So I’m a truck driver for a construction company. Currently working 7 days a week 12 hour shifts. My wife has a home daycare for kids. 7:30-3:30. We have two kids of our own. 5 and 9. Both go to summer school. She picks them up around 4:30. My shifts are usually 6:30 to 6:30. Lately she’s had a lot of time off, due to summer break for kids. Normally I would just buy my lunches and not think anything of it. But about 3 months ago we started a weight loss journey and have been really strict on it. She usually cooks dinner and I will take leftovers for lunch. But lately she’s has been not caring too much about what I eat, since she’s off and she goes out to eat with friends and what not. This past week I even see that dishes from night before are not washed when I come home from work. I tried to ask her if she could please grab some chicken breast and just cook it so I can pack it for lunch the next day. It’s been 3 days and she’s been making excuses saying there is no chicken at store. I eventually kind of lost it tonight, I saw dishes from this morning still not washed, no chicken, she told me to eat week old ground bison meat. I got irritated and told her that it’s frustrating not having any days off and a little help is appreciated. She told me I’m a grown man and that I can do it myself. And I get it, I guess at end of day I could do it myself, so AITA for getting upset with wife?
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So I’m a truck driver for a construction company. Currently working 7 days a week 12 hour shifts. My wife has a home daycare for kids. 7:30-3:30. We have two kids of our own. 5 and 9. Both go to summer school. She picks them up around 4:30. My shifts are usually 6:30 to 6:30. Lately she’s had a lot of time off, due to summer break for kids. Normally I would just buy my lunches and not think anything of it. But about 3 months ago we started a weight loss journey and have been really strict on it. She usually cooks dinner and I will take leftovers for lunch. But lately she’s has been not caring too much about what I eat, since she’s off and she goes out to eat with friends and what not. This past week I even see that dishes from night before are not washed when I come home from work. I tried to ask her if she could please grab some chicken breast and just cook it so I can pack it for lunch the next day. It’s been 3 days and she’s been making excuses saying there is no chicken at store. I eventually kind of lost it tonight, I saw dishes from this morning still not washed, no chicken, she told me to eat week old ground bison meat. I got irritated and told her that it’s frustrating not having any days off and a little help is appreciated. She told me I’m a grown man and that I can do it myself. And I get it, I guess at end of day I could do it myself, so AITA for getting upset with wife?
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> Give my wife attitude for not doing chores and I could be looked at as an asshole because I’m expecting too much from her
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
ESH – Why not just ask her whats going on and why it has changed?
I personally think NTA but I’m sure I’m going to be dragged for my view. Yes your wife works but realistically legally you aren’t doing 7 12s because typically state laws prevent that for health and safety reasons. What you really need to do though is find time to sit down and have a calm reasonable conversation with your wife about how things are and how you currently need extra help too even when simple things because you don’t have the time. You and your wife are supposed to be a team and damnit act like one
NTA , provided there isn’t more to this story you are absolutely in the right. However, just because you aren’t the asshole doesn’t mean that it was the best course of action. Not that I’m saying I’d be any better or even as good in this situation, but it would be best if it could be dealt with by way of a calm and honest conversation. If the situation gets worse I would recommend a marriage counselor provided you are able to find the time and one that has family values as a priority.
NTA. You are working 84 hours a week, and your wife is taking a lighter shift. It isn’t like you are asking her to be your servant, you just asked for some help with food prep. Her saying “you’re a grown man, you can do it yourself” is tone deaf.
You’re both working. she’s doing home chores, your kids are raised and fed. I know it’s hard, but you can’t expect to just be driving and everything else in your life to be done by itself.
It depends on your agreement with her.
Do you share finances and agree that you are the main breadwinner?
If you are under the agreement that she takes care of the house and errands and you take care of finances, you would be correct, she should ensure there is food for you.
It does sound like there is something going on.
I wonder if she feels unappreciated or attacked, or if there is something she’s unhappy about. If I did a trip to the shops and there was no chicken for my partner, I would buy something else instead, instead of just going home without any food and him going hungry…
Probably good to have a chat with her to find out if there is something going on.
