I am an only child who was raised on a single income. My parents made no attempt to hide the fact that I was a financial burden on them growing up.
When I got my first good paying job my first pay check went straight to them, I didn’t see a penny of it. I was told it was compensation for everything they’d given me. After that they took 50% of my paycheck each fortnight.
When I started accumulating annual leave and talking about travelling, I was guilt tripped. Told they hadn’t couldn’t remember when their last trip was and I was selfish and a terrible kid for taking a holiday as I hadn’t worked as hard as them.
I ended up taking that paid holiday, by myself. But when I got back I was told I should pay for them to go on holiday to thank them for everything.
So AITA for going without them? Should I be sending them on holiday as thanks?
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Original copy of post’s text by /u/blockerman71:
I am an only child who was raised on a single income. My parents made no attempt to hide the fact that I was a financial burden on them growing up.
When I got my first good paying job my first pay check went straight to them, I didn’t see a penny of it. I was told it was compensation for everything they’d given me. After that they took 50% of my paycheck each fortnight.
When I started accumulating annual leave and talking about travelling, I was guilt tripped. Told they hadn’t couldn’t remember when their last trip was and I was selfish and a terrible kid for taking a holiday as I hadn’t worked as hard as them.
I ended up taking that paid holiday, by myself. But when I got back I was told I should pay for them to go on holiday to thank them for everything.
So AITA for going without them? Should I be sending them on holiday as thanks?
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You are not their retirement plan and you do not owe them a vacation.
How old are you? Are you still living at home? How are they getting ahold of 50% of your paycheck?
You do NOT owe it to them to pay them back for what it cost to raise you. You did not ask to be born; that was their decision. They took on responsibility to raise you to adulthood. Shame on them for making you feel like a “burden.”
If you haven’t already done so, it’s high time for you to get your own place to live and cut them off from access to your finances so that you can build your own life.
Nta for vacation but questions as im someone who lived with my parent until 21 mind dming me?
lol just to let you know , you owe your parents nothing ! They laid down and had you can be thankful But you owe them nothing ! No one told your mother to open her legs and no made your father release in her . It’s very disgusting think you owe them
Work towards moving out, you don’t even have to talk to them afterwards.
You need to separate from these blood suckers. They will bleed you dry.
They are leeches. Cut them off and stop letting them guilt you into paying their way through life. You don’t have a child in order for that child to grow up and support you. That’s not what parenting is.
NTA, first, it is time for you to go live somewhere else, away from your parents and nor give them any more of your money ever again. . Second, have your parents taken care of their parents like they are expecting you to do for them? If not, why do they think that you should do something for them they did not do for their parents? Ask them if they had you just so they would have someone to support them and provide elder care when they get old and see what they have to say. If they did not do this for each of their parents why are they expecting it of you? It is time for you to spread your wings little bird, and fly away from home and have the life you want to build for yourself. Leaving them behind to to figure it out for themselves. Good luck little bird!
Leave, move, run.
You need to move out and get your own place. When you do, do not EVER give them a key. Start by getting all your necessary documents, such as birth certificate, social security card, passport out of their house. If they hide or lock up these documents, report them lost or stolen to the proper agencies and request replacements. Do NOT have the replacements mailed to their house.
Open a new bank account at a different bank TOMORROW and get direct deposit from work. Empty your previous bank account and close it if it was just you. If it is a joint account with parents, take out whatever is yours. Generate a new email address for banking only. Make it totally different from you. If you are female and love science fiction, make your email something opposite, such as surferdude at etc dot com If you are male, make it something like PrincessButterfly at etc dot com
Rent a post office box at the UPS store, FedEx, or the post office. Go to the post office and change your mailing address so that all your home mail goes to this box and does not go to your house. Keep the key on your physical person at all times, even in the bathroom. Change your address at work (and at your new bank) to the post office box, NOT to where you are going to live.
If you are on a family phone plan, get a phone from a different company. The new company sales person can help you transfer your contacts and photos. Do not transfer any apps, as a lot of apps track you. Be sure they do not set up any tracking on your new phone. This way it is up to you as to when (or if) you decide to let them know where you are living.
The day you actually move, it will be easier if they are not home. Start removing some of your belongings every time you leave the house. Maybe you can store stuff under a friend’s bed. The day you leave, clear your old phone to factory settings and leave it behind. Leave a note that just says, “I have decided to move out.” Go to the police station and tell them you are a legal adult, and are moving out of your parents’ house and that you suspect they might file a missing persons report, even though you left a note. Do not tell the police your new address or your new phone number.
Once you get settled, try to meet them at a cafe for coffee and see how it goes. Then decide if you are going to share your new address and your new phone number.
Before 9-11 I used to tell young people 18 and older that the easiest way to leave is to enlist. It is still an option. Good luck.
Confused about how your checks are going to your parents and how they are taking 50% of your money. Is this direct deposited to them?
If your parents are on any of your accounts, time to get your own and manage your own money without giving them access. Move out as soon as you can and don’t give them a key to your place.
