So, I (28F) am a twin. My sister and I have shared everything our whole lives—birthdays, clothes, sometimes even friends. But apparently, that sharing had a hard stop when it came to baby names.
I recently gave birth to my daughter (yay!), and I decided to honor our grandma by using her name as my daughter’s middle name. Grandma meant the world to me, so it felt like a beautiful tribute.
The issue? My twin sister.
Before I even officially decided on the name, I told my sister what I was thinking. Instead of being excited or supportive, she immediately yelled at me, saying she wanted that name for her future daughter’s middle name and that she didn’t want to be involved in my child’s life. Keep in mind—she’s not pregnant and doesn’t plan to have kids for at least three years.
Then, a week before my due date, she came over, begging and pleading with me not to use the name. She told me she was “done sharing” anything with me. I tried to frame it positively, saying it would be sweet if our future kids shared the same middle name, and that Grandma would love that connection. No luck.
Fast forward—I had my daughter last week and stuck to my plan. I gave her Grandma’s name as her middle name. Since then, my sister has completely cut me and my husband off. She blocked us on all social media and refuses to talk or see us.
Now I’m wondering—AITA for keeping the name despite her protests? I get that twins share everything, but this just feels unreasonable. It’s a name that means something special to me, and she might not even end up using it in the future.
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Backup of the post’s body: So, I (28F) am a twin. My sister and I have shared everything our whole lives—birthdays, clothes, sometimes even friends. But apparently, that sharing had a hard stop when it came to baby names.
I recently gave birth to my daughter (yay!), and I decided to honor our grandma by using her name as my daughter’s middle name. Grandma meant the world to me, so it felt like a beautiful tribute.
The issue? My twin sister.
Before I even officially decided on the name, I told my sister what I was thinking. Instead of being excited or supportive, she immediately yelled at me, saying she wanted that name for her future daughter’s middle name and that she didn’t want to be involved in my child’s life. Keep in mind—she’s not pregnant and doesn’t plan to have kids for at least three years.
Then, a week before my due date, she came over, begging and pleading with me not to use the name. She told me she was “done sharing” anything with me. I tried to frame it positively, saying it would be sweet if our future kids shared the same middle name, and that Grandma would love that connection. No luck.
Fast forward—I had my daughter last week and stuck to my plan. I gave her Grandma’s name as her middle name. Since then, my sister has completely cut me and my husband off. She blocked us on all social media and refuses to talk or see us.
Now I’m wondering—AITA for keeping the name despite her protests? I get that twins share everything, but this just feels unreasonable. It’s a name that means something special to me, and she might not even end up using it in the future.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
NTA. My cousin and I share a middle name and we love it. It’s something special that we share and I’m sad, because our other cousin doesn’t have it too.
You brought it up first so it’s not like you had malicious intent. I also think you both could have used the name for middle names.
NTA. Info: was there a lot of competition between you two growing up? I come from of a family where tons of people have the same middle or first name, named after the same person.
My grandfather died when my mom was a teenager, he was loved and missed. I had two cousins who had his first name. No confusion, no anger, just love and respect for an important man.NTA
The name isn’t the issue
NTA. No one owns a name, and your sister is not pregnant, may never be pregnant, and even if she does have children, she may never have a daughter.
It’s also extremely common for girls/women to have middle names that are shared amongst family. I have a passed down middle name. My MIL and her sisters all have the same middle name, done so that they’d still share a name after they all married. None of us go by our middle names or variations of them.
But you and your sister likely need to deal with the effects of having been forced/encouraged to share so much of your identities growing up. It clearly has had a negative impact on her that’s destroying your relationship as adults. But you have a little baby to take care of, so give it time. Perhaps in a few months, when you’re getting sleep, you can suggest group therapy to try and work through things.
NTA. She cannot gatekeep a name. She is behaving as though she has copyrights on it. What happens when she finds out that other people also have the same name? Shocking 😲 But seriously she should just share this between your daughters. That’s if she even will have kids or even a daughter. She appears to have deeper issues than just this name. It seems as though she was always unhappy sharing things with you and now she finally found something to make her feelings known. That explains her over the top reaction. Perhaps get your mom or someone to speak to her about it
I have 6 cousins who all share the same middle name. None of them cared. Your sister can still use the name assuming she ever has a daughter.
I was prepared to answer yes. But given that your sister isn’t even trying to get pregnant, and hadn’t previously told you that she wanted to use grandma’s name, I’m going with NTA.
But the name is probably not the issue. It’s just the last straw for her. It sounds as if she is feeling that the two of you are in a competition and you’re winning.
If you want to improve your relationship, I would suggest not focusing on the issue your twin is bringing up, but instead reassure her that from your side there’s no competition and you still care just as much about her as before.
