Okay this is a weird one and I hope to condense it enough so it makes sense while also being in character limit.
Hello everyone, I (23F) and my bf (25M) have been dating for a year now. We met through our college friends. I am getting a BFA in Fine Arts while he is getting a BA in accounting.
I have been drawing NSFW since I was nineteen and have a dedicated accounts for it. I take commissions and I also do fanart. I have told him before I draw this sort of thing and he didn’t seem to mind at first.
Well he went through a regular art account that I have and found my linked NSFW one and he lost his mind. He told me it’s weird that I draw characters having sex and that it’s even weirder I let people pay me to draw NSFW for them. I argued back that it’s helping me pay my college expenses and that I was very upfront.
I wouldn’t have been as mad if it wasn’t for the fact he brought up my sexuality. I have a very low libido, something I also told him before we started dating. He used this against me and accused me of just being attracted to fictional characters instead of him.
We ended up fighting about it for thirty minutes before he stormed off. We were just arguing about the same things over and over again and he needed to “blow off some steam”
Now I’m wondering if it’s wrong of me to engage in NSFW content and draw it if I’m in a committed relationship… I would like advice if anyone has had a similar experience or not.
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Okay this is a weird one and I hope to condense it enough so it makes sense while also being in character limit.
Hello everyone, I (23F) and my bf (25M) have been dating for a year now. We met through our college friends. I am getting a BFA in Fine Arts while he is getting a BA in accounting.
I have been drawing NSFW since I was nineteen and have a dedicated accounts for it. I take commissions and I also do fanart. I have told him before I draw this sort of thing and he didn’t seem to mind at first.
Well he went through a regular art account that I have and found my linked NSFW one and he lost his mind. He told me it’s weird that I draw characters having sex and that it’s even weirder I let people pay me to draw NSFW for them. I argued back that it’s helping me pay my college expenses and that I was very upfront.
I wouldn’t have been as mad if it wasn’t for the fact he brought up my sexuality. I have a very low libido, something I also told him before we started dating. He used this against me and accused me of just being attracted to fictional characters instead of him.
We ended up fighting about it for thirty minutes before he stormed off. We were just arguing about the same things over and over again and he needed to “blow off some steam”
Now I’m wondering if it’s wrong of me to engage in NSFW content and draw it if I’m in a committed relationship… I would like advice if anyone has had a similar experience or not.
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> 1. I should be judged if it’s weird to take requests/commissions for NSFW art while in a relationship
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA – while he’s allowed to not like it, you’re allowed to create whatever art you want. It sounds like you might just not be compatible. Sexuality is a snowflake – unique and varied…don’t let him make you feel like a low libido means you can’t enjoy creating what you create.
Considering you are majoring in fine art, you are probably better educated on art than he is, therefore more educated on what is considered “weird”. What exactly makes him the expert? Now, if you have a finance question then he can chime in. NTA. If you’re making commission then you’re a PAID ARTIST. If this man is so concerned with accounting shouldn’t he be glad you’re making that paper? Is HE going to pay for your college expenses?
I presented my NSFW art to my ex, he had absolutely no problem and was pretty supportive with it. For your next relationship, make sure your partner has a grasp and is ok with your NSFW art.
NTA.
NTA
I’m an artist. I don’t do NSFW stuff as it doesn’t really appeal to me, but I have no issue with those who do. There is a massive market for it, and if you’re making decent money from it while AI garbage is running amok, more power to you!
You’re taking commissions for clients and making fan art. You’re not getting sexual satisfaction from creating the artworks.
Your BF is very insecure and I don’t think the two of you are compatible.
NTA. You were up front about it. He must have imagined something different, which isn’t your problem.
NTA. But you would be to yourself if you keep seeing this insecure clown.
NTA, you were upfront about it from the beginning.
Great disparity in libido is almost always a relationship ender.
NTA, but you two don’t seem compatible.
Guess it depends what the art is and if it deviates from what you told him or if what you told him was very vague.
Does he watch porn? Consuming and creating NSFW content is one of the most universal shared adult experiences, yet same people have no problem consuming adult content but somehow are weirded out by those making the content. You aren’t doing anything wrong or weird, and your boyfriend sounds immature, insecure, and prudish.
NTA
I think it’s amazing that you do commissions for people and are able to make a little bit of money on the side. It’s also your own creative style and you enjoy doing it.
