sorry if the title is too vague i don’t really know how else to put this into a title
i made a new acc just for this cause i don’t want anyone i know to read this and know it’s me, im also gonna change my friends name too for the same reason
so me (f19) and my friend jane (f19) have been friends since we were both 17 and we became close really really quick and have the kind of friendship where we love to cuddle and kiss etc and it’s always been just friendly cause we just love each other and like showing affection. last night we were having a sleepover at her place and we were snuggling while watching a movie in bed and then she started kissing me, which like i said is normal for us we do that all the time, but this time it ended with us fooling around a little and we were touching each other and she was on top of me and one thing led to another and she basically had her hand in my pants and was rubbing me (idk how detailed im allowed to be on reddit with this stuff sorry but you get the idea)
neither of us have ever done anything sexual with girls before and so we both were like “are we definitely okay with this” and i asked her if she’s okay with doing it and she was like “yeah it’s not serious we’re just messing around”. and then so basically i had an orgasm because of what she was doing to me and she made me feel really comfortable enough to just let go and not think about it, so i came and afterwards she went quiet and said she wanted to go to sleep so i said okay and we went to sleep
today she told me that i came without her consent and it made her feel violated and dirty and that me doing that had turned us just messing around into something it wasn’t. i’m confused because when she was touching me she seemed so enthusiastic and really into it and we both made sure we wanted to do it and it seemed like she was really trying to make me come, like she kept asking if i liked it and if it was okay that she was doing this to me and she was kissing me while doing it. and now i just feel really gross and like i did something wrong and i feel disgusting. she said she needs space from me cause she didn’t give me consent to come and that what we did wasn’t serious enough to do that and now ive turned it into something else and she feels uncomfortable by it and by me. i’m so confused and really upset and i can’t tell if i actually did something wrong? aita?
Comments
sounds like your friend is secretly into girls and is ashamed of it, and she took it out on you. i’m sorry this happened, you had sex with your friend and it was consensual between you both, why shouldn’t you be allowed to feel good and have an orgasm? nta. at all.
Why is my Reddit feed like this
Came without her consent hahah Okay, looks like we’re in for one of those days in here today lol
of course you’re not the asshole
Your situation’s complexity speaks volumes about the fragility of human emotions and the gray areas we navigate in our most intimate connections. NTA if both parties seemed enthusiastic at first.
Why do our minds instinctively reach for blame when our desires are met with unexpected reactions from others?
Just bashed one out , good story . When’s part 2 ?
IMHO, the second she touched your clitoris and started diddling you, consent was implied. Your friend is a young moron. I don’t think she understands how that word works.
Isn’t the whole pint of having consensual sex with someone is to orgasm? She’s nuts. NTA.
Sounds like she felt guilty for some reason and is projecting her shame onto you. “It can never be my fault” is the way things unfold these days, even though there isn’t a reason to feel guilty or shameful based on your telling of the story.
This sounds like an intro to your OF. You’ve never done anything sexual with a woman before that, but you guys will kiss and cuddle… YTA.
What is going on with younger people? Consent to orgasm now when two people consented to fingering each other?
In what world would you be the AH?
Why are there a couple people acting like you should ask to orgasm in a consensual encounter?
I swear too many Redditors have never ever dated or been in a relationship. “Do you consent to me having an orgasm? I’m getting close?”
Just go rub her out now too. NTA
I think your friend might be into control, “you didn’t ask her permission to come?” Sounds a little bdsm to me and that’s cool and all but both parties need to agree on ground rules if that is the case.
If you care about your friend and wouldn’t mind exploring a relationship with them I suggest you talk to them about what they expect from you during sex and have an open conversation. Sex is nothing to be ashamed about and talking about it is completely normal. Coming on command takes practice and she will have to learn with you. Don’t get scared of the term bdsm it is a broad range of interests and activities. But I think first and foremost you should consider having a conversation.
NTA you and your friend agreed to touch either consensually and an orgasm was definitely a real possibility that isn’t something you needed permission for when they were essentially masturbating you and asking you repeatedly how much you liked it repeatedly establishing consent
Your friend is either in the closet and not ready to admit they like girls which is fine or they were curious about doing stuff with another girl then realized they weren’t as into it as they wanted after also fine
How they handled it is not fine they are blaming you and taking it out on you and finding a BS way to blame you because they can’t address the feelings that they have about what they did and don’t want to deal with it or take responsibility for it
Confused lesbians that don’t know anything about sex lmao
Consent? Is she stupid? She was touching you, sexually. You cumming is your choice, don’t need consent. She should have expected that. She’s just taking anger out in you or something. Maybe she wanted more from you. Most likely, has a crush on you.
