I’ll start by saying my family has enough drama to keep several therapists busy for a long time. My dad 70M is on his 6th marriage to H 32F. There’s been a lot of issues that have happened for close to 10 years now, but it all started when he began dating H. The rift is them them vs myself 35F & my siblings: 38M, 29F, 26M
Prior to this, my siblings and my dad have had a really tight bond for most of my life. He wasn’t the best dad growing up, mostly only knew how to throw money at the problem. But he made sure we had everything we needed. I do owe a lot to him, and I know it’s hard with divorce. As we older, we really formed a strong family bond.
I’ll summarize the drama the best I can. When he started seeing H, he was still with his previous wife. They will swear up and down there was no overlap, but no one is believing that lie. He’s done it before. When he told us about her, we didn’t have the best reaction, and we told him it was going to take time to wrap our head around him being with someone younger than 2 of his kids. He did understand, and said he would give us time. He was still hurt by our reaction though, and he did not end up giving us time. There was a lot of tension early on, and I will 100% admit fault on my/my siblings side. We could have tried harder. And we have admitted to that.
Over the years it became more about the strange behavior from H. They will both lie and try to make it sound like nothing really happened. But we know people, and we’ve gotten the real stories. Basically comes down to I’m concerned for my dad’s safety. There was a gun pulled on multiple occasions. She has manipulated him and run off every one of his friends and family. It got to the point where they were blaming my siblings for things that were 100% false. And would not listen when they tried to explain what actually happened.
Basically every time they got pissed off at something new, we would get told how all 4 of us are terrible people and we’d be in a big fight for months. Eventually we would all sweep it under the rug and move on. We finally hit a breaking point and refused to let it go for the sake of peace. Not once has my dad admitted to doing one single thing wrong. It’s all our fault and we’re terrible people. We’ve stopped visiting, stopped calling, we basically just text happy birthday once a year. He ended up missing big graduations. And he was not there to walk my sister down the aisle, which devastated her.
In recent years there have been 3 grandchildren born. He’s been looking forward to being a grandpa for a long time. And now he’s met my kids once. It breaks my heart that he is missing this. In my mind, people that want to be a part of my kids lives, will be. Sending gifts once a year, is not trying. He doesn’t call/text to ask how they are doing. But he has expressed in the past that we’re “keeping his grandkids from him” So AITA for not trying harder to facilitate him seeing his grandchildren?
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I’ll start by saying my family has enough drama to keep several therapists busy for a long time. My dad 70M is on his 6th marriage to H 32F. There’s been a lot of issues that have happened for close to 10 years now, but it all started when he began dating H. The rift is them them vs myself 35F & my siblings: 38M, 29F, 26M
Prior to this, my siblings and my dad have had a really tight bond for most of my life. He wasn’t the best dad growing up, mostly only knew how to throw money at the problem. But he made sure we had everything we needed. I do owe a lot to him, and I know it’s hard with divorce. As we older, we really formed a strong family bond.
I’ll summarize the drama the best I can. When he started seeing H, he was still with his previous wife. They will swear up and down there was no overlap, but no one is believing that lie. He’s done it before. When he told us about her, we didn’t have the best reaction, and we told him it was going to take time to wrap our head around him being with someone younger than 2 of his kids. He did understand, and said he would give us time. He was still hurt by our reaction though, and he did not end up giving us time. There was a lot of tension early on, and I will 100% admit fault on my/my siblings side. We could have tried harder. And we have admitted to that.
Over the years it became more about the strange behavior from H. They will both lie and try to make it sound like nothing really happened. But we know people, and we’ve gotten the real stories. Basically comes down to I’m concerned for my dad’s safety. There was a gun pulled on multiple occasions. She has manipulated him and run off every one of his friends and family. It got to the point where they were blaming my siblings for things that were 100% false. And would not listen when they tried to explain what actually happened.
Basically every time they got pissed off at something new, we would get told how all 4 of us are terrible people and we’d be in a big fight for months. Eventually we would all sweep it under the rug and move on. We finally hit a breaking point and refused to let it go for the sake of peace. Not once has my dad admitted to doing one single thing wrong. It’s all our fault and we’re terrible people. We’ve stopped visiting, stopped calling, we basically just text happy birthday once a year. He ended up missing big graduations. And he was not there to walk my sister down the aisle, which devastated her.
In recent years there have been 3 grandchildren born. He’s been looking forward to being a grandpa for a long time. And now he’s met my kids once. It breaks my heart that he is missing this. In my mind, people that want to be a part of my kids lives, will be. Sending gifts once a year, is not trying. He doesn’t call/text to ask how they are doing. But he has expressed in the past that we’re “keeping his grandkids from him” So AITA for not trying harder to facilitate him seeing his grandchildren?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the a hole because my kids deserve to know their grandfather. And my dad wants to know them despite little effort on his part.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. He’s not entitled to your children.
I actually think that your dad is being abused.
He would be too ashamed to admit to it IF he recognises it.
What is making me think that is the isolation that she is creating.
I’m sorry but your dad was in his 60s dating a 22 year old. He got whatever was coming to him and you have no obligation to involve your kids in this clusterfuck. It’s too bad you’re not able to get him away but you have no reason to drown along with him. NTA
NTA. They’re your kids. Not his. He gets no say, even if he’s the greatest dad ever.
You and your siblings have tried to protect and help your dad, and he’s stubbornly refused to listen at every turn. I wouldn’t trust him not to disobey any instructions you gave him if you let him meet your kids.
NTA
A gun? I wouldn’t want to be anywhere near H or the two of them together.
If you want to try to extend an olive branch you can invite just your dad to meet up with you and your children. Maybe even out of the house like at a park. See how that goes. But stay away from H and their drama.
NTA. He is missing out for his lack of effort. I’d also never want him and H to be alone with the kids due to guns being pulled and other toxic behaviors. I am sorry that you have to deal with all of this!