Why can’t you both use the middle name? My ex husband’s brother has a daughter and she got their mom’s name as a middle name. My daughter too.
NTA.
i share a middlename with half of the females in my family. we all thought it was cute, so much so my brother gave the middle name to his daughter! he said it was bc of me and the family connection. i find it so cute and fun. its not our first name either, so its not a big deal to us. so NTA
So I’m betting this isn’t really about the name and is about some kind of inadequacy she’s feeling about her life’s progress. If she’s behind you and feels weird about it. Or maybe she’s just really lost the plot over this… I don’t know but it’s some pretty strange behavior that’s for sure. Maybe she’s having some mental health issues you didn’t see because you’ve been busy being pregnant…?
So youre not wrong to keep your daughters name. People get weird about baby names. It’s not like there aren’t a million other people with any unique name and it is fine for cousins to share.
However, this might not be about the name. Or just the name at least. It sounds like you and your twin have shared everything except boyfriends. She might be trying to have something for herself. Has she been trying to start new hobbies that you’ve joined in on? Maybe new friends that you’ve also become friends with? If that’s the case, maybe a heart to heart is in order and keeping a name might not be as important to you as solving this.
Or maybe your sister is controlling and this is a way to get you to prove that you will do as she wants because she wants it. She might see you slipping from her control because of your new life as a parent.
Or something in between.
It sounds like you are close. You aren’t wrong to keep the name. But your relationship with your sister is worthy of reflection.
This is ridiculous. Several men in my family have the same middle name because it was my granddad’s name. It’s just seen as honoring him.
I, my sister, and my 2 daughters have the same middle name which is what my nan’s middle name. Well my youngest has my nan’s first and middle name as her middle names because my husband and I both had a nan with that name so for example my nan’s name was June so my youngest daughter middle names are june Victoria which was my nan’s first and middle name so the fact that you twin is being so petty about this is pathetic imo because for my family it’s always been a generation thing whereas your sister has a very entitled me me me personality about her. Definitely NTA
What a storm in a teacup. Just remember, you can’t control how anyone else behaves. You can only be responsible for yourself. Keep being open and friendly when you have the opportunity. Hopefully your twin will realise just how silly they are being
So my SIL and I had babies three months apart. We both wanted part of my sisters name in our girls names. I wanted her initials so I picked another first name and kept her middle. SIL did middle name as first plus a family name on her side as middle. Never has it affected either of them, they both think its cool they “share” a name and are named after their favorite auntie. Your sister is making a mountain out of a molehill, never mind that she missed the boat and you had dibs first.
Geez, this drives me bonkers. My middle name is Marie, my grandma’s name. And I have about 70 cousins with the same middle name. I have two cousins with the same first name, different last names because two sisters and husband’s last name. My daughter has a less common name. A close friend named her daughter the same 8 months earlier. The name was chosen for entirely different reasons, and the girls remain friends in their forties. Heck, go to old graveyards and you will see two sons in a family with the same name.
You don’t own a name. And you really don’t get a placeholder before pregnancy especially.
There’s more going on with your sister than a name. Motherhood enters us into a new stage of life. The “done with sharing” makes me think that this is something you don’t share, and she may be afraid of losing this closeness. It’s also your first Mother’s day this week.
It’s only been a week. I do hope she gets past this quickly. Is your grandma still around? Maybe she could talk some sense into her.
I don’t have a twin, but I did lose a sibling I was close with. Mental illness and alcoholism took him out of my life (his choice, not mine) a decade before he died. And she should not miss out on being an aunt. All my aunts were important people in my life.
One of my Cousins(F24) and my eldest daughter(F13) have my Nans name as their middle name, no issues at all from my Aunt or any other relatives infact they thought its absolutely lovely and also a story the girls can both tell in the future.
12 (including 1 of ours) of my husband’s 24 nieces & nephews share variations of my late FIL’s name (Miguel Angel), there are Michael’s, Miguel’s, Michelle’s, Mikayla’s, Angel’s, Angelo’s, Angela’s,… Some siblings even share middle names.
Your sister needs therapy.
On my mom’s side, all the oldest daughters have the same middle name, and one my dad’s side all the oldest daughters have the same middle name. Literally for multiple generations. So I have them both as middle names. I have the same middle name as multiple cousins removed multiple times, aunts, grandmas, great grandmas, great aunts, great great grandmas, on and on and on… NTA.
NTA, your sister is having an adult temper tantrum. I share my middle name with my oldest 1st cousin as her first name, and another cousin has the masculine name for his middle name, and we have the same initials for the first, middle, and last
Plenty of people can use a name for their children. Especially after family. I can think of 4 people in my family that was named after my great grandmother (first name or middle name) and then I even used her middle name for my daughter as well. you are NTA.
