My sister-in-law (30F), is having her first baby, and I’m very excited for her. She has very specific, high-end tastes, and her baby registry reflected that, with things like a $1200 stroller and a $300 diaper bag. I’m a teacher, and while we’re comfortable, that kind of spending is out of reach for me.
My main hobby is knitting, and I’m quite skilled. I decided to make her something unique and personal. I spent over 50 hours knitting an intricate, beautiful baby blanket with high-quality merino wool. My plan was to embroider the baby’s name and birth date on it after he was born. I was incredibly proud of it and thought it was a beautiful, heartfelt gift.
At the baby shower this weekend, she opened my gift. She looked at it for a second, said a very flat “Oh, that’s nice,” and immediately set it aside to open the next gift. I was a little hurt by her reaction, but tried to brush it off.
Later, however, I was in the kitchen and overheard her talking to her mom. She was complaining that she “barely got anything from the registry” and said, “I appreciate the thought, but what am I supposed to do with another blanket? I just wish people would get us what we actually need instead of using my shower as a showcase for their hobbies.”
I was mortified. I texted her after the party that I had overheard her and that my feelings were hurt. She replied that she was sorry I heard, but that she’s just being “practical and honest.” My husband thinks I should have just bought something smaller off the registry to avoid drama. AITA for giving a handmade gift and then getting upset over her reaction?
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My sister-in-law (30F), is having her first baby, and I’m very excited for her. She has very specific, high-end tastes, and her baby registry reflected that, with things like a $1200 stroller and a $300 diaper bag. I’m a teacher, and while we’re comfortable, that kind of spending is out of reach for me.
My main hobby is knitting, and I’m quite skilled. I decided to make her something unique and personal. I spent over 50 hours knitting an intricate, beautiful baby blanket with high-quality merino wool. My plan was to embroider the baby’s name and birth date on it after he was born. I was incredibly proud of it and thought it was a beautiful, heartfelt gift.
At the baby shower this weekend, she opened my gift. She looked at it for a second, said a very flat “Oh, that’s nice,” and immediately set it aside to open the next gift. I was a little hurt by her reaction, but tried to brush it off.
Later, however, I was in the kitchen and overheard her talking to her mom. She was complaining that she “barely got anything from the registry” and said, “I appreciate the thought, but what am I supposed to do with another blanket? I just wish people would get us what we actually need instead of using my shower as a showcase for their hobbies.”
I was mortified. I texted her after the party that I had overheard her and that my feelings were hurt. She replied that she was sorry I heard, but that she’s just being “practical and honest.” My husband thinks I should have just bought something smaller off the registry to avoid drama. AITA for giving a handmade gift and then getting upset over her reaction?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole for choosing to give a personal, handmade gift instead of buying from the registry. My sister-in-law created a list of things she says she specifically needs, and I can see how ignoring that list to give her something I made could be seen as selfish, or like I was making her baby shower about my hobby instead of her actual needs.
But at the same time, doesn’t handmade gifts show more love, warmness and care than something you went, bought in 5 mins and just wrapped it in packing paper? There is no any like human-like intention or genuine trace of the human on the gift.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA But she is very rude.
NTA. I had a registry for my kid and many people did not follow it. It did not matter at all. I also find handmade gifts the most precious ones. Also you need MANY blankets with babies as they tend to get dirty fast, and with the embroidment I am sure the kid will keep it for years to come!
NTA. And don’t get her a single damn thing for future holidays. Ungrateful, tacky, self-absorbed.
Yeah she’s clearly an ass for not even waiting for you to leave before shitting on the gift, but my understanding is that people get registries specifically to avoid getting gifts they don’t want? Where was your husband when you decided to start knitting? Was it not a joint decision between you? He seems to be on team registry. You could have spoken to SIL beforehand also.
Info: Were there any small items on her registry? You definitely don’t have to spend that kind of money on someone’s baby shower (or any event). If there weren’t any affordable options, then your SIL was a bit delusional to think people would just splurge just because she’s having a baby.
NTA
What you did was super thoughtful and I would be over the moon if someone I knew put so much time and effort into something like that.
