I am 32M, my sister is 30F, and her kids are 3M and 1F. I am not someone who likes to do a lot for my birthday. The only thing I have ever really done to celebrate is to go out for dinner at a nice restaurant, nothing crazy but just a nice place.
In years past, this has been my sister, her husband, and our parents, just low key. They now have kids, and I absolutely love them. That being said they are still at an age where my sister (and our parents) find it hard to take them to restaurants. More-so my niece, my nephew is mostly old enough now to sit through dinner.
However, my birthday last year and this year has somehow become a controversial affair. Last year when I invited my sister and her family, I got the cold shoulder. She said I was excluding her and her family by choosing to go out to a nice restaurant for my birthday, rather than having it at home, and that I didn’t want to be around her kids, which hurt my feelings. I didn’t want to do that at all, I didn’t exclude anyone from the invite. Her and her husband ended up coming alone and getting a babysitter for the kids, but they were not happy the whole night and it ruined the mood.
This year it has almost turned into the same thing again, although this year they decided just to not come at all. So now it’s just me and my parents while they stay at home. I feel like
I’m being made to feel like a bad person for no reason.
TL;DR: I want to go out for dinner for my birthday at a nice restaurant and my sister is making me feel bad about it because she can’t take her kids to the restaurant.
AITA?
Comments
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I am 32M, my sister is 30F, and her kids are 3M and 1F. I am not someone who likes to do a lot for my birthday. The only thing I have ever really done to celebrate is to go out for dinner at a nice restaurant, nothing crazy but just a nice place.
In years past, this has been my sister, her husband, and our parents, just low key. They now have kids, and I absolutely love them. That being said they are still at an age where my sister (and our parents) find it hard to take them to restaurants. More-so my niece, my nephew is mostly old enough now to sit through dinner.
However, my birthday last year and this year has somehow become a controversial affair. Last year when I invited my sister and her family, I got the cold shoulder. She said I was excluding her and her family by choosing to go out to a nice restaurant for my birthday, rather than having it at home, and that I didn’t want to be around her kids, which hurt my feelings. I didn’t want to do that at all, I didn’t exclude anyone from the invite. Her and her husband ended up coming alone and getting a babysitter for the kids, but they were not happy the whole night and it ruined the mood.
This year it has almost turned into the same thing again, although this year they decided just to not come at all. So now it’s just me and my parents while they stay at home. I feel like
I’m being made to feel like a bad person for no reason.
TL;DR: I want to go out for dinner for my birthday at a nice restaurant and my sister is making me feel bad about it because she can’t take her kids to the restaurant.
AITA?
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> 1. I am going to a nice restaurant for my birthday.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
> ended up coming alone and getting a babysitter for the kids
JFC they made all that fuss over the obvious solution?
> She said I was excluding her and her family by choosing to go out to a nice restaurant for my birthday, rather than having it at home, and that I didn’t want to be around her kids
You’re excluding people who aren’t mature enough for the occasion. And NGL, why would you want to be around her kids? They’re her kids, not yours, and they’re not at the age yet where they’re interesting as people.
NTA
As a person who choose to have a child, I realize not everyplace is child friendly. I appreciated a night out.
You can’t force your sister and BIL to get a baby sitter, but this is what happens when you have kids. Not everyone should make every event child friendly.
NTA – your life shouldn’t revolve around your sister’s kids and you deserve to be young, free, childless and enjoy this time because when your kids come you’ll be locked down.
You deserve to go to a nice restaurant for your birthday but I find it telling your sister said celebrate at home. Her kids can’t handle going out? Not even kids are meant to just be at home. So if there is some kind of issue why she couldn’t suggest a nice, kid freindly restaurant as an option (not that you had to agree) that’s not on you.
In my family kids (including babies) go to dinner with us and we never had a problem. A child acts up we redirect them or go outside briefly until they are settled. We’re not trying to disrupt other diners and our kids get accostomed to dining out.
NTA. It’s your birthday. People go out to dinner for their birthdays. You’re not excluding anyone. They can come and bring the kids, they can come and leave the kids with a babysitter, or they can not come. That’s on them. You did nothing wrong.
NTA! It’s your birthday. You should be able to celebrate it how you want. You shouldn’t feel bad.
Your sister should respect that this is your day. You don’t have to cater to her for your event.
The fact that your sister’s kids aren’t yet old enough to go out to a restaurant is not your fault. It’s not her fault either. However, it’s something that she has to accept as just being part of having young kids. Not every event will be baby-friendly. Getting a baby sitter for one night is not a huge inconvenience. She doesn’t have to come, but she shouldn’t be bitter about it.
NAH. I can see both sides of this argument. As parent of 3 young kids I’ll say your sister isn’t wrong for not wanting to take the kids and feeling bit left out. I’ll also say you’re not wrong for wanting to do something you enjoy despite knowing it would exclude the kids and therefore led to exclusion of sister. I think only AH thing is treating this as either or vs a both and.
I think the adult thing would be to plan something where you can do sorta what she wants with eveyone included and then after that’s done go to what you want. Something like get together for cake and presents in afternoon then sister and family leave and you go to dinner with just parents after.
NTA
Don’t make sister’s unreasonableness your problem. If they don’t want to go, then leave it at that. Just because she went from “I’d like to go to a nice place for my birthday” to “You don’t like my kids” doesn’t mean that you have to take that trip with her.
You are choosing to feel bad although you’ve done nothing wrong. If it bothers you, then make a different choice.
NTA
You don’t have to plan a child-friendly birthday and a restaurant is a very common place. They can get a baby-sitter like they already did or one of them can stay home, or they can both stay home.
Expecting you to plan something different isn’t reasonable.
NTA – kids don’t have to be the center of literally every event. It is your birthday, going to a nice dinner is a perfectly reasonable way to celebrate
I would tell sister she’s ruining your birthday by refusing to get a babysitter and spend some time with you
NTA
They need to get a grip on their reality. They choose to have children and that comes with these kinds of sacrifices – getting a sitter! Going somewhere with just adults!.
Try to have an adult conversation with them.
Is this about money? Can they not afford dinner out and a babysitter?
NTA – it’s your birthday, not your sisters kids birthday. Bizarre your sister feels so upset that you don’t want to base your plans on what suits the children – maybe her husband is influencing her reaction?
NTA
There are some things that you just can’t do with very small children, and fancy restaurants are one of them.
As an uncle, you cannot be expected to make everything you do baby friendly. You have every right to plan an adult birthday celebration.
They can choose whether to get a babysitter or stay home.
Your sister and her husband came to your last birthday dinner and acted unhappy the whole time? Imagine being an adult and pouting through a birthday dinner. That is so juvenile and disrespectful!
nta. Her life has changed because she has kids. Doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your bday celebration.