I’m writing this with a bit of a cooler head than earlier in the day and wondering if maybe i’d gone too far, my boyfriend certainly thinks so.
I (22F) have blonde hair that goes past my hips, I love my hair and put a lot of work into maintaining it but you can imagine the comments I sometimes get being compared to Rapunzel etc, and normally I laugh this off and if it’s a little kid I indulge them more often than not as it’s cute.
I’ve had a really rough day, my 11 year old dog had to be put down due to cancer, and i’d went from the vets to a cafe not wanting to go home and see her things and be reminded of it all over again. So i’d been sitting at a table with a coffee waiting for my boyfriend (23M) to finish work to come and meet me when a mother and her daughter who looked about 8ish (idk i’m not good with kids ages it’s a guestimate) came up to me and asked if her daughter could take a picture with me as I “looked just like Rapunzel.”
As I said normally i’d indulge this but I was not in the mood, I was in a low mood and had been crying a lot so felt gross, I told them thank you for that compliment but I didn’t want to take a picture. The Mother got really upset with me at that and told me I didn’t have to be rude and how I didn’t even smile, that it would cost me nothing to be nice and how her daughter was just a kid.
I admit I lost my temper with this and told her I wasn’t a Disney Cast member for her to badger, that she asked and I said no. That I had just put my dog down and was hiding at this cafe as I was dreading going home to a house without my dog, that I had no interest in posing and putting on a happy face to take a picture with her child. I also started to cry again.
She got very flustered at this and rushed her child away. My boyfriend finally got to the cafe around half an hour later, and I told him what had happened and he told me I took it too far, that just because I was having a shitty day didn’t mean I needed to make other peoples shitty.
I ended up going home not long after. Maybe I was too rude idk. It’s too late to do anything about it she was a stranger. I just feel raw emotionally, my boyfriend might be viewing my actions with a clearer head than me.
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I’m writing this with a bit of a cooler head than earlier in the day and wondering if maybe i’d gone too far, my boyfriend certainly thinks so.
I (22F) have blonde hair that goes past my hips, I love my hair and put a lot of work into maintaining it but you can imagine the comments I sometimes get being compared to Rapunzel etc, and normally I laugh this off and if it’s a little kid I indulge them more often than not as it’s cute.
I’ve had a really rough day, my 11 year old dog had to be put down due to cancer, and i’d went from the vets to a cafe not wanting to go home and see her things and be reminded of it all over again. So i’d been sitting at a table with a coffee waiting for my boyfriend (23M) to finish work to come and meet me when a mother and her daughter who looked about 8ish (idk i’m not good with kids ages it’s a guestimate) came up to me and asked if her daughter could take a picture with me as I “looked just like Rapunzel.”
As I said normally i’d indulge this but I was not in the mood, I was in a low mood and had been crying a lot so felt gross, I told them thank you for that compliment but I didn’t want to take a picture. The Mother got really upset with me at that and told me I didn’t have to be rude and how I didn’t even smile, that it would cost me nothing to be nice and how her daughter was just a kid.
I admit I lost my temper with this and told her I wasn’t a Disney Cast member for her to badger, that she asked and I said no. That I had just put my dog down and was hiding at this cafe as I was dreading going home to a house without my dog, that I had no interest in posing and putting on a happy face to take a picture with her child. I also started to cry again.
She got very flustered at this and rushed her child away. My boyfriend finally got to the cafe around half an hour later, and I told him what had happened and he told me I took it too far, that just because I was having a shitty day didn’t mean I needed to make other peoples shitty.
I ended up going home not long after. Maybe I was too rude idk. It’s too late to do anything about it she was a stranger. I just feel raw emotionally, my boyfriend might be viewing my actions with a clearer head than me.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I went into detail of my bad day and how i’d had to put my dog down to make a mother leave me alone and stop badgering me for a picture. I might be the asshole here as maybe I took it too far and was rude.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
people feel so entitled!!
once politely declining the mother should’ve walked away. i’m sure you weren’t looking smiley and happy like rapunzel.
this is a lesson for the kid!! don’t talk to strangers (kidding kinda)?