Your SIL sounds like the kind of person who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
I know how many hours and how much money goes into creating a merino wool blanket. It would honestly have been cheaper to buy something smaller from the registry. I would, politely ask for it back and suggest you buy something from the registry instead. I’d get your husband to purchase the cheapest thing on there. I’d recover the cost by selling the merino blanket on Etsy. Make sure you loudly tell her how much you got for it when it sells. She’s ungrateful and rude. But you probably knew her personality and are an AH to yourself for thinking you’d be appreciated
No. You are NTA. Your SIL, however, definitely IS TA. Gifts like yours should become family heirlooms that are kept and passed down to the next generation when they have their own children. I know VERY few people who buy shower gifts that are $300, much less $1200! Your SIL is out of touch with reality. I’m curious what your brother’s reaction to this would be. Does he know what his wife said about your gift? I also wonder what your parents would have to say about the situation.
NTA it sounds like you cast pearls before swine. people who don’t knit don’t know how to conceptualise 50 hours worth of labour just from looking at a finished item. People who don’t knit wont understand the difficulty of fancy decorative cabelling stitches, etc.
INFO: why is your husband leaving all the gift choices up to you? why did he say you should have just bought from the registry? Does he know what 50 hours of work even feels like? Search etsy for a comparative item and its cost and show him what other consider the worth of 50 hours of specialised handcrafted labor. Then tell him to pick something off the registry and talk to his sister to get the blanket back, that you’d rather gift it to the next person you know who gets pregnant than to let it go unused and unappreciated at his sisters house. bc someone who recognises the value will swoop in and nab it when they realis your SIL is clueless about its actual value.
Soft yta, or maybe esh.
While I think expecting expensive things is tacky, I also think you should get people what they want/need, not what you think they should want.
You should know by now if your sister is the kind of person who appreciates things like hand made blankets.
Ahh.. I’m torn. Yes, she is an ass for that reaction, however she is right, baby shower gifts can get repetative and you can end up with 10 blankets that’s why I think it’s fine she had a registry. If there were smaller items on the registry that you could afford then it’s a soft YTA. Your gift is precious but you could have bought something in the price range of that merino wool. But I will end with ESH because she was really rude.
NTA: personally, I’d have loved something like that, but we are all different. My MIL made quilts for our LO and the effort was appreciated; but, IMO she’s NTA either: some people don’t like gifts off piste. If I’m asked to make a list, and I do, I find it weird when people don’t get stuff off the list, like I don’t know what I want. My MIL also does this too!
I mean ultimately she wasn’t saying it to you. You overheard a private conversation. She owned it and didn’t deny it, which is also honourable.
Your gift was made with love, but if you buy it make something to your personal taste, then it is a reflection of you, not them. Maybe, had you discussed it with her, and allowed her to be involved with choosing colours, and designs, it might have been more appreciated.
My friend knitted booties for my LO, which was lovely, but we live on opposite sides of the World, and she forgot to factor in (surprising as she lived here until early adulthood) that it was summer here so my LO was either too small or too big when they might have fit. The colour, very ‘her,’ to me was simply hideous. It wasn’t a colour that would have gone with any baby clothes at all. So I appreciated the gift for the gifting, but never used it.
You could ask for it back to repurpose for someone else. I bought my sister a Stokke Tripp Trapp high chair that should, had she appreciated it, been a sturdy heirloom gift that her kids could have used for years… but she didn’t get it and just used a different cheap plastic chair instead. So when I was pregnant, I asked for it back. We used it for years instead.
Chalk it up to experience IMO and let it go. You did a lovely thing. X
As for me both of you are right and wrong. She can be disapointed if she belived she’ll get things from the registry. You can be disapointed couse she doesnt value your gift. People are different. If she values only high end products she will never uderstand your idea of giving something hand made no matter how much heart and love you put in it. And you will not understand how she prefers things from the shop and expensive.
If the registry had been sensibly priced she may have gotten nore items from it. Handmade, and with the hours you put in it, is worth more than half of those items combined. It’s not on you that she doesn’t appreciate craftsmanship.