Very childish on your sisters behalf. Focus on raising your child. Your sister should have grown up long time ago. Keep the door open for when she decides to stop sulking but don’t stress too much
NTA. It’s a middle name, for pete’s sake. What’s the big deal? It sounds like maybe your sister has had some things happen in her life that you haven’t, or perhaps you may be twins, but that doesn’t make your personalities identitcal because she sounds a little too intense.
What if she never has a daughter?
Honestly this is ridiculous.
NTA – she’s not pregnant and will not have a baby for at least 3 years? There’s no guarantee that she will ever even have a daughter!!
NTA your sister may never even have a girl. My brother told me he wanted to use our grandpa’s name for a future child when I was having a boy. I gave up using the name because they were closer and he was our only father figure. I wasn’t upset, just bummed but it felt right to let him have it. Well he and his wife decided to be childless so now neither of us got to pass it on.
If she had told you years before that she would be naming her daughter that I could get why she would be upset but if she didnt and you thought of it on your own then shes acting entitled and youre NTA. Even if she had told you she planned on using it lets be real its a middle name and she isnt even pregnant. I think we have at least five shared middle names in my family and four shared first names including extended family. Its only been an issue with one person and im 99.9% sure they were joking. Overreaction from her IMO.
It would be one thing if this was a random name your sister had confided in you that she liked and planned to use. But family names are kinda up for grabs.
So childish of her. And what is up with y’all announcing baby names prior to the birth? Haven’t you read enough Reddit to know that some whiny brat is going to complain?
My sister and myself both have the same middle name and now my daughter has the same middle name. My sister says she will name her daughter that same middle name if or when she ever has one. It’s kind of a sweet way to have a connection with family without it being a first name.
Yeah the problem isn’t the name. She literally told you she’s fed up with sharing, and it’s pretty obvious you don’t comprehend what that message actually means.
NTA. You share grandmas so it’s not like you did it out of spite or steal her baby name, that’s your grandma name and honestly, if middle name is a thing in my country, all my nieces would have the same middle name because grandma was very dear to us all and no one will be a btch about who name their kid first because she’s OUR grandma after all.
NTA my friend has given both her girls the same middle name, it’s also her middle name. I think it’s nice
NTA. Your sister is unhinged. Most of my female cousins have the middle name Marie. Your sister needs some help.
NTA – you were pregnant and talked to her about it. It’s irrational to be upset when she’s not pregnant, never mind with a girl and isn’t planning to be for years.
Congratulations on your daughter, leave your sister to process her feelings. She’ll come back when she’s ready. For now, focus on your little family
She needs time apart. She’s trying to find her own identity. You have yours mother, wife , job role. She’s not there yet. The name is something she wanted for her own identity and everything she’s struggling with came out in the name. Let her have her space, figure things out. She will be back once she’s processed things. You have every right to name your baby what you want to.
Myself and a cousin share the same middle name, it was our grandmothers. A second cousin has it as a first name. If I had a little girl, I would have used it too. It’s not a big deal—it’s a lovely remembrance and connection. You are honoring grandma.
NTA also don’t twins literally have the same thoughts and dreams sometimes??? You could’ve both thought the same thing and she might’ve just been upset that you vocalized it first. Give her some time to come around because it’s truly just a name and a middle name at that. She’s not pregnant and she isn’t planning to be anytime soon. Tons of women are dead set on a name and then once the kid pops out they change their minds. It’s all a fluid process and you did nothing disrespectful.
Either way, the only way you ever “steal” a baby name is if you knew another pregnant woman either already had that name picked out (actually happened to my mom with me lmao), or (in the case of SATC) you KNOW your close friend has had a specific name picked out since childhood and you still choose to take it anyway
It’s not weird at all for cousins to share middle names. Maybe there’s more going on than you know.
My grandfather mom and son all have the same name. Your sister is an AH
NTA and this is NOT about the potential middle name of a daughter she may not ever have. There’s something else going on.
Why would it matter if they both had the same middle name? We have a Sarah Kate and Maddy Kate that are first cousins, in our family. Both go by double names and were named Kate after a family member.
INFO:
Is it that you share things or that she isn’t allowed to have her own things?
And have you continued to push for twinning with her long after she wanted to be her own person?
It just seems like this is a big reaction.
My husband, his brother and his sister all share a middle name which they got from his father’s middle name, which was his grandfather’s middle name (etc). He gave the middle namd to his son when he was born. At least eight more of his cousins and their kids have the middle name. It never comes up as an issue, and when it does, it tends to strengthen the family bond.
I thought it was so cute that I gave our three dogs the middle name!
ETA: NTA
NTA for using the name but you, and the commenters, arent really getting her point.
