I am 19, F. My mom was 38 F. The “boyfriend” is like 38-40’s? M. My mom died on April 3rd of this year. She died in her home, surrounded by the ones she loved at only 38. I was there to witness her death. Me and my two younger siblings. I cannot shake it. She was in a relationship since at least 2020. This man was practically my father at this point, with how long we have lived together. Her “boyfriend”, started dating not even a month after she died. I live in the house they shared. Will be moving out ASAP, obviously. I found a fetal xray thing. From July 30th. My immediate reaction upon finding it was horror. This man is having a baby with a woman who he’s been with since MARCH. This woman was my mother’s best friend, by the way. What the fuck do I do other than hate this man? He moved on so unbelievably quickly and now he’s having a CHILD? I don’t get it. I don’t understand. How is this moving on? How is this MOVING FORWARD?
AITA for hating my dead mom’s boyfriend?
r/AITAH
Comments
NTA. Your feelings are justified.
sorry you’re going through this, your feelings make total sense. take care of yourself first
First off, I am very sorry for your loss. The only thing is to keep going forward and one day, it won’t seem as bad as the last and so on. And you will find a new normal with special days being more difficult.
As for your situation. Is it a rental? Did it belong to your mom? If it did, I would not move out! Stay, get a lawyer and evict him.
As for the both of them. Grief does strange things. Or they are complete pond scum. Either way, focus on yourself and processing your grief.
NTA. Your grief is valid, and it’s okay to hate how quickly he moved on especially with your mom’s best friend You don’t owe him acceptance; focus on your own healing
Humans are humans before they’re parents, partners or spouses.
The reality is they probably comforted one another’s grief right into the sheets. Humans are complicated and death makes things even more complicated.
Men generally are kinda trash from my observations on this here internet… my own experiences kinda justify that too.
It’s unfortunate he hid things from you. And maybe it is best that you part ways, but is he to keep custody of your younger siblings? Because if so, you’ll still see him around.
Feelings can be really complicated. I am so sorry you’re dealing with losing your Mom. It is such a hard thing to deal with.
The best case scenario here is that your Mom’s bf and her best friend only got together because of their shared grief of losing your Mom. It is more common than you’d think. Having a baby together that soon probably isn’t wise, but this situation would explain why they’re moving so fast. They’re trying to desperately cling to something that reminds them of your Mom, and it’s each other. They should have been more considerate of your feelings about all this though.
The worst case scenario is that he was cheating with the best friend before your Mom passed.
You’re grieving, and his actions feel disrespectful. Your feelings are valid. Take care of yourself and get space
I’ll be real it’s NAH. I don’t think he’s an asshole for processing grief differently than you. He certainly doesn’t owe anyone a performance of any kind. In not being particularly sensitive though he has hurt you, I think.
Similarly you are not wrong for feeling hurt, your feelings are valid, the immensity of your grief is real and you are going to feel raw about certain things for a long time. You are entirely within your rights to find a way forward without that man, you don’t owe him anything.
Sometimes people move on physically before they do emotionally.
And sometimes when people have sex then babies are made.
I don’t know what else to say. I’m sorry for your loss, but also you’re 19 and old enough to know those things already. This guy didn’t do anything wrong, life just has a funny way of reminding people they’re still alive even after a death.
NAH
He should move out not you
You owe him nothing
Speak to a lawyer and get rid of him
First, he was never even close to being your father. I don’t give a hoot what he did .. there’s nothing you could list especially in that short of a time to warrant that description. I lost my mom a few years ago. Her shit bag of a husband completely F’D her the entire year leading up to her death. I won’t say how AND he got money. I know how bad it hurts to not just lose mom BUT to watch them be so heartbroken after having wasted decades on a garbage loser. He is NO ONE to you. He’s some AH your mother dated thy was cheating and didn’t give the slightest F about. You never speak to him again. That will happen regardless because he doesn’t sound like they type. She’s some dude she hooked up with. It’s a rough pill to swallow. You have to live with this pain. It might make you feel better to say some things to him but know this .. he is piece of trash.
For how long was your mom sick before she died? Do you know if they originally planned on having kids together? And does he have any bio children (except the one currently on the way)?
I am really sorry. 😢NTA. I hope you and your siblings have a safe place to go.
A large chunk of men move on very quickly, particularly when they have an ill spouse that cannot perform ‘wife duties.’ I’m assuming that your mother was ill for a while as he had already physically moved on before she passed.
Unfortunately, he probably thinks he is doing you a favour as he has allowed you to stay in his house for multiple months already. This is probably due to any lingering ‘fatherly’ obligation he feels towards you. Legally, he could have booted you out in April.
With time you will realise that anger won’t bring your mum back, regardless of who it is directed towards. But use this moment and your current feelings to form a crystal-clear image of your future and who you want to share it with. Find people that will be there through thick and thin and do the same for them.
Sorry for your loss.
NTA. So sorry for your loss. They are AH and despicable people for doing this. I cannot help but wonder if they have been involved for much longer time. This is not about moving on, but about being scums.
Move out, live your life and go NC or at least LC with them.
NTA. There are two options:
they were already together in the shadows before your mom died.
they trauma bonded and got together partially due to this.
These are both pretty common.
He didn’t move on, he was active in this before your mother died or he waited until she died to act. Very callus behavior from both of them. You should inherit the house, he wasn’t her spouse. Be pissed for you, your mom and everyone who has read this.
You have a good reason to hate him but hating him does you no good, you’d probably just be hurting yourself holding on to the hate, just move on and live your life