NTA
And if your husband wanted you to biy something from the registry he could have pitched in.
As someone who also makes labor-intensive, personal gifts, I think your SIL’s response to your gift is really a shame, and NTA for the gift or your reaction.
One thing I’ve learned is that people who don’t knit, crochet, etc. have no idea how much work goes into creating
these things or the effort and money that go into yarn selection. She probably just doesn’t get it, nor does she get that these projects are labors of love, not just objects.
She sounds like she’s not in touch with how expensive her registry items were either. Nobody “needs” a $1200 stroller. That’s not a practical item, it’s a luxury item.
Sounds like you were far from the only one to veer from the registry, so maybe someone will point out to her why that might have happened. Did you hear what her mother responded?
NTA but you initially partially justified going for the blanket because all the gifts on the registry are too expensive. However we find out later that there were other less expensive options…
She’s practical perhaps but definitely not very considerate and certainly not honest since she actually only shared her view with you after you caught her.
You probably just don’t value the same things so I see why your husband’s suggestion would have been safer. Did he see it coming?
In her shoes I would have loved your gift.
NTA. It’s her responsibility to provide for her own baby’s needs, not anyone else’s. Personally, I would treasure your gift. It sounds lovely. She’s an ungrateful, entitled and selfish person. I’m so sorry, OP.
NTA
If she was concerned about getting things that she “needed” she wouldn’t have registered for high end expensive gifts. She needs to learn how to say thank you.
She’s right though. There’s a registry for a reason. You should’ve told her in advance that you can’t afford things and ask whether there’s something cheaper or handmade you can do. That way she doesn’t get 12 blankets and 0 diaper bags.
> Doesn’t hand made gift show more love and care?
Only to people who like those specific things. Yeah it sucks that you spent all that labor over something she didn’t like, but taste differs and just because you put in effort doesn’t mean she has to like it
Her reaction over your gift is AH behavior. She should have still been gracious. That said you did not need to confront her over comments that were not meant for your ears
All in all I would say neither of you handled it well. The only question I have is whether there are cheaper items on the registry. If no, I’m leaving towards ESH, her more than you. Otherwise it’s squarely yta
Your SIL is entitled and greedy. I knitted items for my SIL when she had my niece, my SIL gave them to my niece at her baby shower. My niece cried. I was shocked my SIL had kept them all these years
“I’m sorry, in what way is demanding a $300 diaper bag or a $1200 stroller from a SCHOOLTEACHER and pouting when you don’t get it ‘practical’? You’re being spoiled and ungrateful is what you are, and if you don’t want a handmade merino wool blanket for your baby then I’ll happily take it back.”
NTA.
1200 for a STROLLER???
NTA.
Before my mother passed away last year, she crocheted blankets for every baby that was expected in the family. They were treasured beyond all other gifts and many of the kids who already have kids of their own are still using the blankets that she crocheted for them when they were babies. They also used the newer ones my mother crocheted for the new babies too.
Your SIL is totally entitled to think that anyone is going to spend that much money on someone else’s baby. She doesn’t deserve your hard earned work. I’d ask for the blanket back then go buy her a single set of standard bottles and hand it to her.
SIL is delusional. Gift registries need to be accessible to gift givers, only putting high cost items on them is selfish and greedy.
NTA
Shes a self centred ass. Homemade blankets are great for keeping babies warm. Dont make anymore effort and tell your husband to pick out her gifts if hes so smart. I got homemade blankets and loved them in winter
Yta. Softly. As someone wo sews and quilts, I am also super apprehensive wenn gifting my own “makes” for others. Rarely do non-crafters understand the time and money that goes into these gifts. You should have known your SIL (and your husbsnd as well) would not appreciate it and stuck to a cheap item on the registry.
Lesson learned for the future.
No, you gave a thoughtful gift which would be meaningful throughout the life of the child, not some expensive crap which will be discarded after a year. Your SIL can buy that herself, she’s the one who dropped a sprog so she’s going to have to learn to pay for it.
NTA, most people would appreciate the time effort in love that went into your gift, and if she didn’t, then that’s on her
NTA That’s a very thoughtful gift. Your SIL is being entitled.