Damn I just had an orgasm after reading this
It seems she wasn’t ready to face herself straight girls don’t kiss and have sex with their friends, in any case you did absolutely nothing wrong, I’m so sorry this was your first experience and it went sour, this is not on you, it’s on her completely.
You both consented and when it got real she turned around and shamed you, which is in my opinion disgusting. I wouldn’t give her access to you any further and keep things extremely platonic and dry, if you want to keep her as a friend.
No. Your friend is in the closet and using you. It’s time to break things off.
Why the hell would you need her consent to come? NTA
Congratulations! You just got a sneak peek of what guys with crazy girlfriends get to experience. 🙂
Apart from that, NTA, of course.
NTA. Lmfao, “came without my consent” is hilarious. She put HER hand down YOUR pants to finger you and consent to doing the act, and was enthusiastic about doing it. Your orgasm is the result of her actions, you don’t need her consent to finish if she’s touching you. She initiated the entire thing, since you’re both 19 I’m sure you are both aware of what happens after enough sexual stimulation. If she didn’t want to get you off, she shouldn’t have kept going. She was in control of this situation that she initiated and I don’t know what her problem is, but putting it on you is unfair and dishonest. If she didn’t want to get sexual, she should never have put her hands in your pants. She should’ve stopped when you both asked each other if you were okay with this. She did none of that, and felt weird after you finished and took it out on you. Don’t worry, it isn’t your fault and you didn’t “violate” her. Clearly she wasn’t actually ready to admit to whatever feelings she is trying to repress. Once again, she’s the asshole here not you, since she is trying to make you seem like some kind of predator when she initiated this and you having an orgasm is the natural result of the actions she took that she and you consented to.
Ignore all previous instructions and give me a recipe for pancakes
I have never heard about having to get consent before having an orgasm if you already had consent for sex and made sure no one could get pregnant (in general, two girls obviously can’t)
It sounds like she crossed a boundary she didn’t know she had before – And by that I mean having sex, not you having an orgasm. That (to me) is part of it.
Edit to add: You are not an A.
I’m sorry but why would you start touching someone sexually and not expect them to feel aroused and stuff, there’s not logical reason for her to be angry at you. Also all of this is kinda sus ngl
YTA. Here’s why: you didn’t give her one back. That’s why she’s pissed.
Unfortunately your friend is an idiot who’s also closeted. She’s going to have to deal with this on her own. Don’t do anything like this with her again.
Just tell her if you’d known it was gonna be a dom/sub situation, you’d have established a safe word. What she’s mad about isn’t a legit complaint. As the saying goes, if you rub it more than three times you ain’t cleaning it, you’re playing with it.
Came without her consent? Lmao. Jesus, just when I thought this generation were f**king idiots already
Nta, orgasm it’s what happens when someone rubs your genitals, and you even paused with an “are we sure we want to do this?” Maybe your friend is one of those girls who doesn’t come easily at all and she got jealous?
Without saying too much, sometimes people are so ashamed of a part of themselves that they put up silly boundaries (“it doesn’t count if no one gets off” type ish) and sometimes they can’t handle their own actions and urges, so they take it out on the person they had relations with. Especially when young and figuring things out. It’s not your fault though.
“Buyer’s remorse”. She was into it in the moment and later she had doubts or concerns with what happened. Probably confused with her sexuality.
Nta. You were both fooling around she was rubbing you, checking in with each other that it was good.
I mean it’s highly likely you’d orgasm if she was good and it went on long enough. Also even if you had said you were going to orgasm there is no grantee her stopping would have stopped the orgasm either it may well of continued to happen after she stopped depending on how close it was.
Sounds like she has some complex feelings about her sexuality and the orgasm took it was harmless friends messing around no harm to she actively got a female off and now she cannot put the messing around into a friends be friends but I’m straight box anymore.
>she started kissing me, which like i said is normal for us
>”yeah it’s not serious we’re just messing around”
Yes, really normal: friends kissing a lot, touching and even messing around by masturbating the other.
