There’s a high class circus show touring the town. There’s a real symphony orchestra, and a choir too. The set list consist of old masters such as Verdi, Mozart, Saint-Saens, and more. The artist do complex tricks, like rope-skipping on a spinning Wheel of Death, somersaults and backflips while flying from a teeter-tooter up to 15-30′ in the air and so on.
The show’s popular and usually sold out; tickets are about $100 piece, which I’m comfortable paying for. The venue suggests the show to children aged 7+. We have already seen the show on its previous tour a few years ago, so this is round #2 for us.
I, M49, invited my SO of ~5 years Heidi, F50, to watch the show. I also suggested that I’d like to bring my goddaughter Ivy F9 along. My SO said she’d rather not have a kid around and we’d go just the two of us togheter. So we did. I also decided to take Ivy to see the show later on.
A few days after we had seen the show, I told Heidi that next Friday I’ll go to the show with Ivy. My SO went ballistics and said she’d never do something like that, and why would I bring someone else’s child in such a show anyway? I told her that she didn’t want a kid around, and I love to spend quality time with my goddaughter, and to expose her to a rare form of entertainment. I don’t have kids of my own, and Heidi’s daughter has already graduated from college.
Now I’m totally lost why Heidi’s so upset. I thought that we see the show together first, so it’s a treat for us – no spoilers. I then take a kid there to enjoy the same spectacle. If there’s someone who loses something, it’s me who already know what’s going to happen in the show. That I don’t mind, I’m just looking forward to see the kid getting excited about the tricks and music.
AITA for “duplicating” an experience?
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There’s a high class circus show touring the town. There’s a real symphony orchestra, and a choir too. The set list consist of old masters such as Verdi, Mozart, Saint-Saens, and more. The artist do complex tricks, like rope-skipping on a spinning Wheel of Death, somersaults and backflips while flying from a teeter-tooter up to 15-30′ in the air and so on.
The show’s popular and usually sold out; tickets are about $100 piece, which I’m comfortable paying for. The venue suggests the show to children aged 7+. We have already seen the show on its previous tour a few years ago, so this is round #2 for us.
I, M49, invited my SO of ~5 years Heidi, F50, to watch the show. I also suggested that I’d like to bring my goddaughter Ivy F9 along. My SO said she’d rather not have a kid around and we’d go just the two of us togheter. So we did. I also decided to take Ivy to see the show later on.
A few days after we had seen the show, I told Heidi that next Friday I’ll go to the show with Ivy. My SO went ballistics and said she’d never do something like that, and why would I bring someone else’s child in such a show anyway? I told her that she didn’t want a kid around, and I love to spend quality time with my goddaughter, and to expose her to a rare form of entertainment. I don’t have kids of my own, and Heidi’s daughter has already graduated from college.
Now I’m totally lost why Heidi’s so upset. I thought that we see the show together first, so it’s a treat for us – no spoilers. I then take a kid there to enjoy the same spectacle. If there’s someone who loses something, it’s me who already know what’s going to happen in the show. That I don’t mind, I’m just looking forward to see the kid getting excited about the tricks and music.
AITA for “duplicating” an experience?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1: I decided to go to a show two times: first with my SO, then on a later date with my goddaughter.
2: My SO says I’m an AH for goin to the same show again with someone else – my 9 yo goddaughter.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Is Heidi jealous of Ivy or maybe she wanted the show to just be between the two of you?
Not wanting kids for a date night is fine but not wanting you to take her at all is weird.
makes no sense to me for her to have an issue. unless maybe she wants to go again
NTA. Heidi sounds like she’s jealous of your close and loving relationship with your goddaughter and that she doesn’t want you to spend money on someone not her (Heidi). Please don’t let that deter you from spending time with Ivy.
NTA. Obviously.
It seems that Heidi wants your goddaughter to fade into the background and disappear? Frankly it’s none of her business what you do with your money. She should find it amusing that you’re willing to see the show twice, but it’s definitely bizarre that she’d be so upset about it. Probably there’s jealousy because your goddaughter is important to you, but it’s totally illogical.
NTA. Does Heidi only want you to have a good time when you’re with her? Does she only want you to spend your money on her? Her reaction makes no sense, and is not generous. You could try asking her to explain exactly what the problem is as you genuinely don’t understand.
NTA seems like a practical solution
Does H often try to stop you spending time with others? Has she managed to articulate a reason for you not to?
NTA. I could see why she would be annoyed if you had done it the other way around, because then you wouldn’t be experiencing it “together” in the same way. But there is nothing in you taking your goddaughter afterwards, that affects you and your SO’s experience in anyway. My interpretation is she has an issue with you taking your goddaughter in general, not that you’re taking her to this particular event that you also took your SO to. But I don’t know enough about the relationship between the two of them to be sure.
NTA – Ivy isn’t some random kid, she’s someone whose parents trust you enough to want you to look after her if something happens to them. Does Heidi typically get upset when you do something without her?
NTA. This is a red flag for me – Heidi is either jealous of your relationship with your goddaughter or wants all your money for yourself. Or both.
I expected this would be the second person getting mad that you had seen the show with someone else first. They would still be wrong in most cases, but not every case.
But Heidi is mad that you’re seeing a show for a second time with your 9yo goddaughter? So it’s not like she thinks it’s a date with another woman or something. And she got to see it with you first.
Something else is going on here. What is Heidi actually upset about? Is it spending money on an event that doesn’t involve her? Does she have an issue with your goddaughter? Is she jealous that she’s not the focus of your every spare moment? Talk to Heidi and figure out the actual issue so you can address it and/or tell her she’s being totally unreasonable. NTA.
I second all of these NTA. Huge jealously over 9 year old + implying you shouldn’t bring “someone else’s child” is very unhealthy, ask her to go to therapy.
NTAH. Your girlfriends is jealous of a 9 year old. That’s a huge red flag. 🚩
NTA – how does Heidi usually behave around Ivy?
Is there an expectation in your godparent relationship that you would take Ivy in if something happened to her parents? Is that something Heidi’s on board for? This could be the tip of a bigger iceberg, and I’d advise that, if you have a potential carer arrangement with Ivy’s parents, you get to the bottom of it soon, before someone jumps a red light or something.