My mother crocheted.
Everyone in the immediate and extended family received blankets from her. If someone was having a baby they called and asked if she’d make a blanket.
I hosted a Tricky Tray fundraiser for my kids’ school for a few years. My mother always donated a blanket. Due to the time and expense that went into their creation those blankets were always placed with the baskets valued at $250.00 and above. The ticket buckets were always overflowing.
Now my mom is gone and there’s no more blankets (although she made sure to leave enough baby blankets for future great grandchildren when they come, one for each grandchild), but the blankets we have are cherished.
Your SIL is an asshole and a fool.
NTA
I dont want to say you are the asshole and I dislike that she complained while still at her party but at the same time I understand
I am about to have my baby shower and getting ready to fake thank yous for 50 blankets I dont need. We have a very small house and I plan to donate them all immediately because we dont need them and genuinely dont have room for a ton of useless things
NTA but non crafters don’t understand the time and effort it goes into handmaking something. As a general practice I would never make a handmade gift, especially one as labor intensive as a blanket, for someone who I didn’t know whether or not they value handmade items. Honestly you should just ask for the blanket back.
NTA-if she can’t afford the items she wants off her own registry than how dare she expect other people to fork out?! I would be so touched if you gave me a handmade gift that was so thoughtful!
Part of the joy of the shower is yhe surprise of what others give you aside of your registry. Your gift had thought and was hand crafted. My mom used to make me quilts. My friend made me baby blanket that matched her nursery. I know the work they put in, and cherish it more. Don’t fret over your sister. She’ll be fine. And the blankets will come in handy down the road!
Mild YTA, a merino wool blanket isn’t really a particularly useful or practical gift for a baby. Babies excrete grossness constantly, and you can’t just throw most marino in the machine or dryer, so it’s almost certainly just going to sit in a cupboard or get donated.
You probably had the best of intentions and her reaction wasn’t exactly gracious, but it feels like the gift was more about you (your hobby and your mild resentment about the registry) than usefulness for the baby.
Handcrafted gifts can be amazing, but often aren’t useful, practical or appreciated. Save your special makes for people who will love and understand the time and effort that went into them, rather than people who don’t want, need or appreciate them.
Also, if you’re ever making for babies again – soft acrylic, and maybe, bamboo or viscose (or blends) that are more washable and practical are definitely the go. Wool, no matter how high end, is very rarely a good choice there, unless the parents specifically ask for it.
Take the blanket back and sell it on Etsy to someone who appreciates the work involved and will pay extra to have it embroidered. Stick the money in a bank account for the baby. Presents for the baby are nice to have but parents should cover the essentials themselves.
I am so sorry. My beautiful stepmother, a really talented knitter, made my ex SIL a gorgeous knitted jacket for my nephew, or her STEP grandson.
My witch of a SIL just threw it aside and never acknowledged the gift.
Your SIL sounds just as horrible.
Wow your sister in law is such an arse.
You did nothing wrong, a handmade gift is so thoughtful. She’s being an entitled diva.
NTA
So she’s officially off the “knit for” list. A hand knitted blanket is very different from the generic ones people buy. Its an heirloom.
From the comments you heard, it sounds like she’s just been slapped in the face with the realisation that no sane person is gifting a $300 diaper bag and so she’s got a lot of stuff that she now either doesn’t need or want. That’s on her and her partner for making such an unrealistic list.
This next bit I’m saying as someone who crochets – not everyone wants the handmade thing. That’s ok. She wasn’t directly rude to you, just a little flat in her reaction. And you’re perfectly entitled to be hurt that she didn’t appreciate your gift.
Offer to take the blanket back, and gift her some books that the baby will eventually be able to read – teaching is your expertise after all. Then if you can, store the blanket safely until the child is older, because the child might really appreciate it when they are older. Maybe if in future they have a tough time or an illness, then you can gift them the blanket as a “hug” to help them through it…
NTA. I’m expecting and our registry has a few big-ticket items on it, but also has tons of reasonably priced (like, under $30) things. Honestly the stroller and car seat are mostly there so we don’t forget the models we want to buy!
