i can’t find anything on any similar situation so i’m sharing mine to see if i’m the asshole.
i am a female (20) my aunt (50). i live with her and i have for a very long time, i stay with her because it’s closer to my university.
all my life i have also been on the chubbier side, always going up or going down, it never stayed the same. because of this, she has been monitoring what i eat, either letting me eat what she cooks or asking what i ate/what i’m going to eat that day.
i have busy days with working and classes so i order here and there and she’s ALWAYS asking what i ordered and will even go as far telling me to let her see the bag. i’ve struggled with my weight and my mental health when it comes to it for a very long time and i recognize that and i want to get better with that and get to my goal weight and have a better relationship with food.
my aunt is not good with boundaries and never has been, she’s always coming into my room sitting in my desk chair and talking even when i don’t feel like it, and even telling me i can’t sleep bottomless in my room. i try to brush this off the best i can by just doing what she says because i want to stay here but today really made me upset.
i ordered from a restaurant i always order from with a good ass chicken Caesar salad along with a donut. she has a ring camera so she knows whenever i get something.
when my food got here i’m walking to the door and she’s quickly walking to the door as well and i thought she got some food as well, i get my stuff and she’s pestering asking what i got in the bag and “i know it’s something you don’t have any business having.” and i tell her no it’s fine and i’m walking to my room and she’s following me and keeps asking her and i’m telling her “no” holding the bag tightly.
this goes on for five mintues until i sit down on my bed and she rips the bag from my hand and sees what i have and goes on a lecture about how i need to be eating healthy and that’s why i’m gaining weight, etc.
i understand where she’s coming from, she’s drilled it into my head for many many years but i’m tired. i don’t think this is normal, i’m trying my hardest to work at my speed and have a healthier relationship with food but she wants me to do what SHE wants.
i even confided in her a month ago saying that sometimes it is hard for me to stop eating and she goes on to tell me to just eat once a day and a specific amount of calories because that’s what she does. i texted my mom about this and she agrees what my aunt is doing isn’t normal, i’m just trying to see all sides to this because maybe i’m missing something, maybe there’s something i’m not seeing.
i may be the asshole because i’m always straying away from what she tells me and eat what i want anyway even when she tells me no.
AITA for hiding food from my aunt because she’s always lecturing me?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team.
i can’t find anything on any similar situation so i’m sharing mine to see if i’m the asshole.
i am a female (20) my aunt (50). i live with her and i have for a very long time, i stay with her because it’s closer to my university.
all my life i have also been on the chubbier side, always going up or going down, it never stayed the same. because of this, she has been monitoring what i eat, either letting me eat what she cooks or asking what i ate/what i’m going to eat that day.
i have busy days with working and classes so i order here and there and she’s ALWAYS asking what i ordered and will even go as far telling me to let her see the bag. i’ve struggled with my weight and my mental health when it comes to it for a very long time and i recognize that and i want to get better with that and get to my goal weight and have a better relationship with food.
my aunt is not good with boundaries and never has been, she’s always coming into my room sitting in my desk chair and talking even when i don’t feel like it, and even telling me i can’t sleep bottomless in my room. i try to brush this off the best i can by just doing what she says because i want to stay here but today really made me upset.
i ordered from a restaurant i always order from with a good ass chicken Caesar salad along with a donut. she has a ring camera so she knows whenever i get something.
when my food got here i’m walking to the door and she’s quickly walking to the door as well and i thought she got some food as well, i get my stuff and she’s pestering asking what i got in the bag and “i know it’s something you don’t have any business having.” and i tell her no it’s fine and i’m walking to my room and she’s following me and keeps asking her and i’m telling her “no” holding the bag tightly.
this goes on for five mintues until i sit down on my bed and she rips the bag from my hand and sees what i have and goes on a lecture about how i need to be eating healthy and that’s why i’m gaining weight, etc.
i understand where she’s coming from, she’s drilled it into my head for many many years but i’m tired. i don’t think this is normal, i’m trying my hardest to work at my speed and have a healthier relationship with food but she wants me to do what SHE wants.
i even confided in her a month ago saying that sometimes it is hard for me to stop eating and she goes on to tell me to just eat once a day and a specific amount of calories because that’s what she does. i texted my mom about this and she agrees what my aunt is doing isn’t normal, i’m just trying to see all sides to this because maybe i’m missing something, maybe there’s something i’m not seeing.
i may be the asshole because i’m always straying away from what she tells me and eat what i want anyway even when she tells me no.
