I (33M) have a 7-year-old son who’s obsessed with two things: dinosaurs and not being embarrassed by his grandmother.
My mom (62F) is that parent at his school—the kind who turns every event into a personal passion project. Picture: She rewrote the school play script to give his class “more moral depth,” forced him to hand out “kindness rocks” (painted with her favorite quotes), and once got him benched during soccer because she told the coach he “needed to focus on academics.”
The final straw? She signed him up for a “Junior Etiquette Club” (without asking) because she thinks he’s “too wild.” Meanwhile, my kid just wants to dig in the dirt and roar like a T-Rex.
So, I got creative. I hired a local actress (a sweet retiree who does community theater) to pose as a “new grandma” at school events. Her job? Distract my mom with endless conversations about knitting patterns/gluten-free baking while I quietly undo my mom’s “improvements.” It worked—until my mom caught on and now accuses me of “psychological warfare.”
My family is split. Some say I’m a genius; others say I’m “disrespecting the sanctity of grandmotherhood.” My wife’s laughing too hard to pick a side.
So, Reddit: AITA for fighting overbearing parenting with performance art?
Comments
Just ban your mom. Don’t tell her about his events, talk to the school about not letting her in the door.
Hell, cuss her ass out until she gets a clue. Grow a damn spine.
YTA What nonsense. Just tell her to stop or she is out of your kids life. Be a man and stand up to your mother.
YTA. Why are you still inviting this woman to any of these events? Why are you sharing information with her about the events? Why aren’t you telling this woman to stop being a meddling embarrassment?
Updateme
Dude set some boundaries with your mom. Grow a pair AND a spine. Are you the kids parent or is your mom? You can tell the school that you’re taking your mom OFF the visitors log and to NOT let her in the school. Stop telling your mom about his activities (when they are to occur). Straight up tell your mom that you are his parent and anything she wants to do needs approval from you.
This made me laugh so hard.
I love this solution. Sad it didn’t work for longer.
Just don’t invite her.
Are you pitching a screen play for a film you’re writing to us or something along those lines??
Why not a discussion with your mother? That’s an awful lot of trouble to go through.
😂 Your wife laughing too hard to pick a side. 😂
Look I am not a parent but I was a kid of parents and that child is going to make a toast to you at your first birthday after Grandma dies, that you’re going to want filmed, I’m just saying, prepare to cry buckets, because this kid is now your ride or die.
Also please give this actress’s contact info to other parents in need, she could make a fortune.
Updateme!
It’s hilarious and creative… but yeah YTA. That’s ridiculous. Just be an adult and have boundaries.
Apologize for the deception and tell her you will be direct going forward. Then tell her I’m having you taken off the list to visit his school because you don’t have enough respect for yourself or him to quit embarrassing him. That’s how it’s gonna be from now on.
“Sanctity of grandmotherhood” does not grant your mom from being an all-out terror on your young kids’ life. He deserves to play in the dirt and roar like a dinosaur! He’s 7 fucking years old! Etiquette class? Give me a break! She needs to learn boundaries or be banned from situations. You need to continue standing up to her and show that you will revoke privileges in whatever way is feasible if she doesn’t respect your kid’s needs. Expect her to complain and try to weasel out of it. She needs to understand she’s not helping, she’s hurting. It’s not about her, it’s about your son.
I’m sorry – screw mom. Cut her out of all activities. Not her kid, not her choices. I say that as a 70’s grandma.
ESH. Some people will do anything to not confront their parents as adults.
This school year is almost over.
I would look into moving your son to a different school, and express to them the issues you have and ask that they DO NOT allow grandma to volunteer.
You don’t have to cut grandma out of your son’s life, but you should reduce her interactions, and let her know that YOUR SON will only be doing the activities that you and wife decide on.
And if she signs him up without your permission, kiddo won’t be going. She had her chance to parent (you) and this is YOUR CHILD and you will decide what activities your child will participate in.
And if she can’t respect that then maybe she needs a time out!
Good luck.
YTA. You are being completely ridiculous. What do you mean you are incapable of standing up to her?! It is literally your duty as a father to put your son’s interest first.
You are totally failing him by being too weak to establish boundaries with your mother even when you have the advantage of having the law on your side.