I don’t think this relationship will last because of his insecurities of your artwork. This man is a huge red flag.
NTA, you told him about it before. Honestly if I was your boyfriend it would turn me on that you do that. It’s not harming anyone so why be upset?
Maybe he feels upset as you can draw well and he wants you to participate with him. Maybe in time it can be that bridge, but him blowing up like that is ridiculous.
My S.O is an art teacher and as part of her degree she used to do life stills. I’ve seen her portfolio and love them – she told me she hated doing genitalia, but I think you would as a 20 year old as you’d be embarrassed.
Drawing is you. Draw what you want and be YOU!
You need to talk this out with him but don’t concede something you love to do and certainly isn’t cheating. Why can’t he be proud of you?
Absolutely NTA. He has no right to be annoyed when you were upfront about it…
NTA.
No. Not even a weird one. This sounds like a red flag to me. Time to move on if he’s not uncomfortable but freaked out by it.
I’m especially annoyed because I full on have an art degree and do not do any of it anymore. I like my job just fine, but getting commissions for your work is totally delightful to me. Good job that you’ve made a serious go of something you’ve done since your teens.
You were upfront about what you do and why. You seem to enjoy it so maybe he is on to something about kink or …questioning your morality.
But this also how you pay your bills.
He isn’t going to come around to what you are doing. Time to move on.
Nah, at least not really. You’re not doing anything wrong, but it’s very easy to see why your bf is frustrated that you have a low libido but somehow have the energy/willpower/desire to fantasize and draw fictional characters having sex.
Honestly, if there’s a huge disparity in your respective libido, you might just not be compatible long term to begin with.
NTA. this guy has jealousy issues
What a ridiculous reason for him to be mad at you. Not the asshole. Your boyfriend sounds insecure and controlling
The erotic art isn’t the problem. It just happens to be adjacent to the real problem which is the mismatched libido.
I’m sorry to tell you but your bf is not as accepting of your low sex drive as you may have thought, hence this ridiculous outburst. You might just be incompatible. NTA
Good grief, NTA. Do you think all erotica writers and smut artists are single??? It has nothing to do with being in a relationship.
Your boyfriend sounds like a real piece of work. Ditch him, keep the commissions.
NTA
It’s your art – and a means of income, do what you want.
If he can’t handle it, that’s on him, and you can certainly find someone better that won’t care – or even better, would support and encourage you.
NTA. Reading/creating things like nsfw fanart or fanfiction is extremely common for people with low libido or even fully asexual because it’s a way of engaging with sexuality in a low pressure, low stakes way that doesn’t involve having to police your own needs or boundaries with someone. You can enjoy engaging with it fictionally but not want it to be enacted to yourself to the same degree or at all, do you think the girlies out there reading dark romance want to actually date a murderer etc? Its fantasy, and you are allowed to have different rules for your own body versus what you consume fictionally. This dude is a jealous tool. Keep getting that commission money.
NTA – I cant imagine being upset about this.
Sounds like he imagined it was more suggestive art, and when he realised it was more graphic (pun intended) he didnt like it.
I wouldnt take his arguments too seriously, it sounds like he tried his best to attack what you do so you would quit.
If you want to be with someone who doesnt respect what you do, and is willing to be manipulative and controlling to get what he wants, then he sounds like a real catch
Absolutely fucking NTA. He doesn’t like that you draw NSFW art, that’s his problem. Also his comments on your libido are absolutely unfounded
It just sounds to me like he’s assuming you use your art as a sexual outlet (which might be true, but also might not be as not everyone who creates nsfw art gets a sexual release from it) and he’s upset you’re not relying on him exclusively for that release. That or he’s upset you’re not having sex with him as much as he wants and this was just the scapegoat for his frustration.
Either way, NTA. You’re allowed to make whatever art you like. Even if you were drawing live nudes, so long as you didn’t have sex with the model without getting his consent beforehand, you’ve done nothing wrong.
NTA, he should grow a pair.
NTA they’re fictional characters. I’m sure there’s plenty of fictional characters that he’s attracted to. Get that bag. 💰
What you’re doing isn’t wrong NTA. But your relationship is wrong for you. Based off what he said he resents your low libido, he puts up with it probably because (like a lot of people) he’s more scared of being single than of being in an unfulfilling relationship, but clearly wants more sex than you are willing/able to give him. If you end up not breaking up after this expect more arguments in the future about pushing you for more intimacy than you really want.
