I’m 13. My parents divorced about 4 years ago, split custody 50/50.
About a year ago, my dad got me a phone without a SIM card, which used to be my dad’s girlfriend’s phone. I assumed that the phone was only for when I was at his house.
About 8 months ago, around Christmas, my dad told me that I could bring my phone to my mom’s house, though my mom never specifically said it was okay. When I brought it to her house, my mom didn’t say anything about it, and I made it very clear that I had brought it. I continued to bring it there for about 8 months, until the day before school started, when my mom emailed my dad telling him that the phone was no longer allowed at her house.
The first week after this, when I was with my mom, I’ll admit I was really rude, but I felt like my mom kept saying condescending things like:
- “Everything you can do on the phone you can do on your iPad.”
- “It’s only been a week, be patient.”
- “It’s gonna distract you from school.”
This iPad is like 9 years old and the touchscreen barely works. Also, I got 100% on my first two tests.
The next week I saw her, she made me a stupid “proposal” in which she would pay for half of a new phone, and I would pay for the other half. At first, I told her it was a great idea, but then my dad told my mom that if she gets me a new phone, then that isn’t allowed at his house. So now I don’t want to do that.
Today, when I saw my mom, she told me she had a new “proposal,” which is also really silly: I give her like 400 dollars, she takes the money, buys herself a new phone, and then gives me her current phone. I was pretty upset, and we got into a big argument about it. She told me I’m super entitled, and I told her if that’s the case, then she only has herself to blame for that.
I am looking for an outside opinion. Please help. AITA?
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I’m 13. My parents divorced about 4 years ago, split custody 50/50.
About a year ago, my dad got me a phone without a SIM card, which used to be my dad’s girlfriend’s phone. I assumed that the phone was only for when I was at his house.
About 8 months ago, around Christmas, my dad told me that I could bring my phone to my mom’s house, though my mom never specifically said it was okay. When I brought it to her house, my mom didn’t say anything about it, and I made it very clear that I had brought it. I continued to bring it there for about 8 months, until the day before school started, when my mom emailed my dad telling him that the phone was no longer allowed at her house.
The first week after this, when I was with my mom, I’ll admit I was really rude, but I felt like my mom kept saying condescending things like:
This iPad is like 9 years old and the touchscreen barely works. Also, I got 100% on my first two tests.
The next week I saw her, she made me a stupid “proposal” in which she would pay for half of a new phone, and I would pay for the other half. At first, I told her it was a great idea, but then my dad told my mom that if she gets me a new phone, then that isn’t allowed at his house. So now I don’t want to do that.
Today, when I saw my mom, she told me she had a new “proposal,” which is also really silly: I give her like 400 dollars, she takes the money, buys herself a new phone, and then gives me her current phone. I was pretty upset, and we got into a big argument about it. She told me I’m super entitled, and I told her if that’s the case, then she only has herself to blame for that.
I am looking for an outside opinion. Please help. AITA?
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> i got upset with my mom for taking my phone away for a reason that i believe is unfair. i want to know if other people also think that reason is unfari, but i could be wrong
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Ugh… your parents are horrible… tell your mom to put on her big girl pants and just fucking coparent in a reasonable way….
NTA
I think your parents suck to me it seems she doesnt want the new girlfriends old phone in her house I think its who its from is the sticking point since she doesnt care if you have one. It could be her way of sticking it to your dad. Your dad in this sucks too. He could be the bigger person and say okay use the phone your mom gets you and not the gfs but no he sticks it to your mom by implimenting the say foolishness at his house. I’m sorry your just a kid and have to deal with adults being stupid.
Your mom is a jerk
NTA with a side of EVERYONE ELSE sucks. Your parents are using this phone drama to stick it to each other and that’s just pathetic and immature.
Your mom is a genius! Making money off your own kid!
Does your dad have a tracking device on your phone?
Do not give your mother money for a new or used phone. You already have a phone. What about all her excuses regarding school etc. So now she’s willing to let you have a phone for use at her house? What changed?
your father said if she buys you a phone it stays at her house. So are you supposed to have and use two different phones??
Why don’t you tell both your parents that you’d like to use “your” phone wherever you are. This is completely reasonable and like shoes, clothes, makeup and sports equipment, your phone goes with you.
Otherwise start saving for a phone, put birthday money away, tell them that’s what you want for holidays etc. they’re being petty for some reason
I’m also petty enough that I would block my mother on the phone I’m only allowed to use at dad’s house. What’s the problem? She thinks the phone is a distraction so don’t allow her to distract you
NTA. Your mom is silly.
>I give her like 400 dollars, she takes the money, buys herself a new phone
>She told me I’m super entitled
Um what? NTA
NTA sorry to say your parents are using you as a pawn in their petty attempts to get at each other. Just keep the phone you already have.