She said it, she’s done sharing. She doesn’t want to be “The twins” she wants to be her own person, and children sharing names is a step to far when you already share EVERYTHING. It’s clear that you like being a twin, it’s also clear that she doesn’t, at least not anymore.
My grandfather was beloved by my cousins and me. There are multiple kids who bear his name as a first name and middle name. No one cares other than it is a sign of how much we all loved him.
This sounds like an outgrowth of something else.There may be a different issue.
My husband has many cousins who share his middle name since it was his grandfathers name. They can have the same middle name. Sister is ridiculous and needs to get over herself.
What aren’t you telling us? Because that’s a big reaction over a middle name.
You don’t state whether you knew she wanted that name for a futvhild pre you both getting married and having kids…..that seems deliberate.
If you have know for a long time that she wanted that name and still took it then.. YTA absolutely
If you didn’t know she wanted the name until you mentioned that you were using it then NTA. Stick to your plans.
NTA I really don’t think it’s a problem for cousins to share a middle name.
As others have said though; the name isn’t the issue, just for some reason it’s been the last straw.
If it were me I’d write it all out in a letter, every theory on what’s going on. Not necessarily to send to her, but to have it clear in your head. Then message her / send a short letter to let her know that you love her, want to work through issues with her, but respect her need for some space.
NTA. And tbh I’m kind of petty and this would have made me change it from a middle name to a first name. My sister didn’t want me to name my daughter after my mom. I had the name picked out the first time I was pregnant. It isn’t my mom’s legal name but a version of her nickname and have everyone would call my mom growing up. She was furious when I told her this was the name if I had a girl. She said it’s what she had planned naming her kid. But I never knew. I’m the one that told her what I was planning.
So I end up with a boy. So didn’t use the name. Then 3 years later I get pregnant. And my sister does 3 months after me. And she brought the name thing up again. Because I told her, once again if it’s a girl what the name will be. She was now furious this time because she was actually pregnant. Only this time I was having a girl and she a boy.
I went with the name. And I love it for her. My husband loved it and my MiL hated it since she wanted her to be named after her instead lol. So it was like a bonus. My sister was mad because she kept bringing up her future hypothetical child. I told her she can always use it as a middle name.
Well we are now in our 40s and she never had another child and doesn’t plan on having any more. Her son is 14 now. So I pointed out if I had listened to her neither of us would have a child with my mom’s name. All because of the hypothetical child of hers that doesn’t exists.
You don’t get to call dibs on a name. She might never have a daughter. She might end up with all boys. Or no kids at all. And it’s silly to me to be upset they would share the same middle name.
My daughter and my niece both have the same middle name that belonged to our beloved Grandma. Nothing is stopping both of you to using it to pay hommage to someone you love. NTA
No one has fibbs on a name or can prevent you using it. If she wants to have a hissy fit and stomping off to sulk, let her. Enjoy your child and family. Don’t go chasing her or begging forgiveness. Let her have her tantrum and she can come crawling back. You don’t need her permission or approval for anything. Don’t give her this power over you. If she sees she has upset you, it gives her power over you. Just ignore her and if she comes back to throw blame and accuse you of anything, just give her a vague smile and say sorry you feel that way. Nothing more. Don’t give any oxygen to her little snit
I think both can use it as a middle name.
My sister and I both have kids w the middle name Lee, for my father. My niece and my son. Literally none of us cared, it was to honor our dad and that was all that mattered.
Tell your sister to call the name police. Pretty sure they won’t care. NTA
And I can say from experience this is not a big deal. I have the same first name as one of my cousins. It wasn’t ever a big deal and nobody cared.
It’s a middle name. I gave my son my dad’s middle name and my brother plans to use it if he has a son as a first name. No-one cares. Middle names aren’t even used unless the parents use it for whatever reason. Ur sister is being ridiculous.
NTA but it sounds like your sister never enjoyed the sharing like you did. It sounds like she doesn’t like being a twin.
I think the only way your relationship is ever going to be repaired is with therapy and both of you admitting you could’ve cared more about each other’s feelings and both of you compromising a bit more.
I don’t see it happening, but I wish you luck. Congratulations on your daughter!
Not everyone has great relationships with their siblings, I know it hurts but you’re growing your family. It’ll be okay even if she doesn’t come around. Just try not to hold a grudge in case she does.
You messed up when you told your sister your plans. But it does sound like the name was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.
You say you felt it was nice to always have a best friend to do things with. Is it possible she doesn’t feel the same way? If you’ve been hitting all the milestones first (college, marriage, house, baby), it’s possible she feels resentment towards you for standing in your shadow. If she feels like you’re always outshining her, or that nothing is truly hers, then imagine the frustration she felt when she graduated college and you planned your wedding for the same time. Here she is, about to celebrate a big accomplishment, and your wedding is the bigger celebration. You get all the attention, and she has to serve you as your bridesmaid or MOH.
