My (30F) sister (39F) suggested that we take a mommy-daughter trip with our kids (hers is 11F mine is 2 and a half). She planned the whole thing, we paid for the Airbnb and car rental. I had to incur the additional cost of flying to her city as it was closer to the destination but I was fine with that. On the way, she said her salary hadn’t cleared yet and asked that I cover our activities and she’d pay me back once it came through. I agreed on the condition that I’d cover every single thing and then at the end I’d add it all up and we’d just split the amount equally. I asked this bc in the past when we made arrangements like these, when it came time to pay she’d suddenly want us to deduct a bunch of money claiming that she paid for this or that and I don’t like it. Cool. After the trip I sent her the total spent and the amount due to me. She started delaying paying me back saying she’d pay me, not from her salary but, from money owed to her by someone else. We argued and she hung up. I kept reminding her and she’d get pissed, scream at me, hang up and then send a small portion back. We did this for 2 weeks and she made 3 small payments that add up to 75% of the amount. On Monday she told me that she had no money left to give me and didn’t know how she was even gonna buy groceries for her and her kid because I’d taken all her money. I told her I still wanted the rest of my money. Yesterday, I got a call from our older sister (47F) telling me I was being unfair to middle sister and not understanding that our financial situations aren’t the same and listing all her expenses. When I said “she knew she had all these expenses before going on the trip, so why did she go on the trip if knew she couldn’t afford it?” my older sister and I started arguing bc she said I was deliberately missing her point and that I shouldn’t expect middle sister to contribute equally when I know she earns less than me. I feel like I’m losing my mind because why am I expected to pay for her on a trip SHE initiated? Btw, my sister and her kid go on vacation ALL the time. They’d had a weekend away just weeks before their trip with us but now I’m suddenly expected to cover her expenses on ours. AITA to still want the remainder of my money back?!
TLDR: my sister and I went on vacation together and I covered some of her costs now she’s refusing to repay me in full is calling me selfish.
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My (30F) sister (39F) suggested that we take a mommy-daughter trip with our kids (hers is 11F mine is 2 and a half). She planned the whole thing, we paid for the Airbnb and car rental. I had to incur the additional cost of flying to her city as it was closer to the destination but I was fine with that. On the way, she said her salary hadn’t cleared yet and asked that I cover our activities and she’d pay me back once it came through. I agreed on the condition that I’d cover every single thing and then at the end I’d add it all up and we’d just split the amount equally. I asked this bc in the past when we made arrangements like these, when it came time to pay she’d suddenly want us to deduct a bunch of money claiming that she paid for this or that and I don’t like it. Cool. After the trip I sent her the total spent and the amount due to me. She started delaying paying me back saying she’d pay me, not from her salary but, from money owed to her by someone else. We argued and she hung up. I kept reminding her and she’d get pissed, scream at me, hang up and then send a small portion back. We did this for 2 weeks and she made 3 small payments that add up to 75% of the amount. On Monday she told me that she had no money left to give me and didn’t know how she was even gonna buy groceries for her and her kid because I’d taken all her money. I told her I still wanted the rest of my money. Yesterday, I got a call from our older sister (47F) telling me I was being unfair to middle sister and not understanding that our financial situations aren’t the same and listing all her expenses. When I said “she knew she had all these expenses before going on the trip, so why did she go on the trip if knew she couldn’t afford it?” my older sister and I started arguing bc she said I was deliberately missing her point and that I shouldn’t expect middle sister to contribute equally when I know she earns less than me. I feel like I’m losing my mind because why am I expected to pay for her on a trip SHE initiated? Btw, my sister and her kid go on vacation ALL the time. They’d had a weekend away just weeks before their trip with us but now I’m suddenly expected to cover her expenses on ours. AITA to still want the remainder of my money back?!
TLDR: my sister and I went on vacation together and I covered some of her costs now she’s refusing to repay me in full is calling me selfish.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I am insisting that my sister pay me back in full and refusing accept her partial payment. I also keep calling her to remind her to pay me back.
2. That action might make me the asshole because she earns less than me and maybe I should have covered more than her.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, if older sister is so concerned she can pay you back then on behalf of the middle one.