Yta for not standing up for your son and putting your foot down to your mom. Yes that was hilarious, but not, not sufficient protecting of your child. Do better.
OPs Mom desperately wants a Grand-DAUGHTER!! Aaaaaand to be MOMMY AGAIN. “Sanctity of Grandmotherhood” my ASS. MAKE HER STOP!
>>My mom (62F) is that parent at his school
But she is NOT a parent. Shes a grandparent. Why is the school letting her run wild in their building? She shouldn’t be allowed to interfere to any extent or even allowed in the school. You need to address this with the administration then tell your mother she’s not allowed there anymore.
Your a so called grow up and don’t know how to use your words. Tell her she is over bearing and don’t involve herself. It’s that easy. How stupid for the decoy.
He’s gonna end up hating her and it’ll be your fault set some boundaries, embarrassment fucks with kids especially in a school setting, he might even hate you for letting it go on at some point
NTA I think your approach was gentle. Mean would have been letting acting stand in for grandma and banning her!
Creative writing? At least it’s not about airplane seats.
YTA
This is a cute idea for like, a sitcom or Disney channel movie, not for real life. You need to grow a spine. Don’t tell the school to limit her access – tell them she is no longer an approved adult for him. Same with other teachers and coaches. If she sign him up for a random club thing – he’s not going. He doesn’t want to.
I get she loves your son and you love the free babysitting, but you gotta set some boundaries and STICK TO THEM. She’s meddling and found what she wants because you’re just like oh noooo moooom oh my god stoooop. They can spend time together outside of school & sports, under your supervision, but grandma doesn’t get to interfere anymore. Give her consequences when she tries to reinforce the boundaries.
OMG, I LOVE THIS!!!
BTW I’m a grandmother and I’m as involved as my kids/grandkids let me. I haven’t been available for everything, I’m a rather young grandma and I still work, but I normally see my grandkids daily or weekly depending on what is going on. Mine are 7, 6 and almost 3 and if they ever let me know I’m doing something to embarrass them or they don’t like I try to remember and take a step back if needed. I love them to death but they need to do want they want to figure things out.
Hell they are still just kids and need to be just kids while they can. You do need to find a way to get her to back off but I can’t fault you for this approach.
NTA
yea you YTA, an amazing asshole. 10/10, no notes, would do this myself. hire a new grandma to keep her busy
YTA, grow a spine, it’s hard to listen to how passive you are.
But hey at least you are ok letting your kid suffer because you can’t say no, it’s all on you. Protect your family, jeeze
YTA. Your mom sounds unhinged, who rewrites the school play that their grandson is in? Grow a spine, tell mom this has to stop or you’re going no contact. Period. This isn’t a funny cat and mouse sitcom, she’s interfering in the parental role of your child way too much. This is super weird.
YTA – you’re 33, stop involving your mother.
I get that your hiree served a purpose but I have some better solutions.
TLDR: Your mom is being a pain but you’re just letting it happen.
This is amazing. Absolutely genius. NTA, but you probably won’t be able to keep evading her efforts to embarass your son forever, and will have to actually DO something about it that isn’t just distraction tactics.
YTA. You have brought this problem on yourself by not stepping up to set and enforce firm boundaries. The only solution left to you is scorched earth. Go to the school and ban her from interacting with your son. She can volunteer where ever she wants at the rest of the school, but any class or event you son is in must be completely off limits. You’re also going to have to bite the big one and pay for a babysitter. If you think she’s bad at school, can you fucking imagine what she’s like a baby sitter? Hell no. You’ve got money to throw around for actors, put that somewhere useful and get a new regular babysitter. Your poor kid is only 7, he doesn’t need Gran-gran giving him anxiety at this age. Give him a break.
ETA: Yeah, I’m with your wife on this. I’d probably laugh so hard I couldn’t breathe, but the first words out of my mouth would be “I told you so.” because I’m willing to bet she’s been on your ass about this for years now.
What are you thinking?? Your kid has two parents. He doesn’t need a third. Either you tell your mom to back off and be a grandma – or she gets a time out. I get wanting your kid to have the love of a grandmother, but that’s not what she’s doing. She’s evidently trying a do over mom gig, and usurping your boundaries as parents.
You’re letting this all happen. Hiring a “grandma” is hilarious though