While you’re not in the wrong for naming your child after your grandmother, the bigger picture is that your twin is tired of playing second fiddle to you. If she goes through with naming her daughter after your grandmother, the name will have been your daughter’s first, and it’s another first that your sister doesn’t want to be reminded of.
She might never even have a girl child, jesus fing xhrist. Wtf. Nta.
Karma will give her boys…..
Many kids—my nephews included—share the middle name of a grandparent. She’s being OTT.
Not an AH in my opinion, you did the right thing using it as a middle name. Gives you both the opportunity to use it.
My sister named her son after our dad without talking to anyone about it first. Our dad passed away, so using his name Robert was a big emotional thing. She calls her son Bobby as a nickname and she kept her maiden name for him too. So now, when post comes addressed to Robert with our family name, it feels like it’s for Dad. It hit me every time. (We lived together for a time)
It really hurt our other sister, too. The name could’ve easily been used as a middle name, which would’ve been more thoughtful. Instead, it felt like a selfish decision that didn’t consider how it might affect the rest of us. Instead she used our grandads name as the middle name which I also thought was selfish.
If I ever have a son, Robert will still be part of his name. Not sure why she did it, she’s always been a bit selfish but this one was probably the most hurtful.
NTA, if you brought the name up first and your sister never mentioned it before. If this is the case, then her outburst is probably stemming from something deeper that she needs to work on internally and your best bet is to focus on yourself and the family you are building.
I think there is a lot going on here that you don’t see. I will honestly say that, while you have a right to call your child Ratatui if that’s how you feel (I don’t jude you for bad taste) but maybe you should try to listen to your sister as well. She also has some wishes for her future children, and that’s also important and valid. It’s just a bit disrespectful in my opinion to not even consider how your sister feels. Maybe she feel like she is living in your shadow, where everything is about your wishes, your children and that’s exhausting for her. I know it’s normally a new mother people will side with, but in this case I will have your sisters sympathy.
I think it would be good if you stepped out of your own bubble and actually start considering other peoples feelings instead of yourself
OP this has nothing to do with being twins. My Mom’s name had 2 components along the lines of “Mary Ann”. Me and my sister’s all have her second second name as our middle name. So do all our daughters. So do their daughters.
Many families take a name of a Grandmother, favorite aunt, cousin or beloved friend and incorporate the name. The fact that you are twins is incidental, not causative.
Your sister is a childish, selfish a$$ having a grown up temper tantrum. You did not do anything wrong.
The part about not being in your child’s life is what is giving me pause. What is that?!
I think this is full on old fashioned jealousy.
She said she didn’t want a baby ‘for at least three years’ but her actions are screaming ‘why not me?’
Jealousy is a really ugly trait. This is over way more than just a name sadly.
My nonna’s name was Lorenza, changed to Laura when she came to America. Our family is littered with first and middle names of Laura, Lora, Lorraine, and Lauren everywhere. No one has take offense because we all loved her.
Had she ever mentioned this to you before even as teens or kids?
NTA in my family there are a bunch of girls with the middle name Marie after my grandmother. No one cares about that. Just shows what a positive influence she was in our lives.
Family names belong to the family. Perhaps you have cousins who will use grandmas name as well. Your sister is TA.
NTA There’s absolutely no problem for both kids to have the same middle name
Its only a middle name, cousins can have the same first name never mind the middle ones.
But…that bit about always having to share, could this be a symptom of a bigger problem? Maybe she doesn’t like sharing as much as you, and is struggling to find her own identity and place in the world. Not knowing what her motive is, going on just what you’ve said, NTA.
Every first female in our family (except my daughter because I genuinely just forgot) has the middle name Louise. It’s after my/our grandmother who died when our parents were kids. There’s at least 6/7 of us. It started 40+ years ago and it’s as recent as my sister’s one year old.
I think this goes deeper than just a name. She said she is tired of sharing everything which indicates pent up frustration going back a long time. Equally, no-one owns a name so NTA.
I have three sisters, all of them have our grandma’s name as a middle name. I don’t actually see your sister’s problem.
Yes
Why can’t she use the same name for a middle name?
Your sister doesn’t have sole claim to your shared grandmother, and has no right to prevent you from honoring grandma this way. First, it’s a middle name, not a first name, and that makes it different as it isn’t your child’s primary name. Second, the first you heard of her plan was after you brought up yours, so you’re not copying her, and she is still free to use the name for any future children as she sees fit.