I would love to get handmade items from friends – that’s so special!
I kind of relate to this a bit. Mine wasn’t 50 hours of work, more like 10-15, but it still hurts all the same.
It’s slightly different because this lady asked me to make her baby milestone markers. I had to design them in Design Space (for Cricut). That alone took the most hours, as we went over the design, sizing, redesign, the works. Then I had to cut the design and assemble them all (13 of them), that took another couple of hours and some last minute tweaking as the font was a bit too thin).
When she was happy with the result, she gushed over how beautiful they were and she couldn’t wait to take pics with them once bub was here. She paid me for them, at a discount, as they were the first ones that I’d made. I didn’t charge her labour or materials, just the cost of the acrylic discs and postage.
Anyway, I sent them, she loved them and I was excited to see baby pics with them. But they never came. Instead, she’s been using a blanket with numbers on. It really stung and I felt like I didn’t have a right to be mad or sad, as she didn’t “have” to use them. Sometimes we buy something and don’t end up using it, and that’s fine. But to have asked for them, gushed over them, then sidelined them for something else, I admit, it initially hurt more than I expected. I felt she seemed ungrateful. But then I spoke to friends who told me they’d be pissed too. They said I had every right to be annoyed. And oddly, that’s when I stopped being annoyed.
You can’t control other people’s reactions/actions. You can only control your own. You can be hurt that she didn’t show as much appreciation as you would’ve liked. You can be hurt that you put a lot of hours into the gift. You can let that feeling fester. Or you can realise that SIL is going to be in your life for a long time and that we have to pick our battles.
I know it sucks, trust me. But you need to be able to let it go somehow. Those comments she made weren’t meant for you to hear, and she seemed like she was just venting because pregnant women get a ton of blankets (I had sooo many it’s untrue). If she’d said it to your face, then yeah, it would be much worse. But she didn’t mean for you to hear it. It still makes her sound ungrateful in that moment, but you can only control your own reaction to that.
Edit: added a missed sentence
NTA: But your SIL is a flaming big tah. Her own words convicted her… Yes is right that there are things beyond another blanket that she “needs”, but when your ‘tastes’ call for expensive high end stuff, she is NOT looking for what she “needs”. Nobody “needs” a $1,200 stroller nor a $300 diaper bag. I’m LMAO at her comment that she wanted ‘practical’ stuff, and then fills out a baby register filled with things most ‘practical’ people would never spend their money on.
YTA, if people have provided a gift list you ask before going off it, you don’t just waste all that time in the hopes they might like it
NTA. Unfortunately, you wasted 50 hours of your life on a superficial ingrate, but you know better for next time. If you haven’t added the baby’s name yet, just tell her to give it back and you’ll get her something from her registry instead.
My GF, who is very much into crafting, and very annoyed by people like your SIL, would deem her “not knitworthy”.
ESH. Did you ask if she would like a blanket? Not everyone wants or appreciates a handmade blanket. Just because it’s special to you doesn’t make it special to everyone else. We got so many handmade blankets when our kids were born. It was overwhelming because you can’t even really use them with a baby. Blankets don’t go in cribs. We had floor mats and stroller bunting so using them for those purposes didn’t make sense. They basically sat in a stack in the closet until we moved and got rid of most of them. If you can’t afford what is on the registry then give a pack of diapers with a gift card in the amount you can afford. She should not have complained openly at her shower. That was rude.
Spending that kind of money on an infant reeks of wanting to look more well off than she is and impresses only other self entitled mothers . I’d like to know what she and her significant other do for a living. Bet they’re drowning in debt
This is so alien to me. I’m in the UK a register for a baby shower is unheard of. Most people would bring a cute outfit, soft toy, blanket etc to a baby shower. Something someone has knitted themselves would be really valued – recognising the time, thought and effort that had gone in to making it.
NTA – parents to be can buy their own high end items or essentials such as prams etc. Not reply on their family and friends to foot the bill.
People never fail to amaze me when it comes to entitlement.
