My husband asked me if I wanted to get dinner tonight and I said yes. Thinking he wanted to take me out on a date night before he starts his work week. When we parked all of a sudden I see his parents arrive and I instantly felt extremely annoyed because not once did he ever mention his parents. I love them they aren’t the issue it’s just the fact of how he went about it that left me feeling disrespected and angry. AITA?
AITA for getting mad when I didn’t know my in laws were coming to dinner?
r/AITAH
Comments
NTA! It is SO aggrivating when a spouse springs this on the other partner!
NTA
Ask him why he didn’t tell you. You need to set rules in place moving forward that he needs to tell you when others are coming as well. You thought you were having a romantic date, and this was very disappointing.
I think it depends on what you did with the anger? Did you lash out in anyway? I’m just not seeing how having a feeling in itself would make you an AH. Nothing wrong with feeling things.
NTA
Let him know that you would appreciate knowing ahead of time if others are going to be joining you because you had thought it was going to be just the two of you. It ended up a disappointment because it was the night before he went back to work. It was the idea of just the two of you going out for a nice little dinner that made it feel special, so naturally, it was disappointing.
It’s really that simple.
Hope you’re able to talk it out easily.
NTA
NTA. That’s really odd. What if you weren’t in the mood for having dinner with other people? What was his reason for not telling you?
Wtf, if it was anyone, I’d be pissed. (unless of course it was an intentional surprise for me)
I find this to be stereotypical “boys are dumb” situation but that’s not an excuse to actually be dumb NTA
“Here’s I was, thinking you wanted some quality time with me. But no, fuck couple time, right? I guess intimacy means jack shit to you, so intimacy is officially off the table. Let’s be roommates who dine with mommy and daddy instead”
Oh there is no way I would have let that slide. That’s just me though.
NTA but then neither is he. You both made assumptions about the other and failed to properly communicate.
He definitely should have said that you were meeting others for dinner. I feel that you over reacted
It sounds like a pretty simple miscommunication. Getting angry over it does make you kind of the AH.
NTA
I have a question – did he do it because he knew if he suggested dinner with his parents you’d say no ? Is that what would have happened ?
Was it deliberate to just get you there ?
I think you need to have a conversation about that
Also I would tell him you’re giving his family a time out taking time away from them for awhile – take note of how he reacts
Tell him if he ever pulls a trick like that again you won’t be going along with it to keep the peace – everyone will learn your feelings and you will leave
Dependant upon his response to the above and also DID HE ALOLOGISE ? Or make excuses ? Maybe you need couples therapy
NTA I would be frustrated, regardless of whether i like the other people or not. Why is it so hard to mention them?
Why didn’t he just tell you? This would infuriate me!
Fully understand initial disappointment, but this level seems extreme. Are there other issues going on?
Nta
But he probably didn’t tell you because he didn’t want to hear bitching and moaning
Get over it
NTA. Next time ask if he means just the two of you before you respond yes or no. Or qualify your answer with a comment like, yes if you mean just us.
NTA but you seem to be married to one.
For the next little while take two cars everywhere you go with him. Leave if things are not as they were represented.
And have the conversation about trust and consent and autonomy. He ambushed you and failed to tell you material facts when asking you out. You consented to one thing but he knew he was misrepresenting the thing he was asking you to do.
In the business world this is a form of fraud. In a marriage it is at best manipulative. Yuck.