Your parents need to have a normal conversation with EACH OTHER about you having a phone. You’re 13!!! I was 13 when I got my first phone, almost 20 years ago.
It is a silly and ridiculous notion for a teenager to have two phones—one for mom’s and one for dad’s??? What the heck is this?! A phone is personal property.
I’m a child of divorce too and when I was a teenager if I wanted to bring my phone or my Nintendo DS or something to my other parent’s house, neither of my parents would care because it belonged to me??? Your parents need to mature and suck it up and coparent civilly and keep you out of the crossfire. This is nuts.
NTA by the way if it wasn’t super obvious
This is bullshit honestly. Like I can understand being worried about distractions during school hours. But what if there’s an emergency? I don’t understand why they don’t want it at their houses. Like that makes zero sense, regardless of who buys it
Overall, your parents are jerking you around and they suck. But you probably should have a phone that actually works that you can bring with you. Are your parents mature enough to sit down all 3 of you and figure something out?
If I were you, I’d live phoneless until the day I could legally buy my own, just on principle. You can get a good enough Android tablet or a used laptop for under $100 if your iPad finally dies.
Get your dad involved in this discussion because he’s the one that gave you the phone in the first place
Your parents are fighting each other through you. Your dad gave you his girlfriend’s phone to make your mom angry. It’s possible that she just learned whose phone it was, or did they have a fight out of your hearing and she decided she had enough? Your dad is just as much an AH for refusing to let your mother buy you a new phone. He wants your mother to see you using his girlfriend’s phone.
In fact your dad is the biggest AH of the two, using you to hurt your mom. And he is probably glad that you and your mom are now fighting.
Your mom’s new idea sounds like she wants to do the same thing to your dad, he sees you using her phone.
Frankly, both are AH but you’re dad is number one. Why don’t you go discuss quietly with your mom and ask her. And see what solution you can find. That means also from you no shouting, insult, stamping, and other teenage way of discussing with adults.
I uh. I think I know why your parents got divorced. Definitely NTA
Let’s ranknthem:
head asshole: OP’s mom trying to make money off her kid
runner up, OP’s dad for the pettiness about not letting a Mom provided phone in his house.
NTA, OP. Just a typical kid being used as a pawn by your divorced, immature parents.
NTA. I bet mom would not have cared about the phone if it had belonged to her boyfriend instead of dads girlfriend. Sounds like you are caught in the emotional mess of divorce and it doesn’t really have anything to do with a phone and everything to do with left over hurt feelings.
Yta and sound pretty rude.
You are not the AH but your mom and dad are putting you and your phone in the middle of some power struggle they have going on. Shouldn’t happen.
NTA. In no way should you be responsible to pay for your own phone, or part of the phone cost, you are 13 – so what your Mom is actually suggesting is that she get to confiscate your allowance or money gifted to you or money you make at jobs like babysitting or lawn-mowing to help cover the cost which if she is the one insisting that you need this new phone is completely and totally unacceptable and unreasonable.
Why does it matter that your current phone used to belong to your Dad’s GF. I am assuming that it was factory reset to remove her contacts, accounts, pictures, emails, etc before it was given to you – if it wasn’t factory reset before being given to you then that is not appropriate but that is on your Dad and your Mom should not be taking it out on you. Your Mom is being unreasonable here.
Your parents need to leave you out of this and sort their shit out, if they keep playing tug-of-war by proxy with you or your belongings you need to talk to your school counsellor or bring this up to child protective services or ask that a guardian ad litem be appointed by the courts to represent your interests. If Your Mom insists you have a brand new phone set then it is 1) on her to cover 100% of the costs and 2) to talk to your father and ensure that he isn’t going to try to confiscate it – she can’t plan to use your access to the phone as a power play over your Dad or a power/control move on you for that matter.
You’re 13. Under no condition should anyone be asking you for 400 dollars. Anyone.
Where the hell are you gonna get $400 at 13 years old?? Tell your dad your mom is trying awfully hard to get several hundred dollars off of you.
At this point I would think you Dad could contact the courts because she is not allowing you free access to contact your father when you are with her also you pay for her to get a new phone and giving you a hand me down that you don’t need feels criminal your mom seems unstable.
BOTH of your parents are being jerks here, actually.
What would be right for them to do, if you need a new phone, is both pay 50/50 for it,and then that phone is yours*, zero question.
They both need to get over who bought you what and see you as a person with their own things.
Tell them you want your mom to pay 50% and your dad to pay 50% and then you’ll keep it at both of their homes 50% of the time
Your parents are being absurd. Sorry you’re dealing with this. It’s absolutely ridiculous to not be allowed to use the same phone and even more ridiculous that anyone would expect you to pay for this