I have a friend. Let’s call her Anna. Now Anna loves to insult people whether it’s behind their back or to their face. She finds it very entertaining and I can understand that that’s a normal thing among friends. In our friend group, we always tease each other in good fun, but make sure not to go too far. Now lately, I haven’t been very pleased about the things she’s been saying to me.
I mentioned that I wasn’t sure if I made the right decision when choosing my degree. This was during a time when I was overwhelmed with my studies. She said, in a condescending manner, “well…why did you choose it then?” That was nothing and I just brushed it off. The other day, she told me that I have no breasts. I wore heels today and she kept on saying how uncomfortable I looked in them and that I was walking like a bird (whatever that means). My other friend shows up and Anna tells her that she’s dressed like Florence Nightingale.
Anna let her hair down today, which she rarely does. Now I made a joke and said that it’s like when this other guy with a manbun let’s his hair down, since they both do it rarely. I didn’t mean to say that her hair looks like his. Anna doesn’t like him and she took offence. My other friends immediately started attacking me and comforting her, asking how I could say that to her. I asked “how come she can say whatever she wants to me?” She goes “because I’m sensitive” and they didn’t respond. I mentioned that she told me that I have no breasts the other day and she goes “but you don’t”. No shame at all. AITA in this whole scenario? My other friends seem to think so.
Edit: I just remembered another instance. I was talking about feeling depressed to my friends and thinking about suicide. Anna goes “I don’t know what to tell you so…there, there”, as she pats me on the shoulder.
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I have a friend. Let’s call her Anna. Now Anna loves to insult people whether it’s behind their back or to their face. She finds it very entertaining and I can understand that that’s a normal thing among friends. In our friend group, we always tease each other in good fun, but make sure not to go too far. Now lately, I haven’t been very pleased about the things she’s been saying to me.
I mentioned that I wasn’t sure if I made the right decision when choosing my degree. This was during a time when I was overwhelmed with my studies. She said, in a condescending manner, “well…why did you choose it then?” That was nothing and I just brushed it off. The other day, she told me that I have no breasts. I wore heels today and she kept on saying how uncomfortable I looked in them and that I was walking like a bird (whatever that means). My other friend shows up and Anna tells her that she’s dressed like Florence Nightingale.
Anna let her down today, which she rarely does. Now I made a joke and said that it’s like when this other guy with a manbun let’s his hair down, since they both do it rarely. I didn’t mean to say that her hair looks like his. Anna doesn’t like him and she took offence. My other friends immediately started me and comforting her, asking how I could say that to her. I asked “how come she can say whatever she wants to me?” She goes “because I’m sensitive” and they didn’t respond. I mentioned that she told me that I have no breasts the other day and she goes “but you don’t”. No shame at all. AITA in this whole scenario? My other friends seem to think so.
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> 1) I confronted a friend about how she’s always insulting me.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, she shouldn’t dish out what she can’t take. Also, they’re not your friends it seems like, they’re hers
NTA. Why are you friends with this person? She sounds terrible. They all sound terrible for condoning her abuse of others because “she’s sensitive.” WTF does that even mean? If you’re sensitive, don’t walk around being a complete asshole to everyone else. I think she deserved what you said and more.
NTA, but you would be vicious to yourself if you continue to associate with a sensitive, rude person with no empathy.
NTA, and I would reconsider who you surround yourself with.
These are clearly more her friends than yours, and she’s not “sensitive”, she’s clearly an asshole.
NTA.
Right because “I can insult you, but the second you joke back I’m the sensitive one”. Her rulebook apparently only applies to her.
NTA. Your frenemy is so negative that she sounds depressed. Telling her that might lessen her gratuitous attacks.
NTA, none of these people are your friends, though Anna is definitely the worst. If you continue to have contact with these people tell them, moving forward, you will be just as honest in your comments to them as they – especially Anna – are to you. Warn Anna that sensitivity doesn’t excuse rudeness, and if she doesn’t want to risk being upset she should control what she says. TBH you would probably be better trying to find better friends who will actually like and support you
Anna is not your friend. Get away from her and any and all negative people they’re dragging you down.
