My niece 11f is really into magic and adventure, so she reads mostly children’s fantasy books
Her 11th birthday was a few days ago so I 36f asked her parents my sister 38f and BIL 39m if it would be okay if a got her Harry Potter SOS for her birthday and they said yes.
My sister was never really a big fan of Harry Potter and neither was my BIL so they had never read the books but I read them all as a kid and absolutely loved them and I thought my niece would love them to. I gave her the book on her birthday and she was very excited and wanted to start reading it right away.
Unfortunately the book was apparently too scary for her, my sister called me today very angry saying my niece woke her and her husband up last night crying because it gave her a nightmare and she needed to sleep in her parents bed that night for comfort. This caused them to lose sleep that night.
My sister is very upset with me, I’ve tried to call her back and talk to her about it but shes not answering.
I feel bad about it, I never wanted to give my niece nightmares or upset my sister and BIL I just wanted to give my niece something I thought she’d love.
AITA?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team
My niece 11f is really into magic and adventure, so she reads mostly children’s fantasy books
Her 11th birthday was a few days ago so I 36f asked her parents my sister 38f and BIL 39m if it would be okay if a got her Harry Potter SOS for her birthday and they said yes.
My sister was never really a big fan of Harry Potter and neither was my BIL so they had never read the books but I read them all as a kid and absolutely loved them and I thought my niece would love them to. I gave her the book on her birthday and she was very excited and wanted to start reading it right away.
Unfortunately the book was apparently too scary for her, my sister called me today very angry saying my niece woke her and her husband up last night crying because it gave her a nightmare and she needed to sleep in her parents bed that night for comfort. This caused them to lose sleep that night.
My sister is very upset with me, I’ve tried to call her back and talk to her about it but shes not answering.
I feel bad about it, I never wanted to give my niece nightmares or upset my sister and BIL I just wanted to give my niece something I thought she’d love.
AITA?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I got my niece a Harry Potter book
It gave her a nightmare and now her parents are very upset with me
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, how on earth were you supposed to know?
do your sister and BIL understand that lots of 11 year olds read this book? like maybe they think you gave her a book that would obviously be too much for any 11 year old, when that is not the case here…? that’s the only thing i can think of that would make them seem even a little less like giant unreasonable dicks.
Nah. NTA. 11 is a very receptive age. Parents shouldn’t be all that upset over a nightmare, and there are other contributing factors to dreams than simply having read something that day.
I bet your niece still wants to read it as well.
Your sister needs to grow up.
NTA. 11 is old enough to read HP. Sometimes unexpected things scare a kid, but the kid will be fine.
I dont understand why kids are having nightmares like that? Maybe its the parent’s fault for never reading to their kids and discussing what they read lol
NTA – you asked, they said yes. The series is intended for her age range, so it’s not like you gave her Stephen King or something.
NTA. You didn’t know your niece was going to have nightmares. You also can’t control your nieces mental functions. Also, your sis and BIL shouldn’t have been so angry at you for such a little thing. Obviously, they don’t love their daughter enough to help comfort her and to help her calm down. If they were real parents, they shouldn’t have been so petty towards you for something you cannot control. Your niece wanted the book, as well, so it’s not your fault. Definitely NTA.
NTA
It’s not your fault that your niece was scared. Book was totally age appropriate so don’t worry.
NTA. Many kids pick up those books at that time not to mention Harry is 11 going through this all. What scared her? The troll? I think it’s more on the parents of the kid to gauge if their kid is ready. Maybe mom or dad should have sat down with her or read it themselves first. Plus how can they be millennials and not at least know what happens in the first Harry Potter? I’m not saying all of them or know every little detail, but the first one really not knowing that one is wild.
NTA. You had no way of knowing. Plus. Mom said fine and she is the one who should know what her daughter might find scary but even she didn’t foresee it. I have to add that it’s kind of crappy that her main complaint was it caused her to lose sleep.
NTA. Harry Potter is common for that age group. And you asked permission. My 9yo girl loves the spooky and weird and is binge watching stranger things which is too scary for me. My 13 yr old boy is easily freaked out. They know their daughter. If they knew she was sensitive they should have had a bit of foresight. And if they didn’t think of it then they only have themselves to blame. Also. Kids get nightmares 🤷
NTA. You asked if it was OK, they said yes. Anything that happens after giving the agreed upon gift is not your responsibility.
