I’m going to a wedding for my 2 friends I’ve know for years. The wedding has been in the works for a year now. Super excited for them, but bride’s condition was no bringing someone new to the wedding that she has not met yet.
Cut to December and I meat my GF, super sweet and supportive, but she has a bit of trauma from past relationships treating her like shit, this makes any situation where I leave her alone to go out with my friends or do something where I leave her alone in a room she starts crying and gets pissed.
So now the wedding is coming up and she hasn’t met the bride so I can’t take her, as we already had a discussion about the wedding and she understood the situation and said it’s ok if I go. Now today months after the discussion she messages me and says she’s upset that she’ll be coming through to my place the day of the wedding and basically waiting for me to come home. She admitted that she’ll probably end up crying and us having a fight. I argued that if that’s the case why doesn’t she just come through to my place the day after.
She’s not budging on being upset over being alone on friday night (which isn’t a guarantee cause the wedding starts early and whebwill probably meave around 5 or 6 pm). Her coming on Saturday isn’t an option as she refuses. I keep telling her I’m not budging on this. I am going. The wedding is 2 hours away by car and I’m carpooling with my friend and his gf. So I don’t have control over when I get back. My gf offered to pay for my gas but I don’t want to drive all the way to and back alone. Honestly I also know if I have to leave early I’m gonna be annoyed and will probably also result in a fight.
So AITA?
Will give context where needed.
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I’m going to a wedding for my 2 friends I’ve know for years. The wedding has been in the works for a year now. Super excited for them, but bride’s condition was no bringing someone new to the wedding that she has not met yet.
Cut to December and I meat my GF, super sweet and supportive, but she has a bit of trauma from past relationships treating her like shit, this makes any situation where I leave her alone to go out with my friends or do something where I leave her alone in a room she starts crying and gets pissed.
So now the wedding is coming up and she hasn’t met the bride so I can’t take her, as we already had a discussion about the wedding and she understood the situation and said it’s ok if I go. Now today months after the discussion she messages me and says she’s upset that she’ll be coming through to my place the day of the wedding and basically waiting for me to come home. She admitted that she’ll probably end up crying and us having a fight. I argued that if that’s the case why doesn’t she just come through to my place the day after.
She’s not budging on being upset over being alone on friday night (which isn’t a guarantee cause the wedding starts early and whebwill probably meave around 5 or 6 pm). Her coming on Saturday isn’t an option as she refuses. I keep telling her I’m not budging on this. I am going. The wedding is 2 hours away by car and I’m carpooling with my friend and his gf. So I don’t have control over when I get back. My gf offered to pay for my gas but I don’t want to drive all the way to and back alone. Honestly I also know if I have to leave early I’m gonna be annoyed and will probably also result in a fight.
So AITA?
Will give context where needed.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
No. You don’t want to ruin someone’s wedding.
NTA–but your GF has issues that you cannot fix. She needs to go to therapy. If you let this to continue she will isolate you from everyone due to her fears. She is using crying and her trauma for manipulation to keep you tied to her. you need to be able to live your life.
NTA, you could probably try to introduce your gf to your friend considering how long you’ve known each other (though the bride probably won’t appreciate it considering the wedding is close by) but this attitude could definitely pose a problem in the future, if she keeps interfering in your social life (regardless of how close your relationship or how sweet she is) it can lead to bigger issues for sure.
NTA – wow your gf is using her insecurities like weapons. Unless you’re the one who treated her like shit (I get that you are not) she needs to process her trauma with a therapist or friends even. She doesn’t get to take it out on you. This is a new relationship, it’s not even 6 months old. She needs to get a grip.
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NTA – Sound Like a Stressful relationship.
Sounds like your gf needs professional help and continuing the relationship may not be the best thing for either of you. This is not something you should accept from her nor should she be ok with behaving this way.
Dump the girlfriend.
Run
Nta- your girlfriend needs therapy and help before she gets in a relationship. She isn’t ready for yall to be dating . She is going to ruin you . You may love her but you can’t fix her . She is manipulating you with her trauma .
Your GF is acting like an immature child. I’m so tired of the past trauma excuse being used to wield control over people and cause misery for others. You had trauma? Go to therapy. Deal with your crap. Was she really treated like shit in her past relationships or is this who she is and people didn’t like it? Two adults in a relationship should navigate differences without one alerting the other that there will be a fight an misery coming up because that person didn’t get their way. That’s called throwing a temper tantrum. It isn’t up to her to come on Friday. Your place. Up to you.
