So, back in April I bought a house, and it’s been amazing. It came with a great pool, and this summer I’ve been hosting friends and family pretty regularly. Just grilling, swimming, having drinks, good times. My girlfriend, Lisa, doesn’t technically live with me, but she stays over often and we spend a lot of time together.
Here’s where things get messy. One of Lisa’s best friends, Sarah, really doesn’t like me. the reason? I’m loosely friends (not best friends, barely even regular friends) with a guy who cheated on her sister years ago while they were engaged. I see this guy maybe three or four times a year in group settings. That’s it.
Sarah has made it clear she doesn’t like me and has even hit me with the classic “you are the company you keep” line. Look, I get that cheating is awful , I don’t condone it , but are we seriously throwing people into the void for things they did years ago with no room for growth or forgiveness? It’s not like I’m defending the guy or bringing him around. I just don’t see why I need to be labeled trash by association.
Eventually, I told Lisa that I don’t want Sarah at my house anymore. I said I would still treat her with basic respect, but I wasn’t going to keep welcoming someone who openly disrespects me. I even messaged Sarah directly on Facebook and told her she was no longer welcome in my home. Not rudely, just firm.
When I lived in an apartment, this wasn’t really an issue. But now that I have a house with a pool, suddenly I’m the host for a lot of group gatherings, which obviously leaves Sarah out.
Well, last Saturday I came home from lunch and found Lisa and several of her friends hanging out at the pool… including Sarah.
I pulled Lisa aside and told her that (1) it was rude to have people over without asking and (2) it was disrespectful to blatantly ignore a boundary we’d already talked about.
She asked me not to make a scene. I told her either she shuts it down or I will. She froze, so I took matters into my own hands and told her friends they needed to gather their things and head out.
Sarah, of course, had a snide comment: “Grow up, jr.”
I replied, “You must be hanging around cattle. Company you keep and all.” Yeah, it was petty. I know. But I was fed up.
Two of the girls apologized, the rest just left without saying much. I told Lisa I needed some space and asked her to leave too.
Now I’m seriously thinking about ending the relationship over this. I feel like if someone can’t respect a basic boundary about who is welcome in my home, especially someone who clearly disrespects me, what does that say about the relationship?
So Reddit… AITA?
Comments
If someone can’t respect your home or your boundaries in it, they’re showing you exactly where their priorities lie and it’s not with you
You’re NTA. You laid down a clear and easy to follow boundary. She was the AH for inviting people to your home even if Sarah wasn’t there and moreso because she was. If you think the relationship is worth saving you can try having another conversation or not, and end it
Nta
NTA I would absolutely end the relationship. Keep in mind, aside from having people over without asking you and including a friend who is not allowed at your house, she literally has let her “best friend” treat you horribly. After all your GF is no better than the “company she keeps.” That’s not even to mention if one of her uninvited friends got hurt or worse on your property. You would be legally liable. Your GF is immature and doesn’t respect you.
NTA. It’s literally just basic decency, common sense and respect to know that when you’re being told straight forward that you are not welcome in someone’s home, then you’re not supposed to be there especially if you were invited by another party who is neither the owner of the house or even co-owns it. Your girlfriend doesn’t know what boundaries mean and you OP need to reevaluate your relationship with her or have a serious sit down and talk to her about the situation and how it made you feel.
NTA. It was a simple boundary and your (ex) gf stomped all over it. It’s really hard to come back from that.
NTA apparently Lisa doesn’t respect you or your boundaries. Updateme
NTA. I like that some of the friends apologized, I would be so mad at my own friends if they made me go to a home she had no permission to host.
NTA.
Nta
NTA Lisa was wrong to host a party at your house without talking to you about it in the first place. Then she invited someone who was clearly unwanted at your house. This certainly falls into the dealbreaker category.
NTA – clearly, boundaries don’t matter to her. I would have been upset that she had people over regardless of who they were. If it’s not her house, she should always have to ask.
NTA
Your girlfriend should have NEVER had people in your home without your permission, shitty friend aside. Then to just have someone who’s openly hostile to you (for stupid reasons) come and invade your space AND still be a bitch about it… hell no.
Your girlfriend is entitled, doesn’t have your back, or even respect you. I personally couldn’t be with someone like that, and I’d let your whole friend group know exactly why you’re ending it and why the group dynamics in your home will change. Don’t keep that important fact to yourself.
NTA. You laid reasonable boundaries with reasonable reasons. If people choose to violate them, they can see their way out.