You’re NTA, and I think your sister is overreacting. Tho, I also wonder if there’s other things going on with her- some underlying simmering issues that sparked her outburst and drastic reaction.
She might never have a daughter. She sounds highly insecure and jealous. She should support your decision and pour love into you and her niece. I can’t fathom losing the bond with my sister and her baby over something like this. She really needs some help from a professional.
I don’t even have a middle name. My husband doesn’t have a middle name. And now our daughter doesn’t have a middle name!
Nta, let her tell her story about her name even though she isn’t pregnant or planning on having them soon…. It’s embarrassing for her
7 of my cousins have the same middle name. its not a big deal. I also have 2 cousins that have same 2 names for 1st & middle just flipflopped. (i.e. Ann Lee/Lee Ann). No one cares.
Hopefully your sister realizes her sister & niece are more important than gatekeeping a middle name for a baby that’s not even conceived yet.
Yikes her immaturity.
Don’t call or text her. Don’t chase that.
NTA. It’s a family name, instead of allowing it to be the beautiful tribute to your grandmother that it is, your sister decided to behave like an unhinged brat. Your children would be cousins, there’s no reason they can’t share a middle name. There’s also no telling that your sister would even have a daughter. Her child is hypothetical, yours is real. Sis needs to go touch grass.
Your sister might not even HAVE children! She doesn’t get to claim a name for some future child who many never exist.
She doesn’t get to claim a name regardless.
Sooooo many families have people with the same name. My family had Big Bill, Little Bill, William, Will, and Willy. All honoring a particular person, of course. It’s very common.
She needs to get over herself.
Don’t stress, OP. Enjoy your new baby, and don’t mention the drama to ANYONE. Just ignore it and her. Let her be perceived as the petty one. She’s the one hurting herself by not being in her niece’s life.
My god. The drama over cousins having the same middle names is and/or people “staking a claim” to a name prior to giving birth (much less even being pregnant!) is ridiculous. Names don’t make children special. Children are special because they’re children. Unconditionally.
ALL the men in my exes family share the same middle name. It’s tradition. And it doesn’t hurt the kids at all.
NTA
NTA.
And I think it’s absolutely insane that people who AREN’T pregnant, may NEVER have children, or might not even have the gender they want are throwing tantrums about something that doesn’t even affect them yet. Your sister has zero clue if she will ever have a daughter in the first place. She could be infertile when she starts trying. She might have all boys. Your sister’s husband/boyfriend might hate/veto the middle name. She might never get to use that name no matter what you do yet she’s treating the situation like she’s giving birth to a girl tomorrow and you are the one thing stopping her from naming her kid. Like a pregnancy is years away. She’s not pregnant with a girl. But she’s trying to control what you name your very real existing baby? Make it make sense! Jealousy maybe? Is she jealous she’s not pregnant first?
Your sister may not even have a girl if/when she does get pregnant.
NTA. Just wait for your sister to come to her senses. If she doesn’t, don’t worry about it.
Me, my dad, my grandpa and everyone on that side of the family before my grandpa shares the same middle name. I freaking love it. It’s a family name.
We even had a farm a couple of generations back that was named after that name.
We are currently two families in my country allowed to use it.
What I’m trying to say is: EMBRACE IT. And let your sister be mad. You even gave her the chance to both get the name. That could have ended up being a family name too.
It’s her decision to be sour about it. You did nothing wrong!
NTA. If and when she has kids, do we know there will be a girl? I have family members who fought over a name for months. Then, the name fight was moot because no baby was assigned the gender for which they wanted the name.
The gatekeeping of names is so weird to me. Look at all the cultures that have traditions of naming babies after grandparents.
NTA at all and how sad she will miss out on the chance to get to know her niece. It’s her loss. I think she’s being a petty drama queen.
NTA.
My middle name is my cousin’s first name. It’s fine.
My child and three of her cousins share either the same or a variation of a middle name.
My mum, sister, niece and cousin all have my grandmas first name as their middle name. Grandparents names are commonly used.
I’m guessing she’s just sick of sharing as a twin but she’s being ridiculous about this.
We have 3 Crystals and 4 johns in our family. They are all first names. Who the hell cares about the middle name.
TLTR: OP is NTA in these specific circumstances
OP’s twin’s feelings are valid about not wanting to share everything, however being stuck on a middle name that is meaningful to BOTH of you while she is NOT pregnant is just unreasonable.
I would say that the OP would only be the AH, ONLY IF the circumstances were that the name was only meaningful to the twin (and not OP), and that the twin wanted to use it as a first name but OP decided to give their child the same first name intentionally knowing that it had important meaning for the twin.
However, that was NOT the case. I would be concerned if it was the first name because people call their children by their first names, so I understand that that would be confusing if you name 2 children the same name.
