This whole thing feels so stupid and like unnecessary drama in my life.
I (30F) have been friends with Shreya(34F) for about a year and a half. We went on an international trip together last year and that’s how we got close. We also live in the same building.
Two weeks ago, around Friendship Day, one of my other friends invited me over just to cook and hang out. She also invited two more people, so it turned into a small get-together. These are my ex-colleagues, and one of them let’s call him Tarun, is a guy I’m casually seeing. Shreya knows them by name but has never met them, and she also doesn’t like that I’m dating Tarun.
After dinner we were talking about my job search, I got laid off a while back and still haven’t found a new role. I was feeling really down, so the four of us decided to go for a night drive in Tarun’s car to take my mind off things. I did suggest inviting Shreya, but they didn’t want a stranger joining and I didn’t push it.
During the night we decided to hike a hill to watch the sunrise, which was really nice. While we were up there, we thought of visiting another famous spot and ended up going to this spiritual place surrounded by clouds and mountains.
On the way back I posted some pics on Instagram and Shreya saw them. She was angry.
Apparently we had once talked about places we wanted to visit and she mentioned this exact spot. I honestly don’t remember that, and I definitely never promised we’d go there together. But she sent me some hurtful messages, hasn’t been answering my calls or texts, and won’t open the door when I knock. It actually made me cry.
AITA for going to a place my friend wanted to visit, but with other friends instead of her?
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This whole thing feels so stupid and like unnecessary drama in my life.
I (30F) have been friends with Shreya(34F) for about a year and a half. We went on an international trip together last year and that’s how we got close. We also live in the same building.
Two weeks ago, around Friendship Day, one of my other friends invited me over just to cook and hang out. She also invited two more people, so it turned into a small get-together. These are my ex-colleagues, and one of them let’s call him Tarun, is a guy I’m casually seeing. Shreya knows them by name but has never met them, and she also doesn’t like that I’m dating Tarun.
After dinner we were talking about my job search, I got laid off a while back and still haven’t found a new role. I was feeling really down, so the four of us decided to go for a night drive in Tarun’s car to take my mind off things. I did suggest inviting Shreya, but they didn’t want a stranger joining and I didn’t push it.
During the night we decided to hike a hill to watch the sunrise, which was really nice. While we were up there, we thought of visiting another famous spot and ended up going to this spiritual place surrounded by clouds and mountains.
On the way back I posted some pics on Instagram and Shreya saw them. She was angry.
Apparently we had once talked about places we wanted to visit and she mentioned this exact spot. I honestly don’t remember that, and I definitely never promised we’d go there together. But she sent me some hurtful messages, hasn’t been answering my calls or texts, and won’t open the door when I knock. It actually made me cry.
AITA for going to a place my friend wanted to visit, but with other friends instead of her?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I went to a place my friend really wanted to visit, but I went with another friend group instead of her. She feels hurt and betrayed, and I’m wondering if that makes me the asshole.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
No, you didn’t break a promise, and it wasn’t a planned trip meant to exclude her. It just happened spontaneously, and her reaction seems more about hurt feelings than you doing anything wrong.
NTA and honestly don’t you feel too old for this ridiculousness? You did nothing wrong, you don’t even remember having the conversation (I’m sort of inclined to think you probably never did).
She clearly doesn’t like you having other friends – potential boyfriend. I would advise you to distance yourself from her and this is all a bit unhinged.
NTA. You did nothing wrong. She is overreacting. Not everyone is going to be able to go everywhere with everyone. Watch for clinginess with her.
Unless you pinky swore to go there with her, you didn’t do anything wrong. She’s acting like you stole her save file in a video game.
NTA. She sounds like a jealous person.
NTA
I have a friend like this, and it is exhausting. The problem is that they seem to expect to be the main character in your life and don’t understand that you are not constantly thinking about them 24/7. They get really upset if they are left out, even though they never belonged in that gathering in the first place. In fact, they are probably upset that you have other friends. However, despite being annoyed that you hung out with other people without them, they often do not include you when they have a group gathering of their own.
All of this is to say that Shreya is insecure and small. Yes, you could be the bigger person and consider her feelings, but eventually it gets to a point where you are not helping her, you’re enabling her by reinforcing her worldview that she’s the most important person in your life and that her feelings matter more than yours.
Please take an honest look at your friendship with her and consider if she treats you the way that she expects you to treat her. Have you ever held yourself back because you were worried how she would react?
Lastly, these scenic places will continue to exist and can still be visited. They don’t lose their significance or magic just bc you’ve already been there. Nothing is stopping her from visiting them herself, with or without you. If you can figure why she’s angry about it—is she angry you went there first, before she could go? Or is she angry you went without her, bc she wanted to be with you the first time you went?—will shed light on what kind of dynamic she thinks exists between you two.
Does she have a crush on you?
NTA
NTA no one “owns” a public place just because they mentioned it once. Her drama is not your responsibility.
NTA-you are allowed to go do things with other people. She sounds exhausting and this all seems very immature for a 34 year old.
So not only do you have other friends but dare to post pictures and go to places without her pff.Yeah NTA ,I swear if you didn’t have the ages in the beginning of the post I’d think Shreya is in hischool.
NTA? Even if you said you’d go there together, you still can?
It’s clearly not a secret place by the fact you ended up there!
But her response should’ve been, omg I saw you went to ‘xyz’ that’s where I said we should go, was it good? Can you take me sometime!
Also the fact she doesn’t like the guy you’re seeing, that’s none of her business, you don’t have to run anything by her! It’s exhausting!
Insulting you and ignoring you is manipulative, and she wants you to chase her.
Why would you want to be friends with someone who makes you cry over hanging out with a different group?
You’re 30, not 15, you sound like you have plenty of friends so her loss if she wants to be spiteful!!
NTA – She doesn’t own the place, and this isn’t kindergarden where you have to “save” trips for people. If she’s sulking over this, that’s her immaturity showing, not your wrong doing.
The question is it seems like she has a crush on you? NTA
NTA it’s not like this place was destroyed by an earthquake the day after your visit. Nothing is stopping her from going there whenever she wants. She’s way too old to have a tantrum about your not inviting her to everything you do.
Recently I learned that a friend of mine is going to a place I’ve always wanted to go—with other friends. Guess what I did when I learned about this? I wished her a good trip!
NTA, she said SHE wanted to go there. She can still go.
are you not allowed to have other friends? NA
Drop her like a bad habit!! You do not need a new friend that is this insane over something like that. Stop trying to see her. NTA You’ve only been friends for 18 months. I bet she doesn’t have other friends and she is 34 years old. That tells you a lot.
Shreya sounds like a red flag walking. She doesn’t want you to have a boyfriend, she doesn’t want you to have other friends, and she doesn’t want you to do anything without her. The proper response, by a good friend, would have been, “wow, that looks amazing, I’ve always wanted to go there.” Instead she attacks you, punishes you, and is trying to make you believe you were somehow in the wrong.
Reevaluate this friendship, it’s not healthy. NTA
NTA, OP’s friend sounds exhausting. This is teenage drama, not something people over 30 should be experiencing.
A friend with healthy communication would say. “Oh! I totally want to see that place. I think I mentioned it months ago. How was it? Would you be up for going again with me?”