I don’t think you’re an AH but I do think the situation could have been handled better so that you don’t lose or fight with your other friends. You should have immediately after she said she is sensitive said something like “OMG! I didn’t know that! I am so sorry! I am so used to you playing with me that I didn’t realize it would hurt you. Can we make a pact not to say hurtful things anymore because tbh I am also sensitive to negative comments” BOOM girl drama averted and everyone is friends.
NTA
Anna needs to be able to get as good as she gives. Are you sure these people are really your friends? She isn’t sensitive. If she was, she would be more aware of how rude the things she says to others are. She can dish it out, but she can’t take it. You need to find new/better friends. Sorry you are dealing with this.
NTA. She isn’t your friend.
This gave me flashbacks to a friendship I had to leave because of this. It took me a while to see it, because he was otherwise a good friend, but then he slowly started escalating with all of his friends. We all liked to banter, but if he started “losing”, he would throw something extremely personal in your face.
I once scolded at him because he called one of his friends a virgin at a party. I think he only listened that day because no one else approved of his behavior. The last straw for me was when he screamed at me for something “not funny” that I said a week ago, made me cry, then demanded that I apologize. When I did, he said he “didn’t believe it.”
No one needs someone that insecure & vindictive in their life. It took me a while to come to terms with it myself, so believe me when I tell you that this girl is not your friend.
NTA
Just stop hanging out with this wretched walnut NTA
NTA, sounds like you’ve outgrown this friend group.
NTA. Tell your group that you’re gonna distance yourself because you shouldn’t have to take the insults just because you aren’t as sensitive as Anna. If they don’t like it, that’s a them problem. You don’t feel like being insulted and not able to say it right back.
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You’re not the asshole for standing up for yourself, but maybe dial down the jokes on sensitive stuff while you figure out if Anna can be a real friend or just a professional insult machine.
NTA. If someone is “sensitive,” they should understand why others don’t want to be insulted. It’s hard to understand why you keep her as a friend. Time to tap out.
NTA and keep firing back. When she and the friends get all butt hurt, tell her you only dish to people who have served you before, so if she can’t take you razzing her back, she needs to quit. Explain this is third grade rules. Anyone with a brain knows if you can’t take it, don’t dish it.
Just don’t stop giving it right back. You aren’t wrong. Say, “You cant be sensitive AND participate in razzing, razzing without getting it back is just verbal abuse.”
Maybe work on new friends in your free time. The ones you have like to raly around super special assholes.
NTA
Anna needs to be able to get as good as she gives. Are you sure these people are really your friends? She isn’t sensitive. If she was, she would be more aware of how rude the things she says to others are. She can dish it out, but she can’t take it. You need to find new/better friends. Sorry you are dealing with this.
If she can dish it out, she should be able to take it as well. NTA
NTA. I would have said “How would that have sounded had I said it to you?”, “oh yeah, your sensitive…” “Don’t ever say anything like that to me again”. Stand your ground. Stop the bullshit comments going BOTH way.
Haha! You don’t get to snipe over people if you aren’t prepared to be sniped back. Thats the kind of thing where everyone gets it or no one does. NTA.
NTA. I was taught “don’t dish it out if you can’t take it“ and I believe that applies here.
Anna isn’t your friend. Tell her to get some thicker skin and hair. NTA
Hella toxic… if she looks good then tell her
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NTA.
But food for thought – Is Anna possibly neurodivergent?
NTA
She’s a real asshole. “Can’t you take a joke” + an explicit “you aren’t allowed to joke about me”.
Are you sure you want this person to be a friend?
Anna sounds like she might be on the Asperger’s spectrum, unaware of or unable to process emotions. A private talk with her might help.
Explain to her that some things she says are hurtful, that you are sensitive too, and that you returned fire as a way to get her to back off.
If she brushes this off or doesn’t change, distance yourself.
Of course, if there is no good side to her “friendship”, don’t bother with the first part and just go distant.
I’m confused as to why the comments beside the one about your breasts is an insult in any way? The other instance was rude, but imo comparing someone to someone they really dislike is worse than stating an (in their opinion) uncomfortable fact. It just sounds like both sides are continuing a childish quarrel instead of having a good conversation setting boundaries, or completely disengaging.