Nta. You have every right to deny a stranger taking photos of you. I wouldn’t even dream of asking a stranger to take a picture with my daughter. You are allowed to feel things and she should’ve explained to her child you are a normal person and not a fictional character. I’m sorry for the loss of your fur baby.
>The Mother got really upset with me at that and told me I didn’t have to be rude and how I didn’t even smile, that it would cost me nothing to be nice
That was the mother’s response when you politely declined to take a picture (something you are never obligated to do, no matter how much you look like a storybook character).
NTA. When people refuse to accept a polite no for an answer, they are being AHs, even if they claim to be doing it for a child…actually, let’s make that especially if they claim to be doing it for a child since that is such a terrible message to give to a child that boundaries don’t matter (which means kids don’t learn to respect other people’s boundaries, and they don’t know how to react when other people violate their boundaries).
And the truth is, there’s nothing inherently rude about telling someone about the crappy day you had. Sure, you shouldn’t just unload on innocent people, but the woman literally told you that it would “cost you nothing” to comply with her wishes, and you merely explained the emotional cost that her request actually would impose on you.
I have a homework assignment for your boyfriend: he needs to listen to Smile! by the Misbehavin’ Maidens (https://misbehavinmaidens.bandcamp.com/track/smile) and think about the societal expectations of women for just existing in public. Does he really think it’s fair that women are expected to smile for other people no matter what kind of day they are having?
Your bf’s reaction is the most concerning here
He should be supporting you
NTA. You had a right not to be bothered and a polite person would have accepted your reasonable no.
Unfortunately, we live in a world where people feel extremely entitled and sometimes they must be reminded that they are not the Main Character in everyone else’s lives and it’s unacceptable to treat strangers like they’re props for their use. Yes, that was probably embarrassing for the mom, and yes, taking a photo isn’t necessarily a big ask in normal circumstances. But it’s still an ask, and people are allowed to say no — and further, strangers don’t owe anyone an explanation (unless legally required).
Mom made demands and tried to shame you for not humoring her kid, and she paid the price. She could have avoided the discomfort by being polite, but she made her choice and the consequences are hers to bear. You did nothing wrong.
People who accept a polite no lose their entitlement to a polite second no.
NTA – no, is a complete sentence. No one is entitled to your time, image or smile.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending you big hugs.
p.s. I hope your bf steps up & supports you through this because his initial reaction to what happened in the cafe wasn’t great.
NTA. That idiot had no business bothering you at all, let alone getting pissy when you said no. I see this a lot here…. “No is a complete sentence.” Now, as long as you weren’t rude to the eight year old? The self entitled mother deserved the trauma dump.
NTA, people are not entitled to take photos of you or with you! Totally WILD behaviour from that mother. I am sooo sorry about your dog. 💔 I’m sure your response to that woman would’ve been a bit softer if you weren’t grieving today, but hey, now she and her daughter have learned an important lesson – you really never know what people are going through. Sending you positive vibes 🤍
Nta. But you need a better boyfriend
NTA. Folks who don’t take no for an answer deserve it. How rude to tell anyone to smile! I’m so sorry about your doggo, and honestly your BF kind of sucks for not immediately taking your side and offering love and support. r/traumatizeThemBack .
NTA. You were the exact right amount of rude, given the circumstances. Your boyfriend should have been on your side, instead he was more concerned about random strangers.
I am so very, very sorry about your darling dog. If you feel it is appropriate, please accept a gentle internet hug from this stranger. We had to euthanize our beloved German shepherd when she developed cancer. It was horrible and I totally empathize with how you must be feeling. ❤️
Don’t stress about the woman in the cafe. She will be just fine, and hopefully she will have learned to accept people at their word and not continue to harass them after they have already given you an answer.