It’s almost like she cheated.
Company you keep and all
Nta.
You can’t be in a relationship without trust and your (ex) gf just lost yours.
To blatantly disrespect you in your own home is wild.
Don’t forget to change the locks.
This was definitely concerning. And if she ignores your boundaries when it’s 100% your house, what’s it going to be like when it’s 50% hers?
I would probably have a conversation with her about this and see what she’s like. But if she’s not 100% contrite and understanding of your point of view about a friend of hers who is so openly rude to you, I would end the relationship. Like I would be 95% out the door and she would have to be almost perfect for me to give another chance.
NTA
Good luck
NTA but an absolute boss!!! Good for you. Handled it perfectly
Nta updateme
She deliberately broke your boundary and showed no remorse.
Think about it do you really see a future with someone who doesn’t respect your boundary or house.
Inviting people over without telling you is bad in of itself and on top of that she invited someone you more or less banned from your house
NTA, no explanation needed. Your girlfriend is out of line.
She doesn’t respect you and will always put her friend first. You deserve better
NTA; your boundaries matter to everyone you matter to. Updateme
NTA. Maybe slow down a bit and don’t dump your girl just yet. Give her the benefit of the doubt that she can realize her mistake. But if she DOESN’T, then you already know where you stand about it.
NTA. Your home, your rules.
NTA. You clearly communicated a boundary. It was based on a long train of abuses you had endured. She clearly disrespected you, your home, and your relationship.
We can set aside Sarah for the moment. Lisa inviting people to your house without your knowledge and permission is already incredibly rude, inconsiderate, presumptuous, and breakup-worthy in my eyes.
Now that said, Sarah has been openly antagonistic to you for ages, and your girlfriend keeps inviting her over, knowing it upsets you. That’s also breakup worthy. She has demonstrated repeatedly that your boundaries and comfort in your own home are not priorities to her, and that’s unacceptable.
NTA. That’s an appalling lack of respect both Lisa and her BFF have for you to be letting themselves into your home and throwing pool parties. Lisa clearly got way too comfortable.
Between letting her BFF treat you, and speak to you, like trash and feeling entitled to play Lady of the Manor with your home it may be time to take some space from Lisa.
You deserve respect and peace in the home that you worked for.
NTA- Change the locks and end this relationship
nta, if someone doesn’t respect you as a person i don’t really understand why they’d feel comfortable to enter your house let alone have access to your pool. i’d suggest having a serious talk with lisa and if things don’t improve it’s time to call it quits for sure. it’s not about the house itself, it’s about her ignoring your one and only boundary
M8, I’m willing to be your (stbx) girlfriend talks bad about you with Sarah. NTA. Send them both to the curb. Your gf is the company she keeps, afterall.
NTA. Your house your rules. End of.
Updateme
NTA at all. Your girlfriend has no respect for you
Lisa doesn’t respect you, your home or boundaries. She acts entitled to your home even though she doesn’t contribute anything to it. End it.
Your girlfriend majorly disrespected you and your space. I would definitely reconsider the relationship.
Updateme
Bro, this is your house and your girlfriend doesn’t even live there.
She and her friend are pigs. Ditch them immediately.
NTA
The only thing I will say is that yes, we absolutely do not give waste our time with cheaters. But in your instance, youre so far removed from that, you absolutely should not be lumped in with that guy.
Your gf keeps company with someone who hates you. What does that say about her? The company she keeps and all.
NTA king, that’s your sanctuary she is messing with, you were not rude either. Just set a boundary and expected it to be followed which she didn’t. Actions have consequences.
NTA..
This is relationship a relationship ending situation.
This wasn’t a hard thing to avoid.
Your GF is disrespectful of simple boundaries.
If your relationship grows, what happens when your girlfriend moves in with you, or you two get married? Your casa, her casa. Will she respect your wishes then, or continue to do whatever she wants with no concern for your feelings. What happens when she can fire back at you, “This is my home too!”.
Not the AH, you should break up with her. You literally talked to her about this and then she just randomly invites all her friends to your place without asking and invite what’s her name to add insult to injury.
NTA
And change your locks immediately.
“You must be hanging around cattle. Company you keep and all.”
I’ve never heard this expression, what region are you from?
NTA
Choose peace, dump her and find someone who knows what basic courtesy is
I’d honestly end it… is not just the boundary crossed but the fact that she invited people over to YOUR place without even consulting you. What if someone got hurt while at yours? Do you think she’d help you if you get sued?
Updateme