So for context we’re all teenagers, and the main subjects of this story are C (16f) and J (15m)
Okay so C was recently a victim of really extreme SA, and I was there right after and I comforted her and told her I was there for her and all that, her and I are really close and we’ve been friends for a long time so I was the only person she told. J is a close friend too, but he’s known for his problematic sense of humor, the stuff he says is like really bad and crosses the line the majority of the time.
So C, J, a couple of other friends and I were hanging out last Sunday, and keep in mind nobody else had any idea about C’s SA, and they were talking about all their sexual experiences and our friend G makes the joke, “last time I touched a puss was when I was born” and J as usual makes a joke about “grape” in response, and I look right at C and I’m like “oh no” and she starts crying and leaves and nobody notices because everyone is laughing having a good time and C was kinda off to the side.
And she tells me that all my friends are terrible people and shame on me for being around them. And I haven’t talked to C since this. So what should I do now? Am I The Asshole? Thank you.
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So for context we’re all teenagers, and the main subjects of this story are C (16f) and J (15m)
Okay so C was recently a victim of really extreme SA, and I was there right after and I comforted her and told her I was there for her and all that, her and I are really close and we’ve been friends for a long time so I was the only person she told. J is a close friend too, but he’s known for his problematic sense of humor, the stuff he says is like really bad and crosses the line the majority of the time.
So C, J, a couple of other friends and I were hanging out last Sunday, and keep in mind nobody else had any idea about C’s SA, and they were talking about all their sexual experiences and our friend G makes the joke, “last time I touched a puss was when I was born” and J as usual makes a joke about “grape” in response, and I look right at C and I’m like “oh no” and she starts crying and leaves and nobody notices because everyone is laughing having a good time and C was kinda off to the side.
And she tells me that all my friends are terrible people and shame on me for being around them. And I haven’t talked to C since this. So what should I do now? Am I The Asshole? Thank you.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Bringing C around him knowing the way he is
2. Not cutting off J after the incident
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Teens are going to talk about and joke about sex. Your friend needs to be in counseling for her SA, as this is something that may affect her for her life and her future relationships. You can’t protect her from every sexual conversation that may come up. You can certainly change the subject for her. But you can’t control what hormonal teens may say.
NTA. But J is. SA (as you call it) is nothing to joke about. You either cut him off outright or tell him it’s not funny and to knock it off. He should know better but if no one is calling him out on his behavior, he’ll keep doing it.
You’re not the asshole, but you’re also not the therapist. She needs an actual mental health professional. These sorts of things don’t get better on their own. And evidently, teens talk about sex a lot, so it’s kind of hard for her to avoid that.
>J is a close friend too, but he’s known for his problematic sense of humor, the stuff he says is like really bad and crosses the line the majority of the time.
…and you just let it slide every time?
YTA for that. He’s an asshole, and “mean humor” never ends well. Call him out – and do it publicly.
yta because you refuse to stand up for your friend and tell J his jokes are inappropriate. you can’t be friends with both of them with the way J is currently acting.