Long story short, my fiance and I picked a wedding date, the date was the only weekend that was available for our schedules and the venue itself. The date falls on my nieces birthday. She’ll be 2 on that date. My brother and his girlfriend asked us if we’re okay with having a birthday party at our wedding and if there is any significance to the date we picked, I explained to them why we picked it, and let them know if they didn’t want to come due to their child’s birthday, that’s okay, i would just like to know straight up rather than have some petty arguments about it, and got no response back. I did give them a year notice of the date so they could plan accordingly. If they truly don’t want to come because of the birthday, im okay with that, but I just don’t want it to be a huge argument. Am I the asshole for not choosing a different date that wouldn’t have worked as well for us?
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Long story short, my fiance and I picked a wedding date, the date was the only weekend that was available for our schedules and the venue itself. The date falls on my nieces birthday. She’ll be 2 on that date. My brother and his girlfriend asked us if we’re okay with having a birthday party at our wedding and if there is any significance to the date we picked, I explained to them why we picked it, and let them know if they didn’t want to come due to their child’s birthday, that’s okay, i would just like to know straight up rather than have some petty arguments about it, and got no response back. I did give them a year notice of the date so they could plan accordingly. If they truly don’t want to come because of the birthday, im okay with that, but I just don’t want it to be a huge argument. Am I the asshole for not choosing a different date that wouldn’t have worked as well for us?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I ultimately decided that im not going to change the date of my wedding due to a child’s birthday, and that definitely could make me an asshole. I think someone calling me an asshole here would mean that maybe I am wrong for choosing that date or maybe I even should’ve rescheduled entirely, and maybe I was wrong for not trying to pick a different date.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
ofc not,
a wedding is a one time feat (generally) than a birthday,
you would want your all friends and colleagues to come and you did gave them notice after all
NAH. I think there should just be more grace than it seems is going on. This is only a big deal if y’all make it and I dunno, feels like in an attempt to avoid a big deal it feels like a big deal?
NTA – omg, people are really something…
NTA and a 2-year-old can have her party the next weekend, or the previous weekend, or skip it all together.
I have had two of my cousins get married on my birthday. It isn’t that big of a deal, especially for someone so young. NTA.
NTA. If you want be gracious, I’ve been to several weddings on a close friend or family member’s birthday where they have a small birthday cake for them at the wedding! My BIL’s birthday was 2 days before our wedding so we hosted a family dinner for him since everyone was already in town for the wedding. Of course you are not obligated to do any of this, but it would be a nice gesture if you want.
NTA the child will be 2 they could have it it literally anytime as the child will not know or remember it.
NTA. My aunt got married on my mom’s birthday. Now they compete to see who wishes happy birthday/anniversary faster😂. She’s 2, she won’t even know it’s her birthday. They can have a party for her another day.
NTA
Every day is someone’s birthday. A two year old has no concept whatsoever what a birthday is, if the parents want a party and gifts it’s solely for themselves. Be aware that if they do attend they may well organise a cake/ celebration on the day anyway and you will have to warn your venue if this is something you don’t want.
Every wedding date falls on someone’s birthday. NTA
The kids 2. Pick any day of the year to celebrate! He/ she won’t care or remember.
Nta. She’s 2. They can have her birthday party before the wedding or after the wedding. She’s not going to remember
I got married on my niece’s birthday. Before setting the date with the venue I asked my sister and niece (she was older than yours) if they were ok with it. They were. I joked that I was throwing her a huge birthday party. She had a birthday badge that she put on for the reception. I instructed the DJ to have everyone sing Happy Birthday to her (which never happened because our DJ sucked, but that’s another story).
The difference is, I checked in before booking the date. You didn’t, which if it was a matter of getting the venue or not makes sense. But then instead of trying to make any sort of accommodation you just said it’s ok if they don’t come, which makes it sound like you don’t want them there. They asked if they can celebrate there and your response was it’s ok if they don’t come.
If this was a distant cousin or random guest it would be fine, you can’t work around everyone’s life. But this is your brother and his kid’s second birthday is probably pretty important to him. I know in Reddit-land no one owes anyone anything, but I think you’re making it clear to him how important he is to you in the way you’ve handled this. And therefore I think YTA.
Idk my family is close and I know not everyone’s is. So maybe if you two don’t get along or barely talk it’s different. But if your brother and niece are important to you maybe figure out a way to celebrate the birthday as well at the reception.
OMG a two-year old’s birthday? Nope. NTA, at all. We usually hosted our kids’ parties on days that weren’t their actual birthdays almost every year- weekends much? They can stay home.
Nta. It’s her 2nd birthday. She won’t remember most of it. Also everyday is someone’s birthday. A wedding is planned when it’s best for bride and groom
NTA. The kid is TWO. She won’t even REMEMBER her birthdays prior to like maybe 5-6 at the earliest. You are not obligated to allow them to throw a 2YO a birthday party at YOUR wedding and if they give you flack for not allowing it they need to grow up and stop being entitled.