NTA
I read the book just find when I was younger and it didn’t do anything to me, but what did was that scene seeing the movie when Professor Quirrell unraveled his headscarf and he had Voldemorts head attached to his. Freaked me out for a few nights. You also didn’t know. You don’t know what scares you/makes you uncomfortable till it happens. It’s not like you gave it to her knowing it would scare her. If she’s 11, I’d kind of expect she’d be ok handling a book like HO. To be fair she learned if anything that whatever she read did scare her, a learning experience. Which we all go through.
NTA.
11 seems a little old for a nightmare caused by Harry Potter, of all things.
By the time I was 11, I was well into Stephen King.
Your sister is being a brat here by not talking to you about it.
NAH
Personally without knowing what her current fantasy reading material is I would have started her out with the Chronicles of Narnia in the reading order not the release order. After the first book the Harry Potter series gets dark so maybe 13 is a better age to start.
Not one mention of JK and the … issue. Nice.
NTA. Your sister and BIL gave you permission to give the books to your niece. If they think she is sensitive/easily scared, they could have read the books themselves before allowing your niece to read them. Also, loads of 11-year-olds read HP and love the books. She is well within the recommended age range for the first book.
NTA. 11 is old enough to start reading Harry Potter and there was no way for you to know it would be written too scary. She likes magic and adventure, so why not Harry Potter? No reason, unless you knew previously that your niece couldn’t read it (which you didn’t). I actually don’t understand why it was so scary. I started reading those books when I was about 8 or 9 and I’ve always loved them, and not a single person I know thought they were scary. Do your sister and BIL expose your niece to much variety when it comes to books and entertainment, or is it mainly kids’ stuff?
NTA
Misplaced anger on their part.
You asked before you got it.
No one could have known she’d get nightmares.
NTA. 11 years old is what, 6th grade? I read the first Harry Potter in 4th grade. I have never found it scary (and I’m not the type that enjoys mystery/thriller/murder books). It’s a children’s book. Its recommended age is 8+. Maybe your niece just isn’t emotionally mature enough to read it, even though age-wise she should be fine. Still doesn’t mean you did anything wrong, it’s not like you wanted her to have nightmares or thought that she would. They are seriously overreacting.
HP is literally made for 11yo to read. It’s when I first read it too. Your niece is very sensitive huh?
NTA.
No, you’re not the a-hole. It was a great idea, AND you asked the parents. She is 11. I bet in the next year or two, she will be begging her mom to bring that book out of hiding to read again.
NTA it’s an age appropriate book. The first book isn’t very scary. I’d like to know which fantasy books she has been reading? Is it magic treehouse type stuff? Harry Potter wasn’t out until I was in high school, but when I was 11 I was reading LOTR, and C.S. Lewis before that, when I was about 8 or 9.
NTA – You gave her a book based on her interests. But I’m curious, what kind of children’s fantasy books does she read? Because if Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s stone aka something age appropriate is scary enough to give her nightmares. I’m wondering what exactly she’s reading then.
I had a nightmare that the muppets were after me on those speeders from Return of the Jedi that they used to get around the moon of Endor…had nothing to do with the muppets or Star Wars, just how my brain was jumbled up…still love both 😂
NTA-it was just a dream
NTA it’s perfectly age-appropriate. People can have nightmares about anything. Is she supposed to avoid reading new books??
NTA. You couldn’t have known your niece would be scared of HP. Plus, you even asked their permission.
As someone who has read HP at that age, it’s not scary (for me), but, of course, it may be different for kids. You love(d) the series and, of course, you wanted to share something YOU LOVE with your niece.
Give them a few days. If they’re still angry, that’s 100000% on them – as someone who believes in books and libraries – they’re acting like you gave her Book 1 of A Song of Ice and Fire series.
NTA – Harry Potter is age-appropriate. Some kids are more sensitive and might have trouble with some things that their peers won’t, and that’s okay. It’s then the parents’ job to help their child navigate and overcome that scary situation. They should’ve helped her work through that fear, not lash out at you.
To be honest, she was probably frightened by Harry Potter because her parents shelter and shield her from scary things. All that does is make her unable to cope with said things because the most they taught her was avoidance.
JK gives me nightmares but I think you were fine giving the book to an 11 year old
NTA. My 5th grade class read the first 2 books.
YTA for supporting JKRowling.
When I was that age I had to hide from my parents that I was reading Stephen King novels. Scared the crap out of me! I wouldn’t have thought the first HP book would be too much at 11
This did not go the way I expected it to go 😂
NTA- your niece is the appropriate age for these books.
