I’m 20M, married (20F), with a 9-month-old. We recently let an online acquaintance, Lisa (20F), move in. She’s a single mom with a 13-month-old. From the first week, it’s been chaos.
Her daughter is often left in dirty diapers and clothes, eating random things off the floor while Lisa does nothing. Chores she agreed to do (like cleaning litter boxes and taking out trash) don’t happen unless I constantly remind her.
She’s extremely dependent. At a job I got her, she needed help with literally everything, including onboarding, like I was babysitting an adult. She also has mental health struggles she never mentioned.
The final straw: I found out from a coworker that she’s been spreading lies about me and my wife at work. She claims I promised to drive her every day, says I mistreat her daughter, alleges we “steal” $300 from her paycheck, and even claims I checked her timesheet to get her fired for being late. She spends whole shifts running around telling these lies and name-dropping me to coworkers who don’t even know me.
My wife and I agree she can’t stay here. I helped her with housing, a job, and transportation, and this is how she repays us.
AITA for wanting her out?
TL;DR: Roommate neglects her baby, doesn’t do chores, lies about me at work, and I want her out. AITA?
Edit: I’m not calling CPS. CPS is horrible and is where children suffer the most abuse. Learn about things before telling people life changing “advice”
When Lisa leaves here she’s going back with her mother, who fortunately DOES take care of the baby. CPS IS NOT AN OPTION FOR ME!
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I’m 20M, married (20F), with a 9-month-old. We recently let an online acquaintance, Lisa (20F), move in. She’s a single mom with a 13-month-old. From the first week, it’s been chaos.
Her daughter is often left in dirty diapers and clothes, eating random things off the floor while Lisa does nothing. Chores she agreed to do (like cleaning litter boxes and taking out trash) don’t happen unless I constantly remind her.
She’s extremely dependent. At a job I got her, she needed help with literally everything, including onboarding, like I was babysitting an adult. She also has mental health struggles she never mentioned.
The final straw: I found out from a coworker that she’s been spreading lies about me and my wife at work. She claims I promised to drive her every day, says I mistreat her daughter, alleges we “steal” $300 from her paycheck, and even claims I checked her timesheet to get her fired for being late. She spends whole shifts running around telling these lies and name-dropping me to coworkers who don’t even know me.
My wife and I agree she can’t stay here. I helped her with housing, a job, and transportation, and this is how she repays us.
AITA for wanting her out?
TL;DR: Roommate neglects her baby, doesn’t do chores, lies about me at work, and I want her out. AITA?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Wow, it is probably also not a bad idea to involve CPS. This woman needs professional help or else, it may have negative effects on the baby later.
NTA but I’m dying to know why you did all this for an “online acquaintance” in the first place.
NTA.
Lisa running her mouth to her coworkers and dropping these lies are enough to get her kicked out. As for her daughter I think you should definitely call CPS. She allows her daughter to sit in her own waste and eat anything off the floor.
Plus I bet if her daughter ate something that made her sick or possibly worst Lisa would be calling the cops and blaming you guys.
NTA, obviously.
You need to take some measures to protect yourself because the way this is heading it could have serious ramifications for you.
You need to get her out of your place as quickly as possible, speak to CPS, speak to HR, and completely disengage from her.
YTA for letting this into your home. YTA for not calling CPS when you saw the neglect and instead chose to allow it in your home. YTA for not vetting an acquaintance and getting to know them better than online and text before getting them a job which also puts yours at risk and potentially getting yourself into trouble because you are extremely naive. And most importantly YTA for possible putting your own child at risk having this person in your home.
NTA
But you should file this under lessons learned for you and your wife. Not everyone wants to be saved, and not everyone can be saved from their own lifestyle due to kindness.
Call CPS and get her out before she has been there long enough to claim tenancy and squatter’s rights. If you don’t, it’s possible your drama has only just begun.
You can only help people if they’re willing to help themselves and if you continue to let this go on it’s just going to get worse. You got to nip it in the bud and sell her this isn’t working out you’re going to have to find someplace else to go and if you don’t think she can take care of the child that’s why we have child protective services and stuff like that
This woman needs serious help. As a child welfare lawyer in my past life I always hate to get CPS involved, but if you call CPS and explain the problem they can get her help as well. But you have to emphasize some danger to the child and your concern that once she leaves your home the neglect could get worse. This sound like a garden variety neglect case, but it’s pretty minimal, so far – probably only because you have let her live with you. How good their response will be depends on the state where you live. They likely won’t remove the child from her as long as the child is healthy, mom isn’t doing lots of drugs and there is no evidence of abuse. They will open what’s called an in-home case and require her to comply with some services they provide. When she fails to adhere to the service plan they may end up removing the child and placing with a relative or in foster care.
Child welfare sucks because we don’t prioritize the lives of children and those who need more help, so it’s way underfunded as far as state mental health, substance use rehab, job training, and housing.
Oh and you’re NTA. It was nice of you to let her stay with you. Not all situations are like this, what you did was incredibly generous. Just ignore the comments that suggest you should never do this – it’s your choice.
You’re the idiot! Not the asshole!
Never let someone destroy your home.
Offer to help her find another place to live. Give her a timeline on when you expect her out. Could be a week up to a month. She may wind up homeless if you just kick her out. But its not for her sake. For the babies sake. Gives her time to plan her next move. Save a bit for it. Call family, other friends or social services. As for how she treats her baby..if she yells or hits, doesnt feed, cloth or bathe that’s something that requires calling authorities. Be sure about that because she may lose her child, and the child could be traumatized for life. After you do all that, she may call you all kinds of awful all over town. Keep your head up and say little. Be confident in yourself. People like that out themselves, or disappear like a bad smell. Good luck.