I know youre never supposed to guess a womans age. But I (26f) was at a house music show last night and this woman approaches me. She is foreign and very flirty kissing me all over my face. She tells me I look so young. I tell her how old I am and shes like ahh yeah youre a baby! And then asks me to guess her age. I usually don’t ever engage in that game with women. I genuinely thought she was in her 50s. Drinks had been flowing and I guess I lost my better judgment and I guess (what I think is lowballing) 41. She is shocked and grabs her friend to tell her oh my god she said 41!! She tells me her age. Shes 37. Im mortified. She says “Do I really look that old?!?? I know I have wrinkles!” And I said “Oh god Im so sorry no no youre beautiful” Her friend says “I always say 21 no matter what”. I walk away from that situation feeling uncomfortable and really horrified. The rest of the night that woman and I ignore each other. To be honest, she was a rough looking 37… I didn’t even think it was that bad to have guessed within 5 years.. I also think like if you look old don’t ask people to play that game. But again, I shouldn’t have even engaged. AITA?
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I know youre never supposed to guess a womans age. But I (26f) was at a house music show last night and this woman approaches me. She is foreign and very flirty kissing me all over my face. She tells me I look so young. I tell her how old I am and shes like ahh yeah youre a baby! And then asks me to guess her age. I usually don’t ever engage in that game with women. I genuinely thought she was in her 50s. Drinks had been flowing and I guess I lost my better judgment and I guess (what I think is lowballing) 41. She is shocked and grabs her friend to tell her oh my god she said 41!! She tells me her age. Shes 37. Im mortified. She says “Do I really look that old?!?? I know I have wrinkles!” And I said “Oh god Im so sorry no no youre beautiful” Her friend says “I always say 21 no matter what”. I walk away from that situation feeling uncomfortable and really horrified. The rest of the night that woman and I ignore each other. To be honest, she was a rough looking 37… I didn’t even think it was that bad to have guessed within 5 years.. I also think like if you look old don’t ask people to play that game. But again, I shouldn’t have even engaged. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I guessed a womans age wrong. 2. I guessed a little older than she was and she might take offense to that but I dont think she shouldve asked me to guess in the first place
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, but when an adult woman to guess there age, always guess low, like 20 years low. Another good response is the question “Are you still in college?”
NTA.
She asked for your thoughts – you gave them to her. You are not responsible for how someone else reacts.
NTA she put you in a very awkward situation by asking you to guess her age, it’s one of those questions that no matter what you answer it’s going to be wrong on some level.
Nta if she’s asking you then she should be prepared if you guess a little older. You guess wasn’t even that off so not sure why she was so offensive about it.
NTA, she played stupid games and won stupid prizes.
NTA
This is a literal example of “play stupid games, win stupid prizes”.
She also might have been lying about her age to begin with. I am in my 40s and it’s not uncommon for women in my age bracket to be insecure about their age.
NTA, she’s asked, you’ve answered.
That person takes herself too seriously, so what if you said a little older than she is, it’s fine to be older, it’s where we’re all heading anyway. NTA.
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NTA
One can only answer honestly when asked.
With the advent of a lot of plastic surgery and other cosmetic procedures these days many women look FAR older than they really are.
I mean she asked. NTA.
You could have played this off easily
NTA… it’s not just how she looked, even if you weren’t guessing extremely close to her real age she was also talking down to you and understandably that confused your judgment. As a woman nearing my 30s this is exactly the kind of middle aged woman I don’t want to be- I agree with you, she shouldn’t be probing if it’s a sensitive topic.
NTA
she asked u to guess her age she should’ve known u wouldn’t guess it perfectly
NTA. If she didn’t want an answer, she shouldn’t have asked, and it’s honestly exhausting how some people act as though aging is the worst thing in the world. But just to avoid any drama in the future, refuse to answer this question or say “18” regardless of how old someone looks. Her hair is white, she’s wearing a floral nightgown and using a walker and standing in a retirement home? She’s 18.