So do yourself a favor and move on to someone who is actually happy to be with you instead of just wanting to be with someone, even though its not what they actually want.
Sounds like he’s insecure. Or prude. Or maybe some weird kind of jealousy. Had you been doing live action porn or something like that, then I would understand. As it stands, you’re just drawing stuff.
NTA.
Came here to say YTA. Saw that you made it clear going in, automatically NTA. Then saw YOU’RE A NSFW ARTIST. 1000% NTA. Holy bananas you need to get a commission to pay for dropping his ass on the curb.
NTA this is an incompatibility issue and you should break up. It isn’t really about the art you draw that is making him angry, he’s angry because you aren’t compatible with each other hence him accusing you of not being attracted to him. He can’t handle the lower sex drive. At least not at this stage in his life, maybe after a few decades of growing up he could mature enough to handle it but right now he can’t hang.
NTA.
He’s dense as hell. Get your green!!
NTA. Drawing NSFW has nothing to do with someone’s libido. Sometimes it correlates for people, but it never HAS to. We do what we can to support ourselves and if your method of paying for expenses is some art, good for you!
NTA hes tryna use your art as a way to shame you for yall not being compatible sexually. He can’t communicate without being a child and tryna shame you into doing one thing or another, if that doesnt sound like heaven then its best to mosey on from somebody like that
This is peanuts compared to other sorts of NSFW content you could be partaking while in a relationship. NTA.
The drawings do not embody nor link your likes to anything: they’re comissions for other people. It’s just a job. Not every employee working for Subway enjoy their sandwiches.
Nta. Just means not compatible. Hes not gunna let it go even if he apologies. You’re not doing anything wrong, that’s purely his insecurities.
Ok so you are NTA for having that type of account, or taking that type of work. But put yourself in his shoes for a moment. Your SO spends alot of their time drawing furry porn but never wants to have sex with you.. i know im gonna get downvoted because apparently all jealousy exists in a vacuum and men are not allowed to feel it, but your partner is feeling like second fiddle to a bunch of imaginary characters, so maybe you should talk about intimacy.
You keep doing your art. Ross out the while man and start fresh with hopefully someone who can appreciate all levels of art you do.
Different people have different boundaries. You just need to find someone with the same (or at least similar, to be able to find some compromises) boundaries as yours.
He can express frustration, but he can’t make you stop doing this. He knew you draw such art, it wasn’t something you hid from him. NTA, of course.
NTA but also your boyfriend IS the asshole and you shouldn’t stay with him because he’s absolutely going fo continue to start fights because he wishes your libido matched his. Right now he’s jealous of drawn pictures on the internet, what next ???
Off topic and I’m sure you probably won’t wanna reveal anything and that’s TOTALLY FINE I know this is a throwaway but I love seeing ppls comms and am curious what kind you usually do !!!
So, you’ve hit a wall that you didn’t know was there…it happens.
You were transparent from the beginning, so you’ve done nothing wrong there.
NTA, but be prepared for the possibility that this might be a dealbreaker for him.
NTA at all! everyone I know who paid for art school did it with furry commissions lol
you drawing NSFW in a relationship is only as much of a problem as your partner turns it into, next time date someone who thinks it’s neat
NTA
👏 Don’t 👏 date 👏 insecure 👏 men
>We were just arguing about the same things over and over again and he needed to “blow off some steam”
he brought up my sexuality.
He told me it’s weird that I draw characters having sex and that it’s even weirder I let people pay me to draw
He used this against me and accused me of
Respectfully, it’s time to dump this guy and find someone you are more compatible with. He may have said he was fine with low libido at the beginning, but is finding out what that really means and is resentful. He’s now picking fights with how you make money.
NTA for your art. Find someone who both enjoys your art, supports what you do, and is compatible with your life. You’re getting paid well enough to draw that it supports your schooling, something not a whole lot of artists get to say.
NTA. NSFW art is hardly linked to libido. I draw adult content sometimes, but ironically it’s when my libido has been notably lower. Sometimes even staring at the image trying to get stuff right prevents it from feeling horny at all lol.
If he has a problem with it, he should leave. He sounds like he just wants someone with a higher libido and is trying to find “excuses” for why you’re not matching libido with him. There’s nothing wrong with either of you. Do not let his insecurity take away your income.