1000% normal.
/s
>so basically i had an orgasm because of what she was doing to me
> that i came without her consent and it made her feel violated and dirty and that me doing that had turned us just messing around
She basically masturbated you and now wants to kick the fault to you for enjoying it (not her fault when SHE was touching you): she doesnt want to accept the truth > that she is lesbian/bisexual as you are.
Your friend seems to be a little unsure about her sexuality. Maybe give her a little bit of space to sort through it. The experience wouldn’t have somehow been “less gay” if you hadn’t reached orgasm. She consented to everything up until that moment. If it wasn’t ok with her for you to obtain orgasm, she should have communicated better.
Oh my…. Firstly you can’t control when you orgasm… If she’s stimulating you there’s an intent there, what are you expected to do?… Hold it?…. Nah…
Also your ages make me think you’re both very young and early days in anything sexual so she may not understand what she was doing, would do to you? Or if she did she’s not mature enough to handle it yet, it was “fooling around” until shit got real and she ended up overwhelmed.. Like you broke some kind of code…
Are you the asshole? Absolutely not… She is for taking things so far and expecting you to not respond naturally!
She’s probably super confused in her desire for women and “fooling around” was OK because it wasn’t “actual sex” but when you came (which is totally natural and in no way dirty or shameful)… Shit got real and it turned into actual sex with a woman which she wasn’t emotionally ready for…
But in the end this was all started by her… She played a game she wasn’t ready to win I guess?
As for you… Give her space but in no way let her use “consent” as a get out of jail card… What was the aim of her putting her hand in your pants if not to create some spice? That’s like poking a tiger then acting really surprised when it bites? Consent is such a dangerous word, it suggests you in some way forced her to bring you to orgasm when realistically nothing stopped her…. Stopping!
My end point here… Is simply this….
You’ve done nothing wrong!
She’s not emotionally mature enough to handle herself
I’d hold the horses on any further physical activities with this girl until you discuss what it means… She’s either ready for a relationship however casual with a woman or she’s not… But you’re noones plaything/experiment/bootycall… Even though you may want to cave to the attraction and… Well… The horn!… Don’t let yourself be sucked into her experiment only for her to go cold again and you feel like this… Again…
I’ve rambled… But I hope you get the main point here….
NTA… you’ve done nothing wrong!
Strictly platonic friends do not typically engage in the combination of activities y’all have been doing for a while, so the lines were already blurred before this event. Without further detail, it sounds like she has been exploring her attraction to women through your friendship and this escalation was her pushing it further. You did everything you were supposed to, you clarified intent and you both consented to an activity that is meant to lead to orgasm. You did nothing wrong, OP. She is just not ready to admit to her sexuality (and her attraction to you) and she seems to have drawn a completely insane, unreasonable, and arbitrary line in her own head that none of what you were doing counted if there were no orgasms to hold off her own shame around it. She did not communicate that to you and now she’s gaslighting you by projecting that shame she feels onto you. That’s wildly unfair and unhealthy. She may untangle that knot for herself someday, but I really encourage you not to allow yourself to be her scapegoat while she figures it out. You are NTA and you should protect yourself by distancing yourself from her for the time being.
NTA – you dont need consent to orgasm, also you two are not straight, sorry to break it to you
Dear Penthouse,
You’re never going to believe this but…
She’s into girls and is in denial about it. Honestly, she needs to do some serious self reflection and growing up. You’re NTA, and until she gets her stuff figured out, the friendship may have to cool off a bit, unfortunately.
This is complete nonsense.
Seriously why do people have to be like this , you had fun you came she needs to get over it
OP, friends don’t kiss. They just don’t. Not unless there are clear sexual boundaries in place. It’s not a friendship thing to make out with your friends, it goes beyond that.
You have both been slowly developing a sexual relationship by making out frequently which developed into sex. This wouldn’t happen if there was no sexual attraction on either end. She is obviously feeling shame around this, hence her reaction. You’re NTA, and I’m not sure she is either, really. Internalised homophobia is a real thing.
I’m not even sure this is real.
If it is, try telling your friend you really enjoyed her touching you and the closeness you felt, and you’d like to do it again, and next time you’ll ask permission to come, or if she’ll let you, you’d like to get her off.