Next time you’d normally give her something handmade, price out the materials and then give her a Starbucks giftcard or something for that amount. Tell her that since she sees no value in your effort and skill, you’ve cut that out of the equation. When she complains, tell her you’re just being practical and honest.
YTA there’s a registry for a reason! It doesn’t matter how long it took YOU to make, or how special homemade blankets are to YOU, it’s HER shower and HER baby.
So, you gave her a very thoughtful and special gift and she should have been appreciative, HOWEVER I don’t think she’s in the wrong at all for wanting things from her registry that she needed.
BUT people should choose more affordable things too
NTA but as I have come to understand some people don’t value handmade items they place value in the designer label. However I do think you handled this wrong. My advice moving forward is to have a conversation be honest tell her you cannot afford her wish list for gifts. Offer a compromise of getting vouchers upto the value of what your comfortable spending for a store of her choosing.
Yes she is completely entitled expecting people to spend huge amounts of money on something she wants but vouchers for her chosen location or cash so she can put that money towards what she wants is a perfectly acceptable compromise
Holy crap!
You bestowed on her the biggest honour of a homemade gift.
Ask for it back.
While I agree that the registry was expensive you could’ve found a cheaper version of something she wanted. And my only complaint about the blanket is the use of wool. As someone who got a lovely knit wool scarf but who is also allergic to wool it is literally collecting dust. 🤷🏽♀️
NTA.
This ‘registry’ thing is just complete bollocks. A thoughtful gift is something that the giver wants to give, not something that the receiver wants to get.
So I am a crocheter, I always made hand made items for babies whenever I was invited to a shower.. until I had my own baby and my own shower. I understand both sides of this. Your SIL is an AH for her reaction and not keeping it to herself, but at the same time.. a lot of work is put into making registries. Then on top of that, you have an extremely hormonal and likely uncomfortable woman who has waited the majority of her pregnancy to buy stuff so that someone could throw her a shower and she could receive those items that her brain is literally stuck on, she thinks she needs them to keep her baby safe and alive. Instead, she gets 40 blankets and 90 outfits she didn’t ask for, nor does she want.
Going back to, a lot of work is put into making registries, it’s not just ‘oh I want this’ it’s hours of research trying to figure out whats best for baby and family, we’re expected to make the registry but for some reason, whenever babies are involved, nobody follows them. Your hard work feels redundant and your time feels wasted (similarly to how you feel to her reaction to the blanket you made) and now you have to order all the stuff that wasn’t purchased yourself, then wait even longer for it to be delivered.
ESH ¯_(ツ)_/¯
I hope my insight makes you feel a bit better friend.
NTA
There are people who appreciate handmade items and there are people who don’t. I gave birth to one of each. Oddly, it’s my daughter who wants store bought things, and my son loves everything I make.
Raising one of each has taught me that I need to ask. I need to know who appreciates what. Both of my kids have kids. Their kids all love things I make. My daughter still doesn’t.
I’m going to a baby shower next weekend for a woman who is like your sister. We know this going in. When she got married, she said exactly what your sister did. The problem is that nothing on her registry was under $50. Several people couldn’t afford the items on her registry. She was snotty about the items that were the same but purchased elsewhere.
I make quilts. In my family, each new parent gets a quilt to use for their baby. My grands each have more than one. I made one for the first grandchild in my husbands family and it was cast aside like it didn’t matter. No one cared. I now know that. Now they get store bought things.
If you can’t afford what’s on their list, give a gift card. Now you know how your sister feels. She doesn’t appreciate your gifts. Give her what she can appreciate. Store bought crap.
This soon to be mother prob does many selfies a day on instagram.
I think you did think more about your hobby than her needs here – a merino blanket is a terribly impractical gift for a baby. Even if it’s super wash wool, it can’t just be chucked into a washing machine and tumble drier which is what you want to be able to do with baby items. Giving new parents gifts that need handwashing is just giving them another chore. You’re not the A exactly but you did get more enjoyment out of making the gift than the recipient will get from it.
