opening someone else’s mail is a federal crime. Beyond that, it’s just disrespectful to you for her to open your mail, and your brother and his friend are AH’s as well
Nta
She is not allowed to open an adults mail, it is a FEDERAL CRIME. It is also rude.
NTA. If you’re in the US it’s actually a federal offense to open someone else’s mail (at least USPS mail, not sure if the same thing applies to like a FedEx delivery). So legally she’s wrong.
In a non-legal/moral sense, it’s definitely an invasion of privacy. Opening your mail without your permission is generally equivalent to going through your drawers or your desk or whatever without permission. Doesn’t matter if the mail was something “embarrassing” or literal spam mail from a credit card company.
[removed]
NTA I don’t know were you are but in most countries if someone opens your mail without your consent it’s considered a crime with a potential fine or jail. So no your mom shouldn’t be opening your mail. I would tell her if she ever does it again then you will report her
NTA. Aside from the privacy violation, opening someone else’s mail is a federal crime punishable by a fine and / or up to five years in prison. While it’s likely to be unenforced in this situation (and I think filing a lawsuit in this case would be a rather extreme reaction), it is still a crime to do as they did.
Federal statute here: https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/18/1702
NTA, you are an adult, and even if you weren’t, opening your packages without asking or telling you is just bad. Getting mad was completely justified
In no circumstance would you be TA. That’s your mail. They knowingly opened your mail. That’s illegal, and a complete jerk move. Your brother and his pal are AH’s and sorry to say, but so is your mom for even entertaining the idea, let alone following through with it.
Get a P.O. Box
This is quite literally a crime if you’re in the US. It doesn’t matter if you’re related or not. NTA. Legally and morally, she shouldn’t be opening your mail.
NTA. Not only is it wrong it is illegal.
If there is a reason you can’t move out, get a PO Box and let her know she can no longer be trusted with your personal mail.
Your brothers suck. Sign them up to receive catalogs for lewd stuff using your mom’s address. They will get tons of mail after that. It happened to a friend of mine who ordered a catalog for her bf at her address. She started getting some really nasty stuff.
NTA, it’s a federal crime (since you are an adult) for them to open your mail.
NTA. Love that she committed a crime and decides to say you’re immature. Report her
NTA – leaving your mother to the side for a moment , what’s up with your brother? Is this the kind of move he often pulls. It was very AHole on his part.
NTA.
Regardless of contents inside you don’t get to open other people’s mail. It’s also technically a felony.
NTA. If you are in the US, this is a crime. Tips on reporting —
https://legalclarity.org/how-to-report-someone-opening-your-mail-without-permission/
If you don’t feel like reporting (this time), you could send your family this link to see if the message gets through their thick skulls.
Your actions are completely justified. Ask your mother to respect your privacy. Explain that is illegal for her to open your mail. If she continues to violate the law, notify your local post office of mail tampering. She’ll stop.
NTA. Kinda weird they gathered to go through your mail.
NTA and I would remind them that opening mail not addressed to them is an illegal act.
NTA…..that’s an invasion of privacy, a lack of respect for personal boundaries, and illegal.
That said, the entire male enhancement industry preys on male insecurity, and every bit of it is snake oil. There are surgeries that can help, but they carry significant risks (like your junk won’t work anymore). I suggest exploring and expanding bedroom activities, not trying to “enhance” yourself.
NTA but dude!! Those are supplements are a scam the only way to make your member bigger is surgery and that only gives MAYBE an extra inch if you’re lucky. Don’t give these people your money.
Isn’t that still a federal offense here in the USA?
NTA and it is totally illegal. I’d get a P.O. box to stop this from happening again as long as you don’t tell them where and they don’t have a key.
NTA. Your family is though. Besides, it’s a felony to knowingly open someone else’s mail.
NTA that’s called gaslighting. It doesn’t matter if she thinks it’s no big deal it’s the fact that it is to you and if you wanted her to know you would have told her.
Maybe look into a PO Box at the post office with your family thinking your private info is a family affair
NTA In the US it is a federal crime to open someone else’s mail without consent! If this is the first time as an adult then I’d let them know that one, it’s an invasion of privacy, two that it’s a federal crime to do so and three, if it happens again action will be taken. Sorry this has happened to you. Best of luck with everything