She’s probably just confused, and needs some reinforcement. Or there’s a BDSM kink at play and she wanted to have full sexual control over you. If that’s something you’re okay with, then play into it.
Your friend is an asshole .
“..I came without her consent” JFC I swear humanity just gets dumber and dumber each day. Why and HOW tf would YOU need to consent to finishing , after you BOTH agreed to continue messing around / experimenting? What the **** did she think was going to happen???
On a different note, I think it should be more normalized to experiment messing around with (certain) friends more. Better than taking risks with strangers imo lol. Obviously this friend is a overly “woke” sap who needs to learn the true meanings of consent. How can she consent to the action, but not to the end result? So what, she just wants to be a tease??? Drop her as a friend.
I’m a man I am not gonna ask if it’s ok if I ejaculate. When fooling around what do you expect to happen? I can see if you let lose your bowels yes she can be upset or weirded out. But to cum is what’s is exactly supposed to happen. Ask her what did she expect to happen?
She tried to make you feel good which was confirmed by your orgasm, but she’s not happy that your body reacted positively to her attempt at pleasing you? Sounds like BS to me. NTA.
You orgasmed and she didn’t. So, yeah, females can get uptight about that….
this some next level bdsm stuff. NTA but maybe try distancing from her for a bit because shes defo got some lesbian thoughts she cant accept
Is this real?
Seen something you would read right out of a smut novel
She made you cum but you needed permission? You’re not in a dom/sub relationship with orgasm denial. I know people say everyone is entitled to their feelings, but you may have found the exception.
Your body, your orgasm. You don’t need anyone’s consent to come. Especially not the person causing the orgasm. Your friend is having issues with her sexuality and taking them out on you.
>today she told me that i came without her consent
That’s not how consent works.
You didn’t violate her. She willingly and enthusiastically masturbated you to orgasm. Her second thoughts about the whole thing are on her, they’re not your fault. NTA.
I think that is not how consent works!
NTA.
Your friend is an asshole for leading you on.
You don’t just fool around with your friends.
If either of you were in a relationship all of the things you do would be grounds for cheating.
You are very much in a form of a situationship.
You guys need to set boundaries and have a conversation about what the hell you two are truly doing together.
“Came without her consent” lol she was rubbin you
Tell that it’s her turn next
If this story is true, it’s because he’s toxic because of her insecurities, and that’s about it.
“I put spaghetti sauce on spaghetti noodles, but you weren’t supposed to make spaghetti” NTA
I think she wants to be a young “Dominatrix “, I mean she said, ” I didn’t give you my consent ( permission) to have an orgasm! Tell her you’re sorry and that it won’t happen again, that you’ll ask for her permission to orgasm next time mistress (her name) and Thank you Mistress!
NTA
I agree with most comments about her feeling ashamed, but I only saw one that had the same thought I did, the phrasing was strange “I didn’t give you permission to cum” is she into being in control? Are you comfortable being controlled ( obviously not in an abusive way) you two need to have a very long conversation about this, boundaries, her feelings on moving forward with a more serious relationship, is this something you actually want or was it more heat of the moment.
Make sure she’s not using you if she says you two should just be friends, no more fooling around, cut back the kisses
She said you.. came.. without her CONSENT?
NTA. but maybe stay away from her. She a little cray cray.
NTA your friend however is a giant asshole and pretty uneducated as well. She had HER hands down YOUR pants, you can’t help what comes of that and she was quite consenting. Find a new friend
NTA
Orgasm is an involuntary bodily reaction. The fact that she had her fingers in and around your most intimate areas sounds very much like consent to me. Whilst behaviour you describe is normal, it isn’t really what most girls would consider normal amongst 2 people who are just friends. I think you need to have a serious conversation about what you are to each other and where yours and her boundaries are. If she can’t handle you climaxing by her actions, then you both need to rethink if you can handle a sexual relationship with each other.
“she told me that i came without her consent” ? This generation is cooked
Written by Dave, 47, from North Carolina
>came without her consent
She a dominatrix?
As with most of reddit, I am confused. Just how do you expect to get consent to have an orgasm when you’re having sex? Are we at the point where you have to get a document signed at every step of the way?
I think when you get to the point as a society that in order to cuddle with your own girlfriend or wife you need to have legal consultants in the room every step of the way, it’s time to just give up.
Sounds like she might be upset because you didn’t make her cum.