NTA. 41 isn’t even far off from 37. And “I always say 21” is terrible advice, nobody wants to get old but we all do
NTA. Always say 25. ALWAYS.
No, it’s an asshole move to ask drunk strangers to engage in a game where they have a good chance of making you upset. She has got a rough road ahead of her if fairly accurately pinpointing how long ago she was born is offensive. NTA
NTA, a game I try my best to avoid because there really is no winning it.
NTA. She ordered it, she can eat it.
NTA. She put you on the spot and you even tried lowballing. Though lesson learned, next time, lowball even more. Like, exaggerate it to something that can’t be right. That helps avoid the awkwardness of making a legitimate guess.
NTA but always always say mid 20s lol
NTA if you wanted the result you got. “21” if you wanted to keep the flirting going.
You were 4 years off… you guessed correctly. NTA
NTA.
You are right. If you dont want people to have it wrong. Dont ask to guess. You did the polite thing to take off a decade of your first guess. And always saying 21? Than you would not have been taken serious. There was no way to win this game. You dodged a bullet.
She didn’t want the reality check she received. NTA.
The only way to win the age game and the weight game is not to play.
Try, “The odds of me guessing the exact number you want to hear are slim. You’re pretty. That’s my response.”
NTA- She shouldn’t have played that game if she didn’t want to know your answer.
NTA. This is a no win situation—I just tell everyone they look 69 😎 which, best case, gets a laugh or a flirty push, and worse case gets a “Hah. but really how old”, In which case I triple down and start going higher until they give up
I’ll give you a little tip that’s saved my ass many times.
Any time a woman over 30 asks you how old you think they are – the answer is ALWAYS 29.
Idc if that broad is 92. The answer is 29.
NTA Insisting on having your age guessed is the ultimate FAFO.
NTA
Stupid games, stupid prizes, that sort of thing. Don’t feel bad. You didn’t mean to be rude, quite the opposite. If anything, maybe she could use the wake up call to stop drinking and wasting nights like a college-aged kid.
Hah, I was also 26 when I guessed a man’s age as 36 (lowballed, I thought he was mid-forties). He was only 28. He asked though!
I’ve never agreed to guess at people’s age since. I just say I’m terrible at it and excuse myself.
NTA. People who ask that question are needy and self-absorbed. She deserved it.
NTA
People need to learn not to ask questions that they won’t like the answer to. Especially when it is about age or appearance.
Vanity is a funny trait.
I’m 29F, I can’t imagine remotely caring that much if someone thought I was 33. Especially a decade older, 4 years is practically nothing. Her reaction was bizarrely immature.
NTA
She asked. You weren’t trying to insult her.
NTA. She asked. Also there’s nothing wrong with looking older than you are. And a 4 year difference is nothing. We should be working towards ending age stigma, particularly for women.
NTA. She played a dumb game of FAFO and lost. She shouldn’t play stupid games like that if she doesn’t want to hear honest answers. She sounds like she was fishing for compliments and is mad that she didn’t get what she wanted.
NTA, it’s not like you said 50 lol, you were close
She’s mad over a 4 year difference…
NTA, but you are the idiot. That was her just playing around trying to have fun. It’s called flirting. It wasn’t a genuine “question” that you were supposed to critically think about and give an accurate answer lololol. You were supposed to say a young age like 29 or something. This is on you, get with the program bud.
Btw- they address this in Seinfeld. George drops off a woman after a date and she invites him up for coffee. He declines and says he doesn’t drink coffee that late at night. But then the day after he realizes it was never about the coffee.
Just like the age question was never about you trying to get the age right lololol.
NTA but I think she found your post and went through downvoting every comment. All ok, I went through up-voting every comment 😀
NTA. I’m 37 and if someone told me I looked 41 I’d think I was due for a good night’s sleep. 4 years is not that crazy to be off in either direction. She FA&FO.
