My cousin (27M) is married with a kid (1F), but they live across the country (USA) from each other. His wife (25F) lives with his family in Massachusetts, while he lives in California with our extended family.
We have an aunt (54F) who begrudgingly let him live in her spare home, rent-free, while he “figures out his life”. The original reason he didn’t have to pay rent was because he owed student loans and his salary was low, but now his obligations are further compounded by supporting a new, non-working wife, baby, and designer dog. It’s now been 2 years.
She lives in MA because his family provides free childcare, and he lives in CA because his job is strictly located there. Additionally, they don’t have the means to move into their own place together, and our aunt won’t allow his entire family to live at her place rent-free.
Our family has been trying to nudge him out of our aunt’s house, but he insists that everyone’s being unfair to him even though he’s “trying his best”. He vents to me (29F) every chance he gets, and I finally had enough and told him he needs to be a grown adult and figure it out, because most adults don’t get two years of free rent (let alone an entire home in California), so it’s understandable that our family is at their wits’ end.
I think he’s being entitled. He says no one empathizes with him. Reddit, what do you think? AITA for checking his privilege?
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My cousin (27M) is married with a kid (1F), but they live across the country (USA) from each other. His wife (25F) lives with his family in Massachusetts, while he lives in California with our extended family.
We have an aunt (54F) who begrudgingly let him live in her spare home, rent-free, while he “figures out his life”. The original reason he didn’t have to pay rent was because he owed student loans and his salary was low, but now his obligations are further compounded by supporting a new, non-working wife, baby, and designer dog. It’s now been 2 years.
She lives in MA because his family provides free childcare, and he lives in CA because his job is strictly located there. Additionally, they don’t have the means to move into their own place together, and our aunt won’t allow his entire family to live at her place rent-free.
Our family has been trying to nudge him out of our aunt’s house, but he insists that everyone’s being unfair to him even though he’s “trying his best”. He vents to me (29F) every chance he gets, and I finally had enough and told him he needs to be a grown adult and figure it out, because most adults don’t get two years of free rent (let alone an entire home in California), so it’s understandable that our family is at their wits’ end.
I think he’s being entitled. He says no one empathizes with him. Reddit, what do you think? AITA for checking his privilege?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1.) the action I took that should be judged was checking my cousin’s privilege and entitlement for being able to live in our aunt’s home rent-free for 2 years
2.) this action might make me the asshole because it’s not my battle / this matter doesn’t directly concern me, and perhaps he wasn’t looking for advice
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Edit after reading op’s reply: NTA
Info: is the aunt ok with him living rent free?
check him a little harder
NTA. He’s not some 19-year-old figuring things out, he’s a married man with a kid. Two years of free housing in California is a lottery ticket most people never get, and he’s acting like he’s owed more. You didn’t insult him, you just told him what everyone else is already thinking
lol NTA, u were too soft with him, imagine having to listen a 27 years old baby complain about adult live..
NTA
He wants all the things but won’t be the adult or partner in the situation. It is wild to me that he isn’t looking for other employment that pays better in either state to unite his family. Does he even like his wife and kid? Sounds great to be able to say he’s married with a child when he doesn’t have to do anything for them aside from provide some cash.
Why is his wife not working? What does she do all day if her parents are looking after the kid?
NAH Times are tough in the US right now so I sympathize with your brother, trying to find a place right now suuuuuuucccckkkkssss.
That being said, I don’t think you’re wrong for reminding him he’s been blessed by your aunt letting him live near his work for free for years and trying to get him to live with his wife and child.
NTA Two years of free rent in California is a massive privilege, and it’s fair to point that out. He might feel overwhelmed with his situation, but venting doesn’t mean you’re obligated to validate entitlement. A reality check isn’t disrespect its honesty.
Clearly, he is a user, and your Aunt is far too nice. She will have to toughen up and evict him/his family. She needs to follow the guidance of an attorney so that he and her family have no way to squirm out of leaving. Where will he go? That is his business, which he has had 2 years to figure out, and no longer your Aunt’s concern. She will need your family’s emotional support. Your Cousin is TAH.
NTA. What does he do in CA that he can’t do in MA and support his wife and child? Raising a kid is hard, and is that what he is potentially avoiding?
He should be looking for work in MA to be with his family.