AITA for hiding food from my aunt because she’s always lecturing me?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> i believe i might be the asshole because of the route i took of repeatedly telling her no while gripping the bag keeping it from her. this action might make me the asshole because of just explaining to her what was inside and being defensive i just kept it gripped and didn’t tell her.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA.
You feeling like you need to hide food absolutely isn’t healthy for you mentally. Its behaviours like your Aunt’s that actually, usually, helps develop or prolongs eating disorders.
She is not encouraging a healthy mental attitude when it comes to food. It is absolutely not her job to pester and belittle you about your eating habits.
Yes, she can help suggest healthy meals and alternatives. But telling someone they should only eat once or limit themselves to X amount of calories is AH behaviour and tripe like that are called crash diets. Those can hospitalise people as well as have massive negative effects on someone’s relationship with food.
NTA, your stomach is as much nobody else’s business as your uterus
INFO
> I even confided in her a month ago saying that sometimes it is hard for me to stop eating
How are you actively treating this condition? What professionals have you seen about it?
This is abuse on the part of your aunt – she is trying to control you through what you eat and this isn’t healthy for either of you. She may see it as being helpful, but it’s not – your relationship with food is something you have to figure out for yourself or with the help of a professional. Personally think you need to move out of this situation – I know it is convenient but it is not healthy or helpful for you. Maybe you could find a room with someone else?
You’re NOT an asshole. Aunts have disappeared for less than that.
NTA But the big issue here is that you live with your aunt and it sounds as if you don’t pay rent. The easiest solution would be to try to eat out of the home as much as possible so that she can’t monitor your eating habits. If she tries finding out what you’re eating when you’re not at home you could just decline to answer or limit what you tell her ex. you had a salad and leave out that you also had a donut. However, this won’t get any better so if you can live somewhere else you might want to consider that.
Your aunt is being intrusive. You’re an adult, and she needs to let you figure it out. She may blow up and kick you out if you stand up to her, so be prepared. NTA.
NTA Hiding food isn’t good for you, but your aunt’s behavior could lead you to develop an eating disorder.
Is there a health clinic at your university? If there is, why don’t you make an appointment to see a doctor and discuss your problem with them? They should be able to help you maintain a healthy diet and that should get your aunt off your back.
I don’t know what kinds of food you eat, but when you feel like having a snack, try substituting carrots, celery sticks, or fruit for less healthy foods.
Omg no! NTA at all. I suffer from eating disorders and the only and best way to deal with it is your own way. My mom used to be like your aunt, till the day I tried to Kms because I was tired of all that pressure.
Sadly, your aunt will never understand because it’s probable she’s suffering from eating disorders too.
Please, don’t follow her advice, she is not giving the best ones to you. If you have the chance to work with a professional, do it.
I wish you the best
NTA. You seem to be headed for an eating disorder because of the way she’s treating you.
Sure, abide by her rules, but attempting to withhold food from someone is abusive.
Try to eat out and if possible to move out.
NTA. However, almost all universities offer mental health counseling. Could you check into that? That way you get the help you need and satisfy your aunt that you are actively working to solve any over eating issue you may have. Because what you and your aunt are doing is a defeating spiral with no winners.
NTA You likely need more calories than you think, and eating once a day is not an ideal eating pattern for almost anyone. I recently calculated my actual nutritional needs and was eating about 800 calories fewer than I needed. Don’t get me wrong, you need a caloric deficit to lose weight, but you also need calories to maintain muscle, organ function, and hormone balance. If you eat too little, or not often enough your body adapts to the low energy intake by reducing your resting metabolic rate, meaning you’ll burn fewer calories even at rest. If you don’t eat enough, your body with turn to muscle mass for energy. Also, if you don’t get enough protein, your body with use your muscle mass for the protein it needs. Tell your aunt that the habits she is suggesting are actually hindering you from being able to lose weight (or having the energy to exercise), and that she shouldn’t give be giving anyone dietary advice without doing some research first.
I could throw a stone and hit 20 posts just like this.
NTA
And the constant, relentless criticism from your aunt is the opposite of helpful, and puts you at risk of developing an eating disorder.
If she can’t leave you alone about your eating, you’ll need to find other living arrangements.