NTA: Personally I believe that those who make more should contribute more and I act accordingly in my own life (as someone who makes higher than median wage)
That said, an agreement is an agreement. If she wanted you to subsidize her or if she could only afford a certain amount of outlay, she should have said so. That way you could make a choice about whether that worked for you. Agreeing to split things 50/50 (which was already probably generous on your part cause an 11 yr old costs more than a toddler in most cases) and then crying poverty when the bills come due is poor form.
I do think it would be reasonable for you to work out a payment plan or something for her here, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to expect her to make good on her word.
I think in the future you’d be well-served by keeping your finances separate. Fool me once shame on you… fool me twice shame on me, right? She clearly isn’t someone you can mix finances with without drama.
NTA. Which you know.
I’m thinking, the course of action that is most likely to get you reimbursed is a payment plan.
She’s apparently not so smart, as she just squashed any future generosity you were inclined to.
NTA
Never cover her expenses again. Ever.
NTA. How much she earns is irrelevant. She arranged the trip. She didn’t have money to pay for it. She agreed to split the costs equally and pay you back. Now she’s trying to back out and break her promise. And she’s crying to your other sister about being poor and that it’s not fair. You know what’s not fair? Going on a trip you can’t afford and expect others to pay for you and lying about the intention of paying them back. Tell your other sister she’s free to pay it for her. And if not then back off, this is none of her business.
>she was even gonna buy groceries for her and her kid because I’d taken all her money.
Because she spent all her money on the trip?
NTA. Take her to small claims court. Not only she has to pay back, she will have to also cover your fees to file a claim.
NTA, Sister was expecting to dodge paying and get a cheap trips like she always does by the sound of it. People only tolerate shit like that for so long.
NTA- you’re being used. And big sister needs to stay out of it. If middle sister can’t afford vacations, she shouldn’t plan them, though I feel that vacation was already planned in her head to get you to pay. She can pay you with her salary and let her know there will be no more vacations together. Each will have to plan and pay for their own part to the same destination if she wants to be with you.
OP – learn your lesson. Don’t travel with your sisters. Your younger sister is a leech. She knew exactly what she was doing and hoped you’d subsidise her trip with her child.
Also, your child is very young. The mommy and me activutues she’d be interested in is very different from that of a tween.
Focus on creating meaningful experiences for your baby.
NTA.
NTA and I can’t stress this enough- Don’t ever lend money to someone and expect to get it back. Think of it as a donation. I’ve learned this lesson from experience.
You won’t be getting paid back in full here. Is it worth the headache of constant fighting? Go forth and never, ever cover her expenses again.
NTA. Sister wanted and planned this. So she was well aware of the costs when selecting the location and Airbnb. Then it’s on OP to heavily subsidize this because she makes more? So entitled, and using OP like an ATM. Then changes the narrative that because OP makes more, she should pay. Not okay.
Take vacations within your means, or not at all, if it means there’s no food on the table.
NTA. If she couldn’t afford the trip then she had 2 choices:
What you don’t do is:
If it’s small enough, it’s chalk it up as a loss. Then I’d go low contact with both of them OR I’d ask my older sister to pay the 25% that’s left since she expects you to forgo that cash that you were promised and she wants to guilt you into feeling bad for expecting people not to lie. If also ask if she condones lying.
But I’m petty.
NTA both of your sisters are . Even splitting everying equalling you are getting the raw deal since the expense of a 5 year old is less than that of an 11 year old your sister used you to offset the cost of taking her child on a trip and when you stood your ground she cries poverty .
Next trip, tell her to piss off. You aren’t paying for nothing for her and hers, or simple just don’t go with her every again, you’ve been burned at least twice now.
NTA – but both your sisters are. First, the middle sister did know what she was promising when she agreed to cover half the costs. Trying to argue something different after the fact is an AH move.
Secondly, your older sister should stay in her lane. Middle sis is an almost 49 year old grown-ass adult who shouldn’t have her big sister fight her battles for her.
I’m curious about the family dynamic – is middle sis always like this? Has your family always bailed her out and accommodated her?
Push for the money back and do not go on any trips or outings with her again. This is who she is, she’s shown you and you go back in the water dreaming it will be different. It won’t. Stop getting suckered in.
She’s acting like this because others make excuses. Tell older sister that she isn’t involved so u less she wants to pay the remaining amount to stop getting involved.
I wouldn’t go on vacation with her again