The fact that you are going to a wedding for someone you are close with and she’s hijacking the weekend and making it miserable tells me she’s not the super sweet and supportive GF you said she is. I hope you tell her to stay home on Friday, as it is your place, and rethink the having a relationship with someone who throws tantrums and uses past trauma as the excuse.
Sounds like your gf is not ready for a relationship and has some serious inner work to do first. I would not be in this relationship personally.
NTA- your girlfriend needs to seek serious mental health assistance. This type of behavior is draining for both her and for you as the recipient of it and isn’t going to be able to be sustained. It sounds like she really isn’t in the proper headspace to have a relationship properly without resolving her issues a bit first. Neediness like that becomes very draining.
NTA- your gf is trying to control and manipulate you with her insecurities and that’s not ok. She does NOT NEED to be at your house to wait for you. She can wait til next day to see you. Knowing the fact that she is telling you that’s she’s going to cry and you guys will have an argument is straight red flag. She is probably upset that you’re not taking her to the wedding. I would put my phone on silent so you can enjoy the wedding because I guarantee it she will be blowing up your phone. If I was you, I wouldn’t put up with any of it. It will only get worse as time goes on.
NTA. Your girlfriend is showing a huge red flag. I would tell you to dump her. This is an event she has known about for a long time and is not acting like a child about it. Leave her. It will only get worse from here
NTA- Anyone who says “this will probably cause me to start a fight” knows exactly what they are doing as they attempt to manipulate you. Because someone with higher emotional intelligence who would recognize something may start a fight would instead try to deal with their emotions to avoid a fight. It sounds like she has a great deal of challenges that would be unhealthy for any relationship.
NTA. Your gf doesn’t get to use her trauma to manipulate you when she’s not otherwise getting her way. She needs to learn to regulate her emotions and heal whatever happened to her that makes her equate normal periods of separation with abandonment. She knew about this months ago and even agreed – what she’s doing is a form of intimidation to guilt you into changing your mind last minute. If she’s not willing to see a counselor or therapist to work through these kinds of feelings, you need to decide if you’re willing to deal with this long term. I wouldn’t.
YTA to yourself, she clearly has a lot of issues that she needs professional help for but you just seem to be going along with it and indulging her (wedding not included).
Is that really how you want to live your life?
NTA Your girl needs therapy if she can’t spend an evening alone without crying. A friend’s wedding is a big deal, and you had already talked about it! The only thing I could say is try to be communicative when you’re there(text when you can, and call every once in a while), but don’t sacrifice your own experience either.
At some point she needs to learn to trust you if she wants a long term rs to work bc as someone who also had serious cheating trauma(I found out my ex of 3 years was married our entire rs only well after I left him for good) this is not healthy. My now husband dealt with a lot of doubt in the early days of our relationship(heck he still deals with my trauma brain) but one thing I tried(and still try) super hard not to do was fight with him over the ghosts in my own head.
You’re 5 months in….:
She’s had past trauma about being treated like shit? I think all the flags are waving that it wasn’t her being treated like shit, she was doing the dishing and wasn’t getting her way!!
Sorry but i laughed at “meat my gf” 🤣 NTA tho! Maybe that’s her insecurity
NTA.
She needs to take responsibility for managing her own feelings and emotions. You had a conversation, and she said she understood.
It’s not fair to keep using past trauma as an excuse. If she truly believes that everyone will treat her like her exes, then maybe she shouldn’t be in another relationship right now.
It’s incredibly unfair to you that she doesn’t trust you to treat her differently. What’s the point of being together if she can’t give you that basic trust?
What she’s doing right now really sounds like emotional blackmail.
NTA, your girlfriend needs therapy.
Get a new girlfriend. This one is ridiculous.
I can’t stand women like this. It’s embarrassing for other women. This isn’t about past trauma she’s controlling and is a pain unless she gets her way. She can grow up and deal with it like the rest of us do instead of acting like a two-year-old. The problem being is if you put up with it that is your life. You’re not anything but trying to go to a wedding.
NTA . if she wont work on her trauma i would suggest to end the relationship. it wont be a good one .
NTA – Do you really want to go through this any time you have to do something without her ? This is not a mature , adult relationship. Of course it’s unfortunate and shitty that past partners have not treated her well BUT that’s is not your issue and you shouldn’t suffer for it , it’s up to her to get the therapy she needs to not carry that baggage onto her next relationship, giving it zero chance of being healthy .