NTA. If she isn’t prepared to hear the answer, she shouldn’t ask the question.
Btw…The only correct answer is, ”somewhere between 1 and 100.”
NTA. She commented on your age/appearance of age first, and if she directly asked that question she should be prepared to hear an answer she might not like.
ugh, i’m so tired of people acting like aging is 1. a curse and 2. the same for everyone. my 37 is not that woman’s 37 is not my coworker’s 37. personally i like looking like and therefore being treated like my age, and i was very excited to finally find white hairs a few months ago. NTA but like “a rough 37”… it’s 4 years off from your guess, what do you think happens in those four years lol?
I look younger than I am…or I did pre IVF and baby. I have always had people surprised at my age but sometimes they guessed right it older, especially after ivf and having a kid. I never get mad at them. If you ask someone how old you you open yourself up to getting your feelings hurt and that’s your fault.
NTA also 41 is not that much older than 37. Also she seems gross for kissing on you and then calling you a baby.
NTA. People shouldn’t ask questions if they’re not prepared to hear an answer they don’t like.
Maybe you’re helping her in her future by inspiring her to go hard on her skincare routine 🤷♀️
Nta.
4 years off is a good guess. She’s just in denial and fishing for lies/compliments
NTA. Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to.
Nope – just drunk…
NTA. In my experience, if a woman looks really young, I always 21. If she looks older, always 29.
UpdateMe
NTA. If I thought she looked 50, Id say that. If she doesn’t want to know my guess, she shouldn’t ask.
I was once talking to a woman in a pub. I am 36 and I genuinely thought she was 40. She was 30. And she thought I was 25. I felt weird, but well, we all have faces.
LOL! NTA Don’t worry about it. She pressured you into playing the game and she lost. I’m 43f and when I choose to play that game (at the fair, for prizes) the one rule is that you can’t get offended.
NTA, but now you know why you don’t guess. You could tentatively say something like well I know you must be a little bit older than me? Or a joke, old enough to drink I hope hahaha. I recently met a woman on a group trip I was also on. She’d mentioned being retired, and I pegged her as a good handful of years older than me. For some reason she asked me to guess her age. Mercifully I did not because she was only 60 but easily could have passed for closer to 70. The reason she asked me was she said she felt like people thought or she looked older than her age and she wasn’t sure why, maybe it was her hair? I realized it WAS her hair, it was somehow just an older style although it was not gray. Also turns out she has a beau who’s 70 plus, so I told her she’s hanging around with somebody much older than her and that no doubt is part of the reason. Don’t guess!!
Why was she kissing you all over your face?
Ha! Cougar FAFO!
NTA. She shouldn’t ask questions ahead of time doesn’t really want the answer to. I’m in my late 30’s and I don’t think I look it. But I’m certainly not asking people to guess my age. I prefer to live my life thinking I look younger.
Ah to be young and stupid again
NTA she plays stupid game, win stupid prize… i mean this is only a 4 year difference in someone that is not your age rage. (and i say that as a 41 yo)
Women can be very age sensitive (I ought to know) thankfully I look considerably younger than my actual age. You’re not an asshole.
NTA I worked with a woman who asked me the same thing. How old do you think I am because a guy she went out with had guessed her age wrong the day before. I was honest but went a bit lower than I thought just in case, 50ish. No she was like 32. Whelp she didn’t look it lol
I hate this game too and tend to refuse to play. If someone harps on about it then I purposely “guess” much higher than what I actually think. It’s a stupid game so I give out a stupid prize.
NTA. 37-41 is a grand total of 4 years difference. There’s not a great amount of difference in looks between the 2 ages for most people. Don’t worry about it. Even if she sees it as a big thing, with any luck you’ve actually performed a public service and stopped someone from playing this dumb guessing game again
Always guess on the south side of a major milestone. 39 is not as shocking as 41.
If you really need to make an accurate guess, look at the elbows. Elbows don’t lie.
NTA, along the lines of play stupid games win stupid prizes.
