My parents borrowed $700 from me (23M) last month and have only paid half the amount they owe me. This may be a small amount for some, but I’ve been living independently for almost a year now (I live abroad and pay for all of my own expenses).
While the $700 wouldn’t really affect me financially, what irks me is that they don’t follow the deadlines that THEY set.
They initially said they’ll pay me back in full the week after, which became two weeks, then three weeks but they can only pay back $350. The rest they’ll pay me back this week.
Now, I just called them to remind about the remaining $350 and they said they can only pay me back in another two weeks. I was visibly annoyed so my mom said I’m ungrateful and that they’ll look for another person to borrow from just to pay me.
Now I’m feeling terrible that I hung up on them in the middle of our call. AITA?
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My parents borrowed $700 from me (23M) last month and have only paid half the amount they owe me. This may be a small amount for some, but I’ve been living independently for almost a year now (I live abroad and pay for all of my own expenses).
While the $700 wouldn’t really affect me financially, what irks me is that they don’t follow the deadlines that THEY set.
They initially said they’ll pay me back in full the week after, which became two weeks, then three weeks but they can only pay back $350. The rest they’ll pay me back this week.
Now, I just called them to remind about the remaining $350 and they said they can only pay me back in another two weeks. I was visibly annoyed so my mom said I’m ungrateful and that they’ll look for another person to borrow from just to pay me.
Now I’m feeling terrible that I hung up on them in the middle of our call. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Hanging up on my mom in the middle of our call
2. What she said about me being ungrateful got to me, considering how my parents tried their best to send me to a good high school, and it was the reason why I got into uni with a good scholarship and allowance
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
They are doing this to you because you’re their kid and they feel they can delay and wait to pay you back because what else are you going to do? Sue them? They are gambling that you’re just going to accept the debt and forgive it one way or another, and if they are doing the whole waiting game on you, and now gaslighting you about how you’re “ungrateful” (I don’t even get that part…) and will borrow from someone else, if you have siblings, tell them not to give your parents money because they owe you and refuse to pay you back. They might do that to said siblings, family and friends just like they did to you. NTA.
YTA. Yes, they missed their self-imposed deadline, and no, they should’ve honoured their commitment. However, they are your parents, it doesn’t cause you a problem financially, I am sure they wouldn’t have borrowed from you if they weren’t on dire straights (you don’t say this is a pattern). What difference would it have made to you to say, “That’s disappointing. Look, i’m happy to give you another two weeks’ grace, but I absolutely have to have that money back by then.”
You don’t just get stroppy and hang up. That’s reserved for the 2nd time they miss the deadline (if they do).
NTA, originally I was gonna say no assholes, but that last comment by the parents shows that they’re intentionally manipulating you so they don’t have to pay it back until they feel like it. They either need to pay it back, or have a discussion with you on why they can’t and how they will be working towards doing it.
ESH
Rule number 1 of loaning money to friends or relatives: don’t. If you can’t afford to say goodbye to the money, don’t lend it because you are not likely to see it again. I know there are exceptions to this rule, but most of the time, relatives seem to think that they can wait to pay their benefactor back because it’s not an official lending institution, like a bank, where they would be penalized for being late.
If they have to borrow money from someone else to pay you back, let them. They owe you $350 and have not paid it on time. They are trying to guilt you into letting it slide, which they were successful at doing, yes?
Never lend anyone money you cannot afford to lose. It’s a wonderful thing if it really does come back to you, but chances are it won’t. I’ve never seen any statistics on this issue, but I’m betting that the repayment rate on loans like this are about 15 to 20%, tops. And you didn’t even charge them interest, like a bank would have.
Learn this lesson well. If you see the money in 2 weeks, that’s lovely, but remember you had to go after it with them to get it.
NTA. Your mom had a lot of nerve telling you that you were ungrateful that she’s delinquent in repaying you.
I mean, what could you say anyway, after that? Might as well end the conversation. Beats getting into a screaming match.
Real question how much money have you burrowed from your parents that you never paid back ?>
NTA. Absolutely love their logic that you’re ungrateful because they won’t pay their debts!
Why should you feel bad, because they broke the agreement that they made. You’ll feel even worse when history repeats itself.
NTA
NTA. They said they would pay you back in a week and they broke the agreement. You’ve now been waiting weeks for money that they said they would give you. Five weeks is difference is very different to a week.
> my mom said I’m ungrateful
Ungrateful for what? Getting back half the money that you owed them weeks and weeks after they said they would give it to you? They are the ones who are being ungrateful. You did not have to lend the money and you did and they have not repaid it in time.
It may not be a large amount now, but this will have stopped you ever lending them money ever again.
> they’ll look for another person to borrow from just to pay me.
So they could never afford to pay you back when they said they would? Why did they say they would then why do they not have $350 to their name?
Next time they should just look for another person to borrow from in the first place. Or be honest about it and ask for a gift, not a loan.
NTA.
NTA seems like a Ponzi scheme they’re using amongst you and your siblings. Using one person to pay back the other etc.
They are taking advantage of you and guilt-tripping you.
The correct answer to her statement is: “Yeah, next time go to a bank and see how accommodating they are with late payments”.
Keep pestering them for the money they owe you.
Big hugs.
NTA never ever lend money to family.
NTA
Once they give you your money back, let them know you will never, ever loan them money again.
Don’t lend money to family if you’re not prepared to gift it.