My boyfriend (20M) and I (18F) recently started living together, but it was financially tough at first. It happened suddenly (he had to move out so his sister could move back into their family home and have a fresh start). We weren’t prepared, so his parents helped us out, and we always paid them back.
The issue is his mom. Every time she helps him, she uses it as an excuse to belittle him. She constantly says he’s in a “bad position” and talks down to him, even though he’s doing his best and working hard. It’s incredibly frustrating and hurtful to watch.
Eventually, I got a better job, but it still wasn’t quite enough. My parents, who aren’t as financially stable as his, stepped in to support us. They gave us a car, which had been a gift to me for my 15th birthday because I didn’t want a quinceañera, and let us live in my mom’s old house after she remarried. They’ve also helped us out financially when we needed it.
At this point, I’m paying most of the bills and doing everything I can to support both of us. Despite that, his mom recently went too far—she called him a crack addict (he’s never done drugs), and then texted me saying it was time for me to “start helping,” like I’ve been doing nothing all along.
She often justifies her behavior by saying “God knows her intentions” and that she prays to be a better person, but she’s never apologized to her son or taken responsibility for the hurt she causes. It’s like she thinks being religious excuses how she treats others.
I’m furious, not just for me, but for him. So I cutted contact.
PS: We always paid back what she gave us.
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team.
My boyfriend (20M) and I (18F) recently started living together, but it was financially tough at first. It happened suddenly (he had to move out so his sister could move back into their family home and have a fresh start). We weren’t prepared, so his parents helped us out, and we always paid them back.
The issue is his mom. Every time she helps him, she uses it as an excuse to belittle him. She constantly says he’s in a “bad position” and talks down to him, even though he’s doing his best and working hard. It’s incredibly frustrating and hurtful to watch.
Eventually, I got a better job, but it still wasn’t quite enough. My parents, who aren’t as financially stable as his, stepped in to support us. They gave us a car, which had been a gift to me for my 15th birthday because I didn’t want a quinceañera, and let us live in my mom’s old house after she remarried. They’ve also helped us out financially when we needed it.
At this point, I’m paying most of the bills and doing everything I can to support both of us. Despite that, his mom recently went too far—she called him a crack addict (he’s never done drugs), and then texted me saying it was time for me to “start helping,” like I’ve been doing nothing all along.
She often justifies her behavior by saying “God knows her intentions” and that she prays to be a better person, but she’s never apologized to her son or taken responsibility for the hurt she causes. It’s like she thinks being religious excuses how she treats others.
I’m furious, not just for me, but for him. So I cutted contact.
PS: We always paid back what she gave us.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> That’s all I did, I may be the asshole because she is my boyfriends mom
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA- My MIL is like that. We don’t speak to her.
So his parents basically kicked him out when he was not ready to move out, so his sister could move in? And they have the audacity to tell an unprepared 20 year old who is busting his ass to survive that he’s in a bad position when they put him there?
Rough luck finding out his sister is the golden child and his mom sucks.
Pay her back what outstanding you both owe, if any, and go no contact.
NTA and good luck to you both.
I am sad to hear that you’re having to deal with this when you are both trying so hard. Cutting her off seems like exactly the right thing to do. NTA.
Don’t cut her off until you let her know exactly who she is!!! I’m not sure how both of you are working, living in a family home, and were given a car and are still having to barrow money from his parents though!!! Are you sure bro isn’t on drugs behind your back!!! Have you questioned what bro’s doing with his money if you’re paying the majority of your bills?!!! Mom might know something you don’t!!!
You are NTA and better than me, I would have told her every word in the book for calling him an addict because I’m sure she will starts telling other people how she doesn’t understand how he “came out that way” when she was “such a good mom”.
NTA
You are a better person than me, because I would be beyond petty and make the most creative and hurtful insult known to man in this situation
In all seriousness I would go low-no contact if debts were paid off and otherwise, because you don’t deserve such negativity in your life.