NTA and honestly OP I’d be having a serious chat with her about how she needs to sort her issues out or you need to reevaluate the relationship. The way she’s behaving is not acceptable and her warning you that she’s going to be upset and you’ll have a fight doesn’t make it ok ffs
Don’t ruin a long term friendship over a 5 month old relationship with someone who weaponizes their trauma, you deserve better
NTA….Oh my. Your new girlfriend is manipulating you. She is telling you she is coming Friday, refuses to come Saturday, and is telling you there will be a fight, etc.
Do not let her tell you what to do. This is your place. Tell her she is not welcome this weekend. You have plans. If she cannot understand that, then do not bother coming ever again.
Break up with her yesterday.
NTA
Your girlfriend needs therapy. This controlling and manipulative behavior is not sweet or supportive.
She’s telling you it’s trauma from being treated poorly- which is possible. It’s also possible that she’s always been like this and she’s accusing previous partners of being cruel by not putting up with it.
Ummm…. no, you need to take a step back. This girl is manipulating you, controlling you, and is toxic asf. You need to think about whether or not you are okay with this type of relationship. Unless she seeks out professional help, then she absolutely will never change and may even get worse. She cries and throws a fit and makes you miserable anytime you want to do something without her(does she wipe your ass for you) this is ridiculous you are a grown man you are allowed to see your friend get married without having her there or feeling guilty for it. These plans have been made for a year, and suddenly, she comes in and very last minute decides she’s not okay with it after already telling you she will be okay. Sounds to me like maybe just maybe she has no real actual trauma and just says she does because of the reactions she got when she tried this stuff with her exes. MEN CAN BE ABUSED TOO!!!! Please be careful with this girl. Who knows how she will react if you actually go without her and ride with your friend.
This sounds completely unhealthy. She is emotionally abusing you in response to past abuse which is not acceptable. Controlling and threatening you for future behavior that she is sure will happen is something that is 100% preventable. I would get rid of her because nothing you have said makes it sound like this is a good relationship.
She’s literally telling you she is planning to start a fight as punishment for you going to your friends’ wedding, be serious. She picked up more than trauma from her past relationships; she’s going to let herself become the abuser.
Red flag regarding this GF
Your GF can decide she’s not going to get upset about this. She’s had time to come to terms with it. Also, it sounds like you’ve had plenty of time to introduce your GF to the bride. Why didn’t you? Could have avoided this whole situation.
NTA and GF needs to grow the F up. Get therapy, if needed.
NTA. She’s told you she essentially plans to pick a fight with you before you leave for the wedding. Probably so you won’t have a good time or you’ll be focused on her at home. Her issues are her’s alone to fix and not your burden to bear. She’s being very immature. For me this would be a deal breaker event. If she couldn’t keep her shit together and not make you going to a long planned wedding without making it all about her feelings of insecurity, I’d honestly leave this relationship. She’s not ready to seriously date ANYONE. Please put your phone on airplane mode while you’re these and have fun.
Nta. Your gf is yta though. You had a clear conversation about the situation, now she’s changed her mind. Go to the wedding and enjoy it. Don’t give in to her immaturity and manipulation. When you come home and she throws a fuss about this, seriously think about this relationship. That’s your “future” with her unfolding in front of your eyes.
NTA, I understand that someone has trauma and insecurities, but this sounds like something else, someone being hyper aware of how they are going to cry and have a fight with you and also being left in a room alone makes them start getting angry and crying sounds more like manipulation rather than trauma, normally I would say she needs help and counselling, but this sounds very close to you having to say this needs to stop or this relationship cannot continue, as this sounds like spolit behaviour and extreme neediness rather than trauma.
Yeah this is ridiculous. She doesn’t need to be with anyone if she’s this fucked up. She needs to get help. She’s going to ruin the wedding for you by blowing up your phone the whole time and probably picking fights. It’s only been 5 months this is way too much. NTA
Let me get this straight:
You: Hey i have a wedding to go to for my friends coming up, but they have a rule no people they don’t really know, I know you don’t like to be left alone but I intend to go.
Her: Oh yeah, that makes sense it’s totally fine
Months pass
Her: actually if you go to the wedding I’m going to your house to wait for you and my trauma will make me fight you so it’s up to you to make me comfortable with this.