What do they need a vacation from? Treating u badly???😒🙄 U need 2 use that 💰 2 move away from them! NTA
NTA are you serious? You need to stop giving them your money. They CHOSE to have a child. They were obligated to care for you that means providing a roof over your head, schooling, clothing, food etc. you do not owe them a cent for doing what legally is expected of them.
Cut them off, they’re bludging off you.
And don’t give them any more of your paycheck.
NTA
NTA. You did not ask to be born, they chose to have you. When you have a child you have responsibilities to them, not the other way around. Your parents suck!
NTA. You didn’t ask to be born to them.
NTA. No child asks to be born. We are all here, because of our parents’ decision to keep us. Not the other way around.
If they perceived you as a burden — it’s on them and not on you. Everything they “had given you” was, because they had to. It’s the law. And they probably did only the bare minimum.
I don’t really get how they have access to your money when you are 23. Do you have a shared account or what? If so, change it. Take your money out of the equation and move out to your own place. Cut contact with them.
Logically, before you get out of that house, get your ducks in a row and take out everything important (documents and so on). Make sure, they don’t have access to anything belonging to you (or is under your name) and don’t share your new address.
They can figure out themselves how to pay for their life and how to go on holiday. Not your responsibility.
If the guilt-tripping and so on is hard on you, you should probably look into therapy too. That way you learn how to deal with it and generally with future people and boundaries.
Hope you have at least good friends. Maybe if it’s that bad, you can get help from them.
Updateme. Just in case.
NTA. don’t do it. If they didn’t want to pay to raise a kid, they shouldn’t have had a kid. You owe them nothing.
How are they taking your money? Set up your own bank account and deposit your money there. Do you have any friends who you could move in with? Do it.
You owe them nothing.
Get out of that house and don’t give them another penny! You are an adult so ho and get a bank account at a different bank and have your checks deposited in that account.
Girl, you didn’t ask to be born don’t give them any more your money they’re just being assholes. You don’t owe them anything. They decided to have a child. It was their responsibility to raise you and pay for everything stop giving them their money. Go on your vacation don’t tell them nothing. You might just have to go low contact with them because they will bleed you dry enjoy your lifeand don’t think you owe them anything because you don’t.
Nooooooo. No no no no no. They are NOT entitled to ANY of your money that you earned.
Wow, your parents are awful people. You worked for your money so you get to do what you want with it. You definitely are NTA. I couldn’t even imagine holding the money I’ve spend on my kids against them. Keep your money and find somewhere else to live where your parents can’t leech off of you and treat you like an ATM.
Wow, your parents sure are assholes. Nobody “owes” their parents for raising them. Yet they guilted you all your life and demand 50% of your paycheck.
No, you don’t need to pay for them to go on holiday, and yes, you should move out of there if your parents keep trying to mooch off of you.
Big huge NTA.
What you need to do is stop giving them money. You gave them enough. Parents are obligated to support their children until adulthood. Their children don’t owe them for that.
Good for you, taking that vacation. If they want a vacation they can pay for it themselves.
Again, STOP giving them your money. Move out and get your own place.
NTA. Your parents told you that they viewed you as a financial burden from your early childhood, and they reinforced that belief in your own mind. You OWE it to YOURSELF to live your best life ; you owe them NOTHING. They stole money from you that you WORKED for,by making you feel guilty for being a burden,even as an only child. Run away from them,as far as you can get, and cut them off,PERMANENTLY!!
NTA. You didn’t ask to be born and they’re legally obligated to care for you until you’re 18. They don’t have the right to steal half your checks- you need to start saving to get out and either live alone if you can afford it or live with roommates but you’ve got to get out of that house. Your parents have been financially abusing you since your first paycheck.
I swear, some people should never have kids. SMH
You have every right to go on vacation yourself and you owe your parents NOTHING !! Do not let them GUILT you.
Figure out how to get out of that house. Children shouldn’t have to supplement their parents inc ome. They are horrible people for taking your money and making you feel like you were a burden.
As a parent I would give my kids my last dollar and still wouldn’t expect it back. You are not responsible for them and don’t let them guilt you into thinking you are. Parents like this are the reason kids go no contact.
Run.
NTA. It’s time to move out if you feel disrespected. If you have never lived away from home it can be more difficult for your parents to recognize and treat you as an adult vs. their child.
You don’t owe your parents a vacation. As far as them taking your paycheck. If they did that before you turned 18 they were wrong as they are financially responsible for your needs until 18. After that they could be justified in expecting you to pay rent, and food costs. Fifty percent of your paycheck may or may not be fair depending on how much you earn.
You didn’t ask to be born. It is their human duty to raise you as best they can. It is also not your fault your parents didn’t reach higher. You do not have to hold yourself down for them
Having children is a choice made by one or two people, the kid owes you nothing. Your parents are jerks for taking away your money.
NTA. And stop giving them money, look for a place to live on your own
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