NTA
Never mind the expense and time, you put a lot of love into that blanket. My grandma crocheted blankets for each of us when we were in utero and added our initials when we were born. I’m in my 50s now and I still have mine. If your SIL had a better attitude, she would recognise it as a heartfelt gift from a family member that her child will have long after they have outgrown strollers and diaper bags.
It’s okay for her to be disappointed, and it’s also okay for you to be upset by her lack of gratitude and complete dismissal of your efforts. I second the commenter who said to ask for the blanket back so you can sell it on Etsy and use the proceeds to buy something off her registry. Tell her you understand her position now (leave out the part where her position is one of ungrateful materialism) and want to give her something practical to help her prepare for the baby. Then, from now on, keep all gifts to her practical, and within your budget, and don’t feel a single bit bad about it.
ESH sorry. Your SIL was very rude complaining while the party was still ongoing and that was definitely AH. However, you were also an AH and it’s quite evident in your post. The post was all about what you thought the recipient would have wanted and she made a list specifying what she wanted and needed. I understand that you don’t want to buy an expensive give but you did not give any consideration at all for what she specifically asked for. You could have opted for the cheaper items on the list or bought a more expensive gift together with another family member, but no, you insisted that you knew better and that a blanket that she didn’t ask for is more useful for her. And it’s not even a gift that she bring to the store and exchange for something that’s more useful for her. And your SIL was right, you opted to showcase your hobby and talent instead of prioritizing the recipient of the gift.
Your sister complained that hardly anyone got her anything off the registry, but didn’t seem to clue in that nobody wanted to spend a ridiculous amount of money on basic baby gear. I mean a $300 diaper bag? Clearly her friends and family are not as wealthy as she seems to think.
A knit blanket is a nice gift, but if you’re ever on the knitting subs, it’s pretty much agreed that once you give something, you need to let it go and not be precious about it. Also, enough high quality merino wool for a baby blanket could have potentially cost about as much as her cheapest registry gift (unless you just pulled it out of your stash, which seems a bit tacky to me).
I’m going to have to go with ESH. What was your husband’s opinion of all of this? I mean, it is his sister.
edit: i reread the post and saw your husband’s opinion. i’m going to include him in the esh because where was he while you were actually making the blanket? why was he not buying something smaller off the registry?
NTA. $300 baby gifts? No way in Hell. The entitlement astounds me.
This is what gifts are meant to be–something thoughtful. And yes, while gift registries are helpful for those of us who can’t think of any good ideas (myself included), they are meant to be suggestions, not mandatory. Anyone who believes otherwise should just buy their own stuff and skip the shower altogether.
ESH – if she only had expensive things on the registry then she can’t expect everyone to be able to get something from it, unless it’s cheaper versions.
But – as a crafter myself – you have to realise when you give a gift that the receiver may not like it. I feel that is more the givers fault than the receiver – as the giver you should be thinking about what the receiver would like, and if they don’t like it then you got it wrong. Actually this goes for anything – not just hand crafted stuff.
NTA. Registries are a suggestion, not a demand. Yes it sucks to be given stuff you didn’t need or want, (certainly happened to us), but a gift should be taken with grace.
However, as a sewist (and dabbled in some bad attempts at knitting/ crochet), some people don’t understand the effort that goes into making things, and also the fact that the materials and time cost is often much bigger than they’d expect and more than a store bought item. Personally I’d always check with someone before making something special for them if it’s a big effort thing
Esh.
Given it was for your sil, you should have had a clear conversation with her, expressed your budget, and idea for a blanket and let her pick what you were putting your money towards.
NTA. Gifts aren’t dictated by the recipient but a voluntary token by the giver
YTA- while the gift was a “labor of love.” New moms get a lot of blankets. Before you invest so many hours in a project, ask the recipient if it would be useful/appreciated. If you can’t afford something from the registry, get a gift card for the same store or go in with another person.
NTA. A hand knitted blanket is the most beautiful gift. Instead your SIL is running things on a transactional basis. She throws a party and people comply and buy off the registry. Then she gets upset that she didn’t get the things she needed because they were expensive. You may as well be from different planets. Anyway, what I hope is your SIL calms down and realises what a beautiful gift you gave her.
