I (M25) have been with my fiancée Sofia (F24) since we were 20. She’s Ukrainian, and a few years back she got really close to my younger second cousin Alina (F18). Alina’s mixed Russian-American, and when they met at thanksgiving, they clicked. They like cooking together, speaking the same language, and going to church sometimes. After Alina’s mom passed away, she’s been spending a lot more time with us. Her Russian side of the family doesn’t live anywhere nearby, and there’s not a big slavic community where we live.
So here’s the situation. Last weekend, Sofia and Alina drove out to this little bakery a couple hours away for some borodinsky bread. While they were gone, I had some of my friends over to watch the game. When the girls came back, I introduced Alina to everyone, making a point to say she’s my younger cousin. She said hi, all normal. Then the storm outside picks up and we lose the sports channel. We all sat down for dinner, and one of my friends, Matt (27) makes this creepy comment directed at Alina something along the lines of “Forget the game, I could just watch her walk around all night”
The whole table just went silent. Alina froze. She looked so uncomfortable and awkward. And like a minute ago she was talking about being in college.
I said “What the fuck did you just say? That’s disgusting she’s 18” He said something like “that’s legal, why are you so worked up?” I told him point-blank “You’re not welcome in my home anymore. Get out” I may have also muttered something about him being a creep, but honestly at that point I didn’t care. I did also stand up and like wait for him to leave.
Anyways, he left. The vibe recovered quickly everyone had a great time. A bit later, Matt puts on the chat that I publicly humiliated him for no reason, and that I was an awful friend who used this as an excuse to kick him out. He says I could have just said Alina’s 18.
I don’t really think I over reacted. Alina looked super uncomfortable. She lost her mom recently and has been relying on us a lot. The last thing I want is her associating my house with some creepy older guy trying to hit on her. Sofia told me straight up I did the right thing, and that if we hadn’t kicked him out, the message to Alina would have been that it’s okay for men to make her uncomfortable.
Matt also said I was being overprotective, and that plenty of guys would have hit on her before. TBF, I didn’t like the guy that much even before, but he’s apart of my group so I did have to invite them. I would have rather not. AITA? I can see how saying all of that was a bit… embarrassing for him, like unnecessarily so. Also, if another of my friends had said it I may have been a bit less harsh, idk.
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I (M25) have been with my fiancée Sofia (F24) since we were 20. She’s Ukrainian, and a few years back she got really close to my younger second cousin Alina (F18). Alina’s mixed Russian-American, and when they met at thanksgiving, they clicked. They like cooking together, speaking the same language, and going to church sometimes. After Alina’s mom passed away, she’s been spending a lot more time with us. Her Russian side of the family doesn’t live anywhere nearby, and there’s not a big slavic community where we live.
So here’s the situation. Last weekend, Sofia and Alina drove out to this little bakery a couple hours away for some borodinsky bread. While they were gone, I had some of my friends over to watch the game. When the girls came back, I introduced Alina to everyone, making a point to say she’s my younger cousin. She said hi, all normal. Then the storm outside picks up and we lose the sports channel. We all sat down for dinner, and one of my friends, Matt (27) makes this creepy comment directed at Alina something along the lines of “Forget the game, I could just watch her walk around all night”
The whole table just went silent. Alina froze. She looked so uncomfortable and awkward. And like a minute ago she was talking about being in college.
I said “What the fuck did you just say? That’s disgusting she’s 18” He said something like “that’s legal, why are you so worked up?” I told him point-blank “You’re not welcome in my home anymore. Get out” I may have also muttered something about him being a creep, but honestly at that point I didn’t care. I did also stand up and like wait for him to leave.
Anyways, he left. The vibe recovered quickly everyone had a great time. A bit later, Matt puts on the chat that I publicly humiliated him for no reason, and that I was an awful friend who used this as an excuse to kick him out. He says I could have just said Alina’s 18.
I don’t really think I over reacted. Alina looked super uncomfortable. She lost her mom recently and has been relying on us a lot. The last thing I want is her associating my house with some creepy older guy trying to hit on her. Sofia told me straight up I did the right thing, and that if we hadn’t kicked him out, the message to Alina would have been that it’s okay for men to make her uncomfortable.
