Throwaway account and fake names. I (27f) love my mom Jill (49f) very much. She is gorgeous and fun. She was a high school teacher, and tons of boys had crushes on her. One of those boys is my now husband Paul (29m). He was her student when he was in 9th grade and he had a massive crush on her. Paul met my mom before he met me because he was in 11th grade when I started high school.
I know it’s unusual, but I chose my mom to be my maid-of-honor. During her speech, she mentioned that Paul had a crush on her when he was her student. I was humiliated. It made me feel like I was 2nd choice.
After the wedding, I refused to speak to my mom. When she text, I text back saying how angry I am for what she did. The thing is, I’ve always been jealous of my mom’s looks and personality. She is like the funner and sexier version of me. I also don’t like that my husband had romantic feelings for her beforenme. It’s not either of their faults but still. I am wondering if I am overreacting because I’m jealous. Am I the asshole ?
AITA for how angry I am that my mom mentioned during a speech on my wedding day that my husband had a crush her when he was her student ?
r/AITAH
Comments
I know it might be wrong, but I’m in love with Stacy’s mom.
idek. I will say though being jealous of your mother is interesting and I’ve never seen that before. Your mother most likely thought it would be funny that Paul thought she was hot lol.
Send pic of your mom
Let’s see a picture of your mother. I want to know if she’s worth being jealous over
Your feelings are valid.
Kinda seems like she’s encouraging your jealousy when she feels the need to bring this up in a speech AT YOUR WEDDING. Does she do stuff like this often? Does she brag about herself or compare herself to you? Or was this an isolated incident? NTA
YTA. It’s a wedding. It is time for laughs. How many funny best men speeches do we see online where he had a crush on the bride?
Your husband had a crush on his teacher 12 years ago. End of story. Your jealousy issues are your own to deal with
How did your husband react?
Mom sounds like “pick me”
NTA
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INFO – Did you think this was a possibility when you chose your mom to be your maid of honor? Does this mean you consider her your best friend?
Life is not like “Gilmore Girls.”
Nta, there was no need for her to hang onto that memory and bring it up in a speech!
Your feelings are totally valid, but if it helps, most ppl are cringing at your mom right now (that’s like next level pathetic and insecure)
Does your mom know you’re jealous of her? Has this caused tension with the two of you in the past? Has she gone out of her way to take the attention off of you in the past in this way and put it on herself? If so, then NTA. If not, then a “soft” YTA. It’s a cute and silly story for most people, the kind of thing no one would take very seriously and might be a funny “aww, geez mom, c’mon” kind of moment, but not worth being humiliated over – unless this is a pattern with your mom.
I know this is boring to hear, but I think you would benefit very, very much from some therapy addressing this. It bums me out that you are nearly 30 years old – and likely have plenty of accomplishments and friends of your own – but can only see yourself as a pale imitation of your mother. Do yourself a favour and talk to a professional about it before you let your jealousy torpedo your relationship with your mom permanently…but even more importantly, because you deserve to not be stuck in your own head comparing yourself negatively against her for the rest of your life.
YTA
“when she text, i text back”
No, she “texted” you, you “texted” back.
Your mom needs to develop her teaching skills. Her own kids are suffering the consequences of being too hot to effectively teach. Its not your fault that sometimes hereditary traits like this skip a generation, but its your fault for hating your mom for being so hot.
NTA your feelings are valid. Also you’re 27 and she’s 50 I’m sure she is pretty but is still not the sexier or better version of you.
Maybe it was a bit off but wedding speeches are meant to be a little funny. If you didn’t want her to mention it you should probably have said so. Personally I think it’s cute but a lot depends on exactly what she said. I don’t think you’re second choice… it was a kid having a crush on a teacher. If you can’t get over it you’re a bit of an asshole so YTA.
I’m disgusted by your mother. It’s pathetic she felt the need to bring up your husbands crush, as an actual child, in order to build herself up at your wedding. NTA and you have every right to be angry.
Is your dad around? If so, how did he feel? Also, how did your mom react to your pain and humiliation? Did she apologize?
Your Mom was telling an anecdote about her and your husband that happened 14 years ago. You are still insecure about him having a schoolboy crush on your Mom even though he married you?
So what are they supposed to do now? Pretend they don’t know each other? Are you genuinely worried your husband would cheat on you with your Mom? If I was him that would really hurt my heart because I would feel I’ve been convicted of some crime against you even though I didn’t know you then. That would cause resentment.
Why did you marry a man who used to have a crush on your mother? That’s so weird and awkward.
Your mom wanted your wedding to be about her.
Hard to tell if it was boneheaded or some kind of selfish gratification. Intentions matter. You know your mom better than anyone here in the comments. But if you’re unsure, you really should try asking her. She may not want to admit to the latter if it’s even a little bit true….but if she’s close enough to be your maid of honor, then you probably know deep down.
I will say, sometimes people just say stuff not really realizing how it seems to other people or how it affects them. I’m sure there have been a lot of instances where people in that position feel they need to “perform” and they pull at this or that which they think may be interesting, misjudging the level of potential harm.
It sounds like your feelings of jealousy toward your mom also adds to the pain and may influence your perception, but that part likely isn’t really her fault. Totally valid feelings for you to have, all the same. Whether or not she is aware of this sensitivity is also a factor that determines how far in the wrong she is.
Good Lord. I had a crush on my Algebra teacher when I was in 9th grade. She was sharing a cute, funny story.