Although they are for her age it’s not on you to know what will affect her like that. That’s on her parents and even then I wouldn’t expect them to get it 100% right
NTA. I read those books as well and never once had any issues. But then, each kid is different. So each one can interpret the story in their own way. Even to the point of nightmares. Either way, it’s not your fault the kid couldn’t handle the material. You asked if it was okay and her parents gave the go ahead. So your sister and BIL can get over it.
NTA not every book is for every child. You don’t know until you try
NTA whatsoever. Everyone should experience the HP world
it would be interesting to know what part of the book was scary for niece. When my daughter was young and Harry Potter was all the rage I found it was the adults who had a problem with the book not the kids themselves. Did you give her the first book or was it later books? Have you watched the movies with her?
NTA. You asked them, they said yes, it’s not your fault. Honestly they are acting childish by trying to blame this on you. On another note, what is Harry Potter SOS?
Unless you bought it second hand YTA.
Plus, it is always wise to consult with parents before buying books for their kids. They will have a much better idea than you or the child as to what will suit best. Even if the parents are raging fundies it at least reduces the risk of your gift being ritually burned in the back garden
I’m going to say NTA because I was reading them when I was 9 back in 2000.
The books are labelled as suitable for ages 8-12.
However YTA if you bought the book new and thereby supported JKR.
NTA. I know kids in the UK who read the first two HP books around age 8/9. The tone of the first two books is for sure more Roald Dahl and less Disney animated characters, but not scary.
NTA for the scary thing, Harry Potter is definitely safe for 11-year-olds.
But, if you bought a new copy of the book, you shouldn’t do that, it supports the author’s transphobia.
YTA for giving money to the real life Voldemort by buying the book, unless you got it second hand.
NTA for the fact that it gave her nightmares, you couldn’t have known that would happen as it’s not a scary book.
I thought it was gonna be about her anti trans worldview lol
Nta, the books are set up to progress and match reading levels of the ages m. Book one Harry is 11, and the reading level is for an 11 year old.
My kids were reading those books at 8 and 9 without nightmares. Something seems odd here.
I’m a sensitive soul and prone to nightmares. And I read all of those books. I wouldn’t expect that to cause a nightmare in an 11 year old, but honestly sometimes unexpected things just get to you.
I think your sister is probably grumpy because she’s exhausted and she may not be answering because she’s taking a nap. I hope that’s all it is. Because you’re definitely NTA here.
NTA. I started reading HP to my daughter when she was 8, I remember we read POA in class when I was in 5th grade which was 10/11 yrs old. While they may not have read the books I can’t imagine anyone is that ignorant of HP in general to not know if their child can “handle” the genre. Heck I think goosebumps and the ghost stories books I read before that age would’ve been more likely to give me a nightmare than HP.
I don’t think you’re TA. That being said, the author herself has pointed out that the series starts with a double murder (again, I don’t think this is your fault, I think most 11 y.os would be fine. This is maybe just a learning experience for the future).
NTA and your sister might realise this once she isn’t aggravated from being sleep deprived. These books are recommended for ages 8+ are a genre your niece likes, you liked them at her age AND you asked her parents first. You would have to be able to see the future to do anything more. Just say you are sorry you made a mistake (because of course you are) and then forget about it. This isn’t a big deal. One of my kids once had a nightmare about a large orange.
NTA. I was reading Harry Potter in 2nd grade and started reading them to my son in Kindergarten. I would not have guessed that they would give an 11 year old nightmares. Additionally, you asked the parents for permission. If their child is that sensitive they should have done some research before okaying it.
NTA. My friends and I read that book at 11. Also, as parents they could’ve done due diligence if they were concerned it would be an issue. I’ve given my nieces books over the years and sometimes my sister-in-law decides to hold it back for a year or two. No harm no foul
Try Midnight for Charlie Bone. A bit younger age group.
NTA for the “scariness” of the book issue – I started reading HP when I was 7 or 8, and absolutely adored them. They’re certainly not inappropriate for that age range, and you even asked permission beforehand.
However, given JK Rowling’s absolutely horrific degrees of transphobia over the last several years, I will say YTA for continuing to support and engage with her. Again, massive fan of the books as a kid, and my best friend can quote the movies by heart – two of the biggest Harry Potter fans you ever met when we were younger. But while she still finds comfort in them privately, both of us have stopped publicly engaging with new Harry Potter media or supporting JKR in any way because, frankly, no matter how important the books were to us, the safety and support of trans people in our lives is infinitely more important. I know a lot of people outside of trans and/or very online spaces still aren’t aware of her views and her direct support to transphobic policies in the UK, but I would really encourage you (if you weren’t aware) to look into it a bit and maybe find some other books to share with your niece.