However, a second name is not as serious as the first, and people inherent names as a family tradition. Regular siblings and cousins share the same grandparents as well. Yet there is no problem sharing the same surname and/or first/second names? Therefore, OP is NTA for this specific circumstance
My sibling and our cousin have the same middle name in honor of our grandfather, but my sibling’s middle name is spelled slightly differently from our cousin’s.
If your sister had told you years ago that she was going to use this name as a first name and then you used it as your child’s first name, she would be somewhat justified in being hurt–although, given that she may never have a child, I think she would need to concede the point. However, in this case, you’ve done nothing wrong. As you can see from the comments, cousins sharing a middle name is common.
i have a uncle and 4 cousins with the same first and last name. then i have another 2 cousins with the EXACT same name. first, middle, last AND SUFFIX.
My oldest sis and our next oldest female cousin have the same frickin first name.
They use different nicknames. It’s good.
My siblings and I all have the same middle name. Yup the same. It’d nbd.
People are weird. it’s a name, nobody owns it. Also a second name… such a meaningless thing to be angry about. NTA
Three weeks ago you posted about this except you added in how you told your mother your plan first and she told you that your sister was wanting to use that name and would be unhappy. So your solution was to make sure your sister knew about it, who proceeded to tell you why she would be unhappy. You then pulled the “twins” line and did it anyway and in this post make it out like your sister only tried to claim the name after you told her when other family knew she wanted to use that name because she’s been talking about it.
Normally I am firmly in camp “names can’t be reserved” but in this case YTA.
My dad and 3 of his first cousins, plus one more who died at birth, all had the same FIRST name. Who cares that cousins share a middle name? Also, is your grandmother’s name just supposed to die if sister has no daughter?
How sweet would it be if you both had daughters with the same middle name! But there is a chance she won’t have a girl.
I think there is something deeper going on here. Is she jealous? Have you given her power to make decisions for you before this? Cutting someone off for a name is extreme. And the comment about not sharing with you kind of tells the problem, ummm you are living a separate life and building a new family. I think she may be mourning the “bond” and realizing that you have new priorities.
My SILs both loved a name for a girl that matched my FIL’s name. Halle. The youngest one demanded the name and no one was allowed to use it. (She reminded us all every time we got pregnant). She ended getting married and had three sons. Her final baby was a girl…and she named her something completely different. We weren’t mad per se but the other SIL who loved the name wished she would have used it when she wanted too.
Glad you stuck to your plan and named your baby with a middle name after your nan because you never know what’s certain for future plans.
My sisters and I all have the same middle name. Cousins, aunts… all the same. I named my daughter a different name because I was sick of it
NTA. Heck, cousin of mine and me have same middle name just because it’s a common middle name!
She is overreacting!
People share names all the time, and she doesn’t even have a child yet. She’s making a big deal out of an imaginary child’s name.
Middle names are commonly familiar names. What a weird hill to die on. You are both honoring Grandma and there is no reason to not share a beautiful name. Especially with it being a middle name
Your child, your name to choose. She needs to get over it.
No big deal. My brother and cousin had the same first and middle names. So what.
How does someone even call dibs on a name when they’re aren’t pregnant – much less not planning on kids for years?? AND she’s not even guaranteed a girl. Plus it’s a MIDDLE name. It’s not like everyone will be calling the children by that name. NTA. Your twin needs some therapy though.
My parents are African and I was named after my dad’s grandfather. The man was a tribal chief who had 8 names and 11 wives…I share my first name with at least 20 cousins…
😆😆🤷🏾♂️
NTA. You brought it up first and had a baby first. It’s a middle name. Cousins sharing those isn’t that weird.
Sounds like she has some other issue and is just using this to vent all of her other frustrations.
NTA
Cousins can have the same first names. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a middle name and a first name matching. This is not worth caring about.
Lol, ignore her. NtA So many people in my extended family have the same middle names – even cousins with same first names. This whole “no one in my social circle may name their child what I name my child” is ridiculous. There were FOUR girls with my first name in my class of less than 50.
My cousin has my middle name as her first name. No issues about it at all. We are still close and the thought of it bothering us is definitely a laugh.
It’s not about the name.
It sounds like your sister wanted something that was only hers. I know a set of twins. Their mother was also a twin. She knew how much she despised sharing everything. And when she had her own set of twins. She made sure they had their own separare things that was theirs alone.
While you might have enjoyed sharing things. It seems your sister might share a different perspective or she’s going through something.
Honestly it sounds like you two need to have a conversation. Not about the name because at this point it’s a done deal. But about what’s actually bothering her.