If that’s how it’s playing out, I say break up. I had a TRAUMATIC life, so I am sympathetic to those who carry trauma – but this? This isn’t how trauma works. She doesn’t get to announce “oh by the way i plan to wait for you and fight you when you come back from this event thats important to you”. Like.. if she knows she’s beginning to react because of trauma that’s her cue to start trying her damndest to cope – not warn you consequences are coming so deal with it and make her happy. Her trauma and issues are hers, while you can be supportive, it’s NOT your job to make her feel better with no work on her end.
When I get upset and start spiraling (rare now but it happened a lot years ago) I would often feel the urge to lash out at those around me but such a thought scared the HELL out of me! I didn’t want to be mean to my partner who i knew understood me and probably wouldn’t hold it against me but he still didn’t deserve to be mistreated and I wasn’t going to just let it happen because he’d likely understand and let it go. I needed to WORK on myself. I’d communicate with him, I’m not feeling well, I know I’m starting to become irrational, I need space, and if I’m snippy, if I let it slip, I’m so so incredibly sorry. Never not once did it occur to me to say “oh BTW my trauma is kicking WEEKS in advance in so I’m going to approach you of my own volition in a few WEEKS (can you see I’m bothered by her warning you of the future??) and probably fight you unless you find a way to make me feel good, now scramble!” Who does that?? Besides your gf I mean.
I get to some extent she has an issue with this event, but its important to you so that should make it important to her. And how on earth does she cope with being alone any other time? She’s been your gf for 4 maybe 5 months? Less than half a year and she’s saying you can’t see friends without fighting her because of the sins of her past relationships. Thats how isolation starts. It sucks if her trauma is real but it’s no excuse to isolate or fight your partner. She needs to make peace with her past, recognize you aren’t them, or if she CANNOT control herself to not fight you over a day she knows is important to you and you warned her well in advance of, she needs to exit the relationship and work on why she’s so incapable of controlling herself to the point of sabotaging her relationship and your relationship with friends
NTA
NtA. Trauma can be a reason for a behavior, but it sounds like she’s making it more of an excuse.
Does she go to therapy to try to resolve this issue? People should always be trying to work through their trauma by talking to a therapist. It is not fair to treat a current partner like the one who did you wrong in the past, and that’s what she’s doing. If she had a therapist, they would gently point this out and help her find way of calming down if she’s feeling triggered and work through the emotions.
I think, if you haven’t already, these issues warrant a conversation. If you want to move forward in this relationship, she needs to stop treating you like her past.. AND she must start going to therapy. If she is seeing a therapist, then she may need to find another one because its clearly not benefitting her.
Decide what you would like to do and go from there. Just know these issues aren’t going to go away at the drop of a hat, and it’ll require patience but she needs to put the work in herself too.
Good luck!
I hope you can step back and look at the big picture. This woman is extremely controlling and manipulative. A huge red flag x 5! You haven’t even been dating that long and she is already controlling you. It will only get much worse as time goes by. Escape no before she traps you with a pregnancy as someone like this would do that in a heartbeat. Save yourself immediately and leave!!!!
While I agree. You’re nta. I live by the rule “if he can’t sit, I don’t come”. It’s a respect thing. And if my man isn’t invited I don’t go. I think she’s taking it WILDLY out of proportion, especially considering she said it was fine originally. But I know I’d be at least a bit upset in this scenario. But she should have communicated that.
Nta whatsoever but I think you already know this. A 4 month relationship doesn’t get to have much say in a situation like this. Plus she is unbelievably immature and forcing your hand into an argument, just because she can. Idc if she has trauma from relationships past. May sound rough, but most adults have trauma from past relationships. She doesn’t get to act like this. You need to rethink this relationship and have a long conversation with her about how your future is gonna go, cause she sounds very manipulative.
NTA. Buy her a copy of “Codependent No More” and run. Never look back.
NTA.
OP: your partner has trauma from past events. She may have a mental illness, but despite what people tell you, there’s not enough in your post to be sure.
But clearly she is self aware enough to know that she is going to act-out. That’s immature and unhealthy. She is attempting to get “permission” to act badly. This is all on her. If she cares about herself or the relationship, she will look for professional help. A counsellor. A therapist. NOT YOU – certainly not you as a punching-bag.
Step back. Get ready to leave the situation. SHE needs to do something.
NTA. This behaviour isn’t on; she’s being incredibly manipulative and controlling.
Is she really ‘sweet and supportive’? Because her actions sound abusive to me.
NTA. Wow. GF needs to realize a healthy relationship is one where there is trust and happiness. Not one where every time you make plans with friends, she throws a tantrum like a child and can’t be left alone.