NTA (and I’m sorry your loving, beautiful effort was so rudely dismissed)
Gifts are not items on a shopping list. (Yes, registries help the gift recipient avoid having 10 toasters or baby blankets and reduce the number of items that are not of the recipient’s taste; and gift-givers should not blatantly disregard known preferences or dislikes of the recipient. HOWEVER, gifts are expressions of love and personal relationship much MORE than they are the spoils of a strict massive personal buyer program.)
Gifts are not obligations. Again, they are expressions of love and personal relationship – caring, love, joy, excitement, anticipation… Apparently, SIL does not have the emotional depth and capacity to recognize those emotions and is truly the embodiment of materialism.
SIL is also a fool. An intricate, hand-crafted, high quality baby blanket would sell for the high-end prices she set her sights on.
If SIL had actually cared about giving her invitees a useful shopping guideline, she would have included a variety of price points (with more items being lower price points). Then people could buy items within their means, even buy a few different items if they wanted to spend more. It’s much harder for different guests to split/share the cost of one very expensive item.
If SIL’s finances make those high-end items a minimum level of expectation, then SHE can spend HER money getting them. (I imagine she didn’t spent that kind of money on a wedding gift for you and your husband – right?)
SIL’s fancy tastes can’t buy her a modicum of quality etiquette or the priceless quality of grace. Even IF you had committed a faux pas with your gift, a person with any quality character would never have been so obviously unappreciative to your face or so bluntly rude at the shower and to your face again.
I guess SIL is your husband’s sister? He’s an AH, too. If he was Monday-morning quarter-backing an opinion he hadn’t bothered to actually let cross his mind before, then his comment was useless and unsupportive. If he actually had had that thought and didn’t say anything, then his comment was useless and unsupportive, AND he should be ashamed of himself for not bothering to share his viewpoint for your consideration when it could have affected your decision.
Why wasn’t your husband more engaged in a gift given to his sister on behalf of the family unit you and he are? Would you have been giving SIL a gift if you weren’t married to your husband? (assuming she is his sister)
Does your husband not appreciate the fact that you gave HOURS of your time and effort, and gifted your talents, skills, and expertise to manage the family finances while still giving a high quality gift?
I imagine if you told your husband to pick an item off the registry that he was happy to pay for and tell your SIL that you will take back the unwanted blanket from her and give her husband’s selection instead, (1) your husband would definitely not be happy spending the money and (2) your SIL would not want to give up the blanket or would regret giving it up (one day) when she sees someone with a beautiful hand-crafted blanket that some friend of hers shows off. Then she would come running back to you to demand you make another one for her child.
Or you could take back the blanket and replace it with whatever number of boxes of her specified brand of baby diapers your husband believes is enough to ‘avoid the drama’. SIL will have saved that much money off of her baby shopping list; husband will have followed his own advice. And you could give the blanket to a good friend when she has a baby (and personalize it with the embroidery you do after the baby is born) – someone who will appreciate your gift. (Or you could save it for your own use if you are planning on giving birth in the future.)
If I could I would happily have another baby so you could knit my baby a blanket🙂.I appreciate handmade gifts more than store bought for the time and love put into them. Unfortunately God has intervened. I will express the gratitude your SIL didn’t. I hope she treasures that blanket and it gets passed down in the family
Your Sil is an ungrateful @#$. Others would love to recieve something priceless like that.
My youngest is 11y. For her birth she got a crochetet star blanket. She never has been one night of her life without it, loves it. Its worn and repaired so many times but she loves it.
YTA. As both a sometimes-knitter and a mom, I absolutely do not want a hand knit wool baby blanket. There are so many gorgeous patterns, but they are too thick for swaddling and too delicate for regular use.
I will absolutely bet that there were things less than $300 on the list, and that enough skeins of decent wool to knit a blanket would have cost the same.
My son is almost 30. I still have the baby blankets my best friend made for him in my linen closet. Your SIL values status over sentiment.
You are NTA.
NTA. You gave them an heirloom. Not getting the gifts from her registry should have clued her in that her registry was bullshit and rude.