I know 0 people who use someone’s middle name. But your sister seems to have grown up resenting sharing with you while you frame it in a light positive way. You stated she said she wants nothing to do with your child from even before you gave birth. That’s seems extreme for twins who are close and share everything. I’d say ESH bc while I don’t think the name thing matters you’re clearly ignoring your sisters overall feelings or leaving out info to make yourself look better
First come, first serve
The 1 thing concerns me is the part she sayed she doesn’t want to be involved in your child life’s.. you should cut her off…. She seems a pain in the arse and a headache. NTA
I think your twin is overreacting and being weird. Let her have her cranky time. It’s her loss, not yours. While everyone is celebrating your little bundle of joy, she can be the odd man out.
Dang sounds like she’s got some past trauma with you and being a twin and she’s projecting HARD. We have a family middle name and one of my brothers kept having girls so another brother used the middle name on his, first a boy. Then my brother ended up finally having a boy and still claimed the middle name so they both have it. I’m actually thinking about using it as a first name for my little girl now. This is all very messy and not needed. I’m sorry! You are NTA. She needs to get over it, cousins can share the same middle names. What an honor to your grandmother.
NTA people don’t get to call dibs on names, especially for potential future children
Lots of families share names. My best friend in high school was one of five with the same middle name, Anne, after their great grandmother. I’m sorry your sister is so upset.
Honestly to keep the piece, I might have said the name was different ie a variation or nickname of the grandma’s name.
Literally the only time middle names come up are for weddings and graduations (and for baptisms/christenings you could just use the initial). You don’t even necessarily need to include the full middle name in either of those situations
There are so many girls in my family that have my grandmother’s middle name and so many boys named after grandfather. What difference does it make? The only time someone used our whole name was when we were in trouble.
Also, more than one family member can have the same middle name – my 3 girl cousins and I (my mother’s 3 siblings’ daughters) all have “Marie” as a middle name – guess why. Nobody yelled. Nobody got upset. Nobody said, “You can’t use that name!” We just all have the same middle name. Nobody cares. She can still use the middle name.
Your sister might also end up having boys and none if it will even matter. When I was pregnant with one of my kids 10+ years ago, I wanted Charlie for the name if I had a girl. My sister in law ended up getting a dog and named her Charlie. I was so upset, had an ultrasound a couple months later and discovered it was a boy. All blew over and I was just overreacting because I was a hormonal 23 year old.
My first name is my older sister middle name, my mother’s middle name, and several cousins. I can’t even remember where the name even came from anymore lol.
Your sister is having some type of fear of lack of control, grief about your grandmother and possibly jealousy because you had a child first. I hope you both are able to find each other again.
Nta but if sis acts this toxic id want my distance from her. Focus on your family with husband and daughter
Your twin’s son will LOVE being named Linda or Susan. Perhaps she will have 6 boys and no girls or be infertile. If the sonogram shows she is having a boy will she abort or just give him a girl’s name?
NTA. Neither of you have exclusive rights to the name and there is nothing stopping her from using it, too.
My wife and I gave our daughter my wife’s mother’s name as a middle name.
Two of my wife’s siblings did the same thing with their daughters.
We were the first to do this and it never bothered my wife in the least.
She actually kinda got a kick out of it.
They all loved their mother a lot.
And what happens when she eventually have kids and maybe has only boys? No one get to use it?
I don’t understand why 2 relatives can’t have the same name. I have 2 sets of first cousins with the same first and last names (slightly different last name spelling but pronounced the same; think Margaret Smith and Margaret Smyth).
And multiple instances of cousins with the same first name/different last name.
NTA. She doesn’t get claim to a legacy name.
My sister used our grandma’s name for my niece’s middle name. It’s not off the table that if I have a second daughter, that might be her first name. There would be like a 20yr gap though lol.
So … how many people know your middle name?
Of all the people you know, how many do you know their middle name?
It’s a ridiculous thing to be upset about.
Is your sister jealous you had a baby first? Her behavior isn’t close to normal.
Who’s to say she’ll even have a daughter?
NTA
your sister is NOT more important than you are. Her kid is not more important than yours.
I had a friend in high school with four brothers. All five had their dad’s name as a middle name. Sharing the same middle name with a cousin is no big deal.
It’s a middle name. You both can use it. Hell it could be a first name and you both could use it
I had names that I wanted to use for a daughter that were very special to me. I had two sons. It’s a little unhinged for you to not use the name for a “hypothetical” child. I knew families that had only 5 sons, or as many as five daughters with no male children. You really just don’t know what gender child you will have.
NTA I think everybody can use that middle name middle names are a waste no one ever calls people by their middle name. It only really honors somebody if you use the name as a first name so you should feel free plus you had a kid first so you get first choice on names.
Omg people “stealing” names is so freakin stupid. Your sister might never even have a girl.
You are absolutely NTA