Info: why can’t you do it yourself?
YTA. I’ve been your wife. Staying home with the kids and everything with the kids/ house/ yard is on me 24/7. It doesn’t sound like from this you do anything besides work and sit around or sleep. She angry, tired, resentful, burnt out. She needs a break, a vacation, for you to step up and help and here you are putting more on her. I might be projecting to much but this isn’t about the chicken and do it yourself it’s about the last however many years and it’s came to a head.
What’s the long term plan here? Are you going to keep working this schedule indefinitely and expecting her to do all the household chores? If so, did you have a conversation with her about it, and did she agree that this is ok? I think the answers to this determine if there is assholery here, and if so, where.
Bear in mind, usually she’s working 7:30-3:30 and then she gets the kids, and takes care of them. The youngest is 5, so it’s not like she’s “off-duty” at 3:30. Are you doing much of the child-rearing?
Depends. It sounds like she goes from a 7.30 in home start which likely means starting at 6.30 or 7am to prep, to picking up kids an hour after her daycare ends, which likely means going from cleaning up the daycare to picking up kids. I don’t imagine looking after the kids ends at 6.30 or even 7.30 pm so who is doing that work? If its her alone then she is working more than a 12 hour day because unless the kids are in bed by 7.30, she’s at worst doing the same hours as you.
Do you do anything aside from work? Because it sounds like she is working 24/7 yet no one is making her lunch. And it sounds like you are not very grateful for how much childcare she is doing. I am leaning towards YTA, without more information. Also your work schedule sounds unsafe
Why not just buy yourself a rotisserie chicken and pack it yourself? or precooked meals? It sounds like you have an imbalance of labor problem and she is showing you rather than telling you. this did not come out of nowhere, I’m guessing she’s talked to you before about it, but now she’s showing you instead.
Get a slow cooker put everything in before you go to bed and it will ready for when you wake up. Pack it up and put it in your bag
YTA. It sounds like while you’re working 12hrs on the road, she’s doing her own 12 hr shifts. Childcare is not easy! Throw in household chores, appts, driving to and from school, etc. she could be feeling burnt out from everything and now her husband who she barely sees is making a big deal out of chicken. Theres defeinitley a conversation to be had between the two of you, but I do want to add that most grocery stores have pre-cooked rotisserie chicken for like $7. Shred it up and you have a least 2-3 days worth of lunch!
Yes YTA. Not necessarily for being frustrated but for the way you handled it. Your wife has to cater to everyone’s needs all day long. She is tired, she wants some downtime too (and taking care of the kids 24/7 during the summer is NOT downtime). You are communicating that she’ll get downtime only after catering to your needs. You are one more person whose needs come before hers. She does not want to be the last one on the list anymore. And good for her!
Ps: why don’t you buy a sandwich or a meal for yourself? If you can’t make it (I get you are tired), just buy something rather than making her responsible for feeding you.
You should work less and spend time with her. There’s nothing more irritating than a husband who is not there to help with kids or chores and not there t go in dates or do anything fun together suddenly becoming house work inspector and wondering why dishes are not being done. Do you do any dishes? She’s right you can cook your own chicken. You need to reconsider the impact of your work schedule on your family.
ESH… I will add though If I had got married and now only saw my hubby for one to two hours between him getting home and going to bed, while being expected to work, look after two school kids, clean and cook, and never ever having a night out or a day trip with the kids as a family, I’d be wondering why I was married ! Looking after other people’s kids and my own kids, on my own, would be a lot easier without also looking after a grown man too
INFO needed … why the hell are you working such crazy hours? Do you not like your wife and kids? Do you remember what your kids look like?
NTA. If she has time to go out and eat with friends for dinner then she has time to go past the shops On the way home and grab a pre-cooked rotisserie chicken for you. Sounds like you’re both working a lot and maybe both of you are feeling like the other one doesn’t appreciate what you do and what you sacrifice. Might be worth having a good honest conversation about this together.