It’s also a little troubling that you seem to be her whole world.
If you go out, why would she be alone on a Friday night? Doesn’t she have other friends that she can hang out with in your absence? If she doesn’t, there’s another long term issue you’re going to have to deal with. She sounds very clingy. And if this is because of past trauma, she needs to get some help to get back on track.
Being in a relationship does not mean you need to abandon all your other friendships.
“and says she’s upset that she’ll be coming through to my place the day of the wedding and basically waiting for me to come home. She admitted that she’ll probably end up crying and us having a fight” .. break up now.
Sure, your friends are AH for not giving you a +1.
But your gf sounds unhinged, why would you want to live with a controlling and controlling AH like that? Get out now.
How old are you guys? I was your gf. Horrible childhood trauma. I would panic and honestly feel like I might die if left alone. I was conditioned that way because honestly growing up that was a possibility. I knew it wasn’t okay but couldn’t just stop. So I got therapy. I do fine now and actually enjoy time alone it did take years to get there. From the time I started getting help for it specifically I would say it took about 5 years to be okay with it. When I had a baby it came back pretty bad. I didn’t fully regress but it was bumpy. It took maybe 6/7 years to get back to not panicking and actively encouraging him to go out consistently.
She needs therapy. If she does want to get it leave. Don’t give an ultimatum. Explain why it is important to you and why you think it is in her best interest. Volunteer to do couples counseling in addition to her individual therapy if she thinks that will help. If she doesn’t want to, then she doesn’t really want to change. And if you can’t deal with her like this for the next 10, 20, 50 years, then just leave now. At a minimum set boundaries and enforce them.
NTA
JFC it isn’t your responsibility to make all past relationship “traumas” up to her.
Go to the wedding. Have a blast and celebrate your friends. Don’t answer the rage texts and calls you’ll most like get.
Most of all, think about her manipulation. Do you really want to date someone who is this emotionally immature and throws tantrums when she can’t have her way?
NTA. Gf needs trauma therapy. You shouldn’t be punished for her past. If she cannot manage her mental health without punishing you, this relationship will (is turning) turn abusive and controlling. Sitting at your place waiting for you to come home so she can check on you is extremely concerning.
You MET your gf in December and the wedding is coming up soon? Define soon? May? June? Regardless, they have been planning numbers for their wedding for a while now so how they planned their wedding numbers is fine. Even if they did meet her, they still needed to account for a possible plus one months ago in their planning.
I’m a professional man hater, so I don’t say this lightly. Dump her. She’s manipulative and trying to control you. Th8s will only get worse. If she has trauma, she needs professional help. But save yourself the drama and heartache and end things now
NTA. BREAK UP. She’s manipulative. You wanna deal with this shit in your 40s,50s, and 60s. As a straight woman this type of female behavior is beyond fucked up. LEAVE.
NTA.
Kind of ironic that her “past trauma” has been partners “treating her like shit”, and that being exactly what she’s doing to you.
Your solution for her to just come to yours on Saturday is not unreasonable, and yet she is being unreasonable about it.
Personally speaking, there is not a great deal about that kind if person that would have me keep them around. Its as though she’s smothering you, which isn’t a great way to keep hold of someone you say you have feelings for.
It’s entirely up to you how you handle this, but personally, I’d be telling her that as far as the wedding weekend goes, you’re going. If she doesn’t want to be at yours Friday without you, tell her the options are to either come Saturday, and you’ll both say no more about it, or to just not come at all, ever again. It isn’t you treating her like shit by telling her months in advance that you are attending a good friend’s wedding, and you don’t have a plus one invitation. And you won’t be made to feel otherwise, so if that’s her intention, she either cones to you on the Saturday and is genuinely interested in how the day went, or she doesn’t bother coming over again, because you don’t need a partner who orchestrates her own misery, and by extension, yours.
NTA.
She needs therapy. This is coming from someone who’s also been through trauma in relationships, the whole nine yards.
For awhile, you might be like: yeah she’s traumatized so she can’t help it etc etc. But then imagine she doesn’t get the support she needs. She gets indirectly enabled because you’re like: oh well you can’t help it.
We all experience trauma. And at some point, we have to know that it’s not anyone else’s fault it’s still affecting us except us.
NTA. Kick her insecure and melodramatic ass to the kerb.