Matt also said I was being overprotective, and that plenty of guys would have hit on her before. TBF, I didn’t like the guy that much even before, but he’s apart of my group so I did have to invite them. I would have rather not. AITA? I can see how saying all of that was a bit… embarrassing for him, like unnecessarily so. Also, if another of my friends had said it I may have been a bit less harsh, idk.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> TBF, I didn’t like the guy that much even before, but he’s apart of my group so I did have to invite them. I would have rather not. AITA? I can see how saying all of that was a bit… embarrassing for him, like unnecessarily so. Also, if another of my friends had said it I may have been a bit less harsh, idk.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA Legal doesn’t make it decent. If they don’t remember the same kids shows as me I won’t go near them. Your friend is a predator in the making, and yeah, plenty of guys might hit on her, but a lot of them will be age appropriate, some won’t be, they’re creeps, but you can’t control people in public, but this happened in your house. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
It wasn’t unecessarily embarrassing, if he apoligised and laughed it off and moved on, sure, maybe, but “she’s legal” like nah buddy. Kicking him out was legal too.
NTA. Ewwwww! Your friend was being an absolute creep, and what’s worse, when you called it out, instead of being embarrassed about it, he doubled down on part of what made it creepy. (The line itself would have been creepy no matter her age.) You absolutely did the right thing. And you don’t have to invite people you dislike just because they’re part of a group. You may get asked why, so it’s worth being ready with an answer, but I’m guessing this isn’t his first misbehavior of this sort, so the answer seems obvious – I don’t like how he treats women and I don’t want that in my home.
Nta. 18 is way too young for him, and you are not required to let a creeper who hits on your cousin under your roof. He is way too old to chase after teenagers.
It wasnt appropriate at all. So NTA.
Clearly Alina didnt feel the same way additionally, so its not like if he spoke to her politely and privately that anything would happen.
NTA you did just say shes 18, he pushed it. If he didn’t want to be called a creep he should have kept his mouth shut.
NTA. His remark was creepy and sexist regardless of how old the woman was. I imagine he thought his remark should have been taken as a compliment but he’s basically telling your cousin that her body/appearance is there for his entertainment. When you called him out on it he doubled down with the “that’s legal’ which is also all kinds of gross. I agree with your girlfriend that if you had let him stay or laughed it off it would have sent a message to your cousin that his behavior was acceptable. Good for you for standing up for your cousin and being protective.
NTA. Once Matt knew that he offended you, he should have apologized instead of doubling down with the “18 is legal” remark. The group chat remarks sealed the deal: he’s disrespectful. Even if plenty of guys had hit on Alina before, it didn’t need to be one of your friends in your home, especially not knowing the lay of the land.
You mentioned that Matt is a part of your friend group and that you had to invite him. I’m going to hard disagree with this. You shouldn’t have to invite anyone that you don’t care for and make it clear to everyone that while you’re adult enough to avoid Matt at future functions and outings, he’s no longer permitted in your home.
There are far too many Matts out there thinking their behavior is the norm and acceptable. Thanks for being one of the good ones, OP.
NTA. Even if Alina was older, it’s an inappropriate comment about your family member. You all were not in a bar, you were in a family home. He’s a creep and you made the right decision to kick him out.
Alina is 18 and being protective of her is the right thing to do. Matt doesn’t get to decide the appropriate level of protectiveness you have for your cousin. Your care for her warms my heart.
NTA! Regardless of whether he knew her age, making a suggestive comment like that at gathering is just inappropriate and disrespectful. Sure, if he thought she was way older and then tried flirting with her here and there, I guess it’s a common thing. If he had apologised for his rude comment after the fact and reflected on his juvenile behaviour, it could’ve been overlooked but the fact that even after you confronted him he doubled down on the fact that you “embarrassed him” etc, makes him even creepier and more in the wrong. He is gross and should learn how to read a room and how to talk to women respectfully!
NTA- but not for the age (which he might not have known/guessed at first). I would just generally find it inappropriate for a guy to make comments on my friends/relatives like that at dinner. If he was interested in her he could have tried to talk to her in a normal way. Also the „it‘s legal“ comment is usually a red flag.
NTA – Great job! Your friend Matt disrespected your house and family. Not your friend.
I had a problem with my friend saying something like that once about my sister but he immediately apologized when confronted.
A real man would have apologized to Alina and asked forgiveness to be allowed back in the house, and promised it wouldn’t happen again.
Everyone makes mistakes; how we react to those mistakes defines our character.
NTA, and you should consider talking to your other friends about not bringing him around again. Most people who make comments like that willingly only do so because they’ve had no one to call them out on their bs. You did the right thing, OP.
NTA and well done for standing up for your cousin. Matt is a creep and his comment about other guys hitting on your cousin is just him projecting his own creepy mind on others. I would not be friends with a dude who thinks any of this is appropriate.
NTA. You can still be inappropriate while following the law, legal doesn’t always mean good. You did the right thing making your home feel safe for your cousin, and sending a message to everyone that your home is a creep-free zone. He was treating her like decoration and you shut it down. Everyone but him was happy about that.