You need to have the space to feel like you are in control of your own eating habits, & not dealing with the constant stress of someone picking you apart over every bite.
Considering how long you’ve been dealing with this, I’d recommend a counselor who is familiar with eating disorders. That should help you to find a healthy path forward.
Get a room at your university ….what she is doing will make you want to eat more …. She is cruel and emotionally unhealthy for you . Get out of her house
Your aunt is not giving you good information. Eating one meal a day is not healthy. Eating three healthy meals is. And it is up to you what you eat. Maybe consider other living conditions? NTA
NTA
But I really think first thing you need ask the parent, whose sister is the aunt to talk to her.
I get that legally you are an adult, but I am almost sure that in the beginning you staying with her was a deal between your parent and your aunt.
Allowing you to stay with her definitely gives her some rights for demanding things from you, but those things are about behaving in the house, not bursting parties, not listening to music without headphones, wearing shoes indoors, doing your house chores, etc. But she has nothing to do with educating you and making decisions about your hody. You can get as far as an elephant and it’s just not her business as long and you can clean after yourself and don’t steal her food.
Yes, being grateful is important and behaving while invading someone’s territory is important, but your eating habits doesn’t bring her discomfort.
Sometimes people forget that doing someone a favor doesn’t make that someone your property. And in this situation it’s your parent’s job to remind your aunt this fact.
No you are not the asshole. You are fully grown and capable of setting your own boundaries. It sounds like your aunt had control issues. She needs to learn she can’t fix you. You have to be the one making your own food choices, NOT her.
NTA. But your aunt is a controlling AH. If she was really concerned about your health and diet, she’d be doing it at your request and actually trying to figure out a plan. What she’s doing basically is just being a bully and trying to make you feel bad about yourself. Who does that, following you from the door demanding to see what you have. If anything yes, she’s making it worse because you’re hiding food and while it’s not healthy, it’s not her business either and I don’t blame you.
You mentioned you have trouble stopping eating – ask a doctor to test your blood glucose and check for insulin resistance.
Also, NTA for not wanting to share what you eat, or (even to yourself) for having a treat with a mostly healthy meal.
NTA your aunt’s behavior is not helping. We don’t always have to get along with who you live with. Because you cannot change other people’s behavior what I would do is see if your university has a counseling center that you can go talk to somebody about this. A professional is going to give you some really great ways of how to cope with your aunt’s actions towards you and food. And also this is going to give you a safe place to talk about all of the feelings and upset that you get it when your aunt acts like this. I’m trying to be polite and proper but inside I want to tell your aunt off. Know that you are not alone.
You’d think she’d understand by now that you don’t care about eating healthy or managing your weight. It’s time you just tell her that, flat out.
NTA
Remember that you have no obligation or responsibility to her. Her behavior is overly controlling & inappropriate. Do whatever you can to survive until you can escape her.
You’re a grown adult woman you can decide for yourself what to eat. She’s too controlling.
Point your aunt to the Twinky Diet study by Professor Mark Haub. See if you can’t blow her mind about her focus on healthy foods.
NTA. your aunt is being controlling, counting calories and only eating once a day sounds like an eating disorder and not a diet. even if it was good advice (not saying it is!) youre an adult so she shouldnt be telling you what you can and cant eat
NTA. Move out!
NTA. Roommates would be better than this. Find some
You have GOT to move out. I know it’s more convenient to be there but look at what she is doing to your mental health. There is not a single situation where her behavior would be appropriate at all. Honestly, I’d label it as abusive. Also, my OBGYN told me sleeping bottomless is best for people with vaginas because it sort of airs things out and helps prevent bacteria growth from sweat and things like that. As I find being bottomless more comfortable anyway, I was thrilled with this advice.
It’s time for you to move because she’s never going to stop & it will only end up hurting you more.
Your aunt is the asshole here. You are a grown ass woman. If at all possible move out. If you can’t move out shut her down hard once and for all. There is no reason for her to treat you this way. Some counseling will help if you can swing it.
NTA She is being abusive and intrusive. You are an adult.
NTA. If your aunt wants so pushy and nosy you wouldn’t feel the need to hide. You’re not doing anything wrong.
As for any food-related issues, have you gone to your schools mental health counseling center? They may be able to help you, especially if it’s related to anxiety/depression.