NTA bro’s self esteem got crushed by your fiction
NTA Like someone else said, he’s absolutely allowed to not like it, but if you enjoy it (and it makes you money), you shouldn’t have to stop if you don’t want to. You need to have a conversation about whether or not this is a deal breaker for him.
Huge NTA, you are drawing for money … Like an artist… That seems like the goal considering you’re in art school.
The libido thing? Sort that out, you may not be compatible. We only have your side of it but it reads like you think that may be the issue. Only you two can sort that part out.
He’s jealous of your drawings. Now read that sentence again and think about it. If he can’t get over this that’s a *MASSIVE* red flag. And the way he throws your low labido back in your face as if it has anything to do with your art. He’s trying to control you and get you to give up your hobbies and even a source of income?!
Seriously think about all this and talk to him about it. If he continues to be controlling and unreasonable about it I would recommend rethinking this relationships. It only gets worse from there.
NTA…what your boyfriend is doing sounds like abusive behavior.
NTA. You were upfront with him about your account and the kind of art you create. You are an artist who takes commissions, and instead of portraits or landscapes, you draw NSFW content. That is not any different from writers who create erotica or other adult-themed fiction.
He has the right to not like it, although it’s confusing that he seemed okay with it at first. Still, the way he reacted was completely out of line. Unless your work involves minors or something genuinely disturbing, he could have simply voiced his concerns and had a calm conversation with you.
Since you are in Fine Arts, you probably have to draw nude models as part of your coursework. Would he react the same way to that? If so, it sounds more like a personal insecurity than a reasonable objection.
Also, using your low libido against you was a cheap move. From what you’ve described, your art is not about drawing yourself with fictional characters, so why bringing that up?
I’m not saying you should break up with him right away, but you do need to have a serious talk. Because it seems that your art is not the real problem here.
Your NSFW art is more than a hobby. It helps support your college expenses, and that makes it a job. He should be able to understand and respect that.
Take a step back and think carefully. Do not let him guilt you or threaten your financial stability. If he reacts like this every time you do or say something that he doesn’t like, I don’t see an healthy or solid future for your relationship.
No. It is incredibly important nsfw art be allowed, especially in this age of censorship. Never give up a hobby or passion because of someone, you’ll regret it and regress in art.
NAH
There was a misunderstanding, he didn’t understand clearly what you were doing and it does cross a bounday with him. Everyone have its own boundaries, sometimes people are not compatible, it doesn’t make anyone an asshole. And I can understand having a frustration when having a partner not interested in sexuality with you but, just as boundaries, it is not something people control, if it’s an issue it’s just incompatibility.
He would be the asshole if he exaggerated his feelings to start a fight.
YWBTA if you were very much unspecific in what you told him “I sometimes drew characters” =/= “i draw characters having sex” =/= “I sell drawings of sex”.
NTA I honestly dont get the big deal at all
NTA
I guessing he thinks the creation of the art is sexually stimulating. You have a low libido, but you’ve spent a ton of time drawing NSFW art. From his perspective, he probably thinks that your “sexual energy” goes towards your art instead of him. Just guessing here but I think that might be the root of the issue
NTA though. He knew what he signed up for and he’s being ridiculous
NTA. You are making art! You told him upfront! Art is still art even if it depicts sex. You haven’t done anything wrong at all.
NTA can we see some of the art?!?
NTA
NTA your bf sounds a little unhinged. He’s jealous of drawings.
NTA and he’s literally missing out on asking you to draw the two of you together in your art style nsfw as a way to build intimacy…….. loser behavior
So let me get this straight. You told him you were an artist, to which he never went to find out what kind of art. He’s bothered by R34 stuff despite it paying well and I’m assuming, you enjoy making (I’m only assuming though). Whats the issue? NTA, he can’t support it, thats his thing not yours.
Easiest NTA ever
NTA.
You were upfront. So if he imagined it was something that it wasn’t that’s on him for not asking clarifying questions.
The libido thing is messed up for him to bring up. As someone who also has a low libido, you are doing nothing wrong. You could go have happy time by yourself and still not be doing anything wrong. He doesn’t get to control when you do or don’t partake in that (only exception I could think of is if you have an explicit agreement otherwise).
So he’s angry because you have a job where you don’t fuck, but don’t fuck him enough? NTA
Nta. Hes just being weird and likely upset you make money form something he cant do. I even asked my husband how he felt, and he agrees
The main problem seem to be more the libido thing than the NSFW thing.
My boyfriend doesn’t like that I draw smut. Too bad for him.