I don’t think YTA, but I think you’re overreacting.
Is your mom a little narcissistic? Because she tried to steal the limelight and make that moment all about her at your expense. You’re NTA.
Your husband had a schoolboy crush on his teacher who just happened to be your Mom.
He was a kid! It happens all the time in high school and middle school.
You are nearly 30 and are jealous of your mom being attractive to a 14 year old boy with raging hormones. Her remarks were humorous, get over it.
I am sure you are not the only one embarrassed by your mother’s story. I’m willing to bet that just about every thinking person in the room felt sorry for her. What a stupidly inappropriate thing to say.
She looked ridiculous.
Not sure I’d call her AH because she sounds just so cringe pathetic.
Forget about it.
No way in fucking hell would I marry any man that wanted to fuck my mom. Let alone, DID. Call me crazy, but I will never be second to my fucking MOM. Gross.
So your mom told the wedding guests that when he was too young to be more discriminating, her son-in-law had a crush on her. It sounds pretty pathetic. Maybe she was trying to be funny, as some MOH’s do, but if so, it fell flat. I’m sure you love your mom, but making her your MOH made the wedding fraught with difficulties.
Did your husband have a crush on a little girl in preschool? If so, are you jealous of her? He was a 14-year-old idiot when your mom was his teacher. It means nothing. When my son was 3, he had a huge crush on Tina Turner. His now-wife is fine with it because he was 3. It wasn’t your mother, the real person who has weaknesses and foibles and occasionally bad gas he had a crush on; it was an idealized version of her.
Your husband is now an adult who sees your mother clearly and has zero interest in her. He loves YOU, the real, imperfect, flesh-and-blood you, and wanted to marry YOU. You feel jealous of your mother? She never had that sort of love, so SHE feels jealous of YOU.
NTA. You’re also not “2nd choice” for several reasons: 1) yes he met her first but are you going to apply that to every romantic relationship? That would mean every person you dated was 2nd (or more) choice to your first crush/boyfriend. 2) It’s a high school crush, he knew it would go nowhere. 3) People have unrequited crushes all the time. It’s normal, especially in your teen years. If my jr high math teacher had known I’d had a crush on him I would be mortified. Then and now. 4) He married you. He loves you.
That was weird and inappropriate
Mom needs to be put in timeout for awhile. Let her stew.
Awe I just want to buy you a drink and give you a hug girl. I hope your husband is worth a woman so sweet. NTA, your mom seems like she is jealous of you. You say that she is the “funner and sexier version” of you, but she is really more worried about feeding her ego than being your mom. Taking your word for it she likes the attention she receives at any cost, even at her own daughter’s expense. And at her daughter’s wedding no less….
Have you told your mom that she sounds like a pedophile bragging about a teenager having a crush on her?
NTA
The mom sounds like she’s either socially completely unaware, or dealing with her own insecurities by blasting it at your wedding.
Is your mom still married or in a long term relationship rn? If she isn’t that explains a lot, probably insecure about you getting married while she’s struggling to hook someone down
As for you, you sound like you have many insecurities as well, a lot pertaining to being worse than your mom. Wouldn’t surprise me if that’s partially because of comments she made, she seems very insecure herself and in a way is competing with you in terms of gaining confidence.
First of all, naturally have some communication about these insecurities with your husband if you didn’t already. If he’s a good partner he’ll comfort you. But second, go to a therapist to work through these insecurities. Where they come from, why you feel them, how to lessen their impact, how to gain more confidence.
NTA holy crap is that inappropriate. What should have been a celebration of your love turned into “he liked me first” who even cares? She’d have gone to jail if she tried to be with him. what a sad desperate act by your mother to try to make it about her.
Your mom shouldn’t have said that on your wedding day! That was a really shitty thing to say to the whole crowd and it was a totally self absorbed and humiliating thing to say !
Does she really think that you and your husband will continue like nothing happened?!
I would go NC with her, clearly she has issues that can further escalate on your expense!
NTA That wasn’t cool at all.
A tiny but yata. Ylu need perspective and that’s a you problem here. What your mom did isn’t cool, that’s very true but it’s your wedding and you’re happy. Your husband chose you. Don’t let bad vibes come to you in such a joyful moment because if it does get you now, it will absolutely devastate you in other not so joygul moments.
Your mom is cringe, well that’s not the end of the world. Your husband had a crush on his teacher, that’s not the end of the world. Uou are fine, you are loved – enjoy that <3
And congratulations for the wedding 😗!!
Of all the magnificently horrible stories I’ve read on reddit, somehow, this is the one that has gotten the biggest WTF out of me. This is just mental
NTA. For all that wedding speeches are supposed to be funny and mildly embarrassing, there are still boundaries, and old crushes are beyond them.
Ooph babes. That sux. You’re not the ahole and your mum is sadly competing with you. This says waaaaay more about her than you. Congrats on getting married. Go enjoy your husband.
Your mom probably sees you as who she used to be and has some need for attention and validation. NTA. Also super cringey on her part.
Edit to add: After writing this, is saw someone already made a similar comment.
You said “I’ve always been jealous of my mom’s looks and personality. She is like the funner and sexier version of me. I also don’t like that my husband had romantic feelings for her before me”, so why on earth did you give her a spotlight in your own wedding?
She was disrespectful but it doesn’t seem like that was the first time she acted like that so I think you were wrong about choosing her as your MOH.
Keep a little distance from her until you’ll stop hurting.