Now he’s being a little whiny baby? Not even apologizing for embarrassing her? Block him, and let your group know you blocked him so they’ll know its okay if, like you, they were putting up with him because he’s “part of the group.”
NTA. You did the right thing and confirmed to her she’s safe in your home. Great job
NTA: Her age isn’t even the main issue. Creepy comments towards any of your friends should not be tolerated.
Thank you for calling him out. More people need to speak up to protect all women from being sexualized in “casual” conversation.
We need good men calling out the shitty ones. It’s how we finally put an end to rape culture. Not allowing his remarks to stand also signals to every other man that the same thing will happen to them if they act so badly.
And he SHOULD be embarrassed. What he said was gross. And he is shunned from all future events at your house. He will either learn to be better behaved, or he will go be shitty somewhere else.
NTA. That was a creepy asshole comment entirely on its own, even if Alina were of the same age as Matt. Was there really no better way he could think of to say “she’s pretty”?
You did the right thing here. Creeps deserve to be called out for their behavior, and girls like Alina deserve to feel safe among their family.
Even if Alina was 80, the lack of social awareness of your friend is hilarious. And the other friend saying “you humiliated him” Same. He could’ve talk to you in private and tell you “maybe you were a little harsh on him” and then explain why you were not. Both sound like massive idiots. NTA
Nah being creepy to your cousin is off limits. He’s an asshole, no respect.
NTA and this is why I avoid “friend groups.” I have my friends and my friends have their friends. Obviously sometimes they overlap, but I am not inviting someone to my house I don’t care for.
NTA. Congrats! You’ve now got a great reason not to invite him to your house, and you don’t have to tolerate his presence anymore, which is a total win because he’s a creep.
Like, that was a creepy thing to say even if she wasn’t 18. It wasn’t even flattering, it was objectifying, it would make more women uncomfortable than entirely flattered and that’s kind of the point, it’s a kind of power differential comment, you’re not a person, you’re just eye candy kinda thing, and then doubling down with ‘that’s legal’, yeah he’s a creep, and he’s driving other women out of your social group btw. People who aren’t creeps just won’t want to join in or hang out as much.
NTA. On behalf of all women: thank you for standing up for her.
NTA. On behalf of all women: thank you for standing up for her.
Matt’s behaviour was creepy and disgusting. Pushing back when you called him out makes it even worse. Maybe he needs to consider that he humiliated her by speaking about her as though she was a piece of meat.
NTA. The thing to consider is that what he said would be inappropriate regardless of her age.
NTA, if Matt is part of your friend group chances are he is in his twenties too, he is a creep and a predator. You did the right thing, both in protecting Alina and showing her this type of behaviour is unacceptable. Him saying “she’s legal” is vile, and his excuses are pathetic and just highlight how much of a creep he is. You did great, and you wouldn’t need to be “overprotective” if men like Matt didn’t treat 18 year old women like prey
Whats wrong with liking legally aged women now? Your grandfather would have thought you were gay
Men like you are what the world needs more of. You seen how uncomfortable she was, she’s a young girl and he’s a grown man. He’s a pervert I hate when adults say a child is legal yeah you’re a pervert mf. I guarantee your girlfriend and Alina look at you as a safe space. Someone they can feel safe with because you nipped it in the butt. She is 18 and they don’t know how to respond to unwanted advances. Sadly women are so scared of men they don’t even want to say no for fear of being hurt because weirdos can’t accept rejection!
Your parents should be proud they raised a real man!
Her age is honestly irrelevant here. Whay kind of guest talks that way about another guest in a friend’s home? This isn’t a 60byeat old cartoon where you can treat the young woman as a punchline where the joke is just “I would have sex with her.”
He wasn’t hitting on anyone. He made a random, creepy, objectifying sexual comment about one of your guests that made everyone uncomfortable. He humiliated himself when he showed that he thinks that’s an acceptable way to hit on a woman.
NTA. Matt embarrassed himself by not behaving appropriately in the first place. reinforce what you said, tell him that he embarrassed himself by being a predatory creep, by not knowing how to act in polite company, and by showing everyone exactly how close to being the kind of guy fathers of daughters have to worry about. Pile on the scorn, and teach him there are other men who wont accept his predation. he’s whineing bc he knows you called out exactly what he was doing.
And that thing about “other guys would be the same/treat her the same?” respond with “yeah, so she needs good men in her life to protect her from them and to show her she doesn’t have to be treated like a piece of meat, tf is wrong with you that you justify your behaviour by appealing to the behaviour of the worst of our society? is that the company you want to keep, go to a registered sex offenders support group, since you’re so like-minded”