Have you given thought that the reason her past bf’s treated her like shit is because she is a shitty gf? You are attracted to her because she is doing and saying things a guy looks for. Now that she got you in her “trap” she is showing her true colors. Today it’s you leaving her alone for a wedding she knew about for months. Next month you can’t go to movies with best friend you haven’t seen in years. She is needy and clingy…is this the kind of girl you want running your life?
Unpopular opinion but yes YTA. If she meant that much to you, you would have made sure she met the bride and was your plus one. You don’t want her there and that’s the rub. Leave that girl alone.
INFO: if the only issue is she cannot come if the bride never met her, why haven’t you set that up in the time you had to prepare for the wedding? Did you just really not want her to go with you—or did you have a reason not to have them meet.
I will say you need to dump her. She’s a stage five clinger, bro. She needs therapy before she’s healthy enough for a relationship.
NTA, but your girlfriend desperately need therapy! You can’t be together for every single activity when you’re in a relationship! You have to be able to do your own thing from time to time. If she starts crying and arguing every single time you go out on your own, then your relationship is doomed. You were invited to this wedding before you met your girlfriend, she doesn’t know the bride. Her not going is logical.
Why on earth would she wait all evening in YOUR home for you to come back from a wedding? This is where most people would plan their own activity. See a friend, go out to a movie, pretty much ANYTHING but wait for their boyfriend to come home just so there could be tears and a fight over you not spending the evening together.
This is your future you’re seeing, do you really want this? Her being controlling and emotional everytime you do your own thing? I’ve been with my husband for almost 17 years and doing our own thing is important for us. We love doing things together as a family but we also value the fact that we need to be on our own sometimes. You need to communicate to your girlfriend that you really can’t be together all the time, it doesn’t mean you doesn’t love her. It just means you also have friends and interests on your own.
NTA. Go to the wedding and don’t ever come back to this manipulative, controlling child.
She is manipulating you and trying to control your every move. She needs to take accountability for her own actions. She’s acting like a spoiled child. You need to find an adult who can handle adult issues. She’s throwing a tantrum. I’m exhausted just reading this!
Your girlfriend sounds exhausting. You might wanna rethink this. NTA
If there was ever someone who needed therapy, your gf is number 1 on the list. Why on earth does she need to be at your house to wait on you?
You should run from this disaster. It will not get better.
NTA the question is not should I go to a wedding my gf can’t come to. It’s why are you with such a whiny clingy child. Trauma?! People need to stop with that. This is not who you need to hitch your future to. You need a helpmate not a weight around your neck dragging you down.
NTA. Your girlfriend sucks. “Past trauma” is a bs excuse. She is trying to manipulate and control you.
You leave her alone in a room and she starts crying and gets pissed? Are you allowed to go to the bathroom by yourself, or does she have to follow you in there too?
NTA. Your girlfriend needs to accept some accountability and seek therapy for her issues from her prior relationships. She’s being unreasonable.
Nta your gf needs therapy. “I am not your past relationships I am supposed to be your new partner. You holding on to the old baggage is not conducive to our new healthy relationship. You are my gf and my partner not my child to take care of. May I suggest booking a therapy appointment the day of the wedding so you can speak to a professional about why you’re feeling what you’re feeling and why you can’t hold me accountable for something an ex did. If you cause a problem over this I will take it as a sign that you’re not mature enough to have a healthy adult relationship. You’re an adult please act like it. The sobbing manipulation game isn’t going to work with me and isn’t a a healthy way to express your frustrations which is why a therapist could help you more than I can with that. If you want a stable healthy relationship you need to accept what happened in the past happened and let it go because it shouldn’t influence you for the rest of your adult life.”
NTA.. as someone who has caused relationship break ups due to failing to deal with my personal mental health, I strongly recommend having an honest conversation with therapy. If your GF is sweet and supportive and you believe that and want this relationship to work, she needs to be willing to meet you halfway and honestly work on her past trauma with a professional. Its not fair to you as a dating partner for her to constantly project her previous issues on you and make you feel bad about it.
The part that makes her the AH here to me is that she is telling you in advance that she is going to cry and start a fight after you return even after you told her, talked to her about it, and she understood. Its ok to have the emotional reaction from past trauma, especially if you are working on it. Its not really ok to set the situation up where you can have an argument about it.
Since I’ve opened up to friends and colleagues about my struggles, I’ve actually had other male friends and coworkers come to me privately to discuss what I went through because they were having their own issues they needed to deal with. A lot of people are in the same boat. Just have to get the help instead of letting it control you.
NTA at all and your girlfriend really needs to seek profession help for these issues.