YTA for supporting J.K. Rowling and her crusade against trans people. Of all the fantasy books you could have gotten your niece, you got her the one book where the author is actively donating to anti-trans organizations and regularly speaks out against trans people.
Separating the art from the author can only happen once the author is dead and is no longer profiting off the sales of their intellectual property. While the author is still alive, it just shows you don’t stand with the LGBTQIA+ community and would rather throw money at someone who revels in hatred.
Many, many, many kids younger than 11 have read HP and not had nightmares. Your niece just seems particularly sensitive, how would you have known that? NTA
NTA. They approved. Everyone knows what Harry Potter is. My step daughters both started reading Harry Potter at age 8 (granted, it took them both a year to finish it). My niece also started reading it this year and she’ll be 10 next month. Kids her age read it. It’s up to the parent to know what is too much for them. You asked if this was fine. You didn’t go behind their back. If anything , the mistake is theirs.
NTA at ALL. Your niece must be some kind of delicate flower
NTA. It’s a great series and absolutely age appropriate. You couldn’t have known, especially if it surprised her own parents.
YTA for giving money to a well-known transphobe who uses her money directly harm to trans people. If you aren’t aware of this then I’d strongly recommend looking it up.
Unless you bought it second hand, in which case you would be N T A. Although I still don’t recommend supporting Rowling in any way even if it isn’t financial.
YTA but only because you put money into the pocket of a known transphobe who actively uses that money to harm people.
Nah, this is just sister shit. NTA.
NTA. Scared of HP at 11?
And your sister is being ridiculous.
NTA. It was totally appropriate. She’ll enjoy it later if she’s not ready.
She will be aight … live and learn baby
NTA. I read that book at 8 and was completely fine. Obviously every kid is different, but it’s not like that book is objectively too mature for an 11 year old. Besides, parents okay-ed the book. Either they did the proper research and thought it would be ok or they didn’t do the proper research and thought it would be ok. Either way, it’s their fault (though I wouldn’t really ascribe blame to anyone in this case).
NTA. You were sharing something you enjoyed that you thought your neice would enjoy. Harry Potter is not an overtly scary book, and many children that age enjoy it.
It is a shame that your sister and b-i-l were not able to read it with her, or talk to her about the part she found a bit scary. But maybe their disinterest meant she didn’t feel like she could speak to them about it. But kids do have nightmares – about all kinds of silly things – and we can’t prevent them all. I remember as a kid watching some movie that had pirhannas in it, and having a dream that my parents went swimming and their legs were eaten – I had to wake them up and see their legs were okay before I could go back to sleep. I think its a normal part of growing up.
Likewise, I used to read my kids a lot of books when they were young. I read them the whole Harry Potter series, but when we read Naomi Novik’s Uprooted I was aware that my one daughter was finding it a bit too scary, and she said she had a bad dream about the spooky woods, so I finished the book myself and told them a paraphrased story of how it all ended without the menace. Some kids are just more sensitive than others. She’s 15 now, and I still tell her when there is going to be a scary or sad bit in a movie if I’ve seen it before.
NTA. You never know what will give people nightmares. I read all the Harry Potter books and I didn’t see anything that would have scared me at a much younger age. Of course my Dad was reading books like Kidnapped and Treasure Island to me as bedtime stories. Your niece’s parents should ask her what scared her in the book.
NTA
As a parent I would have read the first book of a series with my daughter. Parents know their kids best. It was up to them to read the book (or at least read through it on their own in advance) because they know what their daughter can and can’t handle. Full disclosure: started reading this series with my daughter when she was 7 and it’s still her favourite childhood memory.
NTA. I may say different if you got her the 4th, 5th, 6th or 7th, as they deal with the more mature themes, but the first is fine in my opinion. I am on the 5th book with my 9 year old.
NTA. I read the Harry Potter books to my kids starting at age 5. We got an illustrated set of the first three at Costco when they were little. I don’t think it’s too scary. My daughter is 12 now and has listened to them on audiobook also.
YTA only because Rowling doesn’t need any new fans.
But NTA for encouraging a young reader. Might I suggest the Percy Jackson series.
I think the only thing in that book that could even remotely be scary is the fact that both of Harry’s parents are dead and the people he had to live with were AH. Maybe your niece is worried about losing her parents but even with that, NTA. You were kind enough to ask her parents for permission, that’s more than I have ever done tbh.