My boyfriend doesn’t like that I draw smut and get paid. Extra too bad for him.
NTA. His reasoning is dumb and misdirected imo. He accused you of being attracted to fictional characters instead of him? Really?
Definitely NTA. However it seems you two are incompatible; he thought he was fine with your low libido but he’s realizing he isn’t.
Not even a little bit TA, this guy either didn’t listen or didn’t take you seriously when you told him upfront about your art. It’s on him for throwing a fit tbh, he sounds incredibly insecure.
NTA not at all. You’re a bit young so please understand there’s very little that’s “wrong” in a relationship unless you and your partner specifically talk about it and agree on it except for basic courtesy and kindness. Even something that seems basic like monogamy usually requires a conversation to ensure you’re both at the point of choosing to be committed to each other. Some people have open relationships. Some people sleep in separate beds. How you split chores, finances, whether you expect flowers on your birthday, etc, everything should be discussed if it’s important to you. Nothing should be assumed. You get to decide what is right and wrong for YOU and for YOUR relationships. Making assumptions or having unspoken expectations is the quickest way to breed resentment in a relationship when those needs end up not being met, because people aren’t mind readers.
The beauty of this is if you don’t agree with someone about what is right or wrong for the relationship, it doesn’t mean either of you is right or wrong. It means you’re incompatible and you simply choose not to date unless you’re willing commit to each others rules. (And be very careful which rules you agree to commit to without actually agreeing to them or you can look up 10 years later and find yourself a miserable shell of a person. Be very careful about making yourself lesser for a relationship.)
Therefore, if you tell a guy something and he says he fine with it, it’s not your fault he didn’t think about it or fully understand what he was agreeing to or how jealous it would make him feel. He doesn’t get to tell you it’s wrong. He can say it’s wrong for him, but that doesn’t mean you’re obligated to stop if you don’t agree. And this seems like it’s a huge imposition on you. Not just because you use it to pay your bills. Art is obviously a big part of your life and it’s not his place to tell you how you engage with it or your sexuality. If he is unhappy with your sex life that is a conversation he needs to start with you, not make assumptions and demands.
NTA
As an artist who draws NSFW, I get no satisfaction from it. In a sexual way at least. I enjoy creating beautiful art that evokes an emotion. If it happens to be NSFW so be it, plus when money is involved hell yeah…. I’m not a furry, but when offered the right amount, I’ll figure out the anatomy to give my client what they’re looking for.
Why do I draw beautiful girls with giant boobs? Because they’re pretty and art is beautiful, and NSFW can also be beautiful.
It’s hard for some people to understand, and I’m thankful my partner does.
NTA. And not your fault he’s an insecure man that can’t handle something that has shaped the person you are. Right? That’s like my wife telling me to stop being a DJ even though I was DJ for 15 some-odd years before I met her. I say you take this red flag, burn it, and move on.
NTA
Art is literally your job and what you’re studying for! The fact that it’s NSFW doesn’t change that.
Nah man. Do your art.
Dude I had the exact same fight with my ex boyfriend!! I have low libido but I gush over fictional men and celebrities and he said it was disrespectful, but I’m not gonna suppress the only way I get the same feelings as everyone else. EVERYONE finds celebrities hot and everyone finds at least one fictional character hot. It doesn’t mean you’re any less attracted to your bf.
Men like that need some self reflection, they shouldn’t be threatened by people you’ll never come in contact with in your whole life. You drawing or looking at NSFW is NOT cheating or being pervasive, humans have urges and curiosities and you’re not seeking anything from other people. A healthy relationship should give both people the ability to explore themselves, but of course communication is important.
If this is something that you like or something that helps your inner conflicts I don’t think it should be a problem. If he’s that insecure it might be best to have some space for a while until you guys can better discuss stuff.
NTA. My husband is an artist and instructor and he specializes in life drawing. He draws and paints nude people, mostly but not always women. They’re not specifically nsfw positions or anything, but just basically to say my husband spends a fair amount of time looking at and drawing naked people, and honestly it’s just not that big of a deal.
When you’re in the moment of trying to render a human figure, you’re so focused on form and line and where the shadows lay, that really you’re not spending that much time taking it all in as a whole. Your bf sounds insecure or else like you need to communicate better to see if you’re truly compatible. But do not stop your art! You should absolutely be able to make your art and still be in a committed relationship, the two are not mutually exclusive.