So your wife usually works an 8 hour day and then does 100% of the childcare for your kids after that and the household chores.
She’s taken a break for 3 days because the kids are on a school break and you’re having a tantrum because she’s not making your lunch.
Yeah, YTA.
Yta dude do you think watching kids isn’t a job? You sit in a dang truck all day, get friggin real man. Are you a child that isn’t capable of making your own lunches or doing a few dishes? YOUR health journey is not HER responsibility, so grow tf up and act like an adult and not a baby! You quite literally are just an atm, nothing more atp. You’re never home or taking care of your children, you don’t manage the house, probably don’t do any chores, complain about your wife getting a much needed break, devalue what she does for work and for caring for your children. Honestly your wife would also be ta to her and your kids if she stays married to you. She should 50/50 with you so you can actually see what it’s like having to full time be responsible for children, then maybe you’d see how stupid you are thinking for you to in anyway be right in this situation.
Idk I’m on the fence. I’ve worked 12hr shifts with a kid before and yeah they suck shit. But I didnt have support as my husband then bf was still away at college. But now hes in the military and there are something I expect him to do on his own but unless he asks me not to I always send him off with a lunch. Yeah you could make your own lunch but if she’s out just hanging with friends while the kids are at summer school there’s no reason she can’t pick up a pack or chicken breast for you. Or you pick it up on the way home and she could cook it for you. Marriage is supposed to be teamwork and it seems like the team isn’t teaming. We don’t know what she’s doing while your at work but the kids aren’t there and she doesn’t have kids from the daycare you said so idk.
Im inclined to go with ESH cause there are ways for yall to work together on this but you’re fighting instead.
YTA. Go to the store. Buy chicken. Cook it. It’s not hard and you can do it yourself
Omg! Gasp! There were uncleaned dishes in the sink!!! How are you able to. Manage such horror?!
> I guess at end of day I could do it myself
Perfect. Do it then.
YTA.
I wonder sometimes do people love their partners. It’s not easy working all hours supporting family 😔 on other hand order food for click and collect or stop at shop on way home, that’s not hard either. Are you spending enough time together as a family or you just putting kids to bed etc.. small things count and 6_6 is bad but you still have kids. Do you need to work so much? Can you not bring home chicken and ask wife will she cook while you do something for her like washing/kids routine etc.. start working together life is tough with small kids but need to find a balance, it doesn’t last forever and soon it will be just ye two again NTA but possibly YTA if this is just your side and not balanced
If you can just do it all yourself why do you need her?
She’s living like a single girl, grant her wish.
NTA
Make a batch of chicken on the weekend and freeze lunches for the week.
Even if you work and she’s on vacation, youre not entitled to tell her to clean or cook. YTA.
If you need something for yourself you make it. If she ever does something for you, you say thanks.
My husband has never asked me to cook or clean, even when I took a year off after having our baby. It’s not her job and youre not entitled to it. You can only say thanks if she ever does it and that’s it
Question:
Why are you working 84 hour weeks without a day off, if your wife can afford to eat out for lunch with her friends all summer?
Either:
The hours are putting a strain on you, your wife is feeling strain too, and it’s not working. If it’s option 1, then you need to insist on a more equitable financial split so that you don’t have to work 84 hours per week. If it’s 2, then she needs to accept that she is making a choice between the spending habits she wants, and the marital responsibility share she wants, and either drop her spending to allow you to work less and support more at home, or to keep going out for lunch with her mates, but accept that you work 84 hours a week to enable that, and to stop being a dick about things like you needing to eat on shift. If it’s 3, then for crying out loud, stop working so much!
Honestly ESH here
•yall need to talk summer out & stuck to it.
•She needs to be a bit more supportive because you bring majority of the bacon.
•taking care of kids is also hard work, she is probably looking for adult interaction besides hearing kids all day.
•Your 9 year old is way past starting to do chores
•Yall need to go shopping together bc leaving everything regarding home can become stagnant, I know.