Any book I ever gave to my nieces or nephews is one that I have personally read to ensure that it’s age appropriate for this day and age cuz I’m with the top group who was reading VC Andrews, Stephen King, romance novels, etc and I started when I was 8. Whatever was given to me, I read. Perfect way to escape a horrible childhood. I had absolutely no monitoring on what I read until the Harry Potter books came out when my mom said I couldn’t read them because it would teach me how to cast spells🤦🏼♀️
Nta. It’s the parents responsibility to find out if the child is sensitive and deal with it.
NTA. My kid is extremely sensitive, like hid from the bees during a magic school bus episode, hates any slightly scary movies, and has been scared of the wild Kratts, but was fine with Harry Potter at like 8. I would not expect an 11 year old to be that terrified by it.
NTA.I started reading them when I was 11 and I was fine. Some kids just get more scared others. I was also watching horror movies at a young age. But, my kids being the age I was when I first watched scary movies, could never handle them this young. They are big scaredy cats. So I will have to wait to see how they are as they get older for when I let them read or watch Harry Potter. Ot any other scary things.
NTA. 11 is not typically considered too young to start reading the first harry potter
NTA My daughter (8F) just finished reading the whole series on her own after reading the first few together (our reading time was too limited to get through them fast enough for her lol). Truthfully I (36F) was worried originally as we got later in the series and they get a little more intense with deaths, but the books didn’t phase her at all. (While I’m over here still crying re-reading anything from Cedric on)
It’s kid specific, you couldn’t have known that would happen. They even gave you permission. The book content definitely isn’t inappropriate for that age, especially the early ones. Sometimes shit happens. Your niece will recover. Give your sister some space to cool off and hopefully she realizes that her mama bear reaction might’ve been a little extra and misplaced. If she’s that worried about her kids content, or if she knows she has an extra sensitive kiddo (some just are), then she should be screening her kids content more closely.
maybe she interacted with the wrong side of the fandom? Or maybe he saw something else and blamed harry potter? As someone who was scared of dark till way older than average, that’s not a reaction I would expect of an eleven yo who read HP for the first time.
NTA
NTA I was reading books more along the lines of RL Stine Fear Street when I was 11 and picked up my first Steven King book at 12. I know that is absolutely not typical of that age, but Harry Potter should be. She likes magic and fantasy and those books are definitely for kids her age.
Nta. That’s the age most kids start Harry Potter, and I don’t even think it starts getting scary until the 4th book.
NTA, not one bit. You absolutely couldn’t have known. For her parents to blame you is really petty, and since they won’t answer your calls, they’re refusing to have an adult conversation about it. Many 11 y/o’s and younger have read these books. My own opinions of the series aside, you literally couldn’t have predicted she’d have nightmares. That isn’t your fault! The books are age appropriate.
My daughter, at 10, was reading the HP series and her 6 yo brother asked me to start reading the first book to him. After a few nights, he said I was reading the wrong page. I remembered where I’d left off but he insisted I was wrong. He finally admitted reading under the covers after I’d tucked him in the night before.
I don’t think you’re wrong in getting your niece the book; 11 sounds like a good age for the HP series. Some kids are more advanced than others and some have difficulty processing intense scenes. I was around 10 when I read a Nancy Drew book that had a gorilla character causing trouble. For some reason, it scared the bejeebers out of me. But, it also set the stage for a deep love of Stephen King!
NTA
Nta. I’m wondering what the nightmares are actually caused by and if she just needed someone to blame
My daughter read the first Harry potter books when she was 8-ish. They’re not that bad.
They get scarier as the series progresses, but the first one is totally appropriate for an 11 year old. It’s the target audience because that’s how old Harry is.
How ridiculous! If your niece visits you at your home and is frightened, because you painted your bedroom blue, does that mean you were insensitive for not considering how she might feel? You gave her a present; a nice gesture. Her guardians said you could buy her the book after you cleared it with them. Your big crime? You didn’t consult a psychiatrist to see if someone might be scarred for life reading it. But how about the parents? You asked. They gave the go ahead. And they’re yelling at YOU, because THEY didn’t look through the book first to evaluate it? Or did they just offhand say “yeah, yeah” and didn’t bother to consider it? Would they have said, “yeah, yeah”, if you mentioned you were going to buy her the Kama Sutra? Were they even listening? Or, maybe … just maybe, there was nothing wrong with either you buying the book or they not poring through every word. Maybe kids are just kids and this was a learning experience for all involved.
It seems to me your sister and BIL need to go back to parenting classes and maybe brush up on “life”, because they’re just a tad too much!