NTA play stupid games win stupid prizes
NTA. She literally asked you to guess. It’s not like you just walked up to her and volunteered to guess her age.
NTA. She asked for it.
Play stupid games…
A journalism professor asked me to guess his age. He wore reading glasses and was starting to get smile lines so I guessed 42. I was right!
Still, it’s not a good game to play with sensitive strangers. Still, you were pretty close for being new at this game.
NTA
Nta she asked a question she didn’t really want the answer to that’s her fault
Nta
She went fishing and caught the truth
NTA. If someone asks you to guess their age, they should be prepared for whatever answer you give them. Also, there’s very little difference (if any) in the appearance of someone who is 37 v. 41 so there was no reason for her to be so wigged out about it.
NTA: She should learn the adage: Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. You did nothing wrong. Now, if you want to spare yourself the negative feelings this occurrence brought you, it may be a good idea to refrain from participating in this game. That’s what the person who said that they always say 21 is really doing: not actually playing the game. It’s the woman’s fault for asking that question. My late cousin had a terrific sense of humor. My aunt, his mother, was visiting and her birthday was during her visit. Thinking about my funny cousin and how his sense of humor had helped to form my own, I bought my aunt what I thought was a hilarious birthday card: the front of the card said,” Happy Birthday! I’m not going to ask you your age…” When you open the card it says,”How much do you weigh?” Although I thought the card was truly funny; she did not. She had a similarly negative reaction as the woman you interacted with. Oh well. That was many years ago: I still think it was funny.
She asked but she didn’t want the truth, she literally couldn’t handle the truth! She shouldn’t be asking strangers this question! She was trying to get herself flattered. Definitely NTA.
ESH
She shouldn’t have asked and you shouldn’t have answered.
I am the worst at guessing ages. Seriously terrible. So I always guess extremely low if it’s an adult asking and higher than I think if it’s a kid. 😂
NTA. Yes not participating is the best option but she asked and my dad always said don’t ask questions of you don’t really want the answers. She shouldn’t have put you in the position to have to lie. Imho she was being excessively selfish and rude in her search for validation.
I’ve just started asking people why it’s bad to look old. We need to stop acting like “old” is an insult
NTA. We should never ask questions we don’t want the answer to.
Now, I have a hilarious story about age recognition. My sister’s friend was over with his family. He had divorced and married a younger woman and his older kids were grown. His youngest liked to visit with me because of my dog.
The kid was chattering my ear off and as us adults do, I asked him what grade he was in and how old he was. He was eight. He asked my age, I told him I was 51. “Wow! I thought you were a lot older because of all the white in your hair!” 🤣🤣🤣
NTA Women who ask this should be prepared to hear an honest answer. I am sometimes surprised when women who I think look 50ish tell me they think they look young for 45ish which means they think they look 40. All in all, it’s best to leave age out of casual conversations.
NTA, you’re not psychic. She shouldn’t have asked if she wasn’t ready for a poor guess
NTA. Even for a drunk/tipsy person, that 37yo confuses me. 26 is not a “baby” compared to 37. You know my age, then call me a “baby” and I automatically assume you’re at least 20 years older than I am.
I was at a wedding, and the bride’s mom, who had salt and pepper hair, heavy on the salt, asked me to guess her age. I had had two glasses of champagne, so my good sense was relaxed. I guessed mid 50s. The woman was 42, and very angry with me. She had her daughter when she was 20.
That was twenty years ago, and I am still embarrassed that I hurt her feelings.
You don’t have as much tact as you could, but you’re not the AH. I work in a middle school, and kids are awful at guessing adults’ ages. I’m 39 and kids have thought I was anywhere from 18 to 50. I had a grad student with me last year who was a year older than me, and all the kids thought I was older than her because she’s thinner and doesn’t have gray hairs. I couldn’t care less. If you bring up your age, you have to be prepared to have a thick skin.
NTA. Girls should never make anyone guess how old they are, how much they weigh, or if they are currently pregnant. It is not good manners.
NTA. As a PSA: if you’re going to be offended by someone guessing your age… don’t ask them to!
NTA. Anyone who asks a person to guess their age is taking a risk.
Side note: Moisturize now. Thank me later.
NTA, you were asked, you spoke and were kind. She was pushy to the point of harassing you. It’s one thing if you to choose to kiss someone, it’s another if they’re all over you. Maybe in the future consider the motives of anyone pushy and make an excuse to withdraw unless you can tell them to back off cause that kind of person has zero concern for what you want and terrible judgment to be that physical with a complete stranger. Also, say you don’t play the age guessing game as it never ends well.
NEVER ATTEMPT to guess a woman’s age.
Tell them you never answer that question.
If that doesn’t satisfy her, make an unrealistically low guess.
Best option.
You can’t win.
NTA
NTA
She probably IS in her 50’s
Just say “25” or give some other non-answer in the future.
NTA. I don’t like that game. I hate the “you don’t remember me, do you?” game even more. “No. No, I don’t.”
NTA. It’s a stupid game and many ppl who play it are insecure about getting older and delusional about how they look, and it’s not 25 and certainly not 21.
I see no need to indulge ppl in this game. If they’re needing a self esteem boost there are better outlets to get it from
NAH. It was an honest mistake, and it was just a little embarrassing not malicious.
For next time though, if someone you just met is vain enough to ask you how old you think they are, undershoot by a lot because they just want you to flatter them.
And if you still end up over, just compare them to some famous actress/model e.g. “oh you are just so beautiful you look like you could be besties with Natalie Portman.”
Never ask a woman their age or their weight. A rule not just for men but for everyone.
Nta, she asked🤷♂️ when I was 22/23 I had a similar thing happen to me but I guessed low and she full on kissed me tongue and all🤢 boy was her husband not impressed… thankfully he saw everything and he wasn’t mad at me.
As a woman, I decided to go the opposite route when anyone inquires about my age. I tell them I’m 7 years older than I actually am. When they say, “Really!?” I tell them, “No, I just wanted to hear I look much younger” and leave it at that.
NTA people shouldn’t ask you to guess their age if they are going to get insulted. That’s just attention seeking and really annoying
I’ve always been of the opinion that if you’re going to lie about your age, lie higher. Example, your 40, tell people 50. They’ll be amazed how young you look. If you lie younger, you end up looking horrible (or rough) for that age.
NTA, in the way that we live in a society made of different cultures and generations, there are supposed to be old people and young people, we cannot expect to be forever young and such… We can expect to respect and have respect from everyone equally, though, because we are all people. I would expect from younger generations to not make it a big fuzz to hang with “old people” and vice-versa, I try my best to respect younger generations, instead of complete avoidance, because in the next 10 years someone else is going to be 25, and so on.
However, I had to came out with a couple of rules in the house to apply:
Women are always strong, no matter how it’s up to interpretation. Do they seem weaker than you? They’re otherwise strong in something, don’t question it, don’t test it.
Women after 25 are always 25, if they look older than 25, they’re still 25 because no woman ages after they reach 25.
No “size” jokes. Whenever someone comes up with self-deprecating jokes, don’t enable them. If you think it, you’re still not allowed to say it.
Yes. Youre wrong
It’s a 4 year difference. It’s like those TikTok trends. Some of these folks look old and they know it
NTA- don’t ask a question you don’t want the answer to.
Nta. She asked, you answered. Her and her friend were both expecting you to lie to them like others have previously. That’s like someone asking their partner “ do you find this person attractive?”. Do you want the real answer or do you want a lie, because you asked me a question. Expected a sugarcoated answer but didn’t get it.
NTA
She took a gamble that you’d understand she was giving you an opportunity to be flirty and compliment her and not wanting an actual answer.
Also, 41 and 37 are so close most people probably wouldn’t be able to 100% accurately tell those two ages apart.