My housemate and I share a flat. We share stuff like salt, pepper, and spices, but otherwise our food is separate, and we each have our own shelves in the cupboard.
Every time my housemate’s partner comes over, they cook a huge meal… often using all my fancy stuff like soy sauce and sesame oil (never offering me any of what they made). They also don’t really clean up after themselves, but that’s a whole other story.
Lately, I’ve started hiding some of my food on the higher shelves (I’m tall, so I can reach it easily) so it’s not so easy for them to grab. They’ve noticed and have been a bit off with me ever since.
AITA for doing this, or am I just protecting my groceries?
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My housemate and I share a flat. We share stuff like salt, pepper, and spices, but otherwise our food is separate, and we each have our own shelves in the cupboard.
Every time my housemate’s partner comes over, they cook a huge meal… often using all my fancy stuff like soy sauce and sesame oil (never offering me any of what they made). They also don’t really clean up after themselves, but that’s a whole other story.
Lately, I’ve started hiding some of my food on the higher shelves (I’m tall, so I can reach it easily) so it’s not so easy for them to grab. They’ve noticed and have been a bit off with me ever since.
AITA for doing this, or am I just protecting my groceries?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Hiding my food from my housemate 2. This may seem a bit crazy/petty/like I over reacted and possibly I should have just spoken to them about it first
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Nah you’re not the asshole, you’re just tired of funding their free buffet. If they can’t respect boundaries, hiding your stuff is the logical move.
NTA at all. I don’t understand people like this who feel so entitled to their housemate’s things.
I think of soy sauce and sesame oil as being in the same class as salt, pepper, and spices. If they are significantly depleting your supply while cooking, you might ask them to buy the next bottle, but these should last for months at a time and cost you pennies per use.
Them not cleaning up makes them the AH.
But, I’m sad to say, gatekeeping the simple, easily shared condiments kinda means that YTA.
Info: Have you had a talk with your housemate about this. To me, soy sauce would be similar to salt and spices, so it would be shared, but you view it differently. They and their partner might not realize that.
Also, since when is soy sauce “fancy”?
Is your stuff labeled with your name?
NTA. Imagine freeloading sesame oil like it’s gold. Nah, hide your stash, you’re good
INFO: has your housemate told the partner about the rules? Was it clear that spices = condiments? Have you spoken to them about this?
If they aren’t replacing what they’re using then you are NTA. You and your roommate have an understanding but that seems to vanish when roommate’s partner shows up…which is super rude.
NTA, if you have made it clear to both the room mate and their partner that things like soysauce and sesame oil are not part of the shared condiments in the home. If you have told the person this, clearly, not just hinting or being passive aggressive, the next time they are over hand them an itemized bill for everything they have used and tell them you expect they will pay you for or replace ever single item.
If you haven’t had the ‘do not use these items, these are not shared items, these are mine and you and roommate are not to touch them’ talk, then have that chat first.
INFO – have you or your roommate or both actually told the partner that the spices (and any other food that is yours) are not common property? That should be your first step. If he’s been informed and continues to steal the soy sauce there’s one judgement, and if he hasn’t been informed, there’s the opposite one. In many shared households even if meat, vegetables, prepared meals etc aren’t shared, condiments are. This has to be made clear.
You’re obviously NTA. They’re off because they tested a boundary and met the wall. People who overstep like that don’t like stepping in their own shit.
I would have done the same, but also put labels and prices on the objects and had a full sit down meeting with them about it, showing them all the items. You don’t fuck around with other people’s money. Especially when they don’t even cook for YOU?
Definitely NTA but make sure you have another conversation with your housemate. Just say “Man, with the rising food costs and noticing that you guys like to cook and use some of these items- I’d love to have them chip in for things that go above salt and pepper. Would that work?” and see what they say. Just suggesting bringing it up with your housemate again and making sure you two are on the same page.
So this person is miffed at you because you’ve made it harder for them to steal from you? Oh well! NTA.
NTA
I would have a blunt conversation with the housemate about the partner helping themselves to YOUR food, and also not cleaning up the mess
I would have just told them straight stop using all your things as it’s getting ridiculous and to also clean up after theirselves
I think it’s means to use people’s ingredients and then not cook for them.
Totally NTA
Sesame oil, especially the toasted one, is very expensive. It’s like using a specialty balsamic vinegar vs white vinegar. The 4 ounce plain sesame oil bottles are $5 which would last 2 recipes. I paid $9 for 6 ounces of toasted sesame oil yesterday. It is not akin to salt and pepper, but more like a primary ingredient.
At a minimum, they should simply ask. People are so lacking in basic manners.
Alternatively, after the first time you noticed, simply let her know that those are expensive and inquire if she wants to fund a joint cabinet for condiments. Otherwise, certain ones are not being shared.
YTA to yourself. You need to talk to your housemate. Agree on a plan for dealing with food.
Regardless of what you decide, I’d be keeping anything expensive in my room.
NTA but time for another conversation. “Please do not use anything on my designated shelves.” That’s it.
NTA. This is not a guest problem; this is a flatmate problem.
Keep your stuff in your room in a locked fridge if need be. Then lock your bedroom door.
NTA but sit down with your housemate and remind them that they are using your stuff without your permission or reimbursement and that’s not fair to you.
Especially if they aren’t even offering to share what they made using your ingredients
NTA. The partner is not a resident and their actions taking what isn’t theirs is theft. Time for a hard talk with your housemate as you really do not want a thief coming to your place of residence. Stealing your food is exactly the same as opening your wallet and stealing money.
I’ve seldom used up a spice before it went stale except maybe cinnamon. Having 2 open containers of things like creole seasoning is just silly. (Unless they’re different.) Same with the same hot sauce. Just trade off purchasing them. (Many people have more than one hot sauce in their refrigerator for different uses. But two open bottles of Cholula? No.)
But absolutely clean up after yourself.
Does the partner even know that these things are not shared items? Doesn’t sound like you’ve even spoken to the housemate about it, much less their partner.
Use your words. Ask them to replace what they’ve used. Locks on cupboards, mini-fridge in your room, can be used if all else fails but by then the relationship is dead so you would be looking at moving out anyway. Before it all get that far, speak up. People are not mind readers and so much of what irritates us can be solved with direct communication. You know — like mature adults.
NTA for wanting your stuff respected, though.
NTA. Protecting what is yours. They can buy their own or invite you to join them.
Also, they need to clean up after they cook.
NTA. You’re literally